.
Chapter Eighteen.
Allies.
Ana.
.
Parked opposite, the unfamiliar brownstone building. I can feel my heart racing. My palms are sweaty and I'm nervously chewing a hole in my bottom lip. It dawns on me, sitting here, how this is completely crossing a line. It's utterly pointless, and proves how pathetic I've really become.
I look up, focusing on the illuminated windows on the third floor and consider logically, what I hoped to gain by doing this. I know Leila is out of the way, spending her time with Christian, and I'm eager to know more about her, but why am I sitting here? What insight into her, or Christian, do I now have, because I know what color her curtains are?
The lights on the third floor suddenly go out, and I take that as my cue to head away. I lower my eyes while shaking my head, trying to eradicate the embarrassment I'm feeling. I need to focus on Christian, not waste my time stalking the home of a stranger. Following Christian's every move is bad enough, but at least I've a legitimate reason for doing that. My interest in Leila, is going beyond that and it took me sitting here to realize it.
I take hold of the key in the cars ignition, preparing to head away, but movement in my peripheral causes me to pause and turn back. A familiar looking woman steps out from Leila's building, and I can't help my eyes from widening with excitement and surprise.
It's Leila's roommate, Katherine Kavanagh.
I'm unsure of what to do right now, but subconsciously, I see this as some sort of sign. Before I know what I'm doing, all my shame is forgotten and I'm locking my car door and following Miss Kavanagh down the street. She enters a bar just down the block and takes a high stool at the bar. I watch her, loitering in the doorway as she uses her phone, before attracting the attention of the barman.
I walk over and slide onto the empty barstool beside her. Watching her with growing amusement as she necks her drink with no preamble at all.
"Rough day?" I ask, with a smile as she 'Arrhhs' loudly in satisfaction and slams down her glass.
"You don't know the half of it." she sighs, exasperated. Without even turning to face me.
"Wanna talk about it?" I offer, making a show of making myself comfortable beside her.
"Isn't that usually the bartenders job?" she asks, turning in her seat to look at me.
"He looks kinda busy." I state, and we both glance down the bar at the lone barman who's rushed off his feet. Surprisingly, we share a friendly chuckle at his expense.
"Ana." I say politely, offering her my hand. Eager to make conversation.
"Kate." she replies as she takes it and shakes it firmly.
"Nice to meet you." I say truthfully as she seems genuinely nice.
Her smile towards me is open and reaches her eyes, and she's giving off a friendly enough vibe. I don't really know what I hope to gain by making Kate's acquaintance, but surely, it can't hurt.
"I've never seen you in here before. You local?" she asks, studying me closely.
I shake my head. "Just visiting from the Cascades. I'm staying in a hotel at the moment, but I'm considering making it more permanent."
"You're growing to like the city?" she asks, and I nod in confirmation. Realizing, that I am.
Kate's eyes crease quizzically as she blatantly stares at me for a few minutes. I try to keep my growing nerves in check at her close scrutiny. It's as if she can see right through me and knows I'm not all I seem. It begins to make me feel a little uncomfortable and I can feel myself fidget.
"I might be able to help you, if you're thinking of sticking around," she suddenly says, and my eyes widen curiously as my body sags with relief. "My roommate, maybe moving out in a few weeks. Her room could be available." she explains further, and my heart begins to pound erratically.
"Do you offer rooms to strangers, often?" I ask. Floored by her offer.
"No, not at all," she replies with a chuckle. "But you seem harmless to me and as an intern, I need the rent share asap. Plus, if my brother finds out I have a spare room, he'll no doubt descend and try to wangle free lodgings." she smiles genuinely at me, and I feel awful about deceiving her.
I'm curious as to why Leila could be moving out, so ignoring her offer, and my guilt, and begin to dig.
"Why's your roommate leaving? Don't you get along with her?" I ask. Hoping, I can hide my growing intrigue behind nonchalance.
"No, nothing like that... Boyfriend trouble." she says offhandedly as she turns away from me and lifts her arm to attract the barman once again. My mouth falls open with surprise at her statement.
"Hers or yours?" I ask swiftly, fishing further for information.
"Hers. She thinks he's going to break up with her soon, and plans to head back home once it happens." Kate says simply in explanation.
"Oh, poor girl." I utter compassionately. Genuinely feeling for Leila. Forgetting for a second that it's Christian, doing the breaking up.
Kate chuff's, then roll her eyes. "She knows what she's doing." she mutters, before turning toward the approaching barman and ordering two glasses of white wine. She pays quickly, refusing my offer of a twenty.
"Thanks... Aren't you worried about your friend?" I ask, while accepting my drink from her.
I feel my brow furrow at Kate's dismissive attitude toward her friend. She seems nice and friendly, so why doesn't she care about Leila?
