CHAPTER 23

"Hermione, I was coming to get you. Hey, are you alright?" I knew my eyes were red rimmed and swollen. No amount of make-up or charm could hide them. Or may be it wasn't so much on my face as much as me as a whole. I felt tired, drained of all energy after yesterday's episode. We had faced so much in the last year that I had thought that not much could effect me now. How wrong I had been. A few words, by a person who wasn't even someone really close to me, had broken me in a manner nothing ever had.

After sitting under the shower for I don't know how long last night, I had managed to drag myself to the bedroom. One look at the bed and I had wanted to throw up. This was the same bed where the entire conversation had started. Only the previous night had he slipped under these covers. Only the previous night I had heeded Ginny's advice and started a conversation that had ended in such a disaster, the same bed which we had shared.

"Hermione?"

"Not right now Ginny.

I don't want to talk about it." She would understand who was responsible, may be even have an inkling as to what could have started it. I wanted to tell her all, explain everything, scream, shout, do everything that could possibly lessen the pain but there was no way. I would never be able to tell her, or anybody else for that matter, the way he had slandered Ron and my relation.

"Okay, you don't have to tell me about it right now. But I'm here alright? Anytime you want, you come to me, even if it's the middle of the night. Don't think about Harry being there. If you want to talk, I'll ask him to go back to Grimauld Place. He wont mind."

"I know, just don't tell Harry or Ron. Please not now. I will tell them when I can, when I think it's right."

It was obvious that she was reluctant to agree to my second request, but I didn't have it in me to deal with them in such a mental state. I needed time to pull myself back. Until then confronting Ron's anger would only lead to more problems. The chances of something slipping out unconsciously was very high and I didn't want or need that. I couldn't afford that.

"Alright, I won't tell them any thing, but promise me you will tell me when you can."

"I promise."

"Can you at least tell me if it's something that I did that caused this?"

"No Ginny. It's not because of you. We... I shouldn't have expected any better from him." I couldn't say more. Not that I needed to. Ginny's expression was enough to tell me that she at least understood that Malfoy was being his own self.

"So my wait's over, huh? Today is the day that I was so afraid was going to come."

"We should have expected it sooner Ginny. I should have expected it sooner." Ginny's hand squeezed mine. "I want to concentrate on the N.E.W.T and I may need your help in a few things."

"Anything, anytime." Yes. She would help me and she would understand. And I would need her help, soon.

It had been weeks and I still hadn't said a word to Ginny. I knew she would stare at me at times when we were working together, though those times were few. I preferred to study by myself, spending hours in the library. Most of the girls were asked to take things slow, all those who were pregnant. The stupid ministry didn't even think that this brainless law was going to hamper so many girl's education. A lot of spells were forbidden as those were considered dangerous for the foetus. If that was the case, then why didn't the ministry put the starting age as eighteen. It would have made so much more sense. Most of the students would be out of school. They wouldn't have faced these problems at least. Add that to the fact the all those girls who had been diagnosed to be pregnant would give thier papers on different dates. Since most of them would be in their last trimester, their papers were postponed to a date that would be a month after they gave birth. All they had to do was go to the ministry and give their practical exams. Like it was so simple.

It made no sense to me. The ministry just didn't understand the physical or the mental changes a woman would go through during this entire time. This was illogical and I had already planned on studying about it in depth as soon as I finished school. This needed to change and I would make sure the changes came into effect.

"Hermione?" I looked up to find Ginny standing by the shelf.

"Hey, what are you doing here this late on Friday. You should be back at the Cottage." The Christmas holidays were almost here and it had been snowing for the last two days.

"So should you." She said, sliding into the chair opposite mine.

"I'm just trying to finish the potions essay."

"The one Slughorn assigned for the holidays?"

"The very same." I replied, smiling at her expression of incredulity.

" You are trying to finish it before the holidays even start! What are you going to do during the holidays, laze around?"

