Chapter 5

Memories

My sleep was limited. My dreams, haunted.

I can still remember the day my mother sold me to the Federation scientists. I was 10 years old. I was told that I was going to be made into a hero. Made was the appropriate word.

As soon as I arrived to the scientists' base I was washed down, scrubbed clean, and thrown into a small cell. A doctor came in and sat me in a chair in the middle of the room. Blood was drawn from my arm and the doctor was off. I don't know how many days I was alone in that cell. The only people who came in were doctors doing any tests imaginable and people with food.

I was too scared to make any sound. I could hear other children, crying, screaming for their parents. I didn't dare. I didn't trust my captors, and I knew screaming and crying wasn't going to help me any.

After some amount of time, I was finally brought to a room that was packed with children. There had to be at least 50 children about my age. We were still. None of us dared to breathe too loudly. Within minutes a scientist came in and he explained his intention for us.

We had to prove that we were survivors. That we would do whatever necessary to complete our given tasks. We were each given backpacks and earpieces. We were then dropped off in the wilds of the north.

"Run into the woods, away from the other children, girl," the voice said. I obeyed. With prompting from the voice, I made a weapon. I felt confused, but I soon heard why it was necessary.

Screams made my blood run cold. I clutched my homemade spear. I ran deeper into the forest and climbed into the trees.

"You will have to prove yourself, girl. You have to survive against nature, animals, and other humans. You will obey me," the voice said before going silent again. I was pretty much on my own.

I continued to head deeper into the forest. I would walk up high in the tree branches. I didn't know what to expect. I wasn't given directions for a while, so I had to rely on my instincts. When I was hungry I would find berries and nuts to eat. I didn't know how to make a fire, and even if I did, I didn't want to make a bunch of smoke. I didn't know what people were out in the wilds coming to kill us. I got to portions of the forest where it was snowy and I would eat the snow to stay hydrated. When I felt like it was safe I would climb down to the ground and gather rocks, and anything else that seemed useful. In my pack I found a blanket and a rope. I quickly figured out how to use them to make shelter within the trees.

I had to face a bear on my own, and that was terrifying. However, I eventually killed the beast by striking it with my spear. It was a random shot that happened to work, and I had a feeling that I'd have to learn sooner than later to properly defend myself. I eventually made myself a couple spears and a crude, but functioning, slingshot.

The voice in my ear only told me to kill the bear. I had to figure out what to do. I was only following instructions. Not given directions on how to complete the few tasks.

We spent months within the woods. I would hear screams every now and then and sometimes come across dead bodies of children from the base. I didn't know who killed some of them, but I knew some were not being killed by animals. I would scavenge their bodies to see if there was anything useful. I felt ill doing it, but if I got to live at their sacrifice, it eased whatever conscience that was being warped within me. Sometimes I would find weapons that I wanted; sometimes it would be blankets or food. Sometimes I found weird gems, and I would be prompted by the voice to take them and guard them with my life.

It was probably a week in before I faced another child for the first time. He looked at me and I looked at him.

"Kill him," the voice prompted.

I blanched. The boy also went pale. I assumed he got the same order.

I bit my lip. I didn't want to kill him, and he seemed opposed to killing me.

"KILL HIM!" the voice yelled. I felt uncertain and afraid.

I felt ill to my stomach. It became clear who was attacking the children when it wasn't wild animals. It was other children.

In that moment, an older and taller girl came out from the trees. She had obedience and she attacked us. I tried to defend myself, and the boy tried to defend himself. The older girl attacked the boy first and stabbed him. I was terrified. I stabbed her with my spear and she was dead. My heart pounded in my ears. I couldn't believe that I just killed a person. The boy sputtered on his own blood and he looked scared. I never knew his name. I was shaking violently. I had just killed another person.

"Good," the voice said. "Next time, obey me, but you did well killing the other girl."

I dry heaved. I was sickened by what just happened. I scavenged through the two other children's belongings and the boy had a gem. I bit my lip. I wondered if having gems was a correlation with being targeted. I had a couple gems, mostly because they were found on animal, mutilated bodies. I now had one because of a murder.

I quickly climbed into the trees and hid there for a while, feeling ill and terrified. I cried for the first time during this whole ordeal. I didn't eat that night nor did I sleep. I was too emotional then.

