Goodbyes Are Always Hard

Ana's POV:

"You are the most infuriating woman sometimes Ana. Just tell me what on earth I am supposed to know." Christian has stepped back, frustration pouring out of him. I wonder how long we have before someone comes out to find us.

"That day you came to visit Ted for the first time, you admitted that you wished you could have taken on a submissive, but you wouldn't because of our legal marital status. That is why I requested the legal separation forms that day; I wanted to give you an out, so I wouldn't screw up your life any more than I had already! I had the forms made up a few days after you made me take the paternity test. I was angry!" I explain.

"Ana, I never wanted a submissive. I wanted you." Christian clarified.

"But that is not what you said" I ask confused. "You looked so frustrated, so out of control, that day. I thought you needed to regain all the trappings of the lifestyle you left behind to be with me. You needed to reclaim control. I was only giving you what you said you wanted and looked like you needed" I explain.

"A couple of years ago I tried to contract a submissive twice, but I never went through with it. I tried, really tried, even taking one to the playroom but I couldn't ever manage to go through with it. I only ever wanted you. I told you years ago that I would never break my wedding vows to you." Christian explains. "I have never even touched another woman" he reinforces.

"I know. This is why when I saw Mia in New York, and she accosted me, I offered you the divorce." Before I realize it, I have said too much.

"What? What did Mia do?" Christian narrows his eyes. I certainly don't want to explain this to him and then to everyone else. I choose not to answer him right now.

I drop my shoulders. "I am sorry, everything is my fault. I have screwed up. I don't want to tell your parents about Mia. I will tell you another day. I don't want your parents to be upset at another family member." I tell Christian.

"Ana, it's not just your fault. I also helped create this mess. I just wish we could have been honest and open with each other." I feel helpless.

"You look so beautiful" Christian tells me confusing me.

He step towards me and places his hand below my chin. He softly tilt my head up, so our eyes meet.

"You still get that little V between your eyes when you frown." Christian states. Slowly he moves closely to me and kisses that part of my face. His lips are still luscious, just like I remembered and dreamt about all these years. "Just as I expected, it is still very soft to kiss." He whispers into my ear. There is a phenomenal charge of electricity that strikes my body. Willingly, I kiss him, taking him by surprise.

"Finally," He says relieved as if a life time of burden has been lifted from his shoulders. He places his hands on my face as he starts passionately kissing me. Willingly I give myself over to him. Even if it is just for this one moment. We enter our little bubble as if we had never left before. When we stop, I feel the full force of our combined magical current around us, trapping us together enthusiastically.

A silent tear runs down my cheek, only to be wiped off by Christian. In the past several minutes, I have felt every emotion possible. I rest my head on Christian's shoulder as he wraps his arm around me, supporting me. At this point in time, I allow him to be my strength.

"Well it took you both long enough. I will delay everyone from starting a search party for you both." Ted says to us just before he turns around and heads back. Christian and I look at each other startled. Our son's quick departure and our combined shock from realising he just witnessed our show of affection, means we are both unsure how he felt seeing us kiss.

"How long has he been standing there?" I enquire.

"I don't know." Christian tells me. "I am rather glad he was there though." Christian seems even more relieved. Remorse hits me deeper.

"Christian, this doesn't change the fact that we have to go home. Ted needs to finish school and graduate. One kiss doesn't fix the world" I tell him honestly.

"I think your math is off Mrs Grey that was more than one kiss, and I know the reality, but I intend on fighting for the world." Christian says firmly.

Christian's POV

Re-entering the living room, there is an intense glare upon Ana and me. No one knows what transpired outside, except Ted, and from what I know about my son he wouldn't have mentioned it. I look at Ted from the corner of my eye; he is talking softly to Ava. There is so much I need to learn about him. I hate that they are leaving tonight; I had hoped to take them to the house on the sound and have them stay the night there. Have Ana stay with me. How am I supposed to fight when all these curve balls are thrown at me?

"Apologises, Ana and I needed to deal with a personal matter. Where were we?" I ask now taking control.

"Legal separation" Kate states raising her eyebrows at me

"Yes" I say with a tone of hatred.

