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Chapter Six.
A Reason To Hope.
Ana.
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Today, feels different.
After waking on the sofa, I felt calmer and well rested after a few hours of deep sleep. I had an easy day yesterday, and slept soundly last night. I wasn't disturbed by dreams of any sort at all, and I can't remember the last time that's happened.
I have the strong urge to talk to my dad, especially today, and now that I'm on my way, I notice the air is still, the forest is silent and the sun is trying to peak through the grey, looming clouds.
It's a strange day. An ominous day.
Pulling up, at the familiar, towns 'Welcome' sign,' where I've sat a hundred times before just talking to my dad. I smile to myself. Despite the grief of losing him, I like being here. I feel closer to him here... Him and Christian.
With my dad, still being in the car when it exploded, I feel like this is where his spirit lingers. We even spread his ashes here. So here, is where I spend my time when I need him, and today, I need him.
Taking hold of the small posy of wildflowers, that I picked myself, from the passenger seat beside me. I turn to open the door. Before I've even stepped out of the car, I notice a large arrangement of flowers lying on the ground. It's so out of place. My feet move, and I gasp as I get closer. It's so extravagant. My eyes widen at the beautiful display of Lillie's. My heart starts to pound with excitement and trepidation as I step blindly towards them. Wondering who could have left them. I sink, slowly to my knees, my eyes not leaving the blooms.
Flowers, are no surprise, the locals leave them all the time. They usually add theirs, out of respect, once I've marked my dad's birthday or the anniversary of the accident, but there's never been anything this elaborate.
I notice a small card, tucked into the display and my fingers itch to touch it. Looking left and right, and despite feeling intrusive, I take hold of the card, open it and read the words inside.
My heart stops as the written words spin round and round in my head. Tears begin to pool in my eyes and I'm finding it hard to breathe.
I'm sorry, Dad.
I miss you.
The elegant script reads.
Ana.
Forgive me, for ending your hopes, your dreams... Your life.
Christian.
Slumping backwards, trying to catch my breath. I fall off my heels and onto my ass onto the grass. I begin to hyperventilate as the shock takes hold, and I shift, to lay my palms on the ground for support.
Ana... Me... Christian... How on earth... Who... He couldn't have... No, no, no.
My mind swirls with questions, and possibilities, while my body takes stock. He can't have been here? It can't possibly be him who's left these here? He can't be alive. He couldn't have survived that explosion. I know he didn't survive that explosion. I saw him die. I saw him... But who else could it be?
My body strengthens as I take control of my breathing, and my brain beings to clear. I take in what's in front of me and there's only one explanation. Could he really have survived the explosion? Could he really still be alive? The thought fills me with an overwhelming sense of hope and immense excitement, but it also terrifies me. Why? Why did he come here after all this time? Why now?
It's been Ten years. That's why.
Only he would know that.
Before I have the chance to fall into a complete panic attack, a local man, Ben, appears a short way down the road in front of me. He has his monthly supplies from the store, piled high in his cart. His two dogs, pulling it along, happily.
The dogs see me first. Ben, only becoming aware of my presence, once their tails starts wagging and their pace picks up as they head towards me.
They reach me and I pet them fondly. One more than the other, due to her ever growing resemblance to the pup I lost, Tess.
I close my eyes tightly, while my fingers run through her fur, and Tess and Christian are back here with me.
"Hi, Ana." Ben says, with a nod and a bright, wide smile as he reaches me.
"Afternoon, Ben." I surprise myself by saying, despite the shock, confusion and huge lump caught in my throat.
I genuinely smile, realizing it's helping. The interruption is good. Having something else to focus my attention on is giving me time to pull myself together properly. To get my head around the impossible. To hope for the impossible. I've never been more grateful for a distraction in my life.
"How are things with you and your Aunt Meg?" he asks, trying for nonchalant, but I see his eyes widen a tad at the mention of her name.
I can't help smiling at how he and Meg keep dancing around each other. They've known each other for over four years and anyone with eyes, can see they like each other.
"She's fine, Ben. Maybe you should pop up and see her sometime." I tease, knowing that he won't.
"Maybe, I just might do that." he says with a smile.
I smile with him, but shake my head, feeling my frustration grow. I don't understand them at all. He likes her, she likes him. I just can't comprehend why they don't just go for it. Life is far too short to linger. They both know that. Meg lost her brother and Ben lost his wife to cancer over six years ago. He sold up, gave up everything and came to live the quiet life, here in the forest. They both know loss and heartbreak. They both know loneliness. They would be so good for each other.