"She isn't really my friend. I may have lived with her for over a year, but I know little about her. We don't have much in common and she's always kept herself to herself." Kate explains, adding a bored shoulder shrug.
"How did you end up rooming with her then? Did you ask her in a bar too?" I ask, taking a sip of my wine and hiding my eagerness behind humor. Kate shakes her head negatively with a wide smile.
"I was picking up my brother, Ethan, from an art class. He was going through one of his arty, farty fazes again, and well, he'd spent the entire lesson attempting to chat her up, but it was pointless. He never stood a chance with her. She had her sights set on someone else, but needed a place to stay. I'd just graduated, moved here from Portland and welcomed the rent share."
"And that, was over a year ago?" I ask. Kate nods her head, confirming.
As I think over her words, it genuinely surprises me that Christian could've been in a relationship with Leila for over a year. If they've been together for so long, how's he kept it hidden from the press all this time? And I wonder what's happened between them now, for Leila to think their relationship is going to end soon.
"So what's happening with her boyfriend?" I can't help ask, trying for a controlled, blase tone. "Why's he going to break up with her?" I add, when Kate remains silent.
"Oh, who knows." Kate says, dismissively. "She grumbles about him a lot, but doesn't like to share too many details about him. I've given up asking." Kate shrugs, clearly not very interested, or fed up with it all. One of the two.
I finish my drink, thinking over what Kate said. Why wouldn't Leila want to talk about Christian? If he were mine, I'd be shouting it from the roof tops.
If he were mine... Where in the hell did that thought come from?
"Listen, do you wanna grab a bottle, order pizza, and take a look at the place?" Kate suddenly asks, and I freeze in my seat, forgetting all about my wayward thoughts. "I can't hear myself think in here." she adds, rolling her eyes. I glance around, surprised, that the bar has filled up considerably in the past half hour, and become very loud.
"You seem pretty certain the room will become available." I utter loudly, playing for time and gathering my thoughts, as I'm very dubious about going to Leila's home.
Kate shrugs. "Even if it doesn't, we can still share a bottle. It's kinda sad drinking alone on a Friday evening, don't you think?" she states, and I feel awful saying no to her, when I see the hope in her eyes.
"Sure, why not." I agree, as Kate swiftly rises from her seat and attracts the attention of the barman.
.
A few minutes later, I'm crossing the threshold of Kate and Leila's apartment. I feel like I'm overstepping some invisible boundary, but I keep telling myself that I've been invited here, and haven't actually coerced my way in.
I take in my surroundings as Kate heads off towards the kitchen area to grab a couple of glasses and open the bottle. It's a fairly open plan apartment, all exposed walls and miss-matched furniture and I could see myself living here. It's warm and cozy.
I follow Kate's invitation to enter the apartment further and make myself comfortable, by flopping onto her very large, comfy sofa. Falling easily into friendly banter, we sit, eat, drink another couple of glasses of wine, and throw on some random dvd.
"Tell me more about, Leila." I state without thinking, after an hour or so of relaxing. The wine I've consumed has clearly dissolved my filter and I feel my body freeze at my slip, when I register the look on Kate's face.
"She's kinda...I don't remember mentioning her by name." Kate says slowly as she sits upright.
She places her glass on the small table in front of us, before turning to look at me squarely. Her carefree, friendly persona has hardened and she suddenly seems very sober. Not to mention angry. I can't help feeling awkward, and begin to shift beside her nervously.
"How do you know, Leila?" Kate demands. Her voice, hard and expectant.
"I don't, but..." I begin.
"Our meeting at the bar tonight wasn't accidental, was it?" she interrupts me sharply. An accusatory edge to her voice.
Hoping she won't slap me, I shake my head slowly, and contritely.
"I'm so sorry, Kate." I state quickly, when I notice her eyes harden at my admission. "I already knew that Leila lived here with you. When I saw you, I just wanted to meet you, and I..."
"Why? What are you doing here? What do you want with Leila?" Kate's angry voice demands, and I've no idea how to explain myself.
"I want nothing from Leila, I promise. I just... I... I wanted to...I needed to...I couldn't help myself and... I know her boyfriend..." I finish my babble lamely.
"I doubt that," she snaps flippantly, while picking up her glass and draining it. "She hasn't even told me, his name."
"Kate, believe me, I mean no one any harm, especially Leila. I just needed to find out a little bit about her. I was curious and..." I begin to explain, but Kate interrupts me.
"So, you lie to me and..."
"I know it was deceitful and I'm sorry, but I didn't want to approach Leila directly. I just needed to understand her a bit and when I saw you, I... How can you not know her boyfriends name?" I ask. Stunned, when what Kate said previously, registers and finally sinks in.
