A/N

trainreader: Thank you =) There will be romance, at least with the Peverell brothers, but not like with Enid. He doesn't want to commit himself to a relationship again.

mwinter1: And here it is =)

Assassin of Syria: Thank you so much =D I thought so, you like the angst ;). The founding of Hogwarts will be the chapter after the next one. I will include the Norman invasion, or more precisely, the battle of Hastings, but that doesn't take place until after Hogwarts. I'm not sure if there will be a chapter in between but I doubt it. You have a good day to =)

whatswiththemustache: Then I hope this one is angst enough for you. It will without a doubt be the most angst filled one of them all, at least until I can come up with something angstier ;)I tried to make it as angsty as possible with the rating still within T, because I didn't want to change it to M because that will only lead people to think it will contain other M things. I'm not saying there won't be, but as of right now, I don't have any plans on writing those scenes. I think in some stories it is best left for the imagination and this one is one of them. I think it was needed to, to add that shot, which will become more apparent in later shots where Merlin starts to interact with people again.

I'm sorry I didn't update yesterday, since I do try and update every second Tuesday, but I was away the entire day with my sister and since I write these shots on the same day as I upload them, I didn't have time to write anything yesterday.

WARNING; mentions of suicide and depression.

Not Beta:ed

Taking the Leap

He stopped counting after fifty years. Fifty years after Camelot fell and he hadn't left his cottage for more than a few hours at the time. As the years went on, more timed passed between each time. Now he only left to get something to eat every two or three weeks. There was no use in trying anymore.

The first time he tried to stop everything was only a few weeks after the fall.

It took him days to reach his destination, a high cliff-face where were you to look down, you wouldn't be able to see the bottom. He thought it a fitting place to end his unnaturally long life and instead wait for Arthur on the other side. Maybe he would see Enid there, but he doubted it. She had never possessed magic.

The wind blew from behind, blowing his long and unkempt hair onto his face, momentarily blinding him from the sight below.

Taking a deep breath he closed his eyes and took one step forward, feeling nothing under his foot as he put it down. The feeling unbalanced him and he fell forward without trying to recover his balance.

He opened his eyes as he fell, the wind blowing his hair behind him and soothing his aching face. His long tousled beard whipped at his cheeks but he couldn't be bothered.

Too early for his liking he saw the bottom of the ravine, filled with large boulders and pointy rocks. Closing his eyes again he embraced himself for the impact.

It hurt less then he thought it would. He could feel his bones breaking, but it was a numbing feeling. Maybe it had to do with hitting his head quite hard onto a rock. The resounding crack was the last thing he heard before every sound turned into an annoying buzz.

His vision was the next thing to go; black spots danced before his eyes and every little rock and stone were nothing more than a blurry blob in front of them.

Releasing his last breath he succumbed to the darkness. It was more than he could have ever imagined. He couldn't feel anything, emotional or physical. He just was and at the same time, he wasn't. He was nothing.

He didn't know how long he was under the darkness, but when his eyes started to flutter open against his will, he could see the stars high above him. It was night.

The second thing he noticed was that he could move his arms and legs again. His spine was healed as was his head. He could hear sound again and the blurriness had disappeared. He was completely healed.

That was the first time.

He made his second attempt a few weeks after that.

It was not that he thought he would get a different result, it was just that the few hours of nothingness was so tempting and he was loathed to resist. It was the only time he could escape his demons and the pain that resided deep within his heart and mind.

By the time he reached the second half of the century, he had lost count of how many times he had tried to end his life. Twenty more years and he was unable to recount for more than the first five times before it all became a blur. He decided that it was no longer any use to even try and keep track. Not that he had been able to do it for a long while anyway, but this time it was his own choice.

He did try and focus on the passing of time again and he knew that he had passed into a new century. The third one he had been alive for. He must be well over a hundred by now, maybe even closer to two. Not that it mattered.

He never left his cottage other than making another attempt or getting some food. More often than not he only left to try again. He hadn't eaten properly for years. Not since he discovered that he would just come back to life if he died of starvation.

Had his friends seen him now they wouldn't have recognised him. His hair and beard was so long it fell down to the ground when he walked. It was dirty and unkempt, not having seen a brush for well over a century.

His clothes were tattered and barely stayed on his too thin frame. He wasn't even sure if he still wore clothes or if it was just layers after layers of dirt covering his body.

All of his fat was gone and he was left with pointy bones and unnaturally toned muscles for a man on the brink of starvation. Try as he might, he couldn't lose them. In a way he was thankful because it meant he was still able to move around. In another way he hated it, because it meant he could still move around.

The only two attempts he remembered were his first one and his last one.

His last attempt happened well into his fourth century. He was closer to three hundred now.

He remembered standing at the edge of a waterfall. The highest one and most violent one he could find in Albion. He had walked for weeks just to find the right one. He didn't even know if he had walked north or south. He had just walked.

It was fitting in a way, that his last attempt would resemble his first one in such a way.

He woke up on the riverbank several hours later, for the first time in many many years he was clean from the dirt. It turned out that he was wearing clothes after all. Not that it made any difference.

"Merlin?" A disembodied voice resounded inside his head and for a moment he thought he had lost it enough to go insane. But no.

He lifted his head and his eyes landed on a very large and a very white snout. He jolted back with a yelp, the first sound he had made for who knew how long. He was surprised he had even managed to make a sound.

"Merlin, it's me." The voice sounded again, and the large snout moved back.

Blinking a few times, Merlin was finally coherent enough to take in the big object in front of him. The last time he had seen her she hadn't been bigger than a small horse. Now she towered over him larger than a building.

Aithusa had grown up.

A/N

So I know it was a short one, only 1000 words, but I just felt it was the right place to cut it. I could have gone on about the different attempts but I feel that is something better left for the imagination. Our mind do have a knack for coming up with scenarios way better than we can find in a story.

I did plan on having the conversation with Aithusa in this one, but that will instead be a separate shot which will mostly consist of dialouge, but I think it is the better choice. Otherwise it would just take away from the angst in this one.

For those of you that are interested, if nothing happens, I will start posting my Doctor Who fic on Monday and then every other Monday on the weeks when I don't post this one, so there will be a update every week from now on even if it's two different stories =D. It is a Eleven/Rose story that will take place from season six and forward. So it's a rewrite but with original adventures in between the episodes. It's also my first Doctor Who fic so I have no idea if it will be any good but we'll see ;)

Have a great week and Walpurgis night on Saturday. Light many fires =P