.
Chapter Thirty.
Plan B.
Ana.
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Pulling up outside Christian's house has my heart pounding. It feels like it's only one beat away from exploding in my chest. I don't know how I was able to drive here safely because I'm shaking like a leaf. My body, genuinely needs the deep breath of fresh air I take as I lower the car window and key in the security code for the gate. My eyes scan left and right nervously as the gates open and I proceed cautiously down the short drive to the side of the house.
"No backing out now." I whisper to myself as I hear the gates closing behind me.
Stepping out of Leila's beautiful little car, I feel a wave of relief wash over me when I spot Christian running on the beach. He's cast in shadow, just a dark silhouette on the glowing sand, but he's easily recognisable highlighted by the last few rays of sunlight. Knowing Christian isn't at home makes this a little bit easier for me, at least I know for sure that I've got time to enter his house before he finds me and kicks my ass out.
"I can do this. I can do this." I chant to myself as I fight the urge to flee to the safety of my temporary home next door and come back later.
After using another key pad and entering Christian's home, I don't take much notice of my surroundings as I begin my mad dash to find the stairs. I pass through a small hallway that leads into a large, open plan kitchen, and that's where I come skidding to a halt. I chuckle out loud when I spot Tess, sprawled on her bed in the corner of the room. She's watching me with interest so I head over and slide to my knees in front of her, pulling her into my arms with no hesitation once I'm close enough. I plant a kiss on the top of her head, then chuckle, when her eager, wet tongue finds my cheek. Taking hold of her head in both my hands, I begin to rub her ears vigorously. Taking strength from her comfort and delight at seeing me, I rise to my feet and continue on my way before I can bottle out.
"Wish me luck, Tess. See you in a bit." I utter to her hopefully, before leaving her in peace.
Running through the kitchen and into the heart of the house, I find the stairs easily. Climbing them two at a time, I soon reach the landing and find the second door on the left. I don't pause for thought as I charge into the door, expecting it to open when I push down on the handle. Bouncing back from the door when it doesn't, I curse to myself, pissed, that I seem to have stumbled at the very last hurdle.
Why in the hell is the door locked?
Before I can fret to much, the security sensor on the side door to the house beeps. It resounds around the quiet house like a siren and can only mean one thing. Christian, is home. Panic begins to curse through me at the thought of him finding me, loitering, at the top of the stairs, until I remember what I have in my pocket. Tugging Leila's car keys from my jeans, I fan them out quickly, despite my shaking fingers. My whole being sags with relief, when I spot the large, brass key that looks so out of place on the ring with the others.
While placing it swiftly into the lock, I pray. I pray that Christian has given Leila a key to this room and that this, is the right one. I don't have time to fish around, right now. I hear a footfall on the bottom of the stairs as thankfully, the key turns smoothly and the door swings open silently. With only seconds to spare, I slip inside, even managing to close the door behind me before Christian reaches the landing. Instinctively, my arm lifts and my hand begins to run blindly along the closest wall, looking for any source of light. I find the switch, just as I hear a door closing further down the hall.
As the room illuminates and appears in front of me, I gasp at the sight before me. Christian's playroom is beautiful, certainly not what I expected, but beautiful all the same. It's all deep, rich red walls and dark wooden furniture. It's also home to one of the biggest beds I've ever seen in my life. As my feet take me further into the alluring space, my eyes involuntarily roam. The wall closest to me is adorned with all manner of restraints, bindings, blindfolds, and there are hoods a plenty. There are a few basic toys hung and displayed. Paddles, floggers, a few things I don't recognized, but thankfully, nothing too penetrative or scary looking.
I feel a shiver run up my spine, but I don't think my nerves are the cause of it. I shock myself, with the sudden rush of arousal that sweeps my body and what images it stirs up in my mind. I want a taste of Christian. I want to experience first hand what Leila shared with us, and what happens in here. I want to feel the erotic, binding and blindness for myself. I want to feel what it's like to be in this room with Christian.
In the blink of an eye, and without further thought. I kick off my shoes, tug off my socks and rip myself free from my jeans. My fingers falter half way through unbuttoning my shirt as my mind clears and I catch sight of my bare limbs and exposed underwear. My hands drop to my side, hanging limply, and I know that I'm not as brave as I thought I was. What the hell am I doing? I don't even know this man, yet here I am, stripping naked and serving myself on a platter. I knew Kate was crazy for suggesting this. I'm even more so, for listening to her. Why on earth did I let her talk me into this?
I can't do this. I can't do it. I need to get out of here before he finds me because I've no idea what I'm doing, or what Christian will do or expect of me.
