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Chapter Twenty Two.

Dreaming.

Christian.

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Today has been dreadful. Being here, was supposed to ease and eradicate any lingering tension within me, but all day long I've been restless. Witnessing Tess, interact with that girl this morning has made me edgy, and kept me on an uneven keel all day.

Tess, is in no way vicious or intimidating, but she's usually very timid and wary around strangers. She always has been. I've never seen Tess respond so quickly to a stranger. Don't get me wrong, she's a friendly dog and even though her coat carries scars of what she went through, she loves to be petted. Strangers, are never usually so keen to do so, though. Why was this girl not put off by the condition of Tess's coat? A lot of people are, and why wasn't Tess cautious of her?

I've felt frustrated, and full of questions about the girl all day. I realized around late afternoon that Leila would be of no use to me tonight. She's not what I need right now, so I've put her off until Saturday.

To distract and remain somewhat sane, I've worked my ass off today. I've been investigating and outlining a few new projects that Ros has put forward for consideration. I need to lose myself, I need to find a new focus, and the more involved and time consuming the better. Anything, to keep myself mentally preoccupied.

After eating dinner and spending time with Tess, the evening has eventually passed. Now, I can finally retire to bed and put a line under today. After sleeping so well last night, I'm hoping for a repeat. I welcome and encourage sleep tonight, I need oblivion, no matter how short lived.

I didn't have to wait long.

As I run down the beach keeping a strong steady pace, I see young Ana, playing in the surf with her pup. I smile, as I approach her, waving. I hear her giggling at Tess, who's yapping and running around her ankles. I approach, sharing their laughter before whistling for Tess.

Young Ana, looks up at me with the beguiling, blue eyes that I remember. Suddenly, her face shatters as she screams and falls to the ground before me. The sand, quickly darkening, turning blood red.

I feel the silent scream I want to release, gripping and twisting my throat as the woman I met earlier on at the beach, comes running towards us. She's still dressed the same and still in her sun hat and shades, but without hesitation, she throws herself over the broken young girl in front of me. I attempt to step forward but my eyes shoot open as she pulls off her hat, and her chestnut hair cascades down her back.

My heart is pounding erratically, my breathing is heavily and laboured and the thin layer of sweat covering my body is uncomfortable. I think over what woke me while it's still fresh in my mind, and even though I'm shaken, I'm more surprised at where my head went tonight.

I always dream of Ana, Tess, that night, in one way or another, but never anything more. Or involving anyone else. Why am I dreaming about the girl from the beach? With her face obscured and hidden, I don't even know for sure what she looks like. Was she even a brunette? Why is she lingering in my subconscious? With her big shades and hat, I don't think I'd recognize her again if I met her.

She made an impression on Tess. Tess responded to her. That has to be the only reason why she's seeped into my unconscious dreams. It's frustrating and something I'll never know for sure, so there's no point fretting over what runs through my fucked up head while I'm asleep.

I'm unsure of what time it is, but it's still dark out. Surprisingly, I make no attempt to move out of bed. As my body calms itself down, I reach for the glass of water I have on my bedside table. After taking a deep, hearty swig, I settle back into bed, hoping sleep with return quickly.

As my eyes close, my ears prick up. They immediately lock onto the faint sound of a strumming guitar. I glance over to the balcony doors and see the curtains fluttering in the breeze. I don't remember leaving the doors open but if I hadn't, then I wouldn't be able to hear the soft, soothing strum. I smile to myself, glad that I did. Strangely drawn and eased by the melody.

It seems somewhat familiar as it seeps into my muddled, sleepy brain, but dawns on me quickly where I've heard it before. I shoot up in bed, intrigued. I've heard similar music before. It was being played in the music store at Grey House. It kept driving me to distraction while I was in the private playing room with my piano.

I remember the tune getting stuck in my head, and later, searching for it, using an app on my phone. The app, could identify any song or piece of music from only hearing a snippet of it. So, while I was alone in my office, and feeling very foolish, I began humming into my phone.

