A/N: Hey guys! Back again with a new chapter! FINALLY!

This one is PRETTY LONG, so prepare yourselves!

I OWN NOTHING!

Enjoy!

Chapter 42

"Words make you think. Music makes you feel. A song makes you feel a thought."

― E.Y. Harburg

BANG!

With a startled shout, Raphael nearly jumped out of his very shell at the sound, the comic book he'd been reading flying out of his hands before fluttering harmlessly to the floor. Taking a moment to calm his rapidly beating heart, Raph put a hand over his chest. "What the heck?" he muttered aloud after a moment before snapping his head around, wide green eyes staring at the wide metal doors from whence the shuddering 'bang' had come from.

Donatello's lab.

It wasn't unusual to hear such sounds echoing from the cave in which his younger brother dwelled; hell, over the past few years, it would be considered strange not to hear an explosion from behind those doors at least once a day. But that didn't sound like an explosion, or like a piece of equipment being dropped or smashed on the floor. That sound was more like someone banging their head against a table…which, now that Raph thought of it, concerned him just that little bit more than an explosion would have done.

Deciding there was no point in going back to his comic book, Raphael got up from the bench in the pit and made his way up the steps leading to Donnie's lab to investigate for himself. Pushing the doors open with ease, emerald eyes scanned the wide open space until they landed on a lone figure hunched over the desk near the back of the room. Sure enough, Raph's earlier hunch had been correct; their resident genius and leader had indeed banged his head against the metal table top, his arms folded and hiding his face from view.

And perched on the wall next to the desk, was the tank the three turtles had hauled with them from the obliterated warehouse the night before. A pair of floating, vacant eyes stared unblinkingly at the purple clad turtle across from it, as if waiting for a reaction, a sign, something. But Donnie didn't stir, not once. One might think that he was asleep, or dead, due to his stillness.

Taking in the scene before him, it didn't take long for Raph to put two and two together as he frowned.

Timothy's mutation had been a gruesome one, probably the worst he and his team ever had the displeasure of witnessing first-hand since Snakeweed. The poor kid had literally melted right before their eyes, his body reduced to the barely-sentient blob of goo and guts in a jar that he was now. And despite what Raph had personally thought of the wannabe 'super-hero', not even he could help but feel bad – terrible – over what had happened to him. Even though, in the bitter end, it'd been the kid's own fault. He just wouldn't listen…

However, out of all the brothers, it was Donnie who took it the hardest. And it was no wonder why…

With a soft sigh, Raph crossed the room with determined strides, sparing a brief glance at the tank (despite his earlier gripe upon having to look at it), before coming to a stop at Donnie's side. Donnie hardly acknowledged him, refusing to lift his head up from where he'd let it fall against the desk, and Raph briefly wondered if he'd actually knocked himself out. 'Wouldn't be the first time,' the red turtle mused.

Taking a moment to examine the organized chaos that was his leader's work-space, Raph managed to pick out a single sheet of lined paper with crude handwriting scattered across it – handwriting that Raph didn't recognize – surrounded by several other crumpled pages. Eyes skimming over the page, Raph saw it was a letter…

It was addressed to Timothy's mother.

Realization dawned, and Raph's eyes widened. Donnie had attempted to copy Timothy's handwriting. He'd tried to forge a note explaining to his parents why he hadn't come back for so long…why he wasn't going to come back, not for a long, long time…

Raph's heart plummeted. Oh, Don…

"I can't do it."

The silence had been so thick and oppressing that Raph nearly jumped a second time at the sound of Donnie's voice, before snapping his attention back down to his brother, who still had yet to lift his face from the desk. Well, looks like he was still conscious after all. "What? What do you mean?" Raph asked slowly, folding his arms over his chest.

Slowly but surely, Donnie finally lifted his head. The first thing Raph noticed was that there was a steadily growing bruise on his forehead. The second thing he noticed was that Donnie's eyes were reddened around the edges, and Raph would've dismissed it for drowsiness; the guy hadn't slept a wink since they'd gotten home.

But his mask, dampened below his eyes with obvious traces of drying tears, told him otherwise.

"I can't do it," Donnie repeated, his voice hoarse and weak from misuse, before he looked up at his older brother. He looked so lost and helpless that it tore at Raphael's heart viciously, without mercy.

"I mean…how can I possibly turn him back into a human, Raph?" Donnie asked, lower lip trembling, though his tried his hardest to suppress what fresh tears were sure to follow. "I don't even know how the mutagen works let alone how to reverse its effects on organic lifeforms! How can I possibly keep him down here for god knows how long it'll take for me to even begin to find a cure?! H-How am I supposed to leave this –" he gestured the letter on his desk with a desperate wave of his hand, " –at his home for his parents, his family, to find as an excuse as to why they might never see their son again?! How could I have let him– I-I should've stopped him, Raph! I-I s-should've –"

Whatever he was going to say next was further silenced when Raph grabbed him, pulling Donnie to his chest, and wrapping his arms around his shoulders in a rough, tight, yet unbreakable embrace. Donnie went still with shock, but only for a moment, for soon he returned the embrace full force as he threw his arms around Raph's waist, burying his face into the crook of his shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut.

As Raph held his little brother close, he glared venomously at the wall across him, for some reason wishing he could burn holes into the brickwork with his stare.

