Author's Note: Okay, everyone. Now begins the events of the episode this fanfic is adapted from.

Chapter 3 - The Cancelled Christmas Carnival

Many months have passed since then, and eventually, Vinny got over Barbara and the puppies, and instead focused on his being a family dog to the Griffins. During that time, he agreed to sleep with Stewie every night since he was convinced. He became happier and healthier.

Finally, December had come, and it was getting close to Christmas. The Griffins were all watching Home Alone with Competent Robbers when Lois got her coat on.

"Come on, everybody, let's go to the mall," she informed everyone. "It's time for the Christmas Carnival. It's Stewie's first Christmas."

With that, she picked up the baby in question. "Again?" he asked.

"I love the Christmas Carnival!" Chris shouted in excitement, little knowing his nose was bleeding.

"Chris, calm down," Lois said. "You're giving yourself a nosebleed."

"You know," Peter began, "the best thing about the Quahog Mall is finding fake reasons to turn around and look at passing teenage girls."

Cutaway: We see Peter and Lois at the Mall, walking.

"Hey, Lois," Peter adressed, "Where'd you say you wanted to go?"

"Marshall's," Lois answered as a teenage girl passed by.

"Oh, really?" Peter replied. Pointing rather at the girl, he continued, "'Cause didn't we pass Marshall's down there?"

Connie D'omicco passed by them.

"No, no wait, the Marshall's is down there," Peter continued, looking at Connie. Suddenly, other teenage girls passed by, and Peter started looking at them. "No, that's the Ross Dress for Less, the Marshall's is down here, unless this is one of them two-Marshall's malls."

"Peter, I know what you're doing," Lois replied, aware. "Knock it off."

"Fine," Peter replied. "But you can't stop the girls in my head." A vision of himself in a hot tub with three teenage girls appeared above his head.

"You rock, Mr. G," said a girl.

"Great wine coolers, Mr. G," another girl added.

"Are you sure we don't have to wear clothes in here, Mr. G?" the third girl asked.

"You girls ain't cops, right?" Thought Peter asked.

The Griffins have arrived at the mall. As soon as they got in, Vinny started to admire the elf costume Stewie was wearing.

"Hey, nice outfit," he said. "Fancy pair of shoes, too."

"Do you only use adjectives sarcastically?" Stewie asked.

"Great question, smart guy," Vinny replied.

When Stewie bumped into Chris, who, like the rest of the family, stopped short, Vinny stopped, too. They had noticed that the halls in the mall haven't been decked.

"What the hell?" Peter asked. "Where's all the decorations? And the big Christmas tree? Oh, look, there's Santa."

"Peter, no," Lois said, trying to stop him. "That's a Hells Angel."

Peter didn't listen as he sat on the Hells Angel's lap.

"What do you want?" the bum asked.

"Meth," Peter answered.

"Okay."

Meg talked some sense into her father. "There's no Christmas Carnival, Dad."

"You seem to know a lot about this, Meg," Peter replied sarcastically. "What did you do?"

"No Christmas Carnival?" Stewie repeated. Clenching his fists, he continued, "Oh, whoever's responsible for this shall suffer my eternal wrath!"

Vinny chuckled. "Who's this guy?" he began, getting Stewie's attention. "Tough don't sell in curly-toed shoes."

"Leave me alone," Stewie replied, crossing his arms. "Why don't you bother the cologne salesman at Macy's?"

Cutaway: We see Vinny near the cologne counter at the Macy's store, talking to the salesman.

"I want something I can wear on the street that a broad can smell on a fire escape," he requested.

Back to the family. Contrary to what Stewie said to Vinny, he didn't go to Macy's.

"There just doesn't seem to be a Carnival this year," Lois addressed. "There's no reason to panic," she assured, shrugging.

"Your mother's right," Peter agreed. "Let's not panic. Let's go insane!" With that, he picked up a man store out of insanity.

"Peter, put down that man store," Lois said. "There's gotta be an explanation for this. Let's ask that security guard who has everything on his belt except a gun."

She approached the guard, with Stewie in hand.

"E-Excuse me, sir?"

"It's 'officer," the guard corrected.

"No, it's not, it's barely 'sir'," Lois corrected back.

"Yeah, I know," the guard sighed.

"Where is the Christmas Carnival?" Chris asked.

The guard answered, "Canceled. I don't know why. I'm just a small cog in this operation."

"You hear that, Dad?" Chris said. "You're not the only one around here with a small cog."

"I told you that in confidence, Chris," Peter and Lois said at the same time before looking at each other in confusion.

"Daddy, where's Santa?" Stewie asked his father. "Was he killed by Muslims?"

"Oh, my God, poor Stewie," Lois said, worried. "He's so disappointed."

"Of course he is, Lois," Peter agreed. "I feel the same way. How come every time I'm feelin' happy, somebody's gotta come along and ruin it?"

Cutaway: We are at a cafe, where Peter was sitting at a table and sipping a cup of coffee.

"Are you enjoying your coffee, sir?" a waiter asked Peter, coming in.

"Yeah, it's very smooth," Peter answered, "good flavor."

"What if we told you that we secretly replaced your coffee with Folgers Crystals?" the waiter hinted, confusing Peter. "Wouldn't you feel like a dumbass, 'cause of how you just raved about it just now, you stupid son of a bitch? You're a pathetic piece of shit, you know that?" Peter started feeling hurt. "Nah, we're just joking," the waiter continued, calming down. "It's our normal coffee. But your car's being towed."

Back to the Mall. Vinny started to get a little worried.

"Holy crap," he feared. "I haven't been this disappointed since Peter was lied to in the kitchen on his way to work last September."

Cutaway: We're in the kitchen at the Griffin house, where most of the family were sitting at the table eating their breakfast.

"Well, I'm off to work," Peter addressed the family, wearing his blazer and ready for work. "Bye, guys! Love you!"

Lois, Chris and Stewie spoke at the same time.

"Bye, love you," Lois waved.

"Love you, too," Chris replied.

"Love you, Pop," Stewie said.

After Peter went out the door, Lois, Meg, Chris and Stewie started laughing hysterically.

"He bought it!" Chris shouted.

"What an idiot!" Stewie agreed.

"I hate him so much, I'm shaken!" Lois replied.

Throughout all this, Vinny wore a worried look on his face.

Author's note: This cutaway is based on the "being lied to before" cutaway from FG1207 - "In Harmony's Way". Also, this chapter is compiled from the first chapters of other "Christmas Guy" adaptations I have written.