A/N: Finally chapter forty-four and finally Red and Lizzie take a step in the right direction. Or better said, Lizzie finally does. For those who keep hanging in there with me, thank you so much!

Chapter forty-four

He was fuming but he had a way to somehow control his anger. He stormed into Lizzie's house and when he didn't find her in the living room he walked into her bedroom. He ignored the closed door and just barged in. He found her sitting on the edge of her bed, her head in her hand, her body shaking slightly.

"Go away" She turned her back towards him.

"No, Elizabeth. No. It's my turn now." The little bit of control he had was already gone. "I'm done with this, Elizabeth. I'm done with you running away, not giving me a chance to explain myself and in general your urge to walk away every time you reach a rough patch. What have I done that made you distrust me? Have I not told you that I was all in, that I love you, that my heart is in your hand? Clearly it holds no value for you. Clearly no matter what I do, you jump to your own conclusions." He was pacing in her bedroom now. She wasn't looking at him, but he knew he had her full attention. "Now I don't know what happened in your marriage with Tom, but you throwing yourself at me is not how we do things in this relationship. We talk, we trust, we love. That is of course if whatever this is can be called a relationship. I'm beginning to doubt that. Do I want you, yes, with every fibre of my being, but not like this. Not like this." He said again. He sighed and looked out her bedroom window. "I'm tired, Lizzie, tired of being the only one fighting for us." He turned around, crouched down in front of her and put his hands on her knees. "Look at me." He urged her. When she did he saw the pain in her bright blue eyes. They held such sorrow, such grief. "I can't keep doing this. I need for this to be a two way street. I can be strong for you, but I need you to be strong for me too. I need to lean on you too, just like you lean on me." On his way back up he placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "Time for me to go home. I won't be here tomorrow. Use that time to think of us and what you want. Next time we see each other I need a promise, Lizzie. I need the promise of us." He ignored his need to hold her in his arms and comfort her. It was difficult but without looking back he walked out of her bedroom and out of her home.

Lizzie spent the following day without him thinking about her life. She thought about her past and her present. She thought about love, her marriage and her father. She reminisced on her time with Red ever since his return. When she closed her eyes she saw his face, his loving eyes and she felt his tender touch. Though there was still so much going on inside her she knew one thing for sure, she loved Raymond Reddington and he needed to know that. She needed to tell him. She knew she had to go to him. She shouldn't let him come to her yet again. It was time that she took control of her life and let Red know she could hold her own. Going to his house meant facing Angela and though she rather avoid that, she knew she had too. And so it was that she was on her way to Red. She was nervous and as she parked the car in front of the house she had to take a few calming breaths. She slowly walked towards the front door. Her pace wasn't steady but she got there. With a trembling hand she rang the bell. It didn't take long for the door to open and the person who opened brought a smile to her face.

"Aunt Lizzie!" Abby threw her arms around Lizzie's waist "I missed you."

She hugged Abby back. "I missed you too sweetie."

Abby grabbed her hand and pulled her further into the house. "Look who's here, mommy." Abby yelled.

Angela appeared around the corner and both women looked at each other. In a way it was a stand off. Both women waiting for the other to speak. It was Lizzie who spoke first. "Angela. Nice to see you again." She nodded at the woman.

"Elizabeth." Angela gestured into the living room. "Welcome. Would you like some coffee?"

"No, thank you." She looked around. "I'm looking for Red."

"He's not here."

"Uncle Ray's gone to visit daddy." Abby chimed in. "He talks to daddy." She looked up at the aunt Lizzie. "He's sad and alone. Maybe you can hug him. I don't like it when uncle Ray's sad."

"Can you tell me where it is?" Lizzie asked Angela politely.

Angela gave the address without any objection. Lizzie said her goodbye, Abby hugging her once more before she left. She drove to the graveyard and realised she'd forgotten to ask where Red would be. She'd find him eventually. She parked the car and got out. Standing here, looking over at the different graves she couldn't help but think back at her father's funeral. She swallowed thickly and bowed her head. She missed her father. She shook her head. She wasn't here to grief for her father. She was here for Red. She looked around and spotted a lone figure in the distance. Looking further around she didn't spot anyone else. She guessed that lone figure was her Red. She took her time walking up to him and the closer she got, she knew for certain she had found him. She stopped a respectable distance behind him and contemplated her next move. She stepped up to him, standing slightly behind him and put her hand on his shoulder to comfort him and let him know she was there. He didn't acknowledge her presence, but she knew he was aware of it.

He went to visit Jarod's grave when he felt troubled or alone. When he was here at his grave he felt his brother's presence and strangely enough talking to him was something he needed. Especially after his fight with Lizzie. He wished Jarod had had the chance to meet Lizzie. They would have gotten along. Her hand on his shoulder felt good. He hadn't brought her to the grave before, but he was glad she was here. He crouched down and put his hand on the grave. He looked up at Lizzie for the first time, took her hand and pulled her down. He squeezed her hand before letting go. "I miss him." He said after another moment of silence.

TBC...