CHAPTER 13

The next morning I woke up to the sun's rays streaming through the large windows directly on my eyes. I pulled the covers over my head to find some relief. It was then that I realized I had an arm across my waist and a steady breathing on my back. The realization that someone was spooning me flooded my mind with the memories of last night. I blushed deeply. Thankfully the person in question was still asleep. I tried shifting a bit so that I could get a little space between us and lie on my back. But a pain shot through me and I winced.

So instead of trying to get away, I only turned so that I was on my back. I stretched a little. I was definitely sore. I would have to do something about it. I really had no intentions of limping around and making it so obvious. I turned to look at him. He had that same smile on his face that I had seen last time we were in a similar situation.. He seemed so contented. I slowly pulled out my hand and moved his hair out of his eyes. Then unable to resist myself, I ran my thumbs slowly over his cheeks, coming and resting on his lips. The same lips had kissed me last night; the same lips had made me lose control. I had this strong urge to kiss him again. I sighed, pulled back my hands and closed my eyes.

Now that my sensibility had returned, I was having difficulty in comprehending the events of last night. I had lost my virginity to Draco Lucius Malfoy. I was not someone who lost control that easily, yet I had been unable to resist him. His touch made me feel things that I had only read about before. I slowly opened my eyes again. He had said he was trying to find a way out of this marriage. But last night there had been no hesitation on his part. He had only stopped when he had felt my barrier break. He had looked shocked and had turned to stare at me. After that he had never looked away from my eyes. He had held my gaze for the entire time. The only time he had closed his eyes were to throw his head back as he had climaxed.

Last night I had seen a completely different person from the one I had always known. Last night had not been just about him, he had taken care of me too. He had done things to make it as important for me as I had felt I was for him. I was sure after last night; I would never regret that my first time had been with him. This was exactly the reason which was gnawing my mind this morning. I wasn't sure about the things I was feeling. It had not been some hormonal teenage boy having sex. It was a man making love to his wife for the first time. I may not have practical experience in this field, but my theoretical knowledge was still strong and I knew and understood the difference well enough.

It was just that I found it difficult to believe that someone who had despised me, wanted me dead, angered me; I had slept with that person and was feeling good about it. This couldn't be good. One day he comes back home drunk, almost takes my virginity and then wakes up in the morning to run away as if I was infected with spattergoit. Then within five days he actually makes love to me and I was not disgusted about it. On the contrary, I was feeling like kissing him again. This was getting more complicated than I had imagined it would be.

Last night when I had decided to let go and just live in the moment, I hadn't realised that the number of things running in my mind would contradict each other so much that it would become impossible for me to understand from where to start thinking.

A stirring next to me brought my thoughts back and I suddenly panicked. If he woke up right now, would he sneer again? No, he probably wouldn't do that. After all, this entire episode had happened because he had wanted to prove that he did not mean to hurt me that day. And though he hadn't said it, he had hinted that he was sorry.

I suppressed a snort. In the process of proving that he did not mean to hurt I was left sore in all the wrong places. I looked at him again and decided I needed to get out of bed before he woke up. Not because I was afraid of his reactions but for the fact that I did not know how to react. It was possibly the second thing in my life that wasn't planned (if I leave out the ministry's decision of pairing us up), the first being the knowledge that I was a witch. Since everything about my life was always thought of before hand, I found myself at a very unwanted situation at the present moment. I hated not knowing something and right now I did not know how to react, what Malfoy actually felt for me (oh God! Did I actually think that?), and what I was feeling about this entire thing. There were too many things that I didn't know and that made me feel really uncomfortable.

I slowly got away from his hands and made my way towards the bathroom. On my way I picked up my clothes that I found haphazardly thrown across the floor. Once inside, I locked the door and started to fill the tub. While that took its own time, I checked myself in the mirror. Thankfully there were not too many marks. These I could conceal. I really did not wish for Harry and Ron to find out about it just yet, at least not until I had sorted my thoughts. But Ginny could be a problem. That girl was far too observant about everything.

I stepped into the warm water and tried to relax. I knew I needed time to think, but I also knew I had to be absolutely normal today.

Slowly my mind and body relaxed. After enjoying the calm for a few more minutes, I got up and dried myself. Walking into the closet I realized why, in the first case, I had come to the cottage. I pulled on jeans and found a t-shirt that would cover up most of my shoulders. I mentally made a note to ask Dippy to get my clothes back to Hogwarts.

When I came out of the bathroom, Malfoy was still asleep on his stomach. The covers were bunched just below his waist line exposing his pale and muscular back. The fire had not provided enough light to see details, but now I could truly appreciate his physique. He was lean and muscular, narrowing near the hips. His hands were strong; his palms were rough yet soft, like it was taken care of. The most striking feature was his hair. I was so used to see it kept perfectly in place. But I had also seen a few locks stick to his sweaty face and that messed up look was far better.

