Chapter 2: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

Date: Who Cares +1. Time: 9:00 AM. Location: Detention Center.

Raymond Shields drove really fast like Captain Falcon and he caused fifteen car crashes then drove straight through a brick wall into the Detention Center. Then, he saw a frightening sight!

Some detective guy with dumb hair poorly died BLOOD RED and cool sneakers with fancy shoelaces was interrogating Roger Rabbit. Dat guy was Rip Lacer, the scariest detective in the whole wide world!

He slammed his hands on the interrogation table, and shouted, "I don't have time for any of your nonsense! Did you or did you not kill Wario?!"

Roger Rabbit jumped in fright and replied, "N- N- N- NOOOOOO! I've been framed! I could never kill anyone!"

"Yeah, sure," Lacer snapped, "You can't expect me to believe that! All you fikkies are the same, trying to lie your way out of your own messes!"

Roger pleaded, "NO! I'm not a liar! P- P- P- PLEEEEEEEEEAAAAASSEEE!1"

"HEY! STOP IT, YOU!"

Rip Lacer turned around to see who addressed him, only to see Raymond Shields STANDING THERE.

Rip Lacer raised his fists, and said, "You wanna take this outside, mate?!"

Shields laughed, and replied, "I'd rather keep it inside, thanks." Then he roundhouse kicked Rip Lacer in the face so hard that he flew all the way into the Sun and died.

Roger Rabbit jumped for joy and, "Oh thank you, kind sir!" He tried to hug Raymond Shields or whatever, but since he was in jail he just comically slammed into the glass and slid to the ground.

Raymond laughed and replied, "No problem, BUSTER! …So, I came here to talk to you about your arrest. I've seen your comedy routine at the Wonder Bar… and I have trouble believing that you could have killed that man."

"Oh, I know! I can't believe it either," Roger Rabbit implied, "But apparently, they have "decisive evidence… and to make matters worse, they somehow found a WITLESS!"

"A witless?" Raymond mumbled, "I didn't see anyone in that alleyway when I was investigating. Who could have seen the murder?"

"I don't know!" Roger Rabbit cried, "But he apparently saw me kill the victim!"

"Well," Shaymond Rields asked, "Do you have an alibi for the murder?"

"Oh, yeah! Y'see, at 12:30 last night, I was asleep in bed! HA! How's that for a rock solid alibi?"

"Can nyone confirm that?"

"NO!"

Then that alibi SUCKS," Raymond explained, "Get a better one."

Roger Rabbit threw up his hands in dismay, and shouted, "Hey! It's not MY fault my wife is in Zimbabwe!¡"

Rammond pulled out his Attorney's Badge and asked, "Okay, I'm tired of talking to you, but I would like to offer my services. So, Roger Rabbit, would you like me to defend you in COURT?"

"Yeah, man."

Raymond shouted, "Okay cool, now give me the OFFICIAL COURT REPRESENTATION DOCUMENT so I can leave."

Roger decided, "ok" Then he gave Raymond the OFFICIAL COURT REPRESENTATION DOCUMENT so he could leave.

So he left.

—

Date: Who Cares +1. Time: 12:30 AM. Location: Japanifornia Town Square.

After leaving the Detention Center, Raymond Shields made a short detour to Tapper's Bar, and somehow found himself in the Town Square three hours later.

Mr. Shields wisely inquired, "Wat the hekaronny jus hadplenned?" It seems he's having a few speech issues, unfortunately.

Looking around his new location, he saw that the center of the square had been marked off by police tape. The square was covered in numerous bloodstains that no one had bothered to wash off yet. All of the injured civilians and characters had long since been carried off to various hospitals, but the police remained here "investigating" the crime. Raymond Shield, hoping to get some info that could potentially help in the trial, walked over to the duo that appeared to be leading the investigation.

Some kinda fat and kinda black guy told the other officer, "Okay, Durland, this next level is pretty difficult. Be on your guard, and I'm sure you'll pull through!"

The other police officer, a tall, white guy playing a 3DS, asked, "Hey, Blubs? How do you use your weapon again?"