"Yes, about that. I... I need your help in something before the holidays."

"Is it about..."

"Kind of. I need to get to London on the day holidays start, without Harry or Ron knowing about it. I will tell them that I will be with my parents but I don't want them to know the real reason behind it."

"There's no chance of you visiting the Manor, I hope?"

"No. I want to spend the holidays with my parents this time. It's the first year after the war. Last year this time..." The images of Godric Hollow came unbidden then and I had to shut my eyes and take a deep breath to remind myself that it was the past, the present was different. Voldemort was gone and I had my parents back. "It has been a couple of years since Christmas was not marred by something or the other. I had never thought I would get my parents back. Even before the entire episode with Malfoy, I had planned on spending the vacation at home. I just don't want people to find out where I am. I need some space and time by myself, away from this world, from this life."

"Christmas is never going to be the same, isn't it? There are memories we all are trying to forget or suppress. Fred is never going to be there anymore. Harry too is on the edge. He tries to hide it, but I can see. He too remembers things and so does Ron. Susan was telling me a few nights back, he kept strolling in the backyard for the better part of the night. Dad tries to keep Mum engaged, but both keep slipping into it. Anyways, how do you plan on going to London without informing anyone?"

"By flooing to Grimauld Place, in Harry's absence, and then getting home from there through muggle transportation."

"How long are you going to avoid them? Hermione do you really think they are going to let go just because you refuse to talk to them?"

"I know I can't avoid them forever Gin. Just give me the holidays. I'll talk to them when I come back, I promise." I could see she wanted to say something more, but conceded to my point for now. That was all I needed, a break from this world, some time away from all this.

"Fine. The train leaves on Tuesday morning. Harry will be at work, so you can come down anytime during the day." I couldn't help smiling at her. It was perfect. I could be home by evening. "Just... One more thing. Harry asked if you're coming to the Burrow for Christmas, or New Year maybe."

"I'll try." I wasn't going to promise something that I probably couldn't keep. "So why aren't you back home?"

"Harry was going to be late tonight and it's snowing, so he told me to wait here. He'll come and pick me up."

It was good to hear that. Things would slowly settle for everyone, whether I would me included in all or not, that was really difficult to say.

It was Monday afternoon. The students of Hogwarts were scrambling through the last of the day's classes, most of them excited about the prospect of returning to their families the next day. The seventh year students were doing the same, but they had an added incentive. They could go home today after the feast. The pressure of being pregnant and coping with the last year's education was proving to be tiresome and Professor McGonagall had asked St Mungo's to provid them with a healer adept at handling such situations. Madam Pomfrey was not exactly happy about the fact that someone was intruding in her space, but understood that it was a necessity right now.

While all this was happening, a man sat at a table with a cup of tea, waiting for his visitor. The floo alerted him that his wait was over and he stood up to put the kettle on.

"Harry."

"Ron. Tea?" he asked indicating the kettle.

"Yeah." Harry came and settled in his seat while waiting for the water to boil. He had finished his training for the day earlier than usual and asked if Ron wanted to come down and talk. No one needed to say what the topic of discussion was going to be. Both of them were aware that the other knew. They weren't friends for nothing, and one of them was in a mess, though she refused to talk about it.

"Ginny coming home tonight?" Ron asked fiddling with his thumbs. It was obvious he was worried, this discussion had been due for sometime now.

"Yes, after the feast." Harry replied and got up to make the tea. He was aware of the next question that was coming his way, so he stalled. "What about Susan?"

"She wanted to take the train to London and spend the Christmas eve at home, then come down on Christmas day. Last year at school and all that sentimentality."

"Harry, what's going on with Hermione?" So much for stalling.

Harry took a deep breath and picked up the cup of tea. Setting the cup in front of Ron he took his own seat across from his friend before answering. "Don't we both wish to know the answer to that. Ginny too has no idea. Hermione doesn't talk even to her about it."