The next five years were a stalemate. I would visit Teddy but not regularly. Ana and I found it harder to be around each other and Ted started to pick up on it. Eventually it would upset Ted and put him in an awful position. We just ended up ignoring or being quietly polite to each other while spending time with our son. I kept wondering if we would ever reunite. I always thought that was inevitable, it wasn't until the picnic, when Ana told me that she was moving to New York that I realised it was too late. Never would I get them back."

12 years ago

"Maybe I should buy HarperCollins?" I propose

"Grey, it won't matter. Ana will just go somewhere else. What are you going to do, spend every cent you have, to buy every publishing house in the world?" Taylor reasons. I know he is right. Fuck! I just want to keep them close, where I can keep an eye on them. Love them from a distance if that is all I can manage.

"I want a security team watching their every move in New York…" Taylor raises his eyebrows at me. "Looking out for the safety" I clarify.

"Understood" Taylor states.

"I can't fucking believe she is doing this and I can't stop her." I look at my watch and note that in an hour Ted will be here. Maybe Ana will bring him and I can talk to her.

"Christian" I am taken back by the fact that he has used my first name. "You love Ana and Ted. So act like it when Ted comes over tonight." This is the first time I am having Teddy sleep over. A last chance to spend some time with him before they fly out tomorrow evening. Ana is going to have him picked up in the morning; also this gives her a chance to go out with Kate and some girlfriends tonight.

"I made this for you dad." Ted shows me a large piece of paper after having his dinner and bath. "Do you know what it is?" He asks.

It's hard to make it out exactly what that picture is about, but the words 'daddy' and 'Teddy' are written on it. "It is a gorgeous picture, but I want you to explain what it is for me."

"It is a map of America. That is you here in Seattle and that will be me in New York. This way you will be able to find me when you miss me and you can come and see me." He says. I smile and want to cry at this map like drawing Teddy has drawn for me.

"Thank you Teddy. This is the most wonderful map in the world." I pick him up and place him on my lap. Time for a serious conversation. I look into his grey eyes that are replicates of mine.

"No matter how far away we are living, I am always going to love you. You know that don't you?" I ask seeking clarification

"Yes. Are you going to come and visit?" Ted asks. I want to tell him that I will that I will constantly visit him and bring him to Seattle on holidays but I am weary of this possibility. Things have gotten so bad between Ana and me. I have treated her badly, worse than ever since she told me about New York. Even I am horrified at my behaviour. She is running away from me. She was right that she and Ted need a new start. It has limited Ted by making him a secret from our family. Why on earth we did this is now beyond my reasoning. A new city where Ted can be himself and Ana doesn't need to worry about who will find out or who sees them is the best option.

"I hope so," I tell Ted. He frowns. My clever little boy knows this is a cop out. "Now has your mother told you yet about your new school and apartment?" I ask trying to divert the subject.

"Yes she did. Mom said that you got me into a really good school and I need to wear a uniform."

"Yes, that is true and the school is very lucky to have you." I smile at my son. Ted jumps off my lap and stands in front of me.

"Daddy, you love mommy don't you" Ted questions. Hands on hip and looking way older than his tender age of five.

"Teddy, things are harder when you get older. Love often…."

"STOP Daddy. You and mom always fail to answer questions. You both need a time out." Teddy scolds. That would be a rather long timeout for the silly things both Ana and I have done over the years.

"We adults make lots of mistakes" I comment.

"Tell me about it. Imagine how big the eraser would be to get rid of all the errors!" Ted looks so serious. I can't help but laugh out loud.

"I love you dad. I am going to miss you even more" Ted states

"Even more?" I ask for clarification.

"Even more than I did here in Seattle. During the times I didn't see you." What is left of my heart crumbles. I have been an awful father, and now they are leaving. Maybe it is best for them both.

"Teddy, the cookies are ready." Gail calls out. He and Gail this morning made cookies while I watched. I have savoured these past twenty four hours. I didn't even think about work, except for the hour after Ted feel asleep, but I couldn't keep my mind focused on the job at hand. I slam my laptop screen down and walk upstairs and sit in the spare room. I sit for hours watching Ted sleep. I should have had it made up for a room for Ted. This room though carefully decorated is not compatible with a five year old boy. I have lost so much time and lost so many opportunities.

