Chapter 5: Is there another interrogator in the family?
"What makes YOU think that working for the Agency has been bad for me," Amanda inquired of Jamie, in an attempt to deflect his question to her.
"I don't think that it's been bad for you, but I can't help thinking that you didn't keep your real job a secret from us simply to keep us safe. Even though you've known Lee for years, you didn't introduce him to us until after you'd already agreed to marry him. Are you embarrassed by some of the things that you and Lee have done?"
Good going Amanda, first I got caught off-guard by the bad guys, that's bound to happen to every agent at some point, but there's no excuse for my not being prepared to field questions from my own son. I know my boys, Phillip has always been inclined to let loose with a barrage of questions, and while Jamie asks far fewer questions, his questions probe much deeper. I suspected that his curiosity wasn't completely satisfied after Lee and I revealed our marriage and true careers to the boys, but I let the matter slide and now I'm going to pay for it.
Jamie stood very still, as he watched his mom chew nervously on her lower lip while she considered her reply to his question.
"As we explained to you guys, I wasn't an agent for the majority of the time that I've been with the Agency, I worked as a civilian auxiliary, and they don't generally get involved in anything truly intense-"
"But by your own admission," Jamie countered, employing his dad's lawyerly phrasing, "you didn't have the same experience that most civilian employees do. You were unofficially partnered with an experienced, hard-charging agent and you regularly went out into the field with him. Did you stay on the sidelines while Lee got his hands dirty?"
"Jamie, I don't what makes you think that Lee has dirty hands."
Overcome by an urgent desire to close the emotional chasm that she felt growing between them, she reached out and stroked her son's upper arm.
"You're making it sound as if Lee's done things that he should be ashamed of, or that I'm embarrassed by my connection to him."
"I'm not judging Lee."
A contemplative expression clouded the adolescent's usually boyish countenance, as he took a step back from his mother. He's already judging himself harshly. He came home in blood soaked clothing, but he'd clearly scrubbed his hands and lower arms until they were raw.
"You're the one who's judged him and found him wanting," he accused in a tone of voice that he'd never used in addressing his mother before.
"No, I haven't," a discombobulated Amanda sputtered. "Do you think that I would have fallen in love with a man that I don't respect?"
"No, but…"
"But, what," she quickly interjected, upon mistakenly assuming that the usually reticent youth might be running out of steam.
"You act as if Lee's done things, and not just Agency stuff, that he should be ashamed of. When we were first getting to know him, you asked us not to question him about his past, and we tried to respect your wishes. We were glad although I didn't admit it when he started to tell us about himself unprompted, but you often looked less than pleased that he was being so candid about some of the things that he's done in the past. He's not bragging about his old lifestyle, yet he acknowledges his mistakes…he owns them and lets us know why he regrets the choices that he made. In spite of the fact that Dad left you to raise us alone, with Grandma's help, you've put him up on a pedestal, and act as if we should see him as a role model , but…umm, I'm getting off-topic here…it's Lee that we're talking about. He needs to talk about your current case, and I think that I could persuade him to confide in me, "Dragnet"- style of course, please let me try to help him."
"Jamie, I don't know what to say," the tired mom conceded with a sad shake of her head. "I've noticed that you've gotten taller, yet I failed to realize how much growing up you've been doing. Believe me," she implored, "my priority has always been to protect you and Phillip, to do whatever I believed was in your best interest."
"I know that, and I appreciate it, but sometimes you can be over-"
"-protective," Amanda jumped in, with a laugh in her voice. "You may be surprised to hear that Lee can be extremely overprotective, but he is, and there are times when it drives me crazy! I promise to try to keep that feeling in mind when I'm dealing with you from now on. I'm so happy that you and Lee have finally bonded, and I'm truly impressed by your desire to try to help him deal with the aftermath of our case."
"I hear a 'but' coming," Jamie ventured with a smile on his face for the first time since their conversation had begun. "We both know that he'll begin to feel better after he talks about whatever went wrong. If you're right, and he won't confide in me because of my age, than you've got to get him to talk to you."
"Lee needs to talk to somebody who can look at what happened objectively…and that isn't me. A civilian is dead because he ignored his well-honed instincts and gave the benefit of the doubt to someone he shouldn't have, at my urging. He isn't the only one with blood on his hands," she confessed brokenly.
Author's note: Jamie had more to say than I had initially anticipated, and since I truly like him, I allowed him to speak his mind. I regret failing to get into a lengthy exploration of how Lee and Amanda's case went south, but I promise that will be the subject of the next chapter. Thank you for indulging my literary whim. I appreciate your willingness to continue to follow my story and offer feedback!
I hope everyone has a great weekend!