The other guy, Blubs, explained, "I think you hit that there 'Y' button. That'll let you use your shovel!"

A few seconds later, Durland shouted, "Aw, shucks! I died!"

Blubs reassured, "It's okay, Durland. Just give it another shot!"

Raymond Shields finally reached the two police officers. He noticed that they were playing Animal Crossing: New Leaf.

He asked, "Soo… Wha are ya' two fine yuong gennelman doin' heer?"

Durland quickly hid the 3DS, and replied, "Oh, uuuhhh, nothin'! Nothin' at all! …No! I mean, we're doin' something all right! Somethin' important!"

Blubs explained, "We're here investigatin' that huge battle in the town square two days ago… Surely you saw it on the news. The one between a few fictional characters and a few Japanifornians like you!"

Durland explained, "Yeah! All the injured people have been carted away, so we're here preservin' the SCENE!"

(Hmm… Maybe this REKT-er Killer was involved with the riot? Let's find out…)

Raymond asked, "Whoo wer the inistigaters on bofe sides?!"

"Good question," Durland answered, "Blubs, do you remember the two guys who started the riot?"

Blubs thought carefully, and slowly replied, "Hmm… I think the riot started when a fictional character got into a heated argument with some human. I think the first guy was some edgy dude named Shadow the Hedgehog… The other guy was a member of the Japanifornian congress named Brawlin' Bobby!"

(I doubt this Shadow guy could be the REKT-er Killer, since he's a fictional character himself. Granted, Roger Rabbit was arrested for killing Wario, so who knows what the prosecution has up its sleeve!)

Raymond shouted, "Wher dese gauys be noow?¡"

Durland shouted back, "Ooh! Ooh! I know this one!"

Blubs laughed, and replied, "You tell 'im, Durland!"

Durland explained, "Shadow the Hedgehog got beat up pretty bad, so he's been recuperatin' at Nurse Redheart's Hospital! Brawlin' Bobby was beheaded during the fight, so he's in intensive care over at Eldoon Clinic! They think he'll recover real good!"

(Oh… Well, so much for that. If they were under close watch in the hospital, neither of them could have shot Wario last night.)

"Won mor kwextion!" Raymond drunkenly asked, "I'm deafening Robbie Rabbi in cout. Do yoo gots a lits of pepple involved who weren't injrudd?"

Blubs replied, "Hmm… Sure, we'll get something put together, and then give it to you before the trial. …Once Deputy Durland gets a little farther in this game, that is."

Raymond finally said, "Tanks, mam!"

"Say," Durland suddenly shouted, "You've been talkin' funny this whole time. Do we need to do a BAC test on ya'?"

(It won't do to get sent to jail before the trial even begins! Let's get out of here!)

After a mumbled goodbye, Raymond quickly ran out of the town square. Sheriff Blubs shouted after him, "Hey! You get back here and say the alphabet backwards!"

Deputy Durland laughed, and exclaimed, "I can't even say my alphabet backwards!"

Blubs gave him a suspicious glare, and asked, "My, Mr. Durland, you haven't been going to any bars without me, have ya'?"

I can't decide how to end this scene, so… uh… how about you come up with your own ending and post it in the reviews! Keep it within reason, though. Just a conclusion to this little gag. Or don't, I really don't care. Let's move on.

—

Date: Who Cares +1. Time: 2:30 PM. Location: Police Department, Records Room.

After finally recovering from his stupor, Raymond Shields decided to get some stuff done. Since he had already investigated the alley last night, and received some useful info from the two policemen, he decided his next goal should be to get more info about this "REKT-we Killer". To this end, he took a cab to the police department and somehow wandered into the Record's Room.

Unfortunately, he started having troubles as he looked through the case files.

"How the heck are you supposed to tell these cases apart!" Raymond complained, "It's like each time they get a case they use the initials of some detective's latest one-night-stand and add the first digit of their last lottery ticket to the end!"

"That is indeed how it works," a suspicious voice suddenly said.

Raymond turned around and saw behind him PROFESSOR LAYTON!

