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Chapter nineteen.
Friends.
Ana.
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Spending the weekend with Kate, was a really nice way to pass the time. Despite, having to talk her out of the numerous hair brained schemes that she came up with to try and contact Christian. I think she was trying to keep me mentally pre-occupied so I wouldn't constantly be wondering what Christian and Leila were doing, but it didn't work.
She meant well, but taking out a full page add in her father's newspaper. Planning the kidnapping of Christian's brother and sister, or even offering to break a few of my fingers, so I'd have a legitimate reason to visit the hospital where his mom works, all somehow made sense to Kate. Me, not so much.
Despite finding it hard keeping my faculties together whenever I'm around Christian, I want to tell him who I am personally. When I meet him again, and I know it's only a matter of time before I do, I want to hold his eye and feel at ease around him. I want to be able to explain everything to him without falling apart, or turning to stone at the mere sight of him.
In order to do that, I need to find him less intimidating. I need to grow more confident and stop thinking of him as some sort of unapproachable, constantly angry, larger than life, tyrant. I know deep down that he's not really like that, so Kate, has come up with a plan. She made it seem so easy, but at this moment, sitting where I am, I'm having serious doubts.
The people around him are more accessible and approachable, she's stated adamantly. So that's our plan of attack and new approach. I'm taking steps to reach Christian through those closest to him, and hopefully, when I finally reach him, my spine will hold, my shoulders will be set and my body won't let me down.
I can but hope.
I've frequented the four corners of Grey House a few times this week, but apart from seeing Christian's car entering the underground parking garage a couple of times, I've not seen him. Not in the flesh, anyway.
He hasn't been able to evade me completely though. He's been in the newspapers a lot over the past few days, and his face has appeared numerous times on the TV. He's achieving something big in Japan, apparently, but it baffles me. I won't even attempt to comprehend what he does, or what he's achieved to get where he is. It's overwhelming and awe inspiring just how many businesses and projects he's a part of. Or owns, according to Kate.
She explained to me what he does, and it's astounding, how someone so young could've accomplished so much. It seems like he's dominated the business world so effortlessly. He's been successful in everything that he's set his mind too. He's clearly been passionate, driven and very determined, but as I know first hand, pain can do that to a person.
Christian, has used his anger well.
Over the past few days, I've had time to think over what Kate shared with me in regards to Leila and the relationship she has with Christian, and honestly, I can't make heads or tails of it. There just doesn't seem to be much of a connection between them.
Kate told me, that on Sunday when Leila arrived home, she was quiet and withdrawn. By Monday afternoon, she'd gathered a few of her things together and headed to her parents house for a few days. She said she needed to get away and clear her head. Unfortunately for me that meant Kate, never got a chance to speak to her about Christian before she left.
I'm beyond curious to know if their relationship will end like Leila predicts. It certainly sounds like Christian has no real feelings for his long term girlfriend. He's never allowed her to get close and it's understandable to a certain extent, but it hurts to think that he's never let anyone in physically, never mind emotionally.
It's so frustrating, only having one-sided snippets of their relationship and not really understanding it. Not understanding him because of it, or her for that matter, for putting up with his firm rules and cold behaviour. She deserves more, he deserves more and I just can't fathom out why he wouldn't want to try and be closer to her. She's lovely, and has been in his life for so long. He must care for her, so why hasn't he given her more?
I'd like to think that he loves her deep down but is just unable to express it, but the more I think about it, the haphephobia that he's showing signs of having, indicates that I'm wrong. I really do know how he feels, and it would explain why he coverts his relationship with Leila so much, but it has to stop.
I can twist my head round and round, trying to understand him, her, them, and I have been. It's gotten me nowhere and given me nothing but a headache. So today, I'm trying not to think about it. Today, I'm distracted, preoccupied, optimistic, but growing increasingly more and more nervous as the minutes tick by.
After calling the realtors, whose sign was displayed at the beach. I was able to rent a holiday bungalow that's attached to one of the beach houses just down the way from Christian's. I've had the small, one bed accommodation since Tuesday, and have it for a fortnight. With the option to extend.
I was ecstatic, and checked out of the hotel as soon as I could. I've revelled in my new, temporary home. It's been so nice, having some place to stay that isn't cold and impersonal like a hotel room. I've loved lolling about on the beach and deck, just reading and chilling with my guitar. I've missed playing, and it's so tranquil and peaceful here. I've certainly fallen in love with my surroundings over the past couple of days.