I lost track of time and over days and weeks and months I became more and more desensitized to death and killing. I obeyed the voice when it decided to tell me what to do. I just wanted this all to be over.

I killed five children during this time and collected gems. This was a disgusting and demented game, but if I wanted to live, I had to play along.

I know that we were out in the wilderness for years, because we all started changing physically. I developed into a woman, lithe and strong, but still clearly a woman as were the other girls I would come across. Boys were starting to fill out and getting facial hair. I trained myself. I knew that the competition would only grow. I would do anything to build up my strength and my weapon handling. I also became bolder, I would hunt animals, learn to start a fire and cook meat. I knew that meat filled me up more than the berries and nuts.

I never knew how many were still out there. I often went days without seeing others, and without engaging in combat. I was glad for those days.

The strangest day was when the voice on the other end told me to make an alliance with a boy. We both obeyed and we had an alliance. It was strange having another human by my side, working with me, when it had been a long time since the wilderness trials had begun. I didn't know if I could trust my companion or not. He seemed equally as wary of me. We eventually struck up a conversation.

I learned that his name was Kirrak. He seemed pleasant enough. We were awkward and reserved, but instincts served to guide us. We would cuddle together to stay warm, but it also was more out of a desperate loneliness within our twisted souls. I would sometimes wake up to Kirrak's nightmares, or he would wake up to mine. We didn't speak much, but we held each other. We knew that the other had seen many terrible things and had done things that haunted us.

Whether it was love or not, I don't know, but we were loyal to each other. We defended each other from others who were told to kill us. We went out of our way to make sure that we were both safe and taken care of. We killed for each other.

We were a team. We were all we had. I wanted nothing more than to keep him safe, to keep him by my side. He expressed his feelings on the matter as well. We were going to protect each other. There was nothing that would make us change our mind on that, the voices in our ears be cursed if they ever asked us to betray one another.

We practiced fighting, we taught each other skills, and comforted one another when we had nightmares.

I remember when we kissed. It was awkward, but it was natural too. We knew that there was something there, that we were good for each other. We understood one another, and instinctually we felt that kissing one another was a healthy way to chase the fears away. Perhaps it was foolish, but that was our reality. Our touch was the comfort we could provide for each other in the cruel and uncaring world.

I lost all remorse on the day that I almost lost Kirrak.

We had been attacked by a larger group and they almost defeated us. We got the numbers more competitive and it became a three on two fight. I remember the fear, the anger, and the overwhelming desire for vengeance as I saw Kirrak get stabbed. He continued to fight, but he was weakening. The raw emotion in me made my blood boil. I didn't need the prompt from the voice to kill the attackers. I went over the edge that I would never come back from. I attacked our attackers with all my anger and fear and desperation bringing an unnatural strength to me. I killed the attackers in the most brutal ways and I felt a sadistic glee, hearing their pain and fear. I was enraged and I didn't care, I didn't care how hurt they were. They attacked us. They hurt Kirrak. They had to pay for it with their lives.

When they were dead, the anger died away and I quickly rushed to Kirrak's side.

I scooped him into my arms and I held him close. I remember begging him not to die. I remembered trembling with fear. He was losing blood fast. I tore a blanket and I quickly tied it around his injury. Of course we had been injured before, but never had one of us dealt with such a bad injury. I wasn't sure how to treat it. The blood was still pouring out rapidly. I felt tears streaming down my face. I knew I had to do something or I would lose him. I then had a memory that assisted me. I remembered that stitching a severe injury might possibly help him. I had been stitched up many times before I had been purchased by the Federation. I found a sharp twig on the ground and I pulled at a string from the blanket, unraveling it. I tied the string to the stick and I tried to stich him back together. I just had to save him. I couldn't bear the thought of being alone, not after being with him for so long. After I stitched him up he held me close and I snuggled near, careful to not cause him any harm.

"I'm not going to die, I will do everything I can do, to live, to be with you," he said, petting my hair in a soothing manner.

"You better not die. I couldn't live with myself if you weren't here."

"You better. You're strong, and brave. Don't you dare say that you aren't," Kirrak said. I cried softly.

"I know, but you make it worthwhile. What is good is strength if not for companionship and love?" I asked. He cupped my face and kissed me.

"Don't cry. You won't lose me that easily. I believe that we are entwined with whatever will that guides our lives."

"I love you," I whispered for the first time ever.

