December 31, 1987

The Wheelers decided to throw a proper New Year's party that year. The Sinclairs, the Hendersons, Joyce and Hopper all attended, along with various neighbors, parents from the PTA and coworkers of Ted's. Mike pulled at the collar of the starched shirt his mother had insisted he wear. He was looking for his girlfriend, who had seemed to disappear, and eventually found her in the dining room, near the trays of hors d'oeuvres. She was lovely in a black velvet dress with her hair loosely braided, but deftly slipped out of the room before he could reach her.

Eleven had been acting aloof all night, barely looking his way. He wondered if she was mad at him, if he had done something wrong. Usually if she were upset about something she would come to him for comfort and advice. But every once in a while she'd have a quiet day, a day she spent lost in thought. Mike always felt useless on those days. He almost hoped that it was his fault instead. At least that way he could do something about it and maybe then he could salvage the holiday for her.

A few minutes before midnight, Karen called everyone to the living room and champagne was handed out. The boys stood near the doorway, Mike craning his neck but unable to see El. Dustin noticed and gave him a friendly nudge. "I thought you'd be the only one of us to get a New Year's Kiss."

"I dunno, Mrs. Crawley looks pretty lonely…" Lucas smirked and Dustin shuddered. Will swirled the champagne in his glass and Mike ignored them all. Where did she go?

The countdown started, the adults all smiling at each other with rosy cheeks as they chanted. Time seemed to slow to a crawl.

"3…" She appeared at his side.

"2…" She looked up at him, head slightly cocked.

"1…" Her eyes flitted all over his face and he felt like she was looking into his soul.

"Happy New Year!" Her lips parted, revealing just a sliver of space.

Mike was planning on just a quick peck - their parents were in the room, and he still wasn't sure if she was annoyed with him. But her hand snaked its way to the back of his head, pulling it down to her, fingers curling into his hair. The kiss was short but hard, almost desperate, and she pressed her forehead to his with a loud exhale before they broke apart. Well, he was not expecting that. She avoided his eyes afterward, turning to kiss the other boys' cheeks.

After the toast, the gang slipped away to the basement, seeking refuge from the drunk adults. They themselves were tipsy from the glass of champagne they had each been allowed. Not ones to usually drink, they were all lightweights. El kicked off her heels and the boys rolled up their sleeves to get more comfortable. Lucas suggested Truth or Dare, recalling how they used to obsessively play it freshman year. But it was late and the game quickly devolved to just Truth, the group sitting in a circle on the carpet, snacks piled in the middle.

After the stories behind Lucas' first kiss, Mike's most embarrassing moment, and Dustin's favorite comic book, it was El's turn.

"El, truth or dare?" Dustin asked, even though he knew what her answer would be.

"Truth."

Dustin gave a strange look and hesitated before asking his question. "Okay, well, there's something I've always wanted to ask you. What happened after you defeated the Demogorgon? Before you came back. Where did you go during that week?"

She gave him a long stare before flicking her eyes around the group. Perhaps... perhaps it was time. A secret that had been weighing on her soul for years now.

"Okay."

Dustin's eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Yeah." She smiled. "I bet you won't believe me though."

Lucas scoffed. "Are you kidding? We've seen monsters and flying vans. You can't surprise us."

"And we trust you," Will added. "We know you wouldn't make something up."

She glanced at Mike, who looked back with wide eyes.

"Please?" he asked. He'd always wondered.

She turned back to Dustin and nodded. "Okay. I went to the future."

"What?"

"No way!"

"Oh my god."

"That's awesome!"

She laughed at the shock on their faces. "I did! After I left you guys I ended up in the Upside Down and found a gate on Mirkwood. And then I was in 2005."

"What was it like?" Lucas asked, just as Will asked,

"Were you still in Hawkins?"

"Yep."

"Did you meet us?" Dustin practically whispered, his eye sparkling. This was way cooler than he had been expecting.

"I did." They all leaned forward, curious and almost frightened to learn more.

She giggled. "Will, you were the first one I met. You worked at the newspaper and you lived in that little house on the corner of Cherry and Oak. You know, the one with the wraparound porch? It's white now but it was blue when I was there. And you had two foster kids."

"What?"

"Yeah. A girl, Max, who was 12. She found me after I came through the gate. She brought me home and it just so happened that it was your house. And she had a brother, Billy, who was like 16. He was…" She paused and made a face. Mike furrowed his brow.

"Wow."

She smiled again and continued. "Dustin, you were the science teacher."

"What?"

"At the middle school. You had Mr. Clarke's job. You lived over on Mercer."

"What did I look like?"

