Chapter 19: Episode 19

When those men—those men who murdered her father, her only remaining family—crept towards her as though she was a cornered wild animal, Yuki just…lost it. After the scream ripped out of her throat, her mind went blank. Her fingers curled around the handle of the knife that ended her father's life, and the next thing she knew was that she was driving it into the stomach of her first attacker.

One by one did they come after her, and it was thanks to her diary that she was able to dispatch them effectively, knowing seconds ahead of time of what their next move would be.

The corpses surrounded her, their spilled blood coloring the temple's territory along with her father's. It was ironic, Yuki took in morbidly, that such violence was committed in a place where it was considered to be holy and untainted, revered and respected. Now it was a battlefield.

The final man who had cocked a gun at her head stared at her in aghast when she used his friend as a shield. He didn't last long either as blood spurted from his neck; he collapsed, and Yuto was found standing above him.

"Yuki!" Yuto exclaimed, rushing over to her side.

Yuki watched stonily as the warm crimson droplets cascaded from her hands down to her arms inside her sleeves. When realization settled in, she gasped and chucked the knife away, horrified. Her breathing hitched and it was suddenly difficult to get air inside her lungs.

"Yuki, calm down! You're hyperventilating."

What had she done?

Her father was dead. He was to be buried next to her mother.

At the funeral, Akise—no, Aru stood next to her, his arm wrapped around her shoulders and his voice pitched low to whisper assurances in her ear. It wasn't as comforting as it was before. Yuki felt empty.

Nishijima seemed a little high-strung these days, but that was understandable given his position. Amazingly, the man still maintained that radiance of optimism, believing that everything would work out in the end. Hinata gave her sorrowful looks, knowing the pain of losing a father. The others didn't quite grasp what the loss felt like, but they were respectful of Yuki's mourning at least.

Other than Aru and Nishijima, they didn't know that Yuki had killed two men.

Aru said that she wouldn't get in trouble for it. She was only acting in self-defense. That didn't erase the ugly darkness inside of her, however. Her hands were stained—the dried, crusty blood was washed off under the running water and swirled away into the kitchen faucet, but the bodily warmth and thick wetness was…still…there. She remembered—very, very clearly—the sensations of the blade in her grip and the life of those men being drained out of them caused by her actions.

Yuki didn't sleep well at night.

Perhaps she was slowly descending towards madness. It was a wonder how she didn't crack beforehand of those times when the destruction and murder happened in front of her. Or perhaps she already did, but having to do the act by her own hands was what truly manifested it.

She contemplated about talking to someone… Talking to Aru… Of all people to confide to, Aru would be the one who would understand and listen with a patient ear and a caring heart.

In the depths of the pitch blackness, he once heard the despair that rang true in her heart. He saw the fear that clenched tightly inside of her; not just the one that she wore nakedly, but what festered within. He knew her more than she could ever know an inkling of him. He probably had from the beginning; Aru was a shrewd person, after all.

Yuki considered talking to Aru, but she felt disinclined to pick up her phone and dial his number.

Didn't he have enough to bear on his shoulders? Why should she weigh it more than he could handle?

Staring at the ceiling of her bedroom, she frowned.

Didn't they discuss about this before…?

She promised to herself that she would distance herself from Yuto, but she was never particularly good at holding herself strong.

Yuto stood outside her house one night, waving languidly below her window. Against her better judgment, Yuki poked her head outside and, under the gentle glow of the moon, she could see Yuto's smile broadening.

"Yuki, hello!" He was quiet, but she could hear him clearly. "I have a plan that I think you would like to hear."

Whatever plans that he came up with were obviously up to no good.

"Can you let me inside please? I want to see you in person. I miss you, Yuki."

Letting him inside? What a terrible idea.

Her head throbbed faintly in ache. She rubbed the side of her temple.

What was it that Uryuu had told her? If Yuki didn't have the strength, then she should focus on tenacity.

"Yuki?"

Then, without her realizing it, her feet carried her down the flight of stairs and her hand curled around the doorknob. She knew, without a doubt, that Yuto was standing outside before the door—this very door that was Yuki's schism of Aru's safety net and Yuto's insanity. If she were to open this door, then she would be allowing Yuto to fully reenter her life. It would be like how it had been before: just the two of them.

Her breathing hitched and her elbow jerked, trying to withdraw her hold, but her hand wouldn't budge. The pain in her head grew sharper. Tears gathered from the edges of her eyes.

"Yuki," she heard Yuto's voice through the door, "I'm here. I'll keep you safe. I always have, haven't I?"

