Aloha...so I'm back. Life has taken an unexpected u-turn in a unknown direction and I have been trying to figure out (well start the process of figuring it out) my shit. I am sorry for my 'hiatus' but along with that little annoying thing called 'life' I have had to deal with late nights at work as my partner in crime resigned and they still have no found him a replacement...so back to running the whole department BY MYSELF...but enough of the negativity...try something more positive dietcokeandlime yeah?

(This is a copy & paste from my author's note on Ch15 of electric love...BUT (there is always a but), it was so true and meaningful, I HAD to repeat and I am not one for repetition, so that's a BIG deal)

Obviously if you read my last "chapter" (the one that wasn't a chapter), you would have had a snippet into the life of Miss dietcokeandlime and my...predicament of late. So still working on that...but with the help of three amazing women...women who write fanfiction, I am slowly picking up the pieces and trying to repair my shambled life. Don't get me wrong its not all a downer, but not knowing what I want is...crushing to say the very least.

Okay enough about me, and a quick hail-Mary to these three amazing FF writers...if it wasn't for marsupial1974, mswitsend and fragrantlily90...I don't think I would be posting this chapter tonight (still true for never too late)...or for a while yet, so from the bottom of my heart thank you...hugs and kisses and all that! If you haven't read any of their stories (yes I am getting past chapter one mswitsend I promise, please forgive me?) you need to stop reading this and go read theirs. Triangle, Constructing Naomily, Stonem House and many many more of their stories are simply...amazing. These women can all write one heck of a story; more so one heck of a Naomily story and I love them for it! Its writers like these three that keep Naomily alive in our hearts, and it is our duty to let them know how much their words mean to us (in any context).

...and cut!

As always, your reviews, alerts and favourites are fuel to my creative energy, so please spare thirty seconds to let me know what you think...?

Disclaimer: As much as I wish I did, I do not own Skins nor the wonderful characters, but I do own my own three healing piercings (so that makes 5 - ear piercings...) and my unfortunate excuse for a brain.

Chapter two

I've had trouble sleeping before; obviously many a time over these last few years. Always woken up by some stray thought entering my mind, at some ungodly hour, making me question all of the decisions I've made (or decisions lack thereof) over the last three years. But tonight…or rather…this morning…something felt…different. I felt like a switch had been flipped and I was finally ready for something…maybe even someone…or maybe even just myself really.

So here I was sitting on my patio, feet resting on the railing overlooking the slipway, sipping a steaming mug of camomile tea and collecting my thoughts. The moon was still out, casting its incandescent likeness across the water, slowly fading out of existence…well at least until tomorrow…evening that is. It's funny that…the moon. By radiating across the world it can make even the ugliest of places beautiful and the loudest of places quiet. The moon has this way of drowning out the noise, even inside your own head. It helps you see clarity, even if it's only for but a moment; a snippet in time really, until the sun raises its head, returning truth to the world once more and the cycle begins again.

When the world grows dark and the moon rises above the land and sea, it casts a certain calmness in its wake. If you go to sleep, that calmness is symbolised in your dreams or in peaceful rest. But when you're awake, it offers much more than that…it offers what it needs to for each person; kind of like a tailor-made tour guide of your mind, body and spirit, speaking to you and only you, about what you need at that point in time.

Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not like one of those new-age dreamers that have had their 'spiritual awakening' and like worship the moon whilst wearing only my underwear and some dangly pieces of sacrificial jewellery…no that's not me at all. No…fucking…way. For me that calmness, that clarity, told me it was time…time to stop living in limbo and to start moving on with this…thing…this thing called…my life. I had hidden myself away from it and the people in it for far too long, I know that now…but I needed to; I had to. I just needed time; and time was what I had.

When I suggested to Freddie…no…rather necessitated my 'plan' for escape, all he said was if this is what I needed to do that the was fine, but (there is ALWAYS a but isn't there?) to at least do it somewhere where someone he trusted could keep an eye out for me and make me feel safe; I never would have guessed he meant…here. I may have not had a plan, but the light-bulb moment that flashed across dear Freddie's face was enough to say that he had it all figured out in a split second. It wasn't a bad thing, and I am grateful for all that Freddie has done and continues to do for me, but (there we go again with that word) he does know me better than anyone and I trust Freddie.