Keeping myself to myself and dedicating all my time to high school and college, left little time for friends, especially boyfriends. I've never done this before, never wanted to be with a man, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted Christian to be the first one to touch me. Kate joked as I left her earlier, and I secretly hoped, that Christian wouldn't realize I wasn't Leila until we were at least both naked, but I can't do it. No matter how much my body is tingling in anticipation at the thought of being with Christian, my head, is still somewhat in control.
I suddenly hear a door closing, causing my pulse to rise and pound in my ears. I hear footsteps pass by the door as my stomach rolls nauseously. A door opens and closes further down the hall, allowing me to catch a breath, but I realize that I'm pushing this and running out of time. As I dance about nervously on the spot, unsure of what in the hell I'm going to do, the seconds tick by quickly.
Christian, will no doubt take a quick shower because of his run, but has he had time to do that already? I have no idea how long I've been in here. Do I have time to redress and leave? My uncertainty is cut short as I hear footsteps heading my way. At that precise moment, I know my fate is decided for me.
"Oh hell, what's the worst that can happen?" I mutter Kates famous last words, while franticly, trying to pull myself together.
Deciding to leave my shirt on, I quickly open all the remaining buttons bar one. The one, holding me somewhat together. I feel less intimidated and a bit more in control being partially clothed, but I'm still feeling sick to my stomach with nerves. I hear a shuffling from the hallway causing my eyes to dart toward the door. He's here. I wait on baited breath for the door to open and for the crap to hit the fan.
After what feels like a life time but is in fact only a few seconds, I realise that Christian isn't outside the door. My eyes lower and my body lulls and I'm thankful for the reprieve and involuntary action. My eyes widen and my body stands to attention immediately, when I spot the small pillow on the floor by the door. Quickly recalling what Leila mentioned, I rush across the room.
"What in the hell do I do?" I whisper as I kneel myself down. My eyes begin to dart about the room nervously as I wait for him to enter. "Shit." I curse under my breath, when I remember that I'm not supposed to be able to look at him in here.
Jumping to my feet, I lunge myself at the display wall. I take hold of the first hood that my hand makes contact with, and without hesitation, I pull the black silk over my head. I kneel back down, thankful, that at the last minute I remembered Christian's strict rules. I take a series of deep, controlled breaths as I try to stop myself from hyperventilating under the dark, claustrophobic, rapidly dampening hood.
"What are you doing up here, Tess? Go back downstairs." Christian's amused voice suddenly reaches my ears.
Hearing Christian's surprised voice through the door, makes me smile. I ease a little, comforted and reassured, knowing Tess is close and that she's obviously followed me up here. It only lasts a few seconds though, because when I hear the door to this room open and close, my entire body stills and goes on full alert. My throat tightens as my breathing stops and I have no idea what to do. I grip my thighs with both my hands to keep me rooted to the spot. I'm waiting, terrified, for myself induced destruction.
Caught up in the solitary darkness, I can feel that my eyes are wide and bugged. Without my sight, my other senses are instantly heightened and ready. My ears prick up, when I hear Christian's footsteps padding softly past me. My body freezes as the goose bumps shiver and cover my body, when the air he stirred entering the room rushes over my bare thighs. My neck, unconsciously rises and arcs when my nose, even through the hood, picks up the scent of freshly showered Christian.
The room is eerily silent, apart from the pounding of my heart and his soft breathing. I feel vulnerable, exposed, more terrified than I've ever been, but I'm alive from head to toe with anticipation.
The minutes of silence tick by.
The sharp series of tsks that leave Christian's lips and break the silence, cause my spine to grow rigid. He's suddenly a lot closer to me than I expected and it takes all of my self control not to shoot to my feet and put an end to this madness. I gasp and instinctively flinch backwards, when I feel his fingers take hold of the front of my shirt and tug the material.
"Why are you wearing this? There's no need for your modesty in here, you know that. Remove it." Christian orders, his tone deep and authoritative.
I hesitate, unsure of whether to reply or not, because he'll know instantly I'm not Leila if I do. I'm only seconds away from running out of here, but physically, I don't think I can. My heart is thumping erratically with the exhilaration of the unknown, but my feet feel heavy and planted, holding me firmly in place.
"I don't like repeating myself. Stand up and take it off." Christian snaps impatiently. I jump and comply, automatically reacting to his tone.
When his hand leaves the front of my shirt, I attempt to stand. My legs feel weak from kneeling and I can't help but wobble. Christian's hand, immediately finds and supports my elbow and he doesn't let go of me until I'm steady on my feet. I feel the heat from his palm through the cotton of my shirt and the spark it generates as it travels rapidly throughout my body. It lingers, even after his hand has left me and I know he felt it too, because he gasped, with what sounded like surprise and annoyance, just before he let me go.
