I do not own Blindspot or its characters.
It was nearly seven, and Jane still hadn't arrived. Kurt glanced around the crowded dining room again, scanning the faces for any sign of her. He'd chosen to get ready early and attend to his duties elsewhere to give her privacy to get ready, but perhaps that had been a mistake. What if she had needed help, or . . .?
"Relax, Romeo," Rich said sympathetically as he felt Weller's anxiety mounting once more. For all his protestations of disinterest, the man had it bad. "She'll be here. It takes time for a woman to get ready. You'll learn that soon enough."
He'd learned that years ago. He had a sister, after all. "Not Jane," Weller corrected absently. "She doesn't fuss over her looks like the others." It was one of the things he lo-liked most about her.
She does when she's going on a first date with the man she loves, Rich thought, but he held his tongue—and his amusement. Weller had a lot to learn, and he was going to enjoy having a front-row seat to him getting knocked on his ass.
Which he was about to do right now, if Rich wasn't mistaken, as he caught sight of Jane in the doorway, and a slow smile spread over his face. "Ah, there she is now."
"Jane?" Kurt choked out as a vision in black satin drifted toward them, hardly able to believe it was her. He couldn't take his eyes off her as she approached.
Jane smiled shyly up at Kurt as she reached his side. "Patterson and Zapata did my hair and makeup. I, uh . . . I feel ridiculous in this dress." This was not the sort of thing that had ever been in her wardrobe. She felt like a little girl playing dress-up for the first time.
"That is not the word that I would use," Kurt assured her, wishing he weren't too tongue-tied by her beauty to express himself better. That had been one of his past girlfriends' biggest pet peeves.
"Really?" Rich asked curiously. "What word would you use?" He quailed at the look Weller shot him. "Okay, okay. Easy there, Stubbles." He turned to the others, who had been watching the exchange with barely disguised interest. "Everyone, I'd like you to meet our cruise director, Jane Doe. Jane, this is my husband, Boston and our friends Markos and Cade. He paused as he rattled off the names to give them time to shake hands, and then they took their seats.
"Jane Doe," Markos commented once drinks had been served, and they had ordered their appetizers. "That's an . . . unusual name. I hope you don't mind my asking . . ."
"Not at all," Jane responded, taking pity on the man as Kurt stiffened. She was used to this line of inquiry, though she only shared the full truth with a select few. Patterson and Zapata knew her story, but Kurt had never asked and consequently she had never told. "I had amnesia a few years back—" and technically still did, though some of those blanks had been filled in for her, "—and by the time I learned my real identity, it had grown on me, so I legally changed my name."
"That's rough," Cade commented. "So no one came forward to identify you? You didn't have any friends or family . . .?"
"Not anymore," Jane said quietly. "They're all deceased." One because of choices she had made, the other two by her hand. "Since I had no one left to miss me, I decided to stick with the name I knew and get a fresh start."
"And now you're a part of our family," Rich intervened, sensing Jane's discomfort. "And we're very thankful to have you." He grinned at the others. "The moment a job application for a Jane Doe crossed my desk, I knew I had to hire her." He shook his head admiringly as he glanced back at her. "So punk. Anyway, long story short, when I interviewed her, I knew she'd be a perfect fit for the Orion—" and Weller, "—so I transferred the Orion's cruise director to the ship with the opening, and assigned Jane here."
Jane frowned slightly. "I always assumed the Orion was the ship with the opening." She hated to think that she was the reason that another person had been forced to leave their friends behind and start over, though she was grateful for the friends she had found here.
"Nope. But don't feel bad," Boston told her, correctly reading her expression. "In fact, you should take it as a compliment. The Orion occupies a special place in Rich's heart, since it's where we met, and he only assigns his most special people to her. The former cruise director . . . wasn't a good fit."
"He was a tedious stick in the mud," Rich complained. "No sense of humor, that guy. I don't know why he took a job on a cruise ship. He has the personality of an insurance underwriter."
Jane was intrigued. "You guys met on this ship?"
"We sure did." Rich reached for Boston's hand. "I knew the moment I laid eyes on him that we were meant to be together, so I lured him away from the restaurant he was working at to be the chef here."
"He started taking cruises at least once a month," Boston said with a laugh. "He would ask me out every time, but I turned him down every time because I thought dating my boss would be certain career suicide."
Rich cast him an adoring glance. "I told him that was all nonsense, of course. We're not limited by color or class or sex anymore; the idea that employers should avoid dating employees is an equally antiquated notion." He cast a pointed look at Weller as he spoke. "In my opinion, nothing should keep two people apart who are meant to be together."
Subtle, Rich, Kurt thought ironically, unaware that he had sidled just a little closer to Jane as the man spoke.
