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Chapter Thirty Three.
Brotherly Love.
Christian.
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Arriving at my mothers home, my ears catch the hum of low conversation from the back of the house before I've even stepped out of the car. I sigh, deep and exasperated as I enter the hallway and close the front door behind me. I nod towards my mothers personal assistant as she notes my arrival with a small disapproving frown before rushing past me towards the gathering. I've deliberately kept my arrival as late as possible, it looks like I might've pushed it a bit.
I mentally prepare myself for an evening of monotony and mind numbing tedium. An evening filled with boring entertainment, boring conversation and even more boring people. Family aside, most of the people that attend these types of things like to loiter, grovel, and strangely, boast and brag. It's so repetitive and despite this being a charity function, once people know I'm attending, especially once the alcohol has been flowing, people seem to think that it's a place for business. Those that have the nerve to approach me, soon find out that that isn't the case. I made a promise to my mother years ago that I'd never discuss business while under her roof, and I've kept it, because it never ends well.
Following the sounds, I begin to head through the house on slow, heavy feet. Trudging down the inner hallway, I'm momentarily alarmed when an arm suddenly takes hold of me and pulls me into my mothers study. Turning, ready to disembowel who ever dared to grab hold of me, I relax instantly when Elliot greets me with a lazy smile and his usual one armed hug. Without uttering a word, he closes the study door behind me, pushes me into a chair, then hands me a tumbler of scotch.
"How rough's it gonna be?" I ask cautiously. Gratefully, accepting his offer of liquid courage and support.
I understand what Elliot's doing, he's trying to provide a cushion and ease us both into the night ahead. He, like me, knows exactly what to expect on a night like this. It's something we've both had to endure countless times as we grew up together. Truthfully, I'd be lost without him, and he knows it too.
"Mom, is her usual calm, collected, graceful self, but Mia is becoming unbearable." he replies, before sitting in the chair beside me and knocking back his drink. "She's been hounding me since I arrived. Hence, the hiding out in here for a bit." he adds with a deep chuckle.
I attempt to share his humour, but don't quiet manage to pull it off. We both know from experience how these evenings only intensify Mia's already hyperactive personality, and there really is no escaping her once she's fully charged. As much as I love my sister, I'm really not in the mood for her exuberance this evening.
"What's she been up to now?" I ask, dreading to even consider the possibilities. I mirror his actions and drain the liquid from my glass in one hearty swig.
"Mom's indulging her and given her free rein over the first dance auction this evening, so be prepared. I hope you've brought your dancing shoes and cheque book." he teases as I involuntarily roll my eyes.
"I'll donate as per usual, but I will not be participating." I tell him. My tone, bored and dismissive.
"You really think Mia will let you off that easily?" Elliot scoffs, as he splashing more liquid into both our glasses.
"We can but hope." I mutter, as I close my eyes and settle back in my chair.
I try and switch off, allowing myself to enjoy the warmth of my drink and the peace and quiet with my brother, but I can't. It's impossible, because all I can feel is Elliot's penetrative gaze burning into the side of my head.
"What are you staring at?" I ask without opening my eyes.
"What's happened, Christian?" he asks me quietly.
"Nothing. You know how much I hate these things." I answer quickly and very unconvincingly. "If it wasn't for mom, I wouldn't even be here." I add, when an uncomfortable silence begins to stretch out between us.
Elliot doesn't respond, but I can still feel his eyes on me. Glancing at him, he holds my eye and quirks a quizzical eyebrow at me, apparently, expecting more.
"There's more to it than that." he states, when I don't immediately respond. "You attend lots of these things and it's always under duress, we all know it. So why the resigned attitude tonight? What's mom got on you?" he attempts to joke.
"She has nothing on me." I tell him honestly.
"Are things running smoothly at Grey House? How's Tess?" he begins to fish.
I simply nod as he sits up straighter in his chair and watches me closely. I close my eyes and try to ignore his intense stare.
"I can tell when you're preoccupied, Christian. Something's worrying you." Elliot utters, knowingly.
"When did you become so observant and insightful?" I mutter, but don't elaborate any further.
"You know you can talk to me. Don't you, Christian." Elliot declares after a few minutes of silence.
Opening my eyes, I look at my brother and begin nodding slowly. It wouldn't be any type of hardship sharing things with him. I know I can trust him and he would never betray my confidence in anyway. I felt relieved after speaking with Gail, even before I knew Ana was alive. Sharing things with Elliot now should be easy, especially since I've spoken to Ana and know that she's alive and well.
"I met a girl." I utter quietly before I can hesitate. I can't help but snort loudly at the glint of teasing I see spark in my brothers eyes as the words register with him. "Don't Elliot, please. It's not what you think." I add, trying to curb his jokes before they start.
Elliot smirks, but holds his tongue none the less. He widens his eyes and gets comfortable, awaiting further details.
"Remember the night...The night we lost dad?" I whisper into the quiet room before I can think too much about what I'm going to say.
Elliot nods minutely, his brow, furrowing slowly and deeply. He's clearly wondering where I'm heading with this.
"A few things happened that night that no one else knows about." I admit while taking a deep cleansing breath.
Elliot sits up straight in his chair and looks at me curiously. His face shows confusion, apprehension and his growing interest, but he remains silent while waiting for me to speak.
"Tess, she... She was never just a stray that I'd found at the camp site." I begin. "She... She had an owner, a girl, who was staying at the campsite with her father. His car, was the one that hit us. The one that exploded and..."
"Annie." Elliot mutters, quietly and dubiously. My eyes fly to his, wide and intrigued.
"How do you know that name?" I ask urgently. My stomach flipping nervously at the sound of it.