"Oh thank goodness, it's you!" Raymond Shields exclaimed, "Do you know the case numbers for the REKT-we murders?"

Professor Layton answered, "No, I don't. You'll find them under NC-4." Then Professor Layton turns into his secret alter ego AGGRESSOR LAYTON, punches a hole in the wall, and left to get some tea of the helado variety.

Raymond tried to thank him but forgot how to words for five seconds. Instead he goed to NC-4, but his finger slipped and he pulled out NC-1 instead. This case turned out to be a solved case about some guy who kidnapped his own kid, except it wasn't a kidnapping at all because his husband thought they were going to Disney World for the Summer but they were going to Disneyland instead and he was really paranoid and thought bad things were going on but they weren't. Raymond was so annoyed at having wasted thirty minutes reading the case that he burned the file in a bucket.

He returned to the shelf and pulled out the NC-4 file. After double-checking that he had the right folder, he opened it and began reading. Here's what it says:

The NC-4 Incident

Public Name: The REKT-er Killings

Known Victims: 6

Suspects: None

Lead Detective: Tyrell Badd

Lead Prosecutor: Horace Gilmer

Case has not yet gone to trial.

Summary:

The REKT-we Killer is an unknown serial killer who has murdered at least six fictional characters. He often uses bizarre methods to kill his victims, or uses methods that attract attention. However, despite rapid response time, he has not yet been caught. His calling card is a yellow sticky note placed on or near the body, with "Get rekt, m8!" written on it in pink glitter ink. According to psychological analysis, he is most likely a middle-aged man with extreme hatred towards fictional characters. Therefore, these crimes seem to be motivated by hatred alone. Also, you're fat.

Known Victims:

Jin Kirigiri - On [date], Jin Kirigiri suddenly disappeared from his workplace. About three hours later, a large unregistered blimp passed over Japanifornia. With zillions watching, Jin Kirigiri was dropped out of the bottom of the blimp. He was impaled on the steeple of the Japanifornia Bank Building and died instantly. The sticky note was found in his pocket. The blimp vanished behind some buildings or something and has not been seen since.

Sportacus - Sportacus was strolling through the Town Square on [date] when a large cage dropped from the sky, surrounding him. A parachute fell with the cage, blocking him from view of the twelve other people in the square. They quickly removed the parachute, but Sportacus had disappeared. He was found a day later in a ditch, stabbed with a knife. The sticky note was attached to the weapon.

Big the Cat - On [date], a really large bloodstain was found in the Japanifornia Arboretum. Forensic evidence determined that it belonged to Big the Cat. The team also discovered the sticky note nearby somewhere. The body was never discovered, but no one cared enough to conduct a search, so Big the Cat has been labeled dead in absentia.

Peter Griffin - The victim's body was discovered in his home on [date]. Peter Griffin had been shot six times with a high caliber revolver. He died from the fifth shot. One of the walls in the room in which he was found had the message "SPELL WHOM'ST'VE!" written on it in blood. The sticky note was placed in the "O".

Grand Dad - Grand Dad was murdered on [date]. He was thrown out of an airplane and into the Japanifornia Forest. According The the coroner, he survived the fall, but the plane turned around, plummeted towards the forest, and crashed into him. The police investigated the downed plane and found the body. They also discovered that the plane had been controlled remotely. The sticky note was found stuck to the cockpit.

Bob the Builder - The police discovered the body of Bob the Builder on [date] when they investigated the site of an apartment complex that was under construction. The site had unexpectedly collapsed. Upon arriving, they found the victim lying against a fence, having died from blunt force trauma. There was a single, large wound stretching across his stomach. The murder weapon was not found, so it is unknown how the victim suffered such a wound. The building collapsed due to severed supports or something, and detective guys concluded that the victim was not injured when the building collapsed. The sticky note was inside the victim's hat.

That's all the info you get, now go away and never come back.

Raymond replied, "ok"

Raymond looked at a nearby wall clock, and realized that the trial was going to begin in five seconds. He screamed, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!", stole the case file, and then teleported to the courthouse.

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