The Foot and the Kraang had done so much to hurt their friends, their family, in so little time; the discovery of Leonardo, alive and in the Foot Clan, had been the spark of disaster, which had soon grown higher and hotter with a vengeance after the Kraang's true target – their sister, April – had been uncovered…and now this…

It was as if with every new obstacle they overcame, no matter how long it took or how hard it'd been, there was always another one waiting right around the corner to meet them, and when it did, it struck them hard, crippled them in ways that left them weak, vulnerable, and with scars that would never truly fade. This ordeal was no different. Only this time, as he listened to the sounds of his little brother fighting back tears of despair and frustration, fighting to get his breathing under control as he clung onto him, Raphael was sick of these obstacles. He was sick of watching his brothers cry. He was sick of going through the same problems, the same pain and frustration and fear and uncertainty, over and over again…

But right now, this wasn't about how he felt. This was about how Donnie, his genius brother and leader who'd been saddled with the problems of the whole world and everything in it, felt.

He tightened his arms around Donnie, taking in a slow, deep breath to quell his own rage for the time being. "Don't say things like that, Don," he said quietly. "You're the smartest guy in this whole stinkin' city – hell, probably the whole stinkin' world – and I know you'll figure something out. It might take a while, but you'll do it. I know you can."

Donnie said nothing for a moment, and Raph didn't push him for an immediate response, though he inwardly tensed. Raph wasn't good at handling situations that involved sentimental words of encouragement or affection. He wasn't good at handling most things that involved emotions other than rage. But he'd done so for Mikey more times than he could count – hell, he'd even done it for Leonardo, sort of. So he mused he could try one more time, for Donnie's sake.

Donnie sniffed once, his lanky arms trembling even as they tightened around Raph's waist.

"Thanks, Raph."

Smiling softly, the older turtle lifted one hand to lay it against the back of Donnie's head. "Anytime, buddy. Anytime."

And he meant those words. He meant them with every fibre of his being. No matter what obstacles they had to face next, whether they were harder and left more scars than the last, Raph would always be there to support his brothers when they needed him. Always.

Once Donnie had calmed down and dried his eyes – or rather Raph did, using the tails of his mask as they'd done when they were kids – the older turtle decided that the young leader should get out of the lab for a little while and grab something from the kitchen, and had forestalled any of his leader's protest with a hard glare that screamed 'I will tie you up and drag you by your mask if I gotta get you to eat something you moron'.

Or, at least, that's what Donnie had taken from it, but either way, he wasn't going to say no to that face twice.

So he'd allowed himself to be dragged by the wrist to the kitchen – "I can walk myself, Raph." "I'm not in the mood for your 'sneaky little bugger' act so suck it up" – where Raph then sat Donnie on a bench as he sifted through the cupboards for something the two of them could snack on. It was the middle of the day, and they'd had already eaten lunch aside from Donnie…which was probably a good thing considering Mikey had made it instead of April today. The memory of that particular meal his baby brother had made still sent shivers down Raph's spine –

"Donnie, you're still alive!"

And speaking of baby brothers…

Just then, hurricane Michelangelo barrelled into the kitchen, ramming full-force into Donnie and wrapping his arms around his shoulders, nuzzling his face against the protesting turtle's cheek. "You're still alive! You're not even a zombie, which is even more awesome!" the youngest turtle chimed happily.

"Ow! Mikey, of course I'm alive, get offa me!" Donnie grunted, trying but ultimately failing to relinquish himself from Mikey's embrace, all the while not understanding a word his brother was saying. From the corner of the room, Raph watched the exchange with an upward tilt of his lips that definitely wasn't a smile before rolling his eyes. Of course Mikey was the one to turn everything into a dramatic spectacle.

Finally, Mikey let Donnie go with a giggle and a shrug. "Sorry, dude. Haven't seen you leave your lab since last night. I was just worried about you, y'know?" he confessed, though not once did his smile diminish.

His earlier annoyance ebbing in the face of his little brother's genuine, loving concern for his well-being – his emotional well-being more than physical – Donnie finally smiled. And with a tolerant shake of his head and a light chuckle, he reached out to lay a hand atop Mikey's head, rubbing it fondly. "Thanks, Mikey. But I'm fine, really. I'll be okay."

His shell facing them as he tugged out a few packets of potato chips, Raph smiled again. Something about his reply made Raph believe that his words spoke the truth, despite his earlier meltdown. He also couldn't help but wonder if those words had been extended to Raph as well as Mikey…

Practically glowing underneath Donnie's palm, Mikey beamed widely. "Have you eaten yet?" he then asked as Donnie removed his hand, bouncing eagerly on the tips of his toes. "I can make you a snack or something if you want –"

"No, no, no that's okay. Raph's already digging something out for us, but thanks anyway Mike," Donnie said quickly with a nervous chuckle. And though his tone was kind, Raph could hear the anxious twinge that told him his genius brother had already seen – or rather smelled – the remnants of Mikey's earlier creativity, and wanted no part in any of that, no sir.

Either he hadn't caught on to Donnie's sudden discomfort, or he'd decided to let it go, Mikey just shrugged with a smile. "Okay then. Hey, Raph, can you get me something, too?"

"What am I, your personal maid?" Raph muttered. "Besides, you just had lunch, Donnie didn't."

"Just figured, since you're getting Don something and since I'm here that you might as well, dude. And besides, I'm a growing turtle; I gots to get some snacks, yo!" he quipped, grinning over at Donnie when the older turtle let out a laugh before hopping around the table, taking a seat on the stool opposite Donnie and humming a tune to himself as the two waited for whatever Raph picked out for them.

Raph had already gathered a few cookie boxes, potato chips, and was now holding up a box of pop tarts, raising a brow as he turned to his younger brothers. "Pop Tarts?"

The other turtles nodded, their thumbs up in agreement. "Pop Tarts," they echoed.

"You didn't lick any and put them back in the box, did you Donnie?" Raph asked flatly.