And Freddie trusted his Uncle Matteo, and not just in the standard family-oriented trust you get because you are like linked by love and blood. It was the kind of trust you have when you want someone 'there' but not there, like imposing on your life and your decisions. He trusted Matteo to look out for me, to keep me safe when he couldn't, but to let me just…be. To let me just sort things out for myself, in my own time…at my own pace, without fear of judgment or interference from those I care about most. If I trusted Freddie and he trusted Matteo, I trusted Matteo, end of.

And believe me it wasn't easy leaving Bristol. It was perhaps the hardest thing I have ever done in my life…leaving it. I left everything I knew behind; my boyfriend, my friends, my best friend, my family, my fucking twin sister, my job, my apartment and…myself. What I saw as the 'old' Emily was left behind in Bristol, but honestly, she was just a different side of me, the one that played it safe. The Emily that hid behind whatever she could because she was afraid to…live. I know that sounds ridiculous and perhaps a bit ironic, but it's true and the point is I know that now.

That's why Freddie strongly encouraged me to come here and stay with Matteo he knew all of this even before I came to realise it; more so he knew me, like really knew me. Okay well it didn't take much to sway my decision really…I practically said 'fuck it', packed my bags and boarded the next available flight to Ibiza. Freddie loved me too much to allow me to put my life in danger of spiralling out of control, without someone to keep a watchful eye over me, you know just in case. And he knew that I couldn't be around the people I loved, even if it meant that he wouldn't be a part of that equation…well at least until I got my shit together that is.

I had met Matteo a few times before, but hadn't seen him in years, not since his wife passed. But still he was happy to have me for as long as I needed, without a doubt in his mind. It must be a family trait that. Freddie gave him a brief explanation of when and why I was coming, but Matteo said that wasn't important for him to know. He said what was important was that his nephew had asked for his help and he was more than willing to assist in any way he could, even if it meant giving his nephew's best friend a roof over her head, a job and a place to get her shit together. Can you believe it? I couldn't, but there are people like that out there in the big scary world…real people who care.

When I had arrived at the Ibiza Airport three years prior, I was met with open arms, from a slightly older looking Matteo. Freddie was practically a spitting image of his uncle, with all but the long hair and goatee. Matteo was about the same height as Freddie, a little more filled out and obviously older, but he was just as warm and friendly as is nephew. I knew Matteo didn't live in…or rather on…Ibiza, but I didn't exactly know where I was going. I kinda neglected to research my new home, I think my mind was more focused on anywhere but Bristol? The moment I boarded the Ferry, I knew wherever Matteo lived was not what I was expecting…it was better.

The Ferry from Ibiza to Formentera takes about 40 minutes, so Matteo had plenty of time to prepare me for my new home. He told me about the island and the people there. He told me not to worry about not being able to speak Spanish or Catalan…I mean my limited Spanish vocabulary was solely derived from watching Dora the Explorer when I used to babysit the kids next door. I'm sure 'muy buen', 'buenos días', 'buenas noches' and 'increíble', would only get me so far, but Matteo said he would teach me what I needed to, to get by. People still spoke broken English here, but usually only in the summer months, because of the tourists, but as I would be living and working on the island, I needed to learn the basics.

It turned out that Matteo didn't own a fishing business. He was a fisherman yes, but only as a hobby. He owned a small water taxi and scooter hire business out of Formentera, a small island off the coast of Ibiza. Matteo runs the business with his son, Aturo. They moved to Ibiza after Matteo's wife, Caterina passed away from Leukaemia a few years prior. Why Ibiza? Who knows, but I'm not one to ask or one to judge, that's their business and I respect that. Eventually they ended up starting the business and moved here to Formentera, setting up a base in La Savina.

There were four other staff on his payroll, but he was happy to have me aboard and of course the fact that I was English and could speak it fluently, would be handy for business in the summer months. Carlos, Miguel and Lorenzo we all Ibiza and Formentera locals and loved working on the water. And then there was Gabriella, Aturo's girlfriend. She was shy, like me at first, but we struck up a friendship within a few months of my moving to La Savina and here we are three years later, still good friends, working alongside each other most days.

