First off, I'm really sorry it took so long, schoolwork was very persistent and partly was because Lovelessxxx doesn't have like a firm plot in the MV, that or I didn't pay attention carefully enough. Either way, I'm really sorry for it to took too long.

Thank you Kanra Nakura , Moyashi, Neko, AmbertheCat, jy24, Mashiro Ruri, LoliAllen, AnimeHIME-chin, Cutiepie120048, Lena-luvs-cats, btmdiamond, Sadistic Yaoi Queen, MeganeD-chan, Nella Moonblood Royalle, ShadowWolf62400, soracy and Asura101 for choosing, I really appreciate it.

Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man.

Theme: Lovelessxxx

It was not intentional.

Allen had just wanted to ask Kanda and Alma about something he didn't understand from the book he was currently reading. He honestly didn't mean to stand there and saw them on the bed, kissing and undressing each other.

And for some reasons, his heart felt heavy, tight and hurt at the same time. His guts twisted like they were arranging themselves again, and his head just went blank.

He watched as Kanda trailed his lips down to Alma's bare torso, leaving red marks and Alma letting out moans while his hands trying to undress the Kanda's pants.

It hurts.

Allen just stood there, and then, he turned around and walked away, the book clutched tightly like a lifeline as he bit his lips to refrain himself letting the tears feel out of his eyes.

He didn't know why, but it hurted so much.

He wanted it to be gone.

-0-

"Who are you?"

"We're your bodyguards."

"Body...guards?"

"Yeah, from now on, we'll always protect you."

"Will you...love me?"

"We will."

"Always."

-0-

Knock. Knock.

Allen kept on staring at the window, looking at the big blue sky.

Knock. Knock.

'So beautiful.' he thought.

Knock. Knock.

'Mana said when he dies, he wanted to join with the clouds.'

Knock. Knock. Knock.

'Can I join him? if I-'

"Open the fucking door, moyashi!"

He jumped and quickly went over to open the door, revealing one of his bodyguards, Kanda, with a pissed off look on his face.

"Are you fucking deaf, moyashi? I've been calling you for awhile now." he grumbled.

Instead of a retort, all he got was eyes staring at him with a far off look and a blank face. His anger turned into worry and he snapped his fingers in front of the boy.

That snapped the boy out of his daze.

"Ah, is lunch ready?" he asked softly.

"Oi, something wrong?" he asked

Allen's face broke into a teasing smile.

"You fell for it!" he bursted into laughter and ducked beside him to go down the stairs "Alma, you won't believe this!"

"Why you!" the long-haired male chased after him.

Allen giggled, stuffing the thoughts into the back off his head, remaining there and unforgotten.

'If I join him, will the pain go away?'

-0-

It was one of those rare days where Kanda was gone to buy next week's meals while Alma stayed to guard over Allen, usually it was the opposite. But today there was a special food from the marked that was there for a limited time. If Allen remembered clearly, it was soba, or something along with that word.

But today he wanted to ask Alma about something without getting weird looks from Kanda, the other male was very observant when he wanted to, and Allen didn't want to be followed when he ask Alma about this.

"Hey Alma." he said.

"Hm?" Alma looked up from the book he was reading.

"There was something I read from a book, and I kind of wonder about what it actually means." he started.

Alma nodded, indicating that he should continue.

"So the main character just saw her first love kissing someone else, and she felt jealous and sad for some reasons, but she didn't want to tell him that she loves him. Why didn't she?" he asked.

"Hm...that's a hard question." the purple-haired male said, putting his book down "Where did you found that book?"

"I forgot the title." he lied smoothly "But the book was really good."

"Well...maybe she thought that he was happy with the other woman and didn't want to ruin that happiness, so she kept it to herself." Alma explained "Love makes people do crazy things, you know. Did she confessed?"

"No, but the book said her chest hurted a lot, and she said she wanted to join her mother so the pain would go away."

"She should confess, at least if she did, there might be a small chance he would love her back. Or if he denies, she could maybe get that feeling off of her chest for a bit."

'Wouldn't that be impossible, to move on from her first love?"

"It would be hard, but not impossible."

"...You seem to know a lot about this." he said.

"Oh, is that so?" there was a dust of red on his cheeks "I'm probably just speaking from my own experience."

"So you fell in love with someone?" he asked.

Alma's face became soft, and there was a smile dancing on his lips.

Allen's heart clenched, and ugly whispers made him want to run back into his room and forget everything.