Donnie flinched, eyes wide and unbelievably guilty. "N-NO!"

"…really?"

"…maybe?"

From the other side of the table, Mikey, looking the spitting image of their father in that moment that it was admittedly scary, stared flatly at Donnie. "That's gross, D."

"Shush, Mikey. I can't help it! The icing's really good!"

"Well yeah, but you don't put them back in the box after you freaking licked it, dude. What if April wanted to eat some and she found that one? Seriously bro, ya nasty!"

"Pretty sure she already has, Mikey," Raph snickered, taking pure delight in Donnie's irritated growl, and deciding with a shrug to bring the pop tarts along with the rest of the snacks to the table anyways as he sat down at the head of the table. "Bon Apatite, or whatever."

"Alright! Itadakimasu!" Mikey chimed, before grabbing the first packet of chips within his reach and digging in, munching happily away with a look of pure content gracing his freckled features. His older brothers rolled their eyes in unison at his strange antics before following suit, with Donnie predictably going straight for the Pop Tarts first, making Raph bite back another snicker.

The three of them sat there for a while in comfortable silence, leisurely eating away at their afternoon snacks lost in their own thoughts. Deep down, of course, they were very well aware of the consequences that would arise should Splinter catch them eating such garbage, but for the next half hour, Splinter was going to be with April on another one of their one on one training exercises; what he didn't – and wouldn't – know wouldn't kill him, right?

However, the silence was soon broken when Mikey, with his mouth still full of Pop Tart, lifted his head and asked –

"So what d'you guys think about Leo's new look?"

Both Donnie and Raph froze, treats dropping from their hands, whipping their heads around to stare at Mikey, who just finished swallowing as he met their surprised gazes. He tilted his head to the side. "Don't tell me you guys hadn't noticed it, or at least been thinkin' about it. I know it freaked me out a little when I saw the…" he shrugged again, helplessly. "…y'know…"

"The Foot Clan emblem on his shoulder? Yeah, Mikey, we saw it too," Raph muttered, scowling down at his hands on the table, which soon clenched into tight fists. Mikey was right; aside from Timothy's mutation, the three turtles had been in for another jarring revelation when they'd come face to face with Leonardo at the warehouse, wearing new gear and bearing the symbol of the clan on his shoulder. The clan he'd proclaimed on numerous occasions that he wanted so desperately to leave. And of course, the brothers had questions that were in dire need of answering, such as, when the hell had Leo become so integrated into the Foot, after claiming so many times that he hated them?

Was it Shredder's doing? Was it Karai's? Or…or did Leo suddenly have a drastic change of heart?

Looking up from his hands, Raph noticed Donnie wearing a deep, contemplative frown on his face, one finger tapping against his chin as he narrowed his mahogany eyes down at the table top. Raph raised a brow. "What're you thinking, Don?" he asked.

Donnie barely batted an eye before answering. "I'm not entirely sure how the Foot Clan's set up in terms of their ranks and roles within their army, apart from the Ashigaru sha's and their regular Foot soldiers," he began, in a tone both Raph and Mikey recognized as the one he used when he'd picked a particular train of thought and decided to run with it, "but I wager Shredder has promoted Leonardo from a high-ranking Foot Soldier to a commander of sorts."

Mikey and Raph blinked hard, rearing backwards in surprise as they gawked at Donnie. "For real? Shredder promoted Leo to Commander?" Mikey squawked.

"No way, not in a million years," Raph barked with a firm shake of his head. "I'm pretty sure the tin-head hates Leo just as much as Leo hates the tin-head, so why would he want to promote him a rank higher? Heck, why would Leo even want to get promoted?"

"That's what I thought. And probably what Leo thought, too," Donnie continued, brows still creased with scrutiny. "Like I said, I don't know for sure so don't take my word for it, but here's my theory; I figure that Shredder promoting Leo is actually a means of getting him to stay in the Foot – well, not that he never really had much of a choice in regards to whether he could leave or not anyway, but maybe Shredder thinks that being a Commander might just sweeten the deal for him; he's in a position of authority now, rather than just another lackey like Dogpound or Fishface. That, and maybe Shredder has future plans for Leo that nobody but Shredder knows about, and I for one really don't wanna think about that possibility being true."

"As to why Leo took said position, my guess is he's trying not to raise suspicion within the clan; the other soldiers – or worse Shredder – could catch onto Leo's act, start looking into what he's been up to, and eventually figure out that he's been getting a little too friendly with the enemy, meaning us, April, and possibly Splinter, Shredder's worst enemy. Accepting the role as Commander might just get rid of any skeptics, at least until he can think of something else to get him outta the mess he's got himself into. As for the uniform…well, I guess that's part of the deal; if you're gonna play a part, you might as well look it too, hence the new garb and the Foot Clan crest on his armor."

Donnie then sat back on his stool, shrugging his shoulders. "Well, that's what I think anyways," he said, drawing his observations to a close.

For a while after, Mikey and Raph simply stared at Donnie, taking everything he'd said and replaying it in their minds.

Nodding slowly, Raph then hummed aloud. "It makes sense, sort of," he mused aloud, "Shredder wants to keep Leo in the Foot for any schemes he's got in store, and Leo takes the offer up so he doesn't look suspicious." He looked up to Donnie again, shrugging one shoulder. "Seems legit," he concluded. Despite the slight chance Donnie could be wrong, what he'd explained did seem like the most reasonable route; there was no way Leonardo's heart would change so drastically for the clan he loathed, especially not over some petty rank standing. That just wasn't who Leo was…even if they knew still very little about him since their early childhood.