I suddenly realized what I was doing. I was not only thinking about the things that I liked about Malfoy, but I was also dreamily staring at his half naked form. I blushed at the thought. Shaking my head a few times in an attempt to clear my mind of the present thoughts, I made my way towards the kitchen. It was still early and I did not wish to intrude upon Harry and Ginny's privacy. So I decided to get some breakfast.

As soon as I sat down, Dippy as usual greeted me with her smile and busied herself to set up my breakfast. She brought up a plate of toast, eggs and bacon and a goblet of pumpkin juice. I realized that staying back for breakfast had been a good idea since I felt famished. Dippy looked simply ecstatic at my appetite today. I guessed that made sense. I had never particularly eaten like this while staying here.

I was almost finished with my breakfast when I heard Dippy wish good morning to Malfoy. I turned and looked around to find him standing at the door in just his pajama bottoms. I swiftly turned my gaze back to my plate in an attempt to hide the rise in color of my cheeks.

He stood there for a few more minutes. Then came and sat down in the next chair. Without looking at me he asked, "Did I hurt you?"

A thousand different answers swam across my mind in a fraction of a second. From wondering about the fact that he was actually asking if he had hurt me to thinking about snorting and replying a yes and then again realizing that it was not entirely his fault, I really did not know which one to voice. So I decided to keep quiet and finish the remaining of my meal and then leave.

After two minutes when he realized that I wasn't going to answer he said, "Now I guess I know how you felt last week." It was so softly said that had I not been sitting right beside him, I would have never heard nor believed that those words could ever come out of his mouth.

No, this was a completely unchartered territory, and until and unless I have had time to think about it, it wouldn't be a good idea to react in any manner. This being about Malfoy and my present tolerance towards him, complicated the matters much more. I swallowed my last piece of toast and rose. He slowly looked up at me. Something about him made me feel strange and I could not really look into his eyes while speaking.

"I'm going over at Harry's for today." Then chancing a glance at him I said, "I need my clothes back at the cottage." Then without looking back I swiftly got out of the kitchen and walked towards the fireplace. Throwing in a pinch of floo into the grate I clearly stated the destination and was about to step in when suddenly a firm grip turned me around and I found myself in front of Malfoy. Although he didn't come very close yet the presence made me feel really uneasy. He was staring at me with a strange expression which I had never seen on his face before. He took a step near me. Letting go of my hand, his left hand cupped my cheek and made me look into his eyes. The silver grey orbs were not the cold as I had always encountered. They were deep like the ones that would feel like drowning.

"Come back tonight." For a moment I felt like he was going to step forward and kiss me but then his hands were gone and he had stepped back. I tore my eyes away from his, confused by the events of the past twelve hours or so, and stepped into the grate. The last thing that I looked at before starting to turn was Malfoy. His look unnerved me so much that I forgot to tuck my elbows in and as a result ended up getting hit a number of times.

When I stepped down from the grate at 12 Grimauld Place's kitchen, Ginny and harry were sitting at the table having their breakfast.

"Hermione." Though both of them spoke together, their expressions were definitely different. Where Harry seemed ecstatic, Ginny for some reason seemed relieved.

"Congratulations Harry!" I said drawing him up in an embrace.

"Can you believe I'm going to be a father!" He seemed like a child himself. The smile on his face was infectious.

I turned my attention towards Ginny who was drawing her wand, waving it over her plate.

"Don't you dare think of doing that." I turned towards Harry. He was staring at Ginny with a mix of concern and rebuke.

"Really Harry, if you feed me anymore, I'm sure I'll burst." She turned to look at me pleadingly. So she hadn't lied when she had said Harry was feeding her as if she had Hagrid's appetite.

"Harry, don't force her and stop behaving like that. It is only going to harm her." I said taking a seat beside Ginny and vanishing the food with a flick of my wand. That seemed to get his attention.

"Are you sure of that?" though he asked that, it was evident from his expression that he had already relaxed.

I smiled at him. "Remind me to issue a few books for you from the library."

"No! No books. I'll listen to you both; just don't make me read any more books." He said grinning heartily at me. I relaxed under the known feeling here. I found it easy to push back the thoughts of Malfoy from my mind.

"Where's Ron?" I asked checking the time. As if on cue Ron and Susan stepped down from the grate. He looked around spotted me and came down to draw me into his warm embrace. It felt like home here. Ever since I had entered this world, Harry and Ron had been with me. We shared so much together. I heaved a sigh of relief at the feeling. "Any problems?" he asked.

"Aren't you going to congratulate Harry first?"

"Already done." then giving Harry a weird look he continued, "I guess it is easier to wish him as a friend, though I did feel like punching him when I thought it was my sister he was doing."

Harry uncharacteristically blushed and the three ladies in the room just screamed "Ron!"

"What? She is still my baby sister." Ron replied.

"Yes Ron. But don't forget your 'baby sister' is of age and married. So don't you think you should keep your nose out of it?" apparently there are times when Ron's emotional range reverts back to the size of tea spoon. He just smiled and shrugged. It seemed he was enjoying all the embarrassment that he was causing to Harry who was proving that he was a part of Weasley family now by going extremely red on the face.