Kate shrugs and physically relaxes. She refills our wine glasses and leans back into the sofa beside me once again. She takes a swig from her glass before turning on the sofa to look at me. "I'm a little pissed off with you right now Ana," she says firmly. "I kinda like you and thought I could trust you."
"You can, I promise." I interrupt her.
"I don't know if that's true or not, but before I'll even consider talking to you about Leila, I want to know why you're here and who her boyfriend is." she demands, looking at me expectantly.
I nod slowly, realizing I owe Kate something after deceiving her. I can't see any harm in telling her a little bit about myself. I don't think she'd share anything I tell her with Leila. Plus, I kinda like her too.
"I met Leila's boyfriend when I was a child, but I lost touch with him. I came to Seattle looking for him, hoping to reacquaint, but when I got here, I found..."
"You found, that he had a girlfriend." Kate interrupts, finishing my sentence for me. I nod, and Kate looks at me with a growing, booze fueled sympathy.
We hold each others eyes, for what seems like a long time, and something passes between us. I find myself chuckling at the true compassion and empathic expression on her face, and for a stranger no less, and I know in my heart that I can trust her. Drunk or not, she seems really genuine, honest and sisterly.
"What's she like?" I finally give in and ask, causing Kate to tut at me like she's known me for years.
"You really want to hear this?" she questions me with uncertainty, and I nod immediately, unable to contain my interest any longer.
"Leila, herself, is nice enough." Kate begins. "She's always been easy to live with as we hardly ever see each other. Hence, why we've never formed a real bond." my eyebrow lifts quizzically. "We're both busy during the week and she's with... Him, at weekends." she explains.
"Every weekend?" I ask quietly.
Kate pauses as she studies me closely, before nodding slowly. I smile, wide eyed, urging her to continue. Ignoring my sudden despondency. "I don't know what I can tell you about their relationship, Ana. I hardly know anything personal about him." she states, and my eyebrows lift again.
"Leila, has never mentioned him by name, despite my early badgering her for it. By all accounts, he likes to keep things private between them. She's spoken about him though, or rather she's moaned about him, whenever she's had a glass or two of wine." Kate chuckles as she refills our glasses.
Kate, takes in my expression as she fidgets and shifts beside me, and I don't know what my face is showing her, but I'm fascinated. My despondency, at the thought of Christian with someone else, has shifted back to full blown curiosity.
What on earth, could Leila have to moan about?
Christian, can't be all bad. There must be a part of the boy I knew left in him, surely? If Leila's been with him for some time, she must've seen that part of him. What's changed between them?
"He, would never be my first choice for a boyfriend, anyway." Kate mutters, as she moves the sofa cushions around behind her, trying to make herself more comfortable.
"Why not?" I ask, picturing Christian, and barr his ever present scowl, I can't see any faults with him myself.
"He limits her drinking, so that would be a total deal breaker for me." Kate explains further, before chuckling.
"He doesn't like her drinking?" I exclaim, and Kate shakes her head.
"No, but she does. She likes to kick back, midweek. I think it's her way of privately rebelling against him, after he's pissed her off, but it does loosen her tongue. More than she realizes... If you time it right."
"Wow." I breathe. "Why would he want to control her drinking?" I mutter aloud.
"Oh, that's only the start of it, Ana. I may not know much about him, but I know a lot about their relationship, and it's all kinds of crazy." Kate states knowingly, as she kicks off her heels and curls up on the sofa.
My eyes widen, intrigued. "Make yourself comfy Ana, because from what I understand, there's lots of things that her boyfriend doesn't like her doing."
"Like what?" I ask, far too eagerly and getting just as comfy. Mirroring her position, I hang off her every word as she continues eagerly.
"He's very controlling of her, for starters. Leila, can't see it of course, she thinks she's in love with him but they aren't in love. He certainly isn't any way." Kate scoffs.
"You don't think he loves her?" I ask. My voice, sounding compassionate, but also unintentionally hopeful.
"I, personally, don't even think they have a real relationship. It's certainly not conventional. Leila's blind to the fact that he's just using her for weekend hookups. She's his booty call, and she.."
"You make him sound so cold." I cut in, ignoring the fact that everyone seems to have formed the same opinion of him.
"He is cold, Ana, and their relationship is just as cold. Leila can't look at him or..."
"What?" I exclaim, spluttering wine all over myself. Kate chuckles as she hands me a tissue from the box on the small table in front of us.
"She can't look at him when they're together, she can't touch him either, or speak out of turn." I feel my eyes widening the more she tells me. "The clincher for me, and one of the many reasons why I would personally kick him to the curb, is whenever they have missionary sex, he blindfolds her, and..."
"Wow." I mutter as I tune out, and my brain goes into overdrive.