Raph then looked over at Mikey. "So, what do you think about all this, Mikey –?"

He stopped short, eyes widening.

Mikey was silent, still as stone, his gaze drifting down to stare at his hands, fingers twitching anxiously. His baby blue eyes were gloomy, filled to the brim with a treacherous emotion that had to right to be there, and a frown on his usually bright freckled face that made Raph want to punch a wall the longer it remained.

He'd seen that same look on his baby brother's face far too many times in the past few months, and out of all the things he was sick of, that look was at the very top of the list…but only because nowadays, not even April could wipe away the sadness that marred his innocent features like a scar.

"…if that's really Shredder's plan," Mikey said softly, refusing to look up at his brothers, "you think…you think it'll work? You think, if Leo keeps up whatever act he's trying to pull, that he'll start to…I dunno, believe it? Like, he'll just forget all about us and stay with the Foot for –"

The youngest turtle hadn't the chance to finish his sentence when Donnie's hand lashed out from across the table to grasp his, holding it fast. Mikey blinked rapidly in surprise before shooting his startled gaze up to meet Donnie's, whose eyes were firm and narrowed as they bore into Mikey's baby blue pair.

"That's not gonna happen, Mikey," the young leader said, "Shredder might be crafty, and he might be able to control Leo using fear, which is probably one of the reasons why he took the position…but there's no way Leo would let Shredder make him forget."

Taking Mikey's hands in both of his, Donnie's expression softened, turning into a comforting smile as he gave his younger brothers hands a squeeze. "Leo can't forget about us. And despite everything he's been led to believe about us, everything he's been through until now, he's never really forgotten about us. And no stupid tricks Shredder might have up his sleeve could ever change that, Mikey."

At the head of the table, Raph watched and listened to his brother speak with such conviction, such certainty, and he couldn't help but smile. The guy was a heck of a lot better at handling these kinds of situations better than Raph ever could, that was for sure, and it was kind of ironic how only minutes earlier, Donnie had been on the receiving end of being comforted. And now here he was, doing the same thing for Mikey.

Raph couldn't help but feel proud of his little brother for that.

Mikey blinked, looking down at his hands held tightly in Donnie's, his brows furrowed in thought for a moment. Donnie didn't move an inch, waiting for his baby brother to act first, when he was ready to.

Finally, cobalt met reddish-brown as Mikey looked up. "…you really think so, D?" he asked quietly, the beginnings of a hopeful smile growing across his face.

At that, Donnie grinned. "I know so, little brother," he said, leaning over the table so that he could press his forehead against Mikey's, closing his eyes, and Mikey did the same as he leaned into the contact. "I know so."

Donnie didn't have to open his eyes to know that Mikey was smiling again. And that knowledge made his heart leap with unparalleled joy.

Looking back on it now, he should've seen this coming.

Aside from Bradford, and of course Karai, Tiger Claw had come to know Oroku Saki better than anyone else in the clan, being is second in command and all. He knew the ways in which the Shredder would use his power over others to control them, use them for his own personal gain, or worse, entertainment. And he knew how Shredder would do anything, anything, to reach his goal regardless of who got hurt, regardless of who suffered, or who was lost along the way…

And now, his urge to exact his revenge upon Hamato Yoshi, his hunger for the 'justice' he sought, had led him straight to the Kraang.

In a way, he mused, Tiger Claw had seen it all coming. But he'd been too foolish, too blind with false hope and faith in Shredder's sanity to put a stop to it before it was too late. And now, here they were, preparing to head off to the lair of the Kraang to negotiate the terms of their newfound alliance with the Foot Clan.

Tiger Claw knew that such an alliance would only bring about destruction, not just upon their clan or even the city, but quite possibly the whole world as they knew it. And more than anything, the old tiger wanted desperately for his master to reconsider, to truly think about what disastrous consequences would arise should they allow themselves to be swept along with the vile creatures. However, what was done was done; his master had made his adamant decision and refused to be swayed. And despite everything, Tiger Claw had little choice but to obey, to follow through with whatever the Shredder and the Kraang planned on carrying out, no matter the outcome.

And as for Leonardo…

Throughout most of the day, after bearing witness to both the horrid mutation of the boy known as Pulverizer, and Shredder's agreement with their captive Kraang to form this new partnership, Leonardo had become…well, a word for it would be catatonic. The young commander had gone through the motions the day as if he were on autopilot, such a vacant gloom casting over his usual bright blue eyes that it admittedly scared Tiger Claw, as well as most of the Foot Soldiers in his squad. Hell, even Xever of all people had become disgruntled by it. He hadn't slept at all during the night, making him appear worse than he was, with dark bags under his eyes and his face as pale as a phantom.

Tiger Claw had woken up in the middle of the night and had watched his son as he lay there, wide awake on his bed, staring at the ceiling as though he were staring his greatest fears in the face…which, in brutal reality, he would be. And the old tiger loathed the fact that his child was forced to endure yet more pain, fear, suffering, all because of their master's thoughtlessness and lust for vengeance…

As the time of the meeting drew closer, it was as preparations were still underway that Leo had all but disappeared, slipping away from the rest of the squad unseen and unheard, managing to evade even Tiger Claw's detection. But his absence had not gone unnoticed, and the old tiger quickly sought the cub out, searching every room he assumed his son would escape to for solace, but saw no sign of him.

However, it was only until he ventured outside the lair and looked up that he finally found Leonardo.