"When you were younger, you called out for her numerous times in your sleep." Elliot says softly and his words more than surprise me. I feel them, they creep over my skin like a chill. "You mentioned her a lot at first. You were on strong pain medication, talking incoherently most nights. It was hard to wake you at times, so obviously, I heard certain words." Elliot explains.
"I don't remember." I mutter, trying to think back to the nights he's recalling.
It's hard, because he's right, I was in so much pain back then. Along with heavy, mind numbing medication, there were numerous trips back and forth to different hospitals. Consultations, specialists, skin grafts, physical therapy, only adds to my confusion of a true memory and clear time scale. Ana, has been in my dreams ever since that night. I just never realized anyone in my family had been privy to it. Especially Elliot.
"You mentioned her more often right after the accident." Elliot continues, his voice soft and compassionate. "During your time at the hospital, you were never left alone. Mom or I, were always sitting with you. You mumbled and murmured her name every time you regained consciousness. It was the first thing you said when you woke up fully days later. Where was she? You demanded from mom but she couldn't tell you anything. She'd checked with the hospital but found no record of a girl with that name being brought in. The police confirmed no one else had survived the accident. After a few months, you stopped saying her name and we never mention the accident that often. We thought you were confused, and..."
"I wasn't, she was real and involved in the accident." I interrupt sharply, wanting him to know that I wasn't crazy.
"Then, I'm presuming this girl you've met has something to do with this Annie?" Elliot surmises.
"She is Annie, or rather, Ana." I utter softly.
"She didn't die like everyone thought?" Elliot asks.
"No, by some miracle she survived and tracked me down." I tell him, unable to contain my growing smile.
Despite how shocked and freaked out I was after being with Ana the other night, knowing she's alive is the greatest gift I could ever receive. Just thinking about her now, all flushed and breathing, puts a genuine smile on my face for the first time in days.
"Well, fuck me." Elliot mutters to himself. I can't help chuckling at his crude exclamation. "And now you've met her?" he asks, already knowing the answer. I nod anyway, confirming. "How the fuck did that happen?"
How? Christ, what didn't she try to meet me? Hats off to her for her ingenuity, strong will and fierce determination. I'll readily admit that I'm slightly gutted I haven't seen her this past week. Even if it was through my own doing.
After I left the beach house last weekend, it wasn't long before I wanted to go back. I wanted her to go back for her. I just didn't know how to approach her after abandoning her and leaving so abruptly. I wasn't sure if she'd need space as much as I did. So I hung back, hoping she'd follow her normal pattern and try to approach me, but she hasn't.
I kept looking for her though, every time I left my apartment I hoped to see her. I did all my usual things with my eyes peeled, but nothing. Not a glimpse. The irony of all of this is not lost on me. This time last week, the last thing I wanted was to see the ghost of Ana, now, I'd give anything to bump into her again.
It's hardly surprising that she's steering clear of me and hasn't been in contact. I left her, and I also knew she wouldn't be in my house when I returned. It scared me that it bothered me so much, so I ran from her before the sun was even up over the horizon. I'm unsure why I stayed away, even now, I just knew that I couldn't be close to her, not until I'd sorted my head out, anyway.
I've attempted to do that, with mixed results. I spoke and confessed all to Flynn as soon as I was able. He tried to advise me on how to react and deal with what I was feeling, but it didn't really register at the time. I remember that he advised me to leave Ana be for now, but be friendly and honest with her if she happened to get in touch again. I expressed to him how I didn't think she would, but he seems a bit more optimistic.
Only time will tell who's right.
"So how did you meet her?" Elliot asks, putting a stop to my wandering thoughts.
"We met on the beach." I tell him simply, omitting all the other incidents for now.
Shaking my head in decline to the offer of topping up my glass again, I sit back and watch him. The single shot I have left in my glass is enough for now. The buzz from the liquor I've already consumed is just enough to sooth, and will aid making tonight so much easier, but I know that anymore could be a mistake. There will be a lot of wine accompanying dinner and I need to keep my head clear and have my wits about me.
"This Annie, chick..." Elliot begins.
"Ana, she likes to be called Ana." I interrupt him, ignoring his low snigger.
"This Ana, chick." Elliot repeats with growing amusement. "She's made a big impression on you." he states.
"She did, she does." I admit automatically.
"Why? You were only kids. What happened between you both?" Elliot asks. His eyes, scrutinizing me closely. "I can see that something did."
I stare at my brother, recognizing his bemusement and knowledgeable smirk. When did he learn to read me so well. I shake my head at him, trying to hide my smile. I've always found an ease with him that came naturally, right now, I'm thankful for his ingrained kindness and brotherly support more than ever.
"Believing that Ana was dead was bad enough," I begin to explain. "But... I thought I'd killed her that night...not the crash." I confess more quietly and just for a few seconds I'm flooded with all the familiar feelings of anguish that have lived within me for years.
Those same agonising feelings, which have now been permanently eradicated by Ana's unexpected, but amazing reappearance.
Elliot doesn't say anything, but his eyes are burning into mine as he waits for me to elaborate further. Before I speak, I slug back the rest of my drink then place the glass down on a nearby table. I take a deep, easy breath and start talking.
"When our cars hit each other, Ana was trapped. She was held upside down by her seatbelt in the back of the wrecked car. Both of our fathers had gone and I wasn't strong enough to pull Ana free by myself. Her weight, as slight as it was, was working against her. I had to use dads fishing knife to cut her loose. I caught her with it... stabbing her in her chest."
"Christ, Christian." Elliot curses, cutting off my gushing and giving me a chance to breathe.
"I know, I