The next day Ted is picked up by Kate and Elliot rather than Ana as she is making sure for the tenth time that everything is finalised, supposedly. My instincts tell me that she is likely trying to avoid me before she leaves. She didn't call me to tell me as I would have offered to drop him off with Taylor, and then I could have spoken to her.

I double knot Teddy's shoe laces, for safety. He is constantly running around, and if they come loose he will end up falling and hurting himself. "Have you got your bag of cookies?" I enquire.

"Yep. Mrs Jones made me extra's for the plane flight."

"Good and I think you are ready to…" I pause finding my next few words hard to say.

"To what Daddy?"

"Ready to go." I struggle to say. Ted nods. "Now you need to be very good and helpful for your mom and do not be too loud on the plane." I add

"I will be good" Ted reaffirms.

"I know you will. I love you so much Teddy. Never forget that." I tell him seriously and looking at him in the eyes.

"I love you too Dad. I better go; mom will be waiting for me." Ted says. I hug him one more time. My heart aches as I watch him take Kate's hand and walk out.

"Kate, I will be down in a minute" Elliot's states. Kate nods in acknowledgement. Once my brother and I are alone, he starts to rip into me.

"Are you seriously going to stay here in your fortress over Seattle and just let Ana and Ted slip through your fingers?" Elliot rebukes.

"They slipped through my fingers years ago. It is done." I refute.

"Christian, this is your last chance to see Ana. Kate and I are going to take Ted home, then take them to the airport. Do it for Ted, and for you and Ana. Go and talk to her! I love you bro and I hate seeing you like this!"

Once Elliot has left, I pour myself a glass of Bourbon. I hate this stuff but I know it is the one thing that will calm me right now. I slump back on my chair in my Escala office, furious at the situation. Taylor stomps in, grabs my glass roughly from my hands and places it on my desk.

"Christian, I don't care if you fire me, but get off your sorry ass. NOW! I am going to drive you to Ana's apartment so you can finally tell Ana how you feel." Taylor orders. I am angry at his behaviour but deep down I am thankful for someone making me do this. Taylor traces Ana. I am overjoyed that we determine she is still at her apartment. Good, this way we can avoid a public scene, should I have to pick her up and throw her over my shoulder, like a poorly behaved child. Anything to stop her from leaving.

Knocking on the apartment door, I am anxious but confident. I want to wrap my arms around Ana, kiss her and never let her and Ted go.

"Kate, good you are all still here." I tell her as she opens the door. I was worried that in between us driving here that we would miss them. Little Ava hears my voice and comes running out. Her arms are stretched out wide. At three years old she is a heart breaker. I love her almost as much as I love Ted. She has long blonde hair and blue eyes and regardless of her mother, she is a doll.

"Uncle Christian! Pick me up" She yells. I swoop down and follow through with her request. "Are we going shopping?" She asks. I laugh at her innocent request. Ana refuses to let me take Teddy shopping with the exception of his birthday and a couple of times during the year. She thinks we should be careful not to spoil him. If I can't convince her to stay in Seattle and reunite, I will indulge Ted more than currently, but he would never be spoilt.

"No Ava, I am sorry, but I can't right now" I tell her. She pouts sweetly.

"Where are Ana and Ted?" I ask desperately.

"Gone. They left 10 minutes ago." She replies.

"Kate, I know that you and Elliot are taking Ted and Ana to the airport. I don't want to upset her. I just want to talk to her" I tell her. I hate how I can't intimate her like every other woman I come across.

"Jose took Ana and Ted to the airport"

"Fuck" I yell, forgetting that I have Ava in my arms.

"Hey that is a naughty word, Uncle Christian" Ava points out. "Jose has gone with Ana and Ted."

"Jose? Kate is this right" I ask. Before Kate can say anything Ava responds.

"Yes, I think they are in love. I heard Jose say that he was still in love with Ana" I get instantly angry.

"Ava you don't know what you are talking about" Kate reprimands.

"Yes I do. You and Daddy just said that a few minutes ago" Ava calls her mother out. I would usually throw Ava in the sky out of joy, someone who can finally get her mother to heel, but this is not the time or subject to do so. I have long been aware of Jose spending more and more time with Ana and Teddy. Even spending some nights at the apartment. Ana had sworn to me that they were just friends.