He was sat on the highest peak on the roof of the church, legs folded and arms resting atop his lap, his head turned upwards to gaze forlornly at the full moon lingering above. His shell, glistening in the light of the moon, was facing him, his mask and scarf tails fluttering in the light breeze that swept over the sleepless city. And though he couldn't see his face, though his manner was as numb and lifeless as he'd been throughout the day, Tiger Claw could sense his anger, his fear, his despair, flowing off him in waves.

He sighed. His child was still suffering. And there was nothing that he, his father, could do to ease the pain –

"There you are."

Tiger Claw blinked in surprise, eyes darting to the other side of the roof to find Karai standing there, slightly out of breath, with her hands planted on her knees – had she actually climbed to the roof?

At her call, Leo barely reacted, subtly turning his head in her general direction before turning back again, this time casting his eyes to the vast expanse of New York City. Karai was unfazed, almost as if she'd expected such a reaction, and casually made her way across the roof to stand beside him, folding her arms over her chest. For a short time they remained silent, staring out into the distance, listening to the familiar ambience of city life beyond.

Standing on the sidewalk below, Tiger Claw continued to watch, waiting for whatever the young kunoichi had to say. It'd been clear to him that the girl was just as concerned for the well-being of her best friend after hearing the news of the alliance with the alien creatures, but had waited until now to truly confront the turtle on the matter. Though she had her own thoughts against the arrangement, but having no choice but to comply with the wishes of her father, her feelings had been brushed aside for the time being as she instead focused on the boy she saw as her brother.

Tiger Claw smiled faintly. Sometimes, he mused, he couldn't help but feel blessed that this wayward ninja had managed to worm her way into their lives.

Finally, Karai looked down at Leo, her brows furrowed. "You look like crap," she deadpanned.

Tiger Claw made a face. Well, if that was her way of expressing her worry, then he couldn't really complain, could he?

"Thank you," Leo muttered in an emotionless monotone that rivaled the Kraang's, eyes still trained ahead of him.

Karai's mouth twisted into a scowl. "No, Leo, I'm serious. You look like someone killed you and brought you back as a zombie. How much sleep did you get last night?"

"I did not."

"You were up all night?"

"I was."

"…you seriously look awful. Have you eaten anything since this morning?"

"I have not."

"Drank anything?"

"I have not."

"Trained?"

"Negative."

"Spoken to someone like you're a living, breathing person instead of a computer within the last twenty-four hours?"

"…are you done?"

"No," Karai snapped, dropping down beside Leo, frowning deeply. "Not until you stop acting like a cyborg and look at me, Leonardo." She grabbed his chin, turning his face towards her, and pinning him with a hardened glare as he blinked in mild surprise. The 'mildness' of said blink irked her further as she let out a low growl.

"Leo, we've talked about this. You can't keep bottling everything up like this, it'll mess you up. It's messing you up right now. So, I'm gonna sit here on this rooftop that's colder than my soul and you're going to give me straight, honest answers about how you're feeling, before I get ticked off and push you over the edge myself. Got it?"

Tiger Claw stared at the pair with widened eyes. Good lord, should she be the one asking him if he was alright, or should it be the other way around?

Once she'd released his chin, Leo continued to stare at her, before once again turning his head. This time however, rather than staring back at the skyscrapers beyond, his gaze lowered to the hands on his lap. The soulless gloom in his eyes turned into something far more downcast as he sighed heavily. "…what were we thinking?" he said at last, his voice hoarse and heavy with sadness, regret. "We should never have tried to stop the Kraang on our own…"

At that, Karai reared back in surprise. "What? What're you talking about? If we hadn't, that Kraang ship would've killed us for sure! Well, technically it was Donatello who fired the missile at them – even if he and the others did betray us – but still –"

"If we'd never asked the guys for help, then the Kraang ship would never have tracked them to the docks in the first place," Leo bit out, his fists clenching and his eyes narrowing darkly for the first time that day. "Shredder would never have caught one of them, you would never have gone after April, Timothy would never have gotten mutated, and this stupid alliance – ugh!"

With a frustrated grunt, Leo buried his face into his hands. "None of this would've ever happened if we'd just stayed away from the Kraang!" he cried. "If I'd just stayed away from my brothers, if we'd just stayed in Japan…if my brothers and I had never existed, then –!"

"Whoa, whoa, Leo, stop!" Karai barked, grabbing Leo's wrists and tugging his hands away from his face, his bright blue eyes – brimming with frustrated tears – meeting hers, though his deep frown remained. At first, Karai said nothing, attempting to read her brother's eyes through the blur of tears.

There wasn't just anger or self-loathing boiling underneath the sea of blue that bore into her; there was fear, paranoia, regret, guilt…a myriad of emotions that had no right to be residing within her brother. Had Timothy's mutation added yet more scars that would never fade? Was this all because of the alliance, his fear of facing the very creatures that had been the bane of his existence?

Or…or was it that he was simply tired of existing? The thought sent shivers through her whole body, a cold feeling of dread washing over her at the thought of him thinking that…

Leo then sighed softly, turning his head away yet again and slipping his wrist from her grip to scrub at his face, even though no tears had fallen, before letting it flop back onto his lap uselessly. "Why did we think we could've made a difference?" he muttered sadly. "We wanted to try and stop the Kraang…but in the end, we just made things so much worse for so many people. April, Timothy, my brothers…and now this…and it's all my fault…"

Listening to him, Karai felt her heart ache. Of course he was going to blame himself for everything that's happened until now. Of course he was going to drag himself down. And of course he was afraid…afraid of facing the Kraang, facing the fears he'd fought so hard to blot out since he was a child…afraid of what his brothers would think of him should they realize what he'd done, despite how distant they were…

She sighed, shaking her head as she reached up to clasp his shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly. "…Leo. Don't blame yourself for all of this," she said. "If anything, it's my fault; I'm the one who suggested going after the Kraang in the first place, and you were just dragged along against your will. I should be the one feeling guilty for everything that's happening, not you." She turned away from him, closing her eyes, lowering her head. "I'm sorry, Leo. I'm sorry for letting this happen. It's my fault my father's allying the Foot Clan with the Kraang..."