"Are you wearing this... so I'll punish you?" Christian asks. His voice is low, irritated and very close to my ear.
I stand stock still as I sense Christian slowly circling me, only breathing, when I hear him moving away from me. I can't pinpoint where he is in the room now, or what he's doing, and truthfully, this would be very erotic if I wasn't so petrified and unsure right now.
"Answer me, Leila." he orders sternly.
Hearing Christian speak Leila's name and the tone he's using with her, causes me to flinch. It quickly brings me out of the stimulating haze I'm falling into and induces a wave of panic that I can't control. I can't keep up this pretence any longer. This has to end. I can't let this go any further. Christian has a way with Leila. A cold, calculated, restricted way, and I want more than that from my first time of being with a man. I want more than that from Christian.
Decision made, I take a few steps away from the muffled sounds I can hear and pull the hood from my head. Wisps of my hair lift with the static and my face feels clammy after being covered for so long. My hands run over my head and sweep the sheen from my face as my eyes adjust in the low light. Christian, has dimmed the lights, set a mood and I have no idea what to do or how I'm going to get out of here.
Christian, is directly across the room from me, adjacent to the door. He has his back to me, with an arm stretching, reaching upward, taking a leather flogger from the display on the wall. I can't find my voice, I'm captivated just watching him. My eyes, control every part of me, keeping me rigid as they travel up and down his body.
His hair, is untamed, still damp from his recent shower. His back, shoulders and arms, are toned, muscular and lightly tanned. His feet... are bare. He's a vision, because all he's wearing is a pair of old, well worn, blue jeans.
As my eyes begin to take a more conscious and detailed sweep of him, they get no further than his shoulder blades. When I finally notice the scars he carries on his body, my teeth bite painfully into my bottom lip to control my gasp. The tarnished, contorted, painful looking skin, radiates out from his upper spine. It curls around the swell of both his shoulders and inches up the back of his neck like tentacles. My eyes take in every inch of his permanently marked skin as my heart bleeds for what I put him through. I can't control the sympathetic, remorseful whimper that leaves the back of my throat.
The involuntary sound carries easily around the silent room, alerting Christian immediately.
He spins round quickly to investigate the noise and when our eyes lock, the shock on his face is instant. Once it registers that it's not Leila locked in this room with him, he stands tall, his whole demeanour becomes defensive. He drops the flogger that he has in his hand and the sound of it hitting the floor echoes around the room. His eyes burn into mine as the situation sinks in and hits him full force. I hold my breath, caught up in his glare, waiting for the inevitable.
Despite his mouth opening once or twice as if to speak, he surprises me by remaining silent as an array of emotions run across his face. After a few moments, his eyes begin to soften as his initial anger slowly recedes and is taken over by something new. His eyes widen and he shakes his head minutely as he just gapes at me.
As Christian takes a curious step forward, I take an involuntary step back. I don't feel I can trust myself being so close to him while wearing so little. I need to keep some distance between us, because God only knows what could happen if I don't. This room, this man, his entire situation, has an enticing effect on me and despite Kate's urgings on how good this could be, I don't think this encounter will or should, lead to that.
I mirror his small steps until the back of my knees hit the bed and I fall backwards onto the mattress. Quickly shuffling, I lift myself so that I'm resting on my elbows, and just wait for Christian to gather himself. I'm waiting for the screaming, shouting and outrageous disbelief, but truthfully, it looks like he's about to pass out.
It's not the response I was expecting.
Laying in front of Christian, all bare limbs and with my mid-drift and underwear exposed, I can't find it in myself to be embarrassed. My eyes watch his bodies every move, and it's a pleasant distraction from what I know is coming. His body is muscular, clearly defined and temptingly taut. His chest and rippling abs are free from any blemishes or scars. I wouldn't know he had any at all if they didn't just peak over his shoulders. His back clearly took the brunt of the flames. Tess, being in his arms saved his chest, but at her own expense.
While I'm blatantly perusing Christian, his eyes trail over me slowly. I can feel his hot gaze rake over every inch of my exposed skin. He's transfixed and seems as lost in me as I am in him. When our eyes both lift at the same time, I feel myself shiver as I feel the electricity spark and crackle between us. I hold his gaze and watch, as the shock, the fear, and wonderment of recognition cross his face.
"You... You're the girl from the coffee shop." Christian finally utters, his voice soft and uncertain.