Why would he blindfold her? Why would he not want to look at her? Why does he have so many restrictions on what she can and can't do? It can't be as bad as Kate's making out. Leila's beautiful, and has been spending time with Christian for over a year, he must feel something for her? Surely.
"Their relationship is beyond weird, if you ask me" Kate continues with a flourish, clearly on a roll. "He has no time for her during the week. They never go anywhere or do anything together. She hasn't even met any of his friends or family."
Kate, continues to spill Leila's drunken ramblings and my compassion grows for the pair of them.
"I know he's quite affluent and has a beach house, she visits him there, but they've never vacationed together or gone anywhere else. Leila, can't see how he's only using her and she won't listen to me. I've tried telling her, but to no avail, so I've given up trying."
Christian's, self erected walls have become monstrous and un-penetrable. I'm not the only one, who hasn't been unable to get close to him. Despite the fact that Leila spends time with him, he's never let her in by the sounds of things.
I feel so sorry for Leila, but my heart breaks for Christian.
"Help me to get close to him." I exclaim, much to Kate's, and my own surprise.
Kate frowns, "Why on earth would you want to? Haven't you been listening? He's not..." she begins.
"I don't want to become involved with him Kate, I just need..."
"You don't?" she asks, quirking an eyebrow at me, causing me to shake my head firmly.
"It's not what you think, Kate. I.." I attempt to explain, but feel the blush on my cheeks at the quick thought of being involved with Christian.
"Enlighten me then, tell me who he is." she requests, and for some strange reason I do.
Alcohol aside, I feel like I can trust Kate. I feel like she could be a friend, a good friend. So, I place down my glass, look her square in the eye, and share with her how I met Christian. I tell her what happened to us both, what we've both gone through, and while she's remained frozen and mute, I've explained to her what I've done to try and reach Christian, since I found out he was still alive.
Kate, just sits and stares at me, looking more and more gobsmacked the more I share with her.
"Christian... Trevelyan... Grey?" she finally mumbles. I nod with a smile, trying to hide my amusement at her stunned, bug eyed expression.
"Well, fuck me, that explains a lot. He's always been a miserable, angry fucker." Kate states as she begins to shake her head with growing bemusement.
"You've met him?" I exclaim loudly, suddenly hopeful that she can help me.
"I interviewed him a few months back for the college newspaper, and I've seen him briefly at the odd charity event that I've attended with my parents, but I've never really spoken to him." my hope deflates at her off handedness.
"But you've met him, spoken to him. Do you have his number? Maybe you cou..." I begin to ask.
"Ana, it took me seven months of badgering the man before I got a foot in the door, I had to resort to calling my father and asking him for help. That's, how inaccessible and detached this man has made himself...now I know why."
"When you spoke to him, what was he like?" I ask, hoping for her insight.
"I couldn't tell you Ana, our interview was short and not so sweet. He spared me ten minutes in his busy schedule, and I think I only got to ask him four questions, before his next appointment turned up and I was ushered out the door." She frowns at the memory, then chuckles mischievously. "I did ask him if he was gay though, before he slammed his door in my face." she begins laughing at what she's retelling. "It was fun to piss him off." she utters proudly.
Suddenly, she sits upright, looking at me squarely and determinedly. Well, as determined as you can after several glasses of wine and with unfocused eyes.
"I'll help you Ana, you have to meet him. I know it will be near impossible, but we have to try. He's so sad inside, and... Look how he treats Leila." she says, until her voice drifts off and she lolls back into the sofa, looking totally heartbroken.
"What?" I ask, curious to the reason behind her sudden wave of sadness.
"What you've shared with me is such a sad tale Ana, and sheds so much light on the poor, Mr Christian Grey." I hide my giggle, at how Kate's opinion of a tyrant is now that he's a teddy bear. "He's been unable to get close to Leila, and he can't, he'll never be able to, he... We'll try and find out all we can about him and his habits this week, once Leila's home. That's if he hasn't finally put an end to their booty calls and she heads for home. Let's see if we can find a way in and put a smile on his face." she says with conviction.
"Yes, let's." I nod eagerly, feeling my excitement grow with her positivity.
"Oh, it's all very emotional and makes me want to cry." Kate says softly, with glistening, teary eyes. Before hiccuping loudly.
"I think you've had enough to drink." I tell her, giggling. She nods in agreement, prising herself out of the sofa.
"We've both had enough, now it's time for ice cream, and pajamas." she states firmly and waddles off in the direction of the kitchen.
I smile after her, filled with relief. Thankfully, that I was brazen enough to approach her, and grateful that she hasn't kicked my butt. Somehow, I feel stronger, lighter, more optimistic, now that I have Kate in my corner.
With her help, it can only be a matter of time before I get close to him. Surely...
.