A moment of silence passed over once more, before Leo's hand came up to grasp Karai's, squeezing it lightly. Opening her eyes, she cast a glance over at him, and though his eyes were still trained on his lap, she could see that his had hardened with resolve. "Don't. You don't have to apologize, Karai," he said softly, his voice no longer as hoarse or as heavy as before. "You were just trying to do the right thing."

Then, for the first time that day, a very faint but very sure smile touched his lips as he finally slid his eyes to her, the familiar gleaming within that she adored slowly but steadily returning as he gazed at her. "I probably sound like a hypocrite after saying that, when five seconds earlier I was blaming myself, don't I?"

Returning his smile with a faint one of her own, more out of relief than anything, Karai shrugged one shoulder, feigning nonchalance. "Eh, a little bit," she smirked. "Still, I was a stubborn idiot who wouldn't listen to reason, and you were an idiot for tagging along –"

"Hey, that's not true, I tried to stop you," Leo argued, but his smile was steadily growing.

"You didn't try hard enough, loser. So, how about we share the blame and call it even?"

Leo let out a soft chuckle. "…yeah. That sounds fair, I guess. We're both idiots," he said. And though she wouldn't dare say so aloud, Karai's heart felt as though it was soaring; her Leo was coming back to her. Slowly, but he was returning to his old self, the turtle she knew and loved…

However, his smile faded once more, and his eyes shifted to the side, his free hand clenching into a fist on his lap. Her hand still resting on his shoulder, Karai could feel the muscles tensing anxiously beneath her palm, and her brows furrowed in concern. "What's wrong?" she immediately asked.

His shoulders hunched, his head ducking low as he bit his bottom lip to keep it from trembling. "…I…I didn't want you or Tiger Claw to know this…but I'm…" He squeezed his eyes shut, ducking his head lower, as if he were trying to disappear, or hide the start of tears in the corners of his eyes as his shoulders shook. "…I'm scared. With the Kraang, and the Foot…I'm scared, Karai…and I c-can't…"

The kunoichi believed her heart couldn't have ached any more than it did as she watched her little brother crumble, closing in on himself like a frightened child in the dark of the night over a fear he simply couldn't control…

It reminded her of the night she'd found him, huddled in the far corner of the kitchen in their old home, crying after a terrible nightmare. They were still young, only eight and nine years old. That night, she'd admitted her own fears to him, just as he had done for her tonight…

"I have nightmares all the time too," she'd said as she'd held an eight-year old Leonardo close, his tear-stained cheek resting against her shoulder. "But now I have you to talk to whenever I'm scared. And you always have me, too! Right?"

Those words echoed within her ears as she sat there, side by side with Leo, who once again was on the verge of tears because of the fears that continued to plague him. Only this time, it was no mere nightmare. This time, he would be forced to face his fears head-on, with no way to escape, no one to help him…

Karai frowned determinedly. Forget that.

Slipping her hand from his shoulder, she wrapped both arms around him, pulling him close. Instantly, his arms encircled her waist as he hid his face against her chest. Letting her cheek rest against the top of his head, she closed her eyes, holding him tighter, closer to her heart, letting him know that she was here for him, that he wasn't and never would be alone, that everything was going to be okay, that he was going to be okay...

"…I know you're scared. And it's okay to be scared," she whispered. "But…you'll always have me. You'll always have Tiger Claw…and I'll always have you, too. Right?"

At first, Leo said nothing, though he stiffened in her arms. Then, a watery chuckle escaped him. "Right," he replied, and Karai could hear his smile as he tightened his arms around her waist. "Thanks, Karai. I…I needed this."

Karai smiled, her heart soaring once more in triumph as she patted him on the back of his shell. "Yeah, I figured. And don't worry about it," she said, letting him draw away from her first as she released him, inwardly reveling in the wide, exhausted yet pure smile he offered her.

'There's the three-toed dork I know I love.'

However, despite the tender, touching moment they'd just had, the young kunoichi simply couldn't help but smirk, folding her arms over her chest as she then added, "Just don't go all cyborg on me again, okay? You seriously freaked everyone out, even Xever."

At that, Leo blinked hard, his early smile vanishing, and he then pouted sourly. "Seriously, Karai? Seriously?" he muttered crossly.

At his childlike outrage, and at the fact that she'd successfully managed to lift the tension and fully restore her little brother to his old self – if only for a little while – Karai threw her head back and laughed out loud, punching his shoulder. "For real though, you looked like a yokai that wanted revenge on the guy who stole your fried fish or something –"

"My fried fish?! Are you for real?!"

As Karai burst into yet more laughter at Leonardo's expense, below them, the old tiger mutant smiled at the scene, his heart warmed to the very core at the sound of his cub's laughter echoing from above at long last. And once again, he found himself thanking the stars above, or whatever higher power there was, that this girl had stumbled into their lives, to be there for his son, to understand him when no one else could…

Even though Leonardo's fears would never truly vanish in a moment of love and reassurance, at least Tiger Claw could count on this rebellious kunoichi to help him push through it.

He really shouldn't be out here. He knew he shouldn't, not at such an ungodly hour of the night, and certainly not without Splinter's permission – the rat master was already sincerely ticked with them as it was, after discovering the ludicrous amount of junk food that had been consumed in his absence.