Matteo and Aturo lived in Es Caló, about 15 mins from La Savina in a beautiful house by the water. Those two lived and breathed the water and this place. Theymade it a home and more so, they made it a home for me. At first I boarded with them in their spare room, while I got the lay of the land and my language skills up to scratch. About a year or so after living with them, Matteo offered me the flat above the shop here on the slipway. By that time I had a steady income and was confident in gaining back some independence, so I was more than willing to get a space that I could call my own.

I tried to negotiate a price for rent with Matteo, but he wouldn't have it. He said that I worked for him and the flat was an 'extension of my employment package'. In the end, after much debate…a failed debate on my part, I gave in and agreed to move into the flat rent-free. I was grateful of course and Matteo and Aturo became like family to me over the years, always looking out for me, always caring and not taking my shit.

So living on the slip way was…magical. It was right near the main harbour, and practically a stone's throw from the Ferry dock, so it was in the hustle and bustle of the seaside centre. I loved it; I still love it. The back of the shop/flat rests on the slipway so the water is my backyard. Our three water taxi boats dock here on the slip way. We have a large boat that taxi's to/from Ibiza on a schedule and can accommodate about 20-30 passengers. And we have two smaller boats that taxi up to 10 people each, around Formentera and to/from Ibiza on request. These smaller taxis operate 24 hours a day and surprisingly for a small Island, they get a heck of a lot of work. So between Aturo, Carlos, Miguel, Lorenzo and sometimes Matteo, when we are busy, the boys are pretty much never out of work, well accept when the weather is less than forgiving, but (!) that is a rarity in these parts.

I mainly handle the scooter hire on the island with Matteo, while Gabriella sorts the paperwork and administration.

The boys work on a rotating roster and if one of the guys is sick or away, we drop down to one local 24 hour water taxi. But more recently, Matteo has taken me under his wing (yet again), and helped me get my skipper certification, so I can help out on the water if need be. I never thought I'd be a lady of the sea, but I love it. I only take out the smaller taxis and only service locally around Formentera, but on the odd occasion I have been to Ibiza with Matteo at my side…and boy is it exhilarating being out on the open sea with a deck full of paying customers…even if a full deck is only 10 people.

So here I am three years later, sitting on my patio, tea now disturbingly cold and not even five minutes after sending that text message, my phone starts ringing. It startled me at first, but then I felt a warmth rush through my veins and a smile invade my lips…whispering to the night "Katie".

I swiped right and answered the call to the one person I have missed above everyone else, my twin sister.

"Uh hello?"

"Hey Ems," sounding as though she had been awake for hours on a Tuesday evening.

"Hey Kay, I…I didn't mean to wake you…I just…"

"…thought it was time, I know. It's okay…"

"…no Katie is far from okay. I've shut you out for too long, in fact I never should have in the first place. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Okay Ems? You did what you needed to and while it was like…the hardest thing ever, I respect that, alright?"

In that moment, although I couldn't see her, I could feel her wide grin through the phone, which made me smile alongside her.

"…So where the fuck are you then?"

*Deep breath* Here goes… "Meet me in Ibiza on the first and I'll show you"

"Okay fine…wait a minute…fucking reverse that shit…you're in…Spain? What the fuck Emsy? You are in a different country, like overseas country? I thought you fucked off to Glasgow or something, but Spain?"

Knew that was coming, at least her actual reaction was milder than I was expecting, so that offered a small amount of comfort.

"Umm…mhmm…yeah I am. I'm not in Ibiza Ibiza, but…just book your flight and I'll show you, okay?"

"Can I come sooner than the first?"

"Katie…"

"No Ems, you can't have everything your way…okay…whatever hurt you, hurt me too, because I lost my fucking twin sister for three fucking years okay?"

And…here comes the guilt…three years late, but whoopty-doo here it is.

"Okay Emily?"

"…What? Sorry…look how about in 2 weeks? Is that okay? I mean it will give you time to sort out some of your stuff and me some of my stuff…okay?"

I heard a muffled string of expletives, spoken under battered breath before she gave her answer, "…look…fine…two weeks…but you better not shut me out again…I want answers…no…I need answers okay? So expect a grilling yeah?"