Kate reaches for Ava, sets her down and tells her to go and play. "Christian …. STOP" She tries to talk to me but I run back downstairs determined to get to the airport. Taylor drives faster than I have ever seen. I clutch my newly purchased online ticket, so I can get past security. Hell I am going to get on this plane if that is what it takes. Glancing at the monitors I see that her flight will be boarding soon. Thank god for working out every day!

I see Teds copper hair in the distance, and make a bee line for my son. My eyes start to narrow and I get livid at the scene when I get closer. Jose is sitting next to Ana, with my son on his lap. They look 'friendly'. I have no right to make them stay here; I haven't manned up and been the father I should be. She deserves to have a new life, away from my fifty shades.

The flight is called and all three of them get up. Jose is carrying my son and helping Ana. Jose is comforting Ana. As they enter the gate, I catch a last glimpse of them.

"So that was the last time I saw Ana and Ted, until this past week. I went to the airport, thinking I would be able talk Ana out of moving. I imagined sweeping Ted on to my shoulders, wrapping one of my arms around my wife and finally taking them home to our house on the sound. Though of course this didn't occur." I finally finish. That was harder than any session with Flynn, any workout with Claude.

"Christian, you know that Jose and I have always just been friends. He was comforting me because I was upset that I was leaving Seattle and taking Ted away from you. I never wanted to go. I only went because I felt I owed it to Ted I needed to start a new since, we couldn't move forward here in Seattle. I didn't want Ted to live like a secret in Seattle." Ana explains.

"I know that now" I tell her. I want to feel her hand in mine, but her hands are clenched together.

"Dad, why didn't you come and see me. We were in New York for twelve years. You organised and paid for me to attend the best schools in New York, financed everything I wanted and sent me endless amounts of toys and clothes. But you never saw me. We barely spoke on the phone after I hit my teenage years." Ted half-states, half questions me.

"I know. I felt abandoned and unwanted. I then devoted myself to ensuring that you had everything you needed. I threw myself into work and let it consume me. I focused on growing Grey Enterprise Holdings and ensuring that I made as much money as possible to give you everything." I confess.

"And you succeed dad, except I think I would have preferred a father I got to see. I often wondered if you loved me. Mom would constantly assure me that you did, but I was just so uncertain." Ted states, reminiscing bad emotions.

"I know, but I have always loved you Ted. Never a day went by without me thinking about you. I kept thinking that there would be time somehow." I hang my head down. "When Andrea told me that you had called to come and see me, I was a mix of emotions. And then you came in. I couldn't believe my eyes; my little boy had grown up. I had fucked up." Ana and I are both embarrassed at our actions.

"Wow, what a long, sad and unfortunate story." Ted says, and then cocks his head to one side. "Thank you mom and dad. Thank you for telling us everything. I really needed to know everything that happened. I understand that mom getting pregnant was the stimulus for your breakup, but it was your combined stubbornness and poor communication that led to us getting here." Ana and I can't do anything but agree. "Either way I love you both. You're my parents; I couldn't hate either of you even if I wanted to." Ted then chuckles. "And trust me I have desperately wanted to hate you at times dad. Really tried, it is the one thing I keep failing at in fact."

'Good!' I say to myself. I look up at my son, who is no longer a child. I want him to be able to look at me in the eyes. I want him to know that I am listening to everything he is saying.

"It is like mom always explained. Children are programmed to love their parents. Grandma and Grandpa, thank you for being so accommodating this week and welcoming. It has been a pleasure to meet you both" Ted complements.

"Ted, it has been our pleasure. Now that we have started to get to know you, we want you to remain in our lives." My mother states.

"Please. My mother and I are leaving for New York but I would love to keep in contact. Maybe even come out here for part of the summer. I am not sure, I haven't made plans yet." Ted informs us. I start to get a couple of ideas.

Before we realise it is way past lunch. Under my parents insistence we all sit down to eat together. Taylor has been good enough to collect some food from a local restaurant and regardless of the events of the week, the meals is relaxed and tranquil to an extent. I try to catch my mother's eyes, but I think she is still avoiding me. Ava and Ted's antics keeps the atmosphere light, or at least avoids the issue of Ana and Ted's imminent departure.