However, despite all that, Donatello simply couldn't stay cooped up in his lab any longer – which sounded weird even for him – and even the lair had seemed too cramped. He needed fresh air, room to think, to get his thoughts in order…he just needed out.

So it was after everyone had gone to bed that Donnie had snuck out of the lair, his Bo staff returned to its rightful place, and he weaved through the maze of sewer tunnels before emerging from the nearest manhole cover. Now, he was leaping across the rooftops of Manhattan, flipping over alleyways and gliding past windows of ignorant humans, who hardly noticed the giant turtle shaped figure moving within the shadows of their fair city.

Out here, Donnie had room to breathe, to calm the storm of thoughts raging within his brain, the emotions coursing through him and spearing his heart mercilessly despite Raphael's earlier attempts at comforting him…which had worked, to a degree. But even so…

Donnie skidded to a stop on a high rooftop, leaning against the edge as he gazed out desolately at the city that lay before him. Raph had told him not to blame himself for what happened. Bad things happened, and sometimes there was simply nothing you could do about it…except that Donnie could do something about it. And he would. But for some reason he just couldn't figure out how, or how long it would take until he did know how…

Timothy was the most annoying person he'd ever known…well, besides Mikey. But Donnie had never wanted him to get hurt. He'd never meant to let him stay in the Foot Clan, knowing the dangers that would befall him. He'd never meant for any of this to happen…not to Timothy…

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a voice.

He jumped in surprise, spinning on his heel and whipping his head around in search of the owner of the voice. It was faint, but sounded close enough for him to easily follow, which he soon did so as he leapt over to the next rooftop, landing without a sound on an air vent…

His eyes widened.

His shell facing him, his elbows perched on the edge of the rooftop, was Leonardo. His entranced gaze was focused on the city beyond, and he hadn't seemed to notice that Donnie was right behind him, crouched atop an air vent, watching him in silence.

Staring at the older turtle standing meters away from him, Donnie tilted his head. He had to admit, the new uniform was still rather jarring to him…

As he was inwardly debating on whether or not to approach Leo and confront him on the issue now that they were alone, Leo did something that made him freeze in place once more, stunning him to silence.

Leo started singing.

"Nennen korori yo, okorori yo.

Bōya wa yoi ko da, nenne shina…"

His eyes wide and mouth agape, Donnie stared. He'd never heard Leo sing before, not even when they were children. His voice was actually quite beautiful, soft, yet confident and soothing…and better yet, this song…it was a lullaby he and his brothers knew.

"Bōya no omori wa, doko e itta?

Ano yama koete, sato e itta.

Sato no miyage ni, nani morotta?

Denden taiko ni, shō no fue…"

All too soon, the song ended, and Leonardo sighed faintly as he lowered his head, closing his eyes. All the while, Donnie continued to stare at the back of his shell, a smile creeping along his features. That lullaby was an old one, but one among a few that Splinter used to sing to them when they were young. And Leo had remembered it…

Donnie grinned.

"Well, that was something."

Leonardo let out the most impressive high-pitched squeak that would've put a mouse – or Mikey – to shame as he whirled around, eyes widened like a deer in the headlights as he stared up at Donnie's grinning face. "D-Donatello?" he stammered, a hot red blush darkening his cheeks. "W-what – when did you –?!"

"About a minute ago," Donnie replied, hopping off the air vent as he approached his older brother, wanting so badly to take a picture of his current expression and frame it to keep in his lab forever. "I heard a voice so I followed it. Didn't expect to see you here, though."

His shock finally ebbing away, Leo frowned, folding his arms over his chest. "That makes two of us," he muttered, clearly still embarrassed. After a moment, his expression morphed into something softer. "What are you doing out here, Donatello?" he asked, tilting his head to the side in genuine curiosity.

Hooking his thumbs through his belt, Donnie shrugged a shoulder. "I should ask you the same thing, but since I kinda already got that answer…"

He grinned again, reveling in the face of Leo's agitation as the older turtle let out a growl. He saw the appeal behind Raphael's constant jeering now; it was kinda fun.

"I was just…well…I needed some time to think. About…everything, I guess," he said, mahogany eyes becoming downcast once more at the memory of why he'd journeyed to the surface to begin with.

And as he met the serene blue eyes of his older brother, he knew those same thoughts, those same feelings of regret, anger, had been churning within him as well, like an oncoming storm waiting to be let loose from its clouds in a thunderous, uncontrollable burst of restrained emotions.

"Yeah…I understand," he said simply, turning back to lean against the rooftop once more. Donnie followed suit, mimicking his brother's position, and the two soon found themselves standing in comfortable, companionable silence. It was an odd thing, really, almost surreal; here he was, standing side by side with the brother who, at first, had wanted him and the rest of their family dead. Now…they were almost like friends. Yes, there were still trust issues between them, as well as years of pain, misery, and hatred that could never be forgotten…but they were working at it. And as he slid a quick glance at Leo, smiling softly, Donnie mused he was okay with that.