Yep, that's my Katie, to the point and extremely blunt, but filled with love nonetheless, well at least I know it was filled with love. I mean I fucking missed her after all this time.

"…one Katie Fitch Special already on back order, okay?"

"Good…by the way Ems…I…miss you, you stupid twat"

I couldn't help but giggle at her expression of love for me… "yeah Katie, love you too."

The next minute or so was us basically exchanging breathing techniques through the phone. Neither one of us was ready to hang up, not just yet. I decided to break the silence in fear that we would both end up balling our eyes out over the phone and not able to hug each other at the end. If it was one thing I couldn't stand was seeing Katie cry.

My older sister is not big on expressing her emotions…well to other people anyway…to me she is practically an open book, even if it doesn't seem that way. I spent the first 21 years of my life living alongside her in the same bedroom. Doing everything the same and spending nearly every waking hour together. If I was sure of anything in my life, I was sure of my twin sister and at that moment, I was sure she was on the brink of bursting into tears and flood the phone line; she and I both. The thought made me sick to my stomach, so I broke the unnerving silence.

"…sham…"

"Huh?"

"Emsy sham"

"Why are you talking Twin? We don't do that anymore."

"…because I am sorry…and I miss you too Katie."

"..Katie sham…"

"Why are you sorry, you did nothing wrong."

"I said those awful things and I didn't convince you to stay."

I knew exactly what she was talking about…the day before I left Bristol…and the day my sister told me to leave and never come back…and if that was what I wanted then she didn't need me anymore…

The day after I packed up the remnants of my life…like the ones I actually wanted to take with me, Freddie had called Matteo and set up my one-way ticket to my new life. I left him to sort out the details, because there was one last thing I had to do before I left, and I was dreading it more than the phone call I'd just made to my boss to tender my immediate resignation. I mean the thought of quitting my job made me feel physically sick. It was all I'd ever known and all I wanted to do. I don't use words, that's why I take pictures. Pictures speak for themselves; pictures speak for me.

But the thought of saying goodbye to Katie actually made me sick; no joke I threw up in her garden just before she answered the door.

"What the fuck Ems, are you okay?" stepping out to find me spewing over the railing and down onto her daisy patch.

Her concern made me wretch up the last bit of toast that had been lining my stomach from breakfast. Once return of the marmite and toast had made its debut, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, took a deep breath and turned to face my twin sister.

"I…I'm sorry…Katie…your daisies…they…" wincing like I'd accidentally kicked a puppy and indicating to the once pretty patch of flowers now covered in thin layer of chunder.

"For fuck's sake Ems, they are just flowers…are you okay? Why did you vom in my garden and more to the point shouldn't you be at work?" she eyed me with a curiosity that slithered deep into my soul.

"Look I think I need to sit down…" well more like Katie, we need to talk!

"Right…come in then bitch," whilst ushering me into her inner city town house. "I'll get you some water…fuck…you look terrible Ems" admitted Katie.

Yeah I feel terrible too and I haven't even said what I needed to say…yet.

After she offered me a glass of water and I rinsed my mouth out, I took a large sip of the cool liquid and absorbed myself in the brief moment of the fluid soothing my stripped throat. It was now or never, and never was not an option.

I strolled over to the couch, and took a seat, bringing my legs up underneath me, so I was sitting cross-legged. I felt more comfortable this way. Always had. Although we were twins, Katie was just a little taller than me, and a little more bustier than me and this basically made her scoff every time I sat this way.

"Do you ever sit like a normal person Emily?" as she made her way over to the couch.

"Have you ever tried it?" following her with my eyes as she came to sit down beside me.

"Hello…a bit hard to in heels you know…I'd prefer to not piece my ass if you don't mind"

She smiled. I giggled and it lightened my mood for like…a second. Now or never, now or never Emily, just fucking tell her.

"Look, I came here for a reason, but I need you to hear me out okay." She went to speak but I held up my hand cutting her off, "no Katie, I need to do this. Just listen okay?"

She closed her mouth, and nodded, ushering me to continue.

