I don't know about this theme, I don't write angst things often, so I don't know if this is good or not, it depends on you guys I guess.
Anyways, Happy Halloween you guys, may the spirits haunt you for the rest of your lives. Don't take it seriously, I was in a sarcastic mood.
With nothing else to say, I hope you guys enjoy this angst theme (I guess?).
Thank you AmbertheCat, Mariachanne, Blaxis, Lena-luv-cats, and Cutiepie120048 for reviewing. Thank you Tamaki for the compliment, I am very flattered, even though I have many grammar mistakes, damn it.
Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man.
Theme: Regret
When Allen had free time on his hand, he either naps, trains or regrets.
The third option was a rare thing that he did because he didn't want to regret. Regret meant he's still mourning about the past, not walking forward, not keeping his promise to Mana. Allen didn't want that, so he always did the other two options.
But right now, inside the cell full of talismans and practically being accused as a Noah, Allen has nothing to do but regret.
He's so tired of everything.
Of fighting Akuma.
Of fighting the Earl.
Of walking forward.
Doing those things made it harder for him to breath, to survive, to live.
He regretted everything he had done, because of his actions, he had walked himself right into the hands of fate, who toyed him like a puppet on a strings, creating amusement for the world to laugh at him for what he did.
He regretted being born, because the world tried to cast him away with his ugly left hand.
He regretted taking a job from the circus, because people beated him up because they did something wrong and blamed it on him.
He regretted agreeing to go with Mana, because he was the one who gave him the cursed eye.
There are many things he regretted, from simple things to many more complicated things.
But, even though he regretted it so much, he didn't have the heart to grow and hate them. They were fragments of him, he couldn't throw them away, otherwise his mask, which was also a part of his regrets, would be gone, and everyone will see the true person of him.
He was afraid of that. What if they hate him than they already are? He had finally found a home and letting his foul self out would only increase the doubt they thought of him as a traitor increase.
Right now, he had a new regret, a regret that gnawed at him, it was like a problem that you wanted to ignore, but you can't because it was right there in front of you.
His newest regret was Kanda Yu.
He didn't know when did this started, from being annoyed by him to fall in love with him.
Allen fell in love with Kanda Yu, and he was afraid of that love.
He knew being gay was, is, a sin in this Catholic organization. Frankly, Allen didn't care about that, no, he was afraid of how the male would react.
He had planned to confess several times, but he didn't have the courage to, or something would interrupt him. When he had the perfect chance, when the long-haired male was right in front of him, the words just got stuck into his throat and he ended up insulting him instead of confessing.
He felt stupid that time, feeling like a teenage girl trying to confess her crush to the boy she liked.
He wonder what the male would react, would he accept his love but gently push him away? Or will he yell it out loud and laugh at him in the face? Various scenarios got into his mind, but none of them has a positive outlook.
He felt more stupid when he decided to let that i1diot samurai get back together with his best friend, Alma Karma. That was the reason why he was in this hellhole.
He wanted to hate him, he also wanted to hate Alma Karma, but he didn't have the heart to because fuck his heart for wanting to do whatever it wants, he couldn't stand it when he could fix the problem so easily.
"What an idiot I am…" he chuckled to himself as he stood up and sat down next to Timcanpy, feeling the comfort the golem offered him.
Allen Walker has many regrets.
And those regrets will never let him go for the rest of his life.
I have a plot that just suddenly pops up after I finished reading the light novel version of SAO and I wanted to write a SAO!AU in the D. Gray-Man world and I want to write it right away but the plot is still scattering around and I'm hesitating whenever to write it or not. OMG, this is killing me.
I might try to write it as a one-shot to see if it goes well, but that's for another time.
I hope Hoshino-sensei will get better, all of us are very worried about your health...and your manga.
Okay, choose a theme:
1/ Confessing
2/ Choosing
Until next time.