"That's why in my company, I strive to create a safe and nurturing environment where any two people can explore their attraction to one another, regardless of their position," Rich continued. "Or three, if they're into that. I don't judge. The important thing to me is that no one is alone because of some outdated concept of propriety. I just want everyone to have the chance to be as happy as Boston and I are. Because there's nothing in this world more important than that."
"That's beautiful, Rich," Jane said quietly. His words struck a chord in her, and even though she knew he didn't mean for them to, they reminded her of how alone she was. And how tired she was of being that way. If Kurt still wasn't willing to give them a try after this week was over, she needed to cut her losses and move on. She would never be able to get over him if she had to face him every day.
She wasn't sure she would ever be able to get over him anyway.
Jane was quiet all throughout the remainder of dinner, and Kurt watched her out of the corner of his eye as they walked back to his cabin. "You okay?" he asked once they were inside. "I know Rich came on a little thick tonight . . ."
"It's okay," Jane said as she reached up to unzip her dress. "He didn't say anything that wasn't true in my book." The zipper stuck, and she bit back a curse as she yanked at it.
"Here. Let me." Kurt came up behind her and gently moved her hands out of the way before slowly, carefully, undoing the zipper. He couldn't stop his knuckles from brushing her back as he did so, and she shivered. "I'd be a lousy boyfriend, Jane," he told her as he dropped his hands. "I have it on good authority that I'm stubborn, grumpy, and uncommunicative on the best of days. I've never had a relationship that lasted more than a year."
"You have it on good authority," Jane repeated, turning to face him. "From whom? Former girlfriends that it didn't work out with? You really think they're the best judges of character?"
"Maybe not," Kurt admitted, "but with the exception of my sister, from the time I was little, everyone I've cared about has left me. My childhood . . . well, to say it was screwed up was an understatement. My dad murdered my best friend, though he denied it till he was on his deathbed, and my mom . . .my mom left him—left all of us—after that, but not before telling me I was just like him."
Jane's eyes filled with tears. "Kurt—"
"I've spent years trying to prove her wrong," Kurt went on harshly. "To be the man my father wasn't. But no matter how hard I try in a relationship, it never seems to be enough. They always leave in the end, just like my mom left my dad. Like she left me." His eyes implored her to understand. "I told you I wouldn't date you because I'm your boss, but the truth is . . . the truth is I'm terrified if I let you close, you'll eventually figure out how flawed I am and walk away just like they did." Their rejections had hurt him, had caused him to close himself off from the world, but hers . . . hers had the potential to shatter him. "Rich might be right in general, but I'm the exception to the rule. I'm better off alone."
"No, what you are is a coward," Jane corrected, though there was no heat in her voice. Yelling wasn't the way to get through to someone as stubborn as him; it would only set his back up and cause him to ignore her words. "You think you've cornered the market on crappy childhoods? What you went through was awful and unfair, and I'm not negating that one bit, but let me tell you, mine was ten times worse."
"You think you're the only one who's lost people you care about? At least you still have your sister. I've lost everyone, and not just because they chose to go. And I don't know your sister, but if you were really this flawed person you make yourself out to be, would she have stuck by you?"
Kurt started to speak, but she held up a hand. "I'm not finished. You want to know why those other relationships didn't work out? Because they didn't. Maybe it was your fault, maybe it was theirs. Maybe it was both of yours, or neither, and they were just never the person you were supposed to end up with. But giving up on finding that person is . . ."
She shook her head. "From the time I was little, I've lost everyone and everything too, and some of the things I know I've endured . . . well, let's just say I'm thankful the majority of my memories haven't come back. But in spite of it all, or maybe because of it, I believe in love more strongly than ever. Because what the hell is the point of this life, if you don't have someone to share it with?"
She let that question hang in the air between them as she dug her pajamas out of the dresser drawer and headed into the bathroom to change. Kurt was still watching her when she returned, and she walked over to him, reaching a hand up to cup his cheek. "I get the temptation to wall yourself off from everyone and everything, believe me," she told him. "But ultimately, you'll just be hurting yourself far worse than any number of rejections ever could. You may not ever want a relationship with me, and that's fine, but I hope you'll consider what I've said and reach out to someone. Because no matter what your mother or anyone else has said about you, I know you, Kurt Weller. I know you're a good man."
And if she accomplished nothing else this week, she was determined to help him see that. He deserved to be happy. And in her opinion, his past girlfriends had been idiots, focusing on his few flaws rather than appreciating his many strengths.
She crawled beneath the covers, acutely conscious of him just inches from her as he joined her. "Good night, Kurt." She rolled over on her side, her back to him, but she could feel his eyes on her for quite some time before his breathing evened out.
Sleep was a long time coming for her as well.