"I'm sorry about your friend, Donnie," said Leo, breaking the silence between them, his tone solemn and his head bowed. "I should've gotten him out of the Foot sooner. I should've done something to stop the mutation experiment. I'm a commander now, for crying out loud…and I couldn't do anything…"

Donnie stared at him. 'So, my hunch had been right. He is a commander now,' he thought. Then, after digesting everything he'd said, Donnie reached and laid a hand on Leo's shoulder. The action made Leo snap his head up again and look down at the hand in surprise, before lifting his gaze to meet Donnie's as the taller turtle smiled. "You don't have to apologize, Leo," he said gently. "Like you said over the phone, you tried your best. Really, I'm the one to blame…"

Donnie frowned sadly, his hand slipping off Leo's shoulder. "It was our fault he stayed in the Foot Clan. He wanted to be our 'spy', and we let him. And…and I didn't try hard enough to stop him. His mutation was my fault, not yours." He then squeezed his eyes shut, fighting back those frustrated tears with everything he had in him as his fists clenched atop the ledge of the roof. Damn it, he couldn't cry now, not in front of Leonardo. He'd think Donnie weak, childish, not fit to be a leader –

Donnie was unprepared when Leo's hand reached out to pat him on his carapace. Opening his eyes again, he turned to face Leo, who wore a slight yet sure smile on his face, azure eyes understanding…and compassionate?

"…y'know, in a way, we're both at fault for what happened," he said. "We were both idiots, but we both tired our best, even if our best wasn't enough in the end. So…how about we share the blame and call it even?"

For the third time in the space of a few minutes, Donnie stared at Leo, as if the turtle had grown a third head. Was he actually suggesting that they shared the blame? Was the universe ending? Had the Kraang invaded already?

He hadn't been aware of how long he'd been staring until Leo gave him a strange look. "…are you okay, Donatello?" he asked hesitantly.

Snapping himself out of his disorganized thoughts, Donnie nodded and smiled at Leo. "Yeah…yeah, I'm okay. And thanks, Leo. I…I appreciate it," he said, his voice quivering with yet more restrained emotion, and whether it was sadness, happiness or overwhelming relief, he didn't know. He sniffed, scrubbing his face with the back of his hand though his eyes were dry as Leo removed his hand. "…since when did you get so nice? Is Mikey's 'Puppy Face' rubbing off on you, too?"

Leo let out a faint chuckle. "I'm not totally heartless, Donatello."

"Right. And while we're on the subject, what's with the uniform?"

Leo frowned yet again, his mouth forming a thin, irritated line, and Donnie fought the urge to snicker. He sighed. "I was…promoted, by the Shredder, to Commander of the troops," he replied darkly. "The uniform…I guess that's just part of the deal. Gotta keep up appearances, I suppose."

'I knew it', Donnie inwardly muttered, nodding once as he hummed aloud. "Okay, then. That makes sense."

Unexpectedly, Leo looked surprised. "…'that makes sense'?" he repeated aghast. "Really? That's all you have to say about it? You're not…I dunno, mad? Upset? Betrayed?"

Donnie shrugged. "Why would I be? You're just doing what you have to do to make sure that Shredder doesn't suspect anything otherwise, am I right?"

Leo was silent, staring at Donnie incredulously for a moment. Finally, he allowed himself a smile that was almost relieved. "…you really are a genius, aren't you?" he muttered, turning back to face the city, his smile remaining. "Or was that all just a wild guess?"

Mirroring his smile, Donnie shrugged again. "What can I say? Machines aren't the only things I do," he chuckled, with Leo following suit before they resumed the comfortable silence once more. Inwardly, Donnie made note of everything Leo had said to him, storing it for later use. That way, he could finally reassure Michelangelo and Raphael that everything he'd said had been true. Leo had not forgotten them, nor had he let his position, his fear of the Shredder, take him over as Mikey had feared.

They still had a chance to get their brother back. All they had to do was wait, until Leo was ready.

The pair of turtles stood there together, letting the wind tussle the tails of their masks as they listened to the lullaby of the city streets below them, watching as life continued to flow like a river flowed into an endless ocean.

Then something occurred to Donatello, and he smiled once more.

"Mori mo iyagaru, bon kara saki-nya,

Yuki mo chiratsuku-shi, ko mo naku-shi…"

In the corner of his eye, he notice Leo stiffening in surprise, before a fond smile graced his lips. He knew the song; it was another old Japanese lullaby from their childhood, one of their favourites. Donnie had never been all that confident in his singing voice, but after Mikey had heard him singing to himself in his lab – and April, which at first had been the height of embarrassment – that confidence had grown miraculously at their praise and adoration of his voice. And after hearing the voice of his older brother…well, as silly as it was, how could he not sing?

And soon, his spirits were lifted to the high heavens when Leo's voice joined his in perfect harmony.

"Bon ga kita-tote, nani ureshi-karo,

Katabira wa nashi, obi wa nashi.

"Kono ko you naku, mori wo ba ijiru,

Mori mo ichi-nichi, yaseru-yara.

"Hayo-mo yuki-taya, kono zaisho koete,

Mukou ni mieru wa, oya no uchi.

Mukou ni mieru wa, oya no uchi…"

As the song ended, their voices fading back into silence, Donnie failed to notice the tears dripping down his cheeks, until he brought up a hand to touch his dampened cheek. And yet, he continued to smile. And when he turned to look at Leo, though his eyes looked straight ahead, he noticed he was just the same.

In that moment, as brothers stood side by side, it was as if everything, their worries, their fears, their sadness and guilt, had been all but washed away by the melody of a childhood lullaby...

In that moment, everything was perfect. And Donnie wanted nothing more but to keep it that way, for as long as he and his big brother had left in each other's company.

A/N: Ending on a bittersweet note! Hurray!

I hope you liked that, guys! The two songs are actually Japanese lullabies called Edo no Komoriuta and Takeda no Komoriuta. Go check them out for the proper translations :D

Next Chapter: Donatello stumbles across something that could lead him to April's father at long last, Raphael is taught a lesson of the heart, Leonardo is forced to make a tough deiscion, and April learns something strange about herself that not even Splinter could foresee...