Perhaps she did have tenacity—her version of it—and its purpose was to ensure her survival. It was that thought that Yuki clung onto desperately.

The tears streamed down her face as she unlocked the door and opened it wide. Yuto gazed at her reverently, and she was suddenly struck with the memory of how she saw him looking at her the same way back when they were in the Cathedral of Casualty.

The words that came out of his mouth were the same too. "Don't worry, Yuki. Didn't I tell you before?" He smiled. "I'll be your knight in shining armor. Always."

"So, you were conspiring with Gasai-kun?"

Behind her, gunshots and screams filled the air. John Bacchus—the eleventh diary owner—was being taken care of by Yuto. Yuki wasn't sure how well Yuto was doing, but it did seem like it was taking him quite a while, especially now that Uryuu was in the picture.

Decked in a jumper and slacks, Aru appeared to be less refined than how he normally was. If the way he heavily leaned against Uryuu's motorcycle wasn't an enough indication of his exhaustion, then the dark bruising under his eyes definitely was. Yuki had never seen him like this before.

"Yuto came up with the plan to take out the Eleventh and Eighth simultaneously," Yuki said. "I only complied to follow him around."

He grimaced. "Yuki," he said, his voice carrying an underlying chiding tone.

She wryly smiled and glanced down at her sleek Mary Jane shoes. Before they headed out, Yuto insisted on her dressing up, providing her the clothes for her to wear. Why he wanted this in a time of inevitable mayhem was beyond her, but she decided to humor him.

It was rather ridiculous. The pinafore cinched around her waist before blooming into a wide and flowing skirt above her knees. Coupled with stockings and a black hair band, Yuki felt like she was coming straight out of a Wonderland story. Although, perhaps the outfit was fitting since there was plenty of beheading taking place on this day.

"You said that Yuto's mindset is fragile, but I'm not doing so well either," she told him. "I know that I'm breaking. My father's death was the turning point. I'm full nothing but cracks that will drink up any madness given to me. I'm…falling, Aru."

"Is that supposed to an excuse?" he said evenly. She didn't need to look up to tell that his eyes had gone detached, cold. "Just because you're not the one who's actively participating doesn't mean that you aren't going to be held responsible either."

She shrugged. "I was certain that I was going to stay strong, but it seems like an ongoing trend for me to falter and break any promises that I made to myself."

Aru sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yuki, earlier, Uryuu Minene and I visited a forensic division and found out that there was no matching DNA found on the third body that was in Gasai-kun's backyard—nothing except for this." He procured a small box and handed it to Yuki. "His umbilical cord was at the orphanage that he once lived in."

Yuki took off the lid. Lying on a nest of cotton was a shriveled strip of flesh.

"We had a team of forensic scientists compare the DNA of the body to that umbilical cord," Aru continued. "It resulted in a perfect match."

It was as if her world was tipping on its axis. "You're saying that...the third body was…" Yuki rapidly blinked. She clumsily closed the box and handed it back to Aru, and then pocketed her fingers into her armpits to warm the abrupt chilliness that she felt. "That can't be right…"

"It was a surprising discovery for all of us, believe me."

"Then Yuto could be an imposter," she whispered bewilderedly.

"He is an imposter, Yuki."

"But that's so absurd. There must be a mistake in the files."

"No, don't you get it?" Aru seized her shoulders and gave a little shake. "That boy isn't Gasai Yuto, Yuki. He's been deceiving you all this time!"

"He looks like him, though," she stammered, her mind swirling in confusion and shock. "He sounds like him. K-Kosaka would know since they've been classmates since grade school. He—he always has been—" She shook her head. "Wait, if he isn't Gasai Yuto, then how can he be a diary user? Deus wouldn't…"

Wait, had Deus regarded the players to his game by their name? Not to her knowledge. Excluding her, the others had always been referred to by their numbers.

"He doesn't have to be the real Yuto to be playing," Yuki gasped, paling in realization.

Aru nodded gravely. "Do you understand the gravity of the situation now? We have to get you out of here."

"Ah, okay…" There wasn't a reason why she shouldn't.

He stilled and his attention snapped back to her. Aru's eyes widened before his expression contorted into anguish—another side to him that Yuki hadn't witnessed until today. "You were doing so well, Yuki," he said through gritted teeth, his grip on her shoulders tightening.

"I know. I'm not a strong person, Aru," she said apologetically.

"Yes, the cracks," he murmured sadly. "I'm aware. But you've been more like broken shards to me."