She shrugged. "You looked like you, but...older. It was weird. I had just seen you the day before and suddenly you were grown up."

"This is wild."

She turned to Lucas. "Lucas lived in Wisconsin. You worked at a college and I think you had a girlfriend."

Dustin and Will made kissing noises and playfully shoved Lucas' shoulders. He just puffed out his chest and smirked.

"You came back to Hawkins while I was there, to help. But you didn't want to at first. You were mad at me."

His face fell. "Really? Jesus, El, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. I don't really blame you."

"What about me?" Mike asked and her heart dropped. She turned her head to meet his eyes.

"You weren't there."

He wrinkled his nose in confusion. "What? Did I live far away or something? I didn't come home to see you?"

"Like Wheeler would have ever stayed away," Dustin laughed, but was soon interrupted by El.

"You had died. That's why you weren't there." Her eyes were wet but she managed to keep her face together.

Mike felt like he had been punched in the gut. Dead? The thought was too much for him to wrap his head around. The others were silent, staring at him.

"How..." He couldn't finish the sentence. She took a deep, shaky breath.

"You jumped into the quarry." Dustin dropped the cookie he was holding. "Because you thought I would catch you." Will felt faint. "On a November night." Lucas thought he might be sick. "In 1988."

Mike's mouth opened but no words emerged. She gave a watery smile, because it was the only thing keeping her from falling apart. This was the weight she had carried, the nightmares she had suffered from, the secret burning in her mind. "That's why I was acting weird today. This is the year that you died." Her voice could only whisper the last word but she managed not to cry. She took another breath to steady herself before turning to Lucas.

"Lucas was there. You told me about it, before I came back. You tried to stop him, but he thought he could hear me. He thought I was there. And you were too far away to grab him and pull him back. So you had to watch him jump." She paused, a few tears having trailed down her cheeks. Lucas stared at her in horror. "That's why you were mad at me. Because I didn't come to save him. You thought I killed him."

Mike, completely overwhelmed by her story, lashed out at his friend. "Why did you blame her?"

Lucas threw up his hands in defense. "Whoa, I didn't even do this!"

"It's fine. Mike, it's fine. Of course he was upset."

Mike stood up, feeling as if the room was closing in on him. "I need to get some air." He shoved his feet into a pair of boots and walked out the backdoor, roughly closing it behind him.

Lucas stood to follow him, but El grabbed his pant leg. "Don't. Give him a little bit."

"Yeah," Dustin agreed. "Dude just found out he died." He shook his head in disbelief.

Lucas sat back down and she told them more of the story - the slugs, the lab, the voices, Max, Billy, the fire. By the end they sat there shellshocked, each unable to look anywhere but the carpet. Mike still hadn't returned, so she slipped her stocking feet into the nearest pair of boots, much too large for her, and trudged out after him, a blanket wrapped close around her. He was sitting on the picnic table and staring off at the trees. He stayed silent as she sat beside him, but accepted some of the blanket.

After a moment she asked, "What are you thinking?"

"That it makes sense now."

"What does?"

"The first thing you said to me when you got back, when you were standing at Will's door, was 'You're alive.' And you looked almost...shocked when you said it. And I was confused because of course I was alive! You had saved me, you knew that. But...shit." He finally looked at her.

"I killed myself?" He asked, his tone incredulous. "That's how I went. Fuck."

"It was more complicated than that." He listened as she explained that he was infected, the voices, the dreams. "You weren't fully in control of yourself."

"Still…"

"I know."

Mike dropped his face onto his hands, turning to rest his cheek and look at her. He smiled. "You saved me again."

El nodded, looking at the dead leaves poking up from under the snow. He was right, but it was so much more than that.

"It wasn't just that, it wasn't just you. It was all of them. They had hard lives. I mean, the slugs...they affected everything. That's why I had to get rid of them. It wasn't just to save Will, or even just to save you. It was to save everyone. Even a couple of kids who haven't been born yet." She pressed her eyelids tightly together. Mike noticed the slump in her shoulders, an exhaustion he had never fully seen before.

He gently cupped her chin and turned her head so she would look at him, rubbing his thumb along her jawline. "You are the bravest person I have ever known. And keeping all that a secret for so long...that must have been really hard. That must have been lonely."

Her mouth twitched and he could tell she was trying not to cry. He wrapped one arm around her back and pulled her in, keeping his mouth close to her ear.

"It's okay," he whispered. "We know now. I know. You're not alone. You're okay. You're home."

And suddenly she was twelve again, seeing him alive and whole for the first time, as he told her she was home. She finally let herself cry - large, ugly sobs she had always reserved for when she was alone. But she wasn't alone anymore.

They would never fully understand. But she wasn't alone.