CHAPTER 14

When I returned to the cottage that night, I was greeted with probably one of the best views I could have seen of Malfoy. He was sitting in the armchair, head drooping, asleep. The picture was so perfect I could not believe I was seeing it. I stood there watching him. I did not wish to disturb him, but smiled at the fact that it seemed that he had fallen asleep waiting for me. A strange sense of warmth spread through me at that particular thought. But the moment it came, it also went away.

It was a contradicting emotion. I realized I liked the attention that I was getting for the past one day from him. But my mind did not let me believe it completely. It was difficult to decide which emotion to believe in. Experience said he was not to be believed, but all that I saw for the past few days raised questions on my present belief.

Deciding that I should get going, I slowly walked towards the bedroom. I did not know if Dippy had taken my clothes back. I did not wish to make the same mistake twice. So I decided to make sure about it. I still had to think about a lot of things which I knew I wouldn't be able to do here. It was a good thing he was asleep but I didn't know why Dippy was missing.

I was almost halfway to the wardrobe when I noticed a stack of books on the table. As curious as ever I walked over to the desk only to find that those were my text books. Great. So now I would have to carry these back too.

"I asked Dippy to bring them here." I was so surprised to hear him speak all of a sudden that instinctively I had drawn my wand. He seemed quite unperturbed by that. It was as if I wasn't brandishing a wand at him but a mere piece of wood.

"Don't do that again." I said slowly through gritted teeth, lowering my wand. I turned around to gather my books. Malfoy, it seemed, hadn't changed that much. He seemed to have retained his tendency of making things more difficult for me. He noticed what I was doing and came to stand next to the desk, frowning.

"What are you doing? Why are you packing your books?"

"I am packing because I need to take them back."

"Back where?"

"To school of course." I said finished with my books at last and again walking towards to get my clothes.

"But you are supposed to stay here for another day at least." He said following behind me.

"No. I can stay where ever I want to. We are permitted to leave so that the so called couples get some time for themselves which I suppose is quite necessary to fulfill the second part of the law." I said that quite matter-of-factly, thankful that he was behind me and couldn't see me blushing.

Before I could enter the wardrobe, he came to block my way. I sighed and crossed my arms. Getting my clothes was turning out to be an almost impossible task.

"But I asked you to stay." Normally these words would have been said in a superior way, like talking to a house elf. Today it came out very naturally, like how I would expect Harry or Ron to speak. I blinked at his tone once. Then finding my senses I replied.

"No, you did not ask me to stay. You asked me to come back, which I did. Thankfully I must add, or else I would have had a fit on not being able to find my books. Now, can you move so that I can get my clothes?" I had expected him to stand there refusing to move. I had not anticipated that he would actually step aside. For a moment I was completely taken aback to see him shift.

Getting my bearing back, I walked into the wardrobe to retrieve my clothes.

"I already asked Dippy to take a few back and leave a few here." I was surprised to see that since last night I hadn't seen him with his mask up even for a second. At that moment I wanted nothing more than for him to behave like his usual self, so I could hex him and walk out. I had even lied to my friends because of him.

"Good. Then I'll only have to carry my books back." I said walking past him.

"Please stay." I didn't know if he had actually said that or was it my little part of the brain that had wanted to hear those words. I turned around to face him, unsure of what to say.

"Don't go." He said taking a step closer. "Let's just give it a try."

"It's easy for you to say that Malfoy." I scoffed. This was surely some game. Malfoy would never in his life say that.

"It's not. Believe me it's not. We are married."

"Some marriage it is." I said turning back to retrieve my bag.

"We are actually married now, surely you understand that."

So this was it. Last night was about making sure that this law was not being violated. It was putting a claim. I gritted my teeth to control my anger, not directed towards him but rather myself, for being so knave as to believe all this could be true.

"Don't worry Malfoy. I'll bear a child in a year. You don't have to worry about that. Every weekend I'll come here like an obedient wife so we can have sex." I said it with as much sarcasm as I could muster under the present circumstance.

"I did not mean it like that."

"Oh really! Then please do explain how exactly you meant it." I asked sneering. Now we were on normal grounds. Now I had a reason to hex him. But I couldn't squash the feeling of hurt that his words had left behind.

