Chapter 4 - Peter's Plan
One night, while Peter and Lois were in bed, they were getting really worried about Stewie.
"Boy," Lois sighed, "Stewie was really upset about the Christmas Carnival being canceled. He's been acting out all week."
Cutaway: We're in the kitchen. It was in the afternoon, and Stewie was putting something inside the salt shaker. He put it down and had an innocent look on his face. When Meg picked up the shaker, a snake popped out and bit her in the neck, causing her to swell up.
Back to the bedroom.
"Ah, I'm sure he'll be over it in no time," Peter assured. "Besides, how much trouble can he cause? He's a baby."
Cutaway: Stewie opened his bedroom window and prepared his revolver at the Swansons' hot tub, where Joe was relaxing. He shot at the floatie supporting Joe's left arm.
"Hey, what the hell?" Joe said as his left arm sank.
Stewie then shot the floatie supporting Joe's right leg.
"What's happening?!" Joe shouted, trying to swim. "Who's doing this?! Stop! I can't swim without these things!"
Stewie cocked his gun. "Then maybe you shouldn't have built a hot tub, Joseph," he whispered before shooting the floatie supporting Joe's right arm.
"Bonnie!" Joe called. "Bonnie, help!"
Stewie once again cocked his gun. "She wants this to happen, Joe," he whispered. "Look at her." Upon this, Bonnie just looked at Joe with her eyelids lowered. "Anyone wearing a nightgown at two in the afternoon is not a happy person. The best use of your time now is to release yourself into Death's warm embrace."
Joe was still trying to swim with only his left leg floating, until both his arms sank. "I'm ready to go," he said, about to accept his fate.
Stewie was ready to shoot the last floatie before he was shot in the arm. He yelped in pain and held his arm, dropping the gun. "Who did that?" he asked, looking around.
The answer, Susie Swanson, glared at Stewie with a gun in her hand. She had just saved her dad. "Not on my watch, pal," she thought, still using her Patrick Stewart voice.
The next day, as the Griffins were watching Miracle on 134th Street, Vinny had just come home.
"Hey," he addressed his family. "I've been asking around about this Carnival thing. Turns out I know a guy, who knows a guy, who knows another guy, who knows a girl, which is weird because they don't usually know nothing, who says the Carnival was canceled by the mall's owner: some guy named Carter Pewterschmidt."
"Oh, my God!" Lois responded, shocked.
"So, I got another guy working on finding out who that is," Vinny continued.
"It's my father," Lois informed.
"Oh!" Vinny shouted, surprised. "This is a twist I did not expect. Oh! Excuse me, I'm just gonna have to "Oh" this out until I'm not surprised anymore." With that, he exited the living room going "Oh! Oh! Oh!" every two-thirds of a second before eventually calming down.
"Lois," Peter began, "before I get mad at your dad, h-he isn't the Little Caesars guy, is he?"
"No, Peter, we've been through this," Lois replied.
"Good," Peter relieved, "I could never be mad at that guy. He says my favorite word twice in a row. Now, I'm gonna go talk to your father and get him to bring back the Christmas Carnival."
"Peter, I don't think that's gonna work," Lois disagreed.
"Sure, it will," Peter replied. "The nerve of your dad, taking the fun out of Christmas, like some kind of gluten-free Santa."
Cutaway: We see a kid in bed. Santa, with a plate of cookies, approaches the kid.
"Hey," Santa whispered. "Hey, what's in these?"
"Huh?" the kid asked.
"I'm okay if it's, like, coconut flour, but anything with actual grains, I can't do."
"I'm not sure," the kid shrugged.
"Well, who is sure?"
Author's Note: This is one of a few chapters in which the content is copied word for word from the actual episode without any alterations. Credits go to the show crew for the lines. I'm not trying to plagiarize anything.