Before I attempt to stand, my eyes are drawn back down. I return my gaze to the flowers on the floor. Which was a bad idea. I feel the emotions within me swell at the thought of what they represent, and I discretely try and brush a solitary tear from my cheek before Ben can see it.
"He, was as upset as you are." Ben utters softly, as he pats my shoulder and smiles down at me sympathetically.
"He, who?" I ask, looking up at him eagerly.
"The guy who left the flowers." he replies and my eyes widen as my spirits lift.
"You saw him?" I exclaim loudly, jumping to my feet.
"Yes." he chuckles, surprised by my reaction and taking a quick step back.
"Who was he? Did he tell you his name? Where did he go?" I ask, but Ben just shakes his head at me, clearly bemused and surprised.
"I don't know who he was, some rich, city slicker by the looks of him. He wore a power suit, drove a flashy little Audi with Seattle plates. He never introduced himself. Do you know anyone from out that way?" Ben asks as I frown.
I shake my head, thinking back, trying to remember if Christian ever mentioned where he lived, or where he was from. I can't even recall the name of the high school he was attending. I don't even know his second name.
"Did you speak to him?" I ask hopefully. Praying to God, that he did.
"No, he left as soon as he saw me." Ben replies, and his eyebrows lift at my sudden look of despondency.
"What did he look like?" I ask quickly, picturing the boy I met so long ago.
"He was a tall, handsome fella, I suppose, with crazy as hell brown hair. He looked to be in his mid, to late twenties."
I picture Christian and tick off the similarities as Ben muses out loud. Three out of four. The approximate age and hair color are right, and he was handsome back then, but I don't know how tall he'd be now. He was thin and gangly at fifteen, who knows how his growth spurts would have changed him as he aged.
My heart pounds at the thought, and growing possibility that it could have been him. If, by some miracle, he survived the explosion and really has been back up here, what happens now? I can't just let this go. I can't just ignore this.
"Do you know him? Could he be a long lost family member?... Must be close, to leave such a token." Ben mutters.
"At this precise moment, Ben, I don't know, but I'm going to find out." I state determinedly and I feel myself come alive at the possibility of what this could mean.
"Thank you, Ben." I squeal excitedly, startling the resting dogs.
I bounce onto my toes and place a swift kiss on his cheek as I pull him into a hug. My embrace, full of gratitude for him being in the right place at the right time. As I let him go, I look back down at the beautiful wreath with hope and longing.
Oh, I hope to God, that it's him. Please, let it be my Christian. The thought of him being alive is like a weight lifting, and I want to scream with pure joy.
Ben mutters, a rushed "Goodbye." and quickly scurries away, embarrassed by my outburst and show of affection. I smile as I watch him disappear into the woods following his well worn trail back to his cabin. I chuckle, feeling much better about myself as he rubs his blushing cheek with a smile.
My eyes fall back to the wreath on the ground, and I reach down to take hold of the little ornate card, that hopefully, the Christian I knew, wrote. I also pull one of the beautiful flowers free to take with me. Well, they were left with me in mind. I hold the delicate flower up to my nose and the sweet smell fills me with elation.
God, I hope he's still alive.
I race home, hardly aware of the journey I take. My excitement, growing and building with every second that passes. I arrive home and burst through the back door, scaring Aunt Meg, who's busy preparing dinner in the kitchen.
"Ana, what is it?" she exclaims, dropping the knife and onion, she was in the middle of chopping and turning towards me.
"He's alive." I gush, as I shut the door behind me.
"Who's alive?" she asks me, confusion, all over her face.
"Christian, the boy who saved me." I tell her.
"What! What boy?" she asks, her frown deep and troubled.
"Oh, Meg, I thought I'd killed him, I knew I'd killed him, but the flowers prove that he was here and Ben said..."
"Ana, I've no idea what you're rambling on about, please, slow down and tell me what's happened." Meg interrupts, as she ushers me to sit down and fusses, by getting me a glass of water.
I try and rein in my enthusiasm, so I can begin to explain, but I'm bubbling like a volcano inside.
"Remember, when I was in the hospital, and I asked you if anyone else had survived the crash?" I ask, starting right at the beginning. Aunt Meg nods slowly as she sits down across from me at the kitchen table. "You told me, that no one else had come into the hospital with me, and that..."
"That's right." she mutters dubiously, wary about where this is going to go.
"Do you remember me telling you about the boy I'd met, and that it was he, who'd pulled me out of the car before it exploded?" she nods slowly, and I can see the concentration on her face as she recalls. "Well, I thought he died in the explosion and..."