He closed his eyes and shook his head, the fringes falling back to his eyes, bringing back the urge to touch them again, even now when I was seething with rage. "I really did not mean it that way. I know it's difficult to believe me because of my past, but I really want to try. I promise I won't touch you again if you don't want me to. But let us just give this relation a chance, just once."

I really couldn't believe he was asking that. Wasn't he the one telling Zabini that he was trying to find a non-existent loophole in the law?

"No. I can't believe you." If I relied on his words and realized he was the same obnoxious person, the only person to blame would be me. Not to mention that the chances of so happening were extremely high. I would not purposely and knowingly walk into a trap. I collected my bag but he had already grabbed it and threw it randomly into a corner.

"Hex me if you want. I'm here, right in front of you, unarmed. But just listen to me." I know the desperation was very evident. But how was I supposed to believe him.

"What do you want?" I shouted. It was a long day, and I just wanted some peace.

"I told you. Please stay and give it a try. I know it will be difficult and awkward for both of us. But can't you give me a second chance? Wasn't it what you had told Weasley before my trial, that everyone deserves a second chance?" while he looked expectantly at me, I simply stared at him.

I had no idea how he knew that. I don't know how he had heard of that or who had told him that, but I could not deny that those were my words. I was thoroughly confused. One part of my brain constantly reminded me to stay away, what was done was done. But there was this small part of me, which had suddenly emerged out of nowhere, that I simply could not make to keep shut, that kept pushing me towards him.

I could see he was waiting for an answer. But what was I supposed to say? This was even harder than killing a horcrux. I flopped down on the chair by the desk, my head in my hand. I really did not know what to do now. I couldn't even talk to my friends without them over-reacting.

"You should get some sleep." He said all of a sudden, "It is already late. I'll sleep in the other room." And with that Malfoy walked out of the room. Somewhere in between this, he had won the argument and he knew it. I was too tired to put up an fight. I was not someone to back down, but the last day, the last week had been very emotionally draining and I wanted nothing more than to find some peace.

I got up, washed, changed and got under the covers even after realizing that sleep would elude me tonight.

I stayed awake wondering why was it that my resolve on things was breaking where Malfoy was concerned. I had thought of never returning here. But here I was in the same place. I did not wish to believe him, yet I had been unable to argue with him. Things were definitely going downhill.

The next morning although I was awake, I did not go for breakfast, neither Malfoy nor Dippy came to call me for it, which was good. I was not one for stalling, but I really did not know how to behave now. It was not possible to act as if nothing had happened; our past was too much to forget. So how did one act in this kind of situation? Not to mention every time he opened his mouth, he gave me a handful of things to think about. That wouldn't have been a problem if the previous ones were resolved, but every thing was jumbled up right now. Normally, I would want to sit down and talk about it. The fact that it was him that I needed to talk and sort out, turned me off the idea. Somehow I didn't think talking would solve things and I couldn't see us having heart to heart conversations either. And yet I knew, talking about it was the only way to solve things. But I wasn't ready now.

Finally, later in the morning when my hunger won the battle, I finally stepped out of the room. Malfoy was sitting at the table reading a book, but noticed as soon as I walked in. He lightly smiled and wished me morning. I stopped short for a moment, unnerved by the fact that he was trying to smile at me. I unconsciously took the seat farthest from him. If he noticed that, he did not say anything about it. Dippy wished me and set a plate of food in front of me. I ate in silence, thankful to Merlin that there was no talk.

After finishing my breakfast I returned to the bedroom and sat down on the desk to finish off some work. The next hour I spent immersed in the potions essay. I was so busy writing that I had not noticed him standing behind me. I had no idea how long he been standing there. It was only when he spoke, that I almost jumped out of my skin. Breathing slowly to get my nerves to stop running I asked."What?"

"I said it is three anticlockwise stirs, not clockwise." I really had no idea what he was talking about. My confusion must have been evident on my face because he slowly pointed out to a part of my essay and repeated, "Anticlockwise, not clockwise."

I checked my book only to find that he was right. "Right, thank you." I said without looking at him and went back to finishing my essay. He moved to the bed and just sat there, sometimes reading a book, sometimes just staring at me. I tried my best ignoring but it is difficult not to notice when someone is trying to drill a hole in your skull.