Kate, even popped down for dinner last night. It was nice to get back in the kitchen and cook for her and she's great company. I don't think she wanted to leave and could've easily been swayed to stay with me for a day or two, but she has an urgent deadline at work. This place is pretty spectacular, and boy, Christian is so lucky to have a residence here.
The horseshoe beach is secluded and beautiful during the day, but it's at night that this place really captures my attention. The moon, reflected on the water, casts a steely, cool glow, and it's amazing how easily you can lose yourself in the moonlight and your own thoughts here.
Once I moved my things here, I contacted Will and he swiftly sent me details of Christian's security and routine regarding the beach house. Security, lives in, but only during the week. It seems that Christian likes to be here alone on the weekends. Except for Leila, of course.
Will, also discovered that along with security, the house has a sitter, but apart from a few lights going on and off after dark, I haven't seen either of them yet. There's also a housekeeper, she visits from Escala every Thursday to clean and restock the fridge. So now, here I am, sat in my car, parked outside the local grocery store. Mrs Taylor, Gail, went inside the store about five minutes ago, and I know that it's now or never.
Climbing out of my car, I try and ignore the blacked out SUV that's parked three spaces down. It's the car that Mrs Taylor climbed out of, but I don't think she was driving. If Christian's rigid security extends to his staff then I'm sure there's still someone seated inside, and it's making me very nervous. I force myself to keep my eyes averted as I lock up my car and head across the lot. Trying to look inconspicuous.
Slipping into the grocery store, I take hold of a shopping cart as my eyes automatically scan the aisles closest to me. I spot who I'm looking for instantly in the fairly quiet store. Shaking off my nerves and taking a deep breath, I stride up the aisle parallel to hers. Absentmindedly, grabbing produce on my way.
Accidentally, but with precision timing, I push my shopping cart around the corner of the aisle, knowing full well that Mrs Taylor is ahead of me because I can see her clearly in the round security mirror, high on the wall in front of me. Our carts collide noisily and ricochet off each other, bumping back into us and causing a few of the other shoppers to look at us. I'm surprised, by how loud and violent our collision is and my gasp is uncontrolled and genuine.
"Oh, I'm so sorry." I gush quickly. "I wasn't looking where I was going." I add, feeling my cheeks flame with my blatant lie.
"It was an accident. No one can see around corners, dear." The friendly, middle aged woman says softly.
"Still, I didn't hurt you, did I?" I ask, genuinely concerned. Shamed, for not considering in my crazy plot that I could have actually hurt her.
"No, of course not." she says, with a soft chuckle.
"I'm Ana." I say cheerfully. Feeling a little less guilty, knowing she's not hurt.
"Gail." she replies as she shakes my offered hand.
"Nice to meet you." I say honestly.
"You too, dear." she replies politely, before turning to head away from me with a wide, farewell smile.
"Do you know where they keep the flour? I'm unfamiliar with the layout of this story." I ask quickly, saying the first thing that enters my head to try and keep her with me.
"Sure, I do. Follow me." Gail says cheerfully, and together, we head back down the aisle that she was about to leave.
"You bake?" she asks as we reach the baking products.
"Yes, I love to bake. I love cooking in general." I tell her truthfully, because I do.
Aunt Meg taught me well as I grew. We bonded and grew very close, layering lasagne and making countless batches of cookies.
Walking side by side, Gail, glances in my cart with a quizzical eye as we continue on our way. All I have in my cart are the vegetables that I picked up in passing as I hurried down the first aisle, so I don't know what she's hoping to find.
"I have an amazing recipe for stuffing those peppers." she says kindly. Surprising me.
"You do?" I reply as I glance in her cart. "I have a great recipe for the side of beef you have." I return quickly, and we share a chuckle and continue on with our shopping.
We peruse the aisles together, chatting away and swapping recipes, and an hour easily passes. I almost forget that she's not a genuine friend as she's so nice, open and friendly. We speak freely and easily, without interrogation or any mention of Christian on my part. She shares with me that she loves her job, is married and has a step-daughter that she adores. Her eyes glow with pride whenever she speaks about them, and I feel the love she has for them wash over me with every word she says.
As we hug goodbye outside the store, we swap numbers and make a promise to do lunch sometime soon. I smile and revel internally, happy, that Christian has Gail close at hand. He needs someone like her around him. He needs her compassion and understanding. He needs her calming influence and her motherly persona. He just needs her, full stop.
I don't know what I hoped to gain by meeting Gail today, but I feel like I've accomplished something. I've taken a step closer to Christian and the life he leads. A step closer to understanding him. I've used this time to get to know the woman that's closest to him, because you never know, when just knowing her, could come in handy. Very handy indeed.
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