"Look, this is really hard and you are not going to understand…but…but I can't be here…I mean…fuck…Katie I can live here anymore…I'm leaving…"

"…what do you mean you're leaving?"

"I'm leaving Bristol…I mean, I leave tomorrow," I couldn't quite meet her eyes, fearing that I would unravel.

"What the fuck Ems, why? Is it because of what happened with Michael? I'll fucking kill him if he hurt you…"

"No, no Katie. He didn't hurt me…I just…can't be here anymore. I need to get out…I need to go."

"Right, where are we going?"

"That's the thing Katie…we aren't going anywhere…just me. I am leaving, you are staying here."

"Like fuck I am. Name the place, give me a week to get my shit together and we will leave together."

"That's not happening. Your whole life is here Katie. Your job…you couldn't leave there even if you wanted to…it means everything to you."

"No Emily…you mean everything to me. You're my sister, heck you're my best friend. I can't let you leave by yourself."

I turned to face my mirror image, and saw tears welling up in her eyes, so close to falling freely. It was crushing my heart and tearing it down the middle. I brought her hands up in mine and looked her straight into her chocolate brown eyes…

"…Katie. I love you, you have to know that but I can't do this with anyone. I need to do it myself. I need to figure out why everything went wrong, why all of a sudden I couldn't do the one thing I always wanted; the one thing I had always dreamed of."

"Emily I-I ccccc-ant let you leave. You're not broken, and we can fix this together. Whatever has or is happening, we can sort it out together."

"No Katie. We can't. I can, but we can't and that's final. I'm not trying to hurt you but for once this needs to be about me and what I want…"

From the moment the words left my mouth, I knew this wasn't going to go down well. I really didn't mean it in the way it came out. It was about to be taken way out of context and the shit was really about to hit the fan and splatter the aftermath all over the wallpaper. Her tears seemed to have not only stopped falling, but retreating and with retreating tears a rage was brewing inside my sister.

"What do you mean about you? Are you saying that everything is always about me?"

"No, of course not…look this has nothing to do with…"

"No it fucking doesn't, but you are my sister and I do care about you. But if you want to leave and go sort out whatever the fuck is wrong with you, then leave. And don't come crying to me in a month or two, when you can't fix it, because I fucking tried to help you."

"Katie it's not like I'm going on a holiday…I'm leaving as in moving…I might not ever come back here."

"You're joking right? Emily Fitch go out into the big wide world all by herself?"

"For fuck's sake Katie, I'm right here. I can fucking hear you."

"Yeah I fucking know that little sister. Look if you don't ever want to come back…fine…just leave. If that's what you want count me out too, I don't need someone in my life that doesn't need me."

"Are you fucking kidding me? You are making this about you? This is a fucking joke. Look Katie saying goodbye to you is perhaps the hardest thing I'll ever do and it's not like I'll never see you again…I just need time. I'll still keep in contact with you and when the time is right you will know exactly where I am, but until then this is goodbye."

"Just fucking go then…"

"Katie please…"

"Just get the fuck outta my house and the fuck outta my life Emily…we're done!"

There was no point in trying to fix this now. I knew these things were said in the heat of the moment and we would be back to normal again, even if it was normal by distance, we would sort it out…eventually.

And yes we did eventually, but we didn't talk to each other for about nine months…and it was hell…on both of us. She convinced me to come home for Christmas that year and even though it was a total fucking disaster with my family, I got my Katie back. Even if it was a text or email here and there, we had started to mend our misunderstanding and our relationship as sisters, as twins and as friends. But it wasn't until that moment when Katie said she was the one who was sorry that I broke down.

"Katie…it…it wa-asn't your fault. I needed to go no matter whose support I had, but I didn't mean for it to come out the way it did. Let's just leave it in the past yeah? Come to Ibiza in two weeks and I promise we will fix us okay?"

"Always little sister, always. I love you Emsy-poo."

"I love you two Katiekins"

A final 'See you soon' was said in unison before the call ended.

So, the next step is here now, no turning back. I had plenty of time to figure out some shit and right now, I just wanted to see my big sister. I want to feel like Emily Fitch again. I want to be a person again. I want to be me…the real one.

Spare a moment for a review...?

xx dietcokeandlime