Lunch time came and went by but neither of us moved. I had had my food only sometime back, so I wasn't really hungry, but why he didn't go, I had no idea. I kept myself occupied with books. If he hadn't been around, I would have cared to take a break for a few minutes to think. But with him around, I really didn't think that was possible or a good idea either. Maybe I was a little apprehensive that if he found me sitting idle he'd try to talk, and I did not know how to respond. My thoughts were too jumbled up.

Later that afternoon though, he came up with a plate of shepherd's pie. Putting it in front of me, he simply said "Eat." Then conjured up a chair for himself, sat down and dug in into his own meal. I couldn't help staring at him. I accept that people change. But people like Malfoy, changing to an extent that they become a completely different person, that is difficult to believe. I had thought it possible but then he had woken up that morning and crashed that idea with his behavior. He hadn't even said sorry properly for it!

When a few minutes passed and I still hadn't touched my plate, he looked up. Putting his fork down, he said, "Aren't you hungry yet?"

That was it. We had to talk. This was getting really stranger by the minute. I took a deep breath to calm myself and prayed to god that I would have the patience for this conversation, also that I wouldn't end up behaving stupidly. I seemed to be doing that unconsciously around this man.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked looking straight into his eyes. I was aware of the mask. So I didn't wish to miss even a flicker of emotion, if he portrayed that. But again it seemed that there was no mask. He looked genuinely surprised when he asked, "Doing what?"

"This." I said moving my arms randomly to point at the food and then at us. "You are bringing me food, sitting beside me while you eat, helping me out with my essays… behaving civilized with me. Why? This is not you. You wouldn't sit with a muggle-born and eat. You wouldn't help her with her studies, and it is definitely unbelievable as well as unimaginable that you speak to me and not insult me even once. You run away from me when you wake up in the same bed, now that's imaginable."

He looked at me for a minute before setting his plate aside.

"Isn't it evident yet that I'm not the same person as before. You find it strange that I am sitting here with you, having my meal. What is so strange about it when I have shared more that a meal with you. We have done far more personal and intimate things than that. As for helping you out with your studies is concerned, it was just correcting your one mistake. I don't have to help the girl who has time and again proved to have more brains than me. And you are right; I wouldn't sit with a muggle-born in the past. But today I'm married to one. I'm not going to insult you, I can assure you about that, nor am I going to tolerate if someone else does that to you. Things have changed Granger, I have changed. I know it is hard to believe. But all I can do is tell you that and hope that you see the difference yourself. And like I said yesterday, I really want to try and make this work."

I wonder why I couldn't keep my mouth shut for another half a day. If he kept speaking like that and looking like that, I would soon end up with too much of information and emotion to handle. Yet, words automatically flow from my brain through my mouth and I'm hardly able to control them.

"I didn't think that I would survive the day to hear a Malfoy give me a compliment. So that leaves me even more uncertain about the situation than before. For seven years I've faced your ire Malfoy, been mocked by your father, and been repeatedly reminded that I did not belong here. Now all of a sudden, thanks to the ministry, I'm married to you. The 'act of intimacy' that you talk about, it is not so much of an intimacy as of a compulsion. Today or tomorrow, it had to be done. I'm supposed to carry your child after all." I stood up and started gathering my books.

"I'm going back to school." I looked at him. For a moment I felt he wanted to say something. He was looking at me like searching. I don't know if he found something or not but I did see something. Surprising even myself I said, "I need some time to think." I did not expect his next move.

He got up and kissed me once. It was not so much of a kiss as a peck, but I felt my treacherous body reacting to even that small a contact. I may have called it a compulsion, but we both knew it was more than that.

"I know I said I'll not touch you until you want so. But I'm sorry, I couldn't help that."

He seemed different ever since that incident and I had not hexed him for it. I'd felt bad when I had thought he had done it just for consummating the marriage and I had reacted. Whereas he kissed me back when I had thrown him the same thing. He was smart, whether I like to admit it or not, but he was and he had realized that night was something different for me too. He just knew it.

"Come back on Friday if you feel like it." With that he kissed me once more and stepped back.

I might have actually run away after that, quite literally.

Thank you to all my reviewers, specially graciousness for leaving a review for almost every chapter and HenriaSownbinder for saying that their relationship is believable. Thats exactly what I was hoping for when I started writing this fic.

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