"Ana." Aunt Meg interrupts. Her voice soft but sure. "You were in and out of consciousness, hardly making any sense. Nobody else, no one, came into the hospital with you. You, were the only survivor, sweetheart. It's normal to be confused. You were on a lot of pain medication and under those circumstances, dreams can seem so real. You were so young and..."
"Aunt Meg, it's all true." I interrupt her adamantly. "Christian, does exist. It was his father's car that we hit. I met him earlier, when he rescued Tess from the lake after she fell in. He pulled me out of the car that night, and if he hadn't gotten me out when he did, I'd have been killed in the explosion. My seatbelt was stuck and Christian had to cut me free... That's what caused the injury to my chest. It wasn't caused during the crash by flying shrapnel like the Doctors presumed, it was Christian's knife..." my explanation trails off at the look of horror growing on Aunt Meg's face.
"What!" Aunt Meg exclaims, wide eyed and clearly shocked.
"It was an accident," I explain quickly. "He didn't mean to stab me, but the car moved after he cut my seatbelt and well, that's not important now because he must be alive. Look." I pull the florist's card out of my pocket and slide it across the table before placing the solitary Lillie along side it.
I watch her closely as she reads the words on the card. Her frown deepens before she whispers. "I'm not sure what this means, Ana, but it might not be him. You shouldn't get your hopes up or..."
"Who else could it be?" I snap, suddenly feeling frustrated with her. Why doesn't she share my joy?
"I don't know, sweetheart." she mutters. Her eyes lock with mine and I see her understanding, but her uncertainty is growing.
"I'm going to find him." I tell her, my voice strong and determined.
She picks up the card and turns it over in her hands, frowning and shaking her head slowly. "How can you find him? Do you even know his full name?" she asks.
I shake my head. "I don't remember him telling me his last name, it didn't seem important back then, but I'd give anything for it now." I mutter to myself.
"There are a lot of Christian's in the world, honey." Meg states, logically.
"I know, but he's from Seattle, so I'll start there." I tell her confidently.
"How do you know that? There's no address on this card, just some fancy shop name."
"Old Ben, saw him leave and..." I begin.
"I really wish you wouldn't call him that. Ben's not old and he..." I chuckle at her defending him and smile.
"There are three men, all named Ben in town, he needs some distinction." I clarify with a chuckle.
"True, he is the oldest, but.." we share a smile as I watch Aunt Meg's cheeks flood with color. She shakes her head as she rolls her eyes at me.
"I need to pack a few things." I state suddenly, bringing us back to Christian, and easing her embarrassment. I push back my chair and rise to my feet, adamantly.
"What?" she asks, mirroring my movements.
"This is a sign, an omen and I.." I begin.
Meg shakes her head as she chuckles. "You're definitely your Mothers daughter, her hair brained, free spirited belief in fate and everything happening for a reason, is certainly running through you, but.."
"Meg, I love you, and I know you're going to worry about me, but you have to trust me. I have to do this. So, please, no buts, I have a purpose now, and a genuine reason to leave here and... And I promise, it will blow the cobwebs away." I smile at her, as her eyebrow quirks at me for using her own words against her, but I need her approval and blessing. I don't want her worrying about me while I'm gone, and I am going.
"Ana, what do you hope to achieve by looking for him? After all this time, if he wanted to..."
"Meg, Christian, thinks I'm dead. His words prove that, this card proves that. I thought he was dead. I thought I'd killed him. For ten years, most of the grief and pain I've carried around with me, was for him. I love and miss my dad, every single day, but I've always felt responsible for Christian's death. It was my fault that he got caught up in the explosion. I sent him back into the car, for Tess, and it's weighed me down. I've felt so guilty. So lost."
Aunt Megs face falls with sadness and disbelief. "Oh Ana." she utters softly."Why didn't you tell me?"
I shrug, feeling more shame than ever, but it feels good to have told her everything, finally. I smile, taking her hand in mine.
"It doesn't matter now, all my pain is in the past, but I know what I have to do now, Meg. I don't know how, but I have to find him. I need to find him." I tell her with determination, and it feels good to have made the decision.
"Why Ana? Why do you need to find him?" she implores.
"I need to thank him." I tell her truthfully.
"What for?" she asks with growing bemusement.
"For saving my life, of course." I stare incredulously.
I'd have thought that was obvious.
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A/N
Thank you all so much for you reviews, and supporting this story. It means a lot to me.