"I love you, Erebus. And that is all I need to keep my spirits alive," he said, pulling me closer.

I never felt such a strong emotion before. I knew that our loyalty was deep and that we had affection in our hearts for each other.

After years of living in the wilderness, with no idea if we were ever going to make it out alive, or if they were going to come back for us, we thought we were going to be free of the Federation. I took my earpiece from my ear as did Kirrak. We stepped on them and we continued on in our own way. We knew to trust our instincts. We weren't going to attack unless provoked. We didn't want to ever come so close to death again. We were going to preserve each other's life, and only take risks that we knew we could manage. What is the good of obeying risks that would kill us? I know we both agreed that we didn't find any appeal in dying for this stupid game. We just wanted to be able to make our own choices and not ever have to face the possibility of being ordered to kill the other.

It wasn't too long, maybe a matter of days or weeks, since we smashed our earpieces before officers from the Federation came down to retrieve us. We weren't sure what to make of it. Kirrak stood defensively between me and the officers. I wasn't sure what their intention were, however we knew that we were both heavily outnumbered and outgunned.

"Well, well, Kirrak and Erebus, you two are going to be coming back with us," an officer in gray said. "Congratulations, you have passed our test."

Kirrak and I exchanged a look, nervous and unsure. We held hands and we followed them into their vehicle. We were brought to a base, where we were cleaned and then fed. All of our weapons were taken from us, and we were put into new, clean clothing. Kirrak and I were not alone, 12 others were with us in a main room. We sat on seats that felt way too soft. We all were warily looking at each other. We were all in pairs. After being so afraid of anyone, other than our partner, attacking us, there was an air of unease. We were informed that we had survived our six year test and that we had been brought back to complete the process. We would be allowed a rest period before we would cross that bridge though. Kirrak and I refused to be separated, as did all the other pairs, whether it was a girl and boy, boy and boy, or girl and girl. Our loyalties had formed with our companion and we all felt safer having them by our side.

We were led to a room with two beds.

Kirrak and I still felt uneasy about the situation. We chose a bed and curled up into it. We hid in the blankets, relishing in the comfortable warmth they provided. We slept fitfully, but over a couple days, we grew more accustomed to this new arrangement. We were only in the rooms for sleep. Otherwise, we were in the common area.

It was a week later when we were all going to be separated again. We were each sent off into private rooms, where we were strapped into thin beds with no blankets. I remember being distressed without Kirrak. We had never been separated. I don't know exactly what tests we were being subjected to, or what they injected us with. I just remember feeling terrified and exposed.

After we were released from the private room we were all going back to our team. We were no longer pairs, we were all a team. I noticed that after the tests that one person was missing. There were now thirteen of us. We were all put on a schedule. We had a physical workout session before our first meal, meal, teambuilding assignment, meal, cognitive learning, meal, physical workout, cognitive learning, and then sleep. We all were being trained for what our duties would ask of us. We were going to eliminate threats across the universe, or so we were told.

When we went on our first mission, we obeyed our commanders. We did everything that was asked of us. We toppled over a rogue government; we destabilized the entire government and overthrew it within 48 hours.

When we got back, we expected anything other than what they did. The scientists paralyzed us and killed us off one by one, except for me. My heart hurt for Kirrak. I wanted him desperately to be alive. They kept me alive to continue experimenting on my body. I had passed out. I never wanted to feel the strongest emotions within me again. However, the loss of my team, the loss of Kirrak, enraged me. I would show them that they were right to fear me. I would destroy them like they destroyed me and my friends. My vengeance would be felt. Oh, how the Federation would pay for killing the one person that I care about above all else.

I was stirred awake by a knock at my door. My face curled up into a snarl and I stood up. I wasn't in the mood with dealing with anyone. My heart ached. I opened the door and I saw Khan standing there.

"Well, what is it? We can't have already made it to our destination."

"We are experiencing a malfunction in our systems. We are going to be making a crash landing on Coreb."

I bristled with annoyance. "How hard is it to correct a system error?" I looked angrily up at the taller man and he seemed intimidated, at least a little bit, by my anger.

My rant was cut short by the sirens on our ship. I quickly ran from the captain's quarters to the bridge. We were heading into Coreb's atmosphere too quickly. We all got fastened into seats before crashing into the planet.

Hello everyone! I'm back! Please review if convenient. If inconvenient, review anyway.

~ Maethorni