I nod minutely, happy that he recognises me but a little disheartened that he doesn't see me for who I really am.
"How did.. what are..." Christian begins to mutter as he takes his final step to reach me.
I lift myself so I'm sitting upright, my legs hanging over the edge of the bed, my feet a few inches off the floor. I hold my self firm and try not to be distracted by his closeness and the scent emitting from him as he closes the gap between us. But it's very intoxicating, and completely distracting.
"I'm sorry I had to do this... I just needed to..." I begin, but my voice drifts off as my eyes are drawn and captivated by the rise and fall of his chest. My arm lifts, my hand, by its own accord, reaching out to touch him. Christian, curses loudly as he takes a large step back from me, clearly appalled by what I was about to do.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He snaps, clearly frustrated and suddenly fuming. "How did you get in here? What the fuck do you think you're doing in my house?" he rants as his expected anger rises.
"Christian, I'm sorry, I just need to..." I try again to explain. His loud angry questioning of me, quickly pulling me out of the stupor his body had put me in.
"You need to leave." he growls, taking hold of my outstretched arm firmly by the wrist.
"No, please I..."
"Be thankful I'm not calling the police." he snaps, pulling me from the bed and towing me towards the door.
Despite the heat and growing spark I can feel from his hand on me, I know I've blown it and he's throwing me out. Leila spoke constantly about his aversion to being touched and how he hates people looking at him. I've broken all his safe guards and put him on an uneven keel. I understand how angry I've made him and know I've ruined my chances of talking to him properly. Fuck.
It's now or never.
"Christian, please, just give me a minute... I need to talk to you." I state desperately, as we reach the bedroom door without my realising.
He turns to face me and an uncontrollable pained expression flits across his face. "What can you possibly have to talk to me about? I apologized for scalding you..." he states with annoyance, quickly looking away.
"I know you did, and that's not why I'm here. I needed to talk to you, to explain who I am and to thank you..." I tell him urgently as we leave the room and step out onto the landing.
"Thank me? For what." he interrupts me with a aggravated snarl. Glancing at me from over his shoulder, his strides don't falter as he pulls me along with him towards the stairs.
Knowing I can't waste this opportunity, or leaving here without telling him who I am, I dig my heels in and take hold of the stair rail with my free hand. Gripping it tightly, I lean back and pull against him with all my might for the first time. He jerks to a stop and turns to face me with shocked, angry eyes.
"Christian, please, just listen to me. I have to tell you something." I literally beg, and even though his eyes are still cold, he cocks an eyebrow at me as if to say, you have five minutes. Suddenly being put on the spot makes me nervous and I don't know where to start.
"I've wanted to talk to you for so long." I manage to say, before the need to clear my throat. "I wanted to explain who I was when I spoke to you on the beach with Tess, but..."
"That, was you?" Christian interrupts me. His tone strained and disbelieving. I nod slowly.
"You also knocked me over while out running, and had me thrown out of your building." I add softly, attempting to smile at him and lighten things.
Christian's eyes widen and fill with pain. "It was you, every time?" he whispers. "You, are the girl that's been...everywhere...tormenting me?" he asks. I simply nod. "You, are the girl...staying at the beach house?" he asks, his voice breaking painfully.
"Yes." I confirm, with a comforting smile and a small step forward.
I watch as his body grow rigid as he squares himself and stands taller. He takes a step away from me and lets go of me like I'm on fire. When his hand leaves me, my skin, feels cold and bereft instantly. His face contorts and is filled with so much anger and pain that it stuns me. His hands fly into his hair and he grips and tugs the damp strands as he begins to mutter angrily to himself.
I stand there staring at him as he begins pacing across the small landing, just waiting for him to explode. I know that this is it, he's going to realise what I've done to get here and throw me out. I have to act quickly.
"Thank you, for saving my life." I whisper, and as the silence engulfs us both, I wait for his eye to meet mine.
When they do, I raise my hands and pull open my shirt, not caring that I'm just in my underwear. Christian's eyes lower from mine as he takes me all in, and I know the second he sees my scar and makes the connection. His entire body slumps forward, the breath is forced out of him in a pain filled gush and his wide, unbelieving eyes begin to water.
"Ana?" he questions me unbelievingly, but expectantly.
I mouthe the word, "Yes." Then gasp, when without warning, he drops like a stone and lands on his knees in front of me.
The agony I feel from his one word plea and the sight of him broken in front of me, causes my heart to break and my body to physically buckle and follow him to the floor.
"Christian." Is all I'm able to say, before I'm on my knees in front of him and the breathe is completely drawn out of me.
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