Standing back, I watch my parents with Ted as they say good bye. I have always known that depriving them of their grandchild was wrong, and it wasn't necessarily a decision. It was a disastrous side effect of the position that Ana and I put each other in. It was erroneous of us to do this. My mother has hugged Ted for the longest time. I wish I could handle such touch. I long for it but can't consider it. I need Ana to be able to do that, I realise now. I should have let her touch me. I shouldn't have been scared. I wait for Ted to say good bye and approach them.

"Mom and dad I will walk you out. If that is okay with you Ted" I ask politely.

"Sure Dad, I have to finish packing anyway. Again goodbye Grandma and Grandpa, meeting you this week has been a wonderful highlight of this trip that I will never forget" Ted complements. My mother starts to get emotional all over again and once more wraps her arms around her grandson, as does my father. I can't remember them both being like this for a long time.

Walking to the car with my parents was reminiscent of times they had to pick me up from school due to poor behaviour. I would wait for the voice of disappointment to come out.

"Mom and dad, you both won't trust me but I never meant to hurt you both" I confess. They both look at each other; it's as if they can both read each other's minds. They have been doing this for years. Elliot and I even told Mia that they could do this. HHMMM…. Mia, I think that I may have a bone to pick with her there, however that is a matter for a later date.

"Christian, you and Ana are the two people who are going to have to live with the guilt of this situation. I understand a few other people helped exasperate the state of affairs but in the end the bucks stops with you two." My father nails in on the head, in his usual manner.

I look at my mother waiting for her to have her say. I deserve to let her have that in the least. She still seems upset with me, but definitely not as much as before. "Mom?"

"Oh darling" This reference to me makes me smile. "The past has happened and regardless of how much money and power you have, you won't be able to change it. However, I intend to keep you very much accountable to your actions in the future, especially when it comes to your son." My mom comes closer to me and kisses my cheek. "Go and seek your happiness. You know where it is. Do whatever you can to be happy. I love you, Christian." I nod at my mother. Never have truer words been said than that of my parents.

"I love you too mom." I reply. The second they have left I know exactly what to do. I seek out Ted first. I find him in his room with Ava. They are talking and laughing, while he checks that he has everything. I knock on the door, making them both stop talking.

"Excuse me, I was hoping for a few words with Ted, before I leave."

"Sure Uncle Christian" Ava says jumping up. She gives me a wink. I can't help but smile at her. I wonder if things had been different. If Ana and I had stayed together, would we have had a daughter to make our lives even more complete?

"Can I sit?" I politely ask Ted.

"Sure." Ted sits on the bed while I sit on the chair.

"Ted, nothing can make up for my lack of parenting over the years and I apologise. I let my family down, your mother, myself, but most of all you. You should have had every single one of my free moments. I am sorry. I know that I can't change the past but I will do whatever I can to make the future better." I tell him sincerely.

"Thank you Dad. I won't lie to you; it hurt you not being in my life. I went from a five year old who didn't see his dad often but knew he loved him to a child then teenager, who felt that I was a financial burden." Regardless of Ted's earlier confession that he loved me, I can tell that he is still harbouring some ill feelings. If anyone has the right to feel ill feelings then it is Ted.

"However Dad I accept your apology and I am looking forward to our college visits in a couple of weeks" he says a little unconvinced.

"Me too. I will ring you tomorrow before you fly out" I tell him. Ted and I look at each other, the same uncomfortable feeling that we felt when he entered my office a week ago, fills the room. Do we shake hands or just say goodbye? When I finally look into my sons eyes I know what to do. I throw my arms around him. Embracing him for the first time in years.

"I Love you Ted"

"Love you too, dad"

We let go and take a few deep breathes. "Dad there is something I need to tell you before you leave." I listen carefully to every word my son tells me. I run out of his room and go to Ana's. I need to talk to her. When I get to the door I hear Kate and Ana talking. Panic hits me. Once more Ana moves made me force my hand before it is time.

I go downstairs and pull out my cell phone. "Barney, there is something you have to do and do it now. Yes this is urgent" I tell him. I never felt the urgency that I do right now. Why were we still keeping so many secrets?

Authors Note:

Thank you for all your fantastic reviews, follow, favorites, and PM's. They are very much appreciated and loved. I love them all! Please keep letting me know what you think! Review away.

I may be able to get another chapter out in the next 48 hours..

Again let us all give Crystal9034 a round of applause for her assistance in editing!

Regards,

Maria Amore