I remember rolling my eyes as the melody was replayed back to me with a title. It was a British artist, a Ben Howard, and the track was called, Hold your head up. I'm positive, it's the same song.

Rolling out of bed, I follow the familiar tune. Tip toeing toward the window. I look out across the beach and spot a female form under the gazebo. It's the girl from earlier today. I'm sure of it. I may not be able to recognise her facially, but there's no denying that those perfect, svelte legs belong to her.

I listen for a minute, just watching her, but it doesn't feel like enough. I need to be closer to her. I head downstairs without a thought, and walk slowly, silently, through the house onto the back deck. Not wanting to get to close to her that I distract her, I sit myself down on the steps that lead onto the beach and just listen to her playing.

She's illuminated suddenly by the moonlight as it clears a passing cloud, enabling me to see her outline more clearly. Her back is to me as she leans against one of the supporting posts. Her foot is lifted behind her, laying flat on the post, enabling her to rest her guitar on her knee. She strums away softly as her hair and short nightdress blow around her in the warm breeze, and my eyes are captivated.

Just like in my dream, she's a brunette. My subconscious obviously saw more than my eyes registered at the time. Irritation runs through me as my eyes strain to see her properly as the moon is shielded once again. They soon close as the music takes over. The melody she's playing, is slower than the recording I now have on my ipod, but her slower, stripped back acoustic version is very good.

My eyes flutter open as the tune comes to an end, and I find myself standing, full of an unfamiliar need to head over to her. My gut twists in disappointment, when I notice she's already gone. Swiftly scanning left and right, I catch sight of her, heading into an annex a little down the way.

My heart and stomach roll simultaneously. I never considered that she lived here or could be staying so close to me. I feel defeated, deflated, but my interest is now piqued. It unnerves me, and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Heading back into the house, I chuckle out loud as Tess greets me with tired, curious eyes. Needing to be close to her, I head into the lounge, grab a throw blanket and lay myself down on the couch. Tess climbs up with me, and my eyes close as she settles in beside me. That's, the last thing I remember.

I wake a few hours later, in a similar state as the night before. Doubting, for just a second, that I woke, and even saw the girl on the beach last night. If I hadn't of, then surely, I wouldn't be curled up in the lounge with Tess. I smile as she shifts, sensing that I'm awake and I chuckle out loud as I feel her warm, coarse, wet tongue run up my arm. I'm more than pleasantly surprised to find I wasn't hallucinating last night.

Climbing free from Tess and the couch, I head into the kitchen and switch on the kettle. Standing at the sink, watching the morning sunrise. I realize, that once I fell back asleep, my dreams continued throughout the entire night. They carried the same vein as earlier, involving the girl, but changed dramatically as the night went on. This time, when the girl lost her hat, her shades soon followed, and I was soon staring into the familiar, haunting blue eyes of my long last Ana.

It surprises and confuses me that I never woke up again, and that I feel very calm this morning. How is it, that what I envisioned while sleeping, feels more like a pleasant dream than an actual nightmare? Why did I not wake up, screaming and unhinged, filled with the terror of that night?

Maybe things are settling. Maybe, my painful past is ebbing away once and for all. Maybe, finally, I can be free from all of this. Free from the guilt. Free from the pain and nightmares that that night carries with it.

Oh, who am I fooling. I've only had a couple of nights nightmare free, and it can't possibly continue. I've never been that lucky, but something seems to be changing.

I can feel it.

How on earth, could a girl that I don't even know, change anything? How could a girl, who has slipped into my unconscious mind help ease the pain and torment that I've carried with me for so long?

It's simple. She can't.

It's wishful thinking on my part for even considering it, because she never could...She'd never want too.

My eyes drift to the house where she's staying as that one, uncontrollable, wayward thought, stuns me to the core.

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