"We all know Malfoy is the reason." Ron may have been resolutely staring at his cup, Harry was just grateful that his looks were not evaporating the liquid.

"Malfoy may be the reason-"

"He is the reason!"

"Okay, yes, he is the reason, but that is just a part of it. We don't know what exactly happened and we won't know it until she tells us about it. We have known her for seven years and nothing in the past comes close to how she is reacting this time."

"Why isn't she talking to us about it? Why is she keeping us away? We could help her."

"I agree that she should share her problems with us, but we can't push her to do it Ron."

"Why? Why can't we Harry? We are her friends. We have been together since the first year of school, standing with each other. Then why not now, when she is stuck with a person who did nothing but insult her at every opportunity? I didn't say anything back in September because I knew if there would have been any way out of it, she would have found it. I thought she must have found something, must have known something that she agreed to marry him. I was so sure she would come to us if any problems arose, that she understood that we would always be there for her."Ron just shook his head and put it down on the table, breathing raggedly. "Maybe it's my mistake Harry. Maybe I should have married her."

Harry was out of his seat in an instant. Pulling Ron up and making him meet his eyes, turned out to be a difficult feat, but Harry was not about to give up. One of his friends was in a mess. If Ron kept thinking in these lines, the problems would only get complicated instead of coming to an end. Finally managing to pull Ron's head up, he adopted the most calm expression and voice he could manage.

"Ron listen to me. What is done, is done. We can't change it. Don't ever repeat that in front of anyone else. You are going to be a father and thinking like this is not being fair to Susan or your child. Don't do this to yourself and I am sure that Hermione too wouldn't want you thinking in these lines, whatever the situation might be right now. We will find a way to get through Hermione and help her in any and every way possible. Do you understand what I'm saying?" Harry kept staring straight into his friend's eyes until he received a response from him.

"Yes. Harry I... Why is she trying to face this alone, is what I don't understand? We have been trying to keep things in control, haven't we? We even managed to keep her marriage to Malfoy from the papers."

"She doesn't know we did that Ron. I don't think she even realised that the news about her marriage wasn't on the front page of the Daily Prophet." Harry said getting up to replace their now cold tea with a fresh cup. "We stopped reading the papers after the war, for various reasons on our part. As for being addressed by his surname, the professors are sticking to their maiden names. There are too many changes the seventh years are going through after the war so Professor McGonagall thought it would help the girls to ease into their new lives. We all thought things were going to get better once Voldemort was killed. But we all forgot it takes time for the normalcy to set it. It takes time for the things to go back to how they were before the war. Pushing her for something will not help us, we know that. Something tells me she will come to us soon. And when she does, we will be waiting for her patiently to show her that we are no more the same persons who she had to push to study and complete our assignments. We are more mature and she can tell us anything, and we will listen to her and not start reacting in the middle of it." Harry pointedly looked at Ron and placed the tea cup in front of him.

Ron looked at the tea and scrunched up his nose. "Can't we go down to Three Broomsticks or somewhere else and at least have a Butterbeer?"

"Sorry I promised Ginny I'm going to refrain from eating and drinking anything that she can't during the pregnancy."

"Butterbeer is not allowed?" Ron looked really surprised.

"You didn't read anything about this entire thing, did you?" Ron at least had the decency to look sheepish.

"I can ask Mum." He said shrugging.

"Well, I'm not sure about butterbeer but the books said drinking in the first trimester can cause miscarriages and I'm not taking any risk."

"Bloody hell. It's not going to be easy, huh?"

"Nope. But on a different note, Ginny told me Hermione may come to the Burrow during the holidays." That definitely got Ron's attention and thankfully he looked a little relieved by the news. Harry mentally patted himself for keeping that bit for the last.

"So, cheers?" He said raising his tea cup.

"Cheers." Ron said, raising his own tea cup with a small smile playing on his face.

So, another chapter is up. It's Christmast time in the next and Santa is coming bearing gifts. Any guesses what's it gonna be?