"So, everything fine with Malfoy?" it was Harry this time. He was definitely trying to take the conversation to other topics. Did that have to be Malfoy? Didn't we have anything else to talk about? We all had settled down around the kitchen table by then.

"I thought we had come here to celebrate. I didn't know I was about to be subjected to Auror investigation." I said, though I could not help the smile that graced my lips.

"You better answer that Hermione. I can't remember a single day when this question hasn't come up. We are worried you know. Your and Malfoy's history is something to actually worry about." Susan though had entered the family and this group only a month back, had already found her place. She was caring and considerate and she definitely understood our bonding, so it didn't seem that she was worried about me and Ron. On the contrary, she understood and supported Ron with his worries.

I realized there was no way out of it. I had to answer the question or the topic would never change.

"Okay, I'll tell you but no more questions after that. We are here to celebrate not discuss about Malfoy." I looked around them all. When they had all nodded and agreed to my condition I found it safe to speak. Obviously there would be a lot of omissions. It felt strange to hide things from my three best friends but there was not much of an option now. I knew how Ron would react if he came to know about last night. So, details were definitely going to be left out. I took a deep breath and looked at them to make it seem as convincing as possible.

"He's ...better, if we can say so. Most of the time during weekends, when I'm there, he isn't. Dippy says he's often away for work. Though what kind of work I have no idea. I think Blaise Zabini is involved in it too. He seems pretty determined not to meddle with the ministry; he made that pretty clear the first day itself." I looked at them. I know Harry was probably thinking that he is up to something again. So I don't know why, I just felt like defending him.

"We haven't interacted much, but from what we have, I can tell you that he's not been rude to me. He's different now. Not exactly the Malfoy we knew at school. "

"Different? How can you say so? It's Malfoy we are talking about. I'm sure he's till the same git." Ron said, snorting.

"If he's a git then he's a git with brains Ron." Ron stared back with wide eyes. Of course, I was defending an enemy.

I just shook my head at him. "Trust me Ron. He helped me. He helped me when I was having the nightmares."

"You still have them? The same ones?" Harry and Ron were the only one who knew what the nightmares were about. I never told them, but they seemed to know what it was about. Now, even Malfoy knew. Ginny had never asked. Somehow it was clear that we did not wish to talk about it. Yet when Harry asked that, the way Ginny looked at me seemed like Harry had told her something and that she might have inkling as to what it might be.

"Yeah."

"So how did he help?"

"The first time it happened in the cottage, he gave me a sleeping draught although, I wasn't aware of it until recently. The second time I woke before he gave me the draught. I don't know, but he had seemed actually worried that time."

"Of course he was worried Hermione. You yourself said he did not wish to upset the ministry. If something happened to you he knew he would land in Azkaban for sure. No one could help him this time." Ron said giving Harry a fleeting look. Ron was not truly for letting the Malfoy's go. Harry and Ron had even had a heated argument before the trail. Ron had stopped only when he had realized that I was supporting Harry.

"Okay, enough of this. Now can we talk about something else?" I asked. I had said enough. I wasn't about to divulge any more, so we may as well start talking about something else.

Harry told us about the Auror training. He finally seemed to find something he was genuinely good at, though potions were still giving him a bit of a problem. Ron told us about the shop. He had finally managed to convince George to develop a few more products and had even agreed to sample them on himself. He was pretty sure that doing something new would actually be good as George would keep busy and think less about Fred's death. Yet we all knew that it wasn't that simple. The twins had always tested the goods on themselves. So Fred was bound to come up.

Me, Ginny and Susan told them about school. Harry and Ron were really missing school. We missed them too. Ginny probably missed only Harry, glad that her brother was not around to boss her. But then again when had Ron ever managed to do that. I, on the other hand, missed spending every minute with them. Our time at Hogwarts was never very innocent what with bonding for the first time over a troll's unconscious body. But I felt there still was some amount of innocence that was lost in the past year and then due to this law.

Kreacher had decorated the sitting room for the occasion. It was nice to see that the place looked far better these days. The tattered drapes were replaced with new ones. The grim look that always had seemed to surround the place was replaced by a bright feel and look. Not a single speck of dust could be found anywhere. Kreacher's attitude towards people had also drastically changed. These days he even managed to greet me with some respect.

The day, all in all, was better than I could have imagined. It was really nice to finally catch up with everyone. I was so engrossed in my surroundings that I did not even have to try to pretend forgetting about Malfoy. But that suddenly came back after dinner when it was time to get back to our own places.

We were sitting in the drawing room, enjoying the apple custard that Kreacher had made when the question suddenly came up.

"Are you going back to the Manor, Hermione?" Harry had asked the question nonchalantly. I was thankful to Merlin that no one noticed that I had suddenly gone stiff.

"Um… Yes, I guess. I-I need a few things from there."

Going back to school tonight would raise questions which I did not wish to face nor answer. Then again, there was this strange feeling that Malfoy had asked me to come back. I did not know why I felt compelled to listen to those words. Somewhere in my heart I wanted to go back to know why he had asked me to go back there.