"I did, and I still am."

What's the point of confessing when I clearly know I won't even get a chance?

-0-

Allen began to wonder outside the garden every day, when the sky looked like it was going to rain soon and stood there while it soaked him in its tears. Kanda and Alma didn't approve it at first, but they stopped warning him when he kept on doing it.

He didn't know why, but he felt content when he was under the rain, it felt comforting and refreshing. Everything looked so quiet and lonely, it gave Allen a place to think.

What should he do now? He knew clearly that Alma and Kanda were in love, and for some reasons, he fell in love with Kanda. So what? What could he do? He could do nothing about this? He couldn't leave, he couldn't separate them apart, he didn't have the right to, and he also didn't have the heart to do that.

He wished Mana was still here, he always found a way to help him.

'Mana…'

It sounded good for a second there.

Joining Mana sounded good.

Maybe he should, and then all the pain would go away.

-0-

Allen acted strange, both Alma and Kanda could see that. He kept on going outside the garden when it's raining, he kept spacing out, and he had that faraway look that Kanda didn't like.

"Do you think something's wrong with him?" Alma asked worriedly when they were in their room at night.

Kanda snorted "If he wasn't, we wouldn't be here talking about him."

"I'm gonna go and ask him." he said, standing up.

Kanda pulled him back, he knew Allen wasn't comfortable around Alma anymore, he could see the subtle shifting or an uncomfortable look when Alma was near him.

"I'll go ask him." he said, gently pushing the other male down.

Alma didn't look convinced that he would actually ask him instead of insulting him, but he nodded and offered him an encouraging smile.

Kanda hoped everything would go the same way it was before.

-0-

When he knocked on the door this time, he also didn't received any answers. So he invited himself in and opened the door.

The brat was staring at the window again, Kanda had no idea what was so beautiful about the night sky being covered in clouds.

"Moyashi." he called.

The brat turned around, and Kanda refrained a frown.

He looked like shit, ever since he started going out to the garden when it's raining, his skin was getting paler than it already was. And there were bags under his eyes, which means he didn't have enough sleep. Those two contrasted each other, they made him looked more inhuman and more like a doll.

"Aren't you suppose to be sleeping right now?" Kanda asked.

The brat shrugged "I can't sleep without the clear sky, it makes me feel unsafe in my own room."

"What? Scared of nightmares?" he taunted.

Usually, the moyashi would already sprung to his feet and started firing insults at him, but the moyashi right now just smiled.

"Yes, I'd rather be awake for the whole night than sleeping with nightmares." he said.

"What is wrong with you?" he finally blurted out.

This was strange, everything about the moyashi was strange now. It pissed Kanda off because it just proved how little he knew of the brat. The moyashi was always smiling and laughing, it fitted him, but this also fitted him too. He didn't know which one was the real one now.

"Me?" Allen looked a bit surprised "Is there something wrong with me?"

"Fuck yeah it does, you looked like someone's haunting the fuck out of you and you keep on worrying Alma with this shit you are pulling." he approached the brat and stared down at him "What are you trying to pull, Allen?"

Allen just stared at him, not making any noise, before he suddenly lunged and kissed him.

Kanda recoiled a second later and pushed him away, staring at Allen with shock in his eyes. The brat looked equally as shocked as he was.

"I-I…" he stuttered "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry."

Kanda straightened himself up and left the room, trying to erase the image of Allen Walker looking like he wanted to kill himself while apologizing to him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

-0-

When the door slammed shut and Allen was certain that Kanda was not coming back, his mind was made up.

He couldn't stay here anymore, he had impulsively tried to kiss Kanda, and he didn't know what would happen next if he stayed near the long-haired male next time.

He touched his lips, where the feeling still lingered like a reminder, before he he stood up and pulled out the chaired, and started to make a makeshift rope from the sheets.

I didn't have a change to begin with.

He stood on the chair.

Staying here is impossible.

He breathed out steadily, and touched his lips one last time.

But I still love him.

He tied the loop around his neck, the feeling was comforting.

Mana, I'm coming.

There was a knock on his door.

I want to tell him.

The knocking was more insistent.

"I love you, Kanda."

And he let go.

He never felt so free.

...There's something about this theme that makes me feel like I've done something wrong, it's not about Yulma, but something else.

Okay, I think we should move to something more cheerful. Here, pick a theme:

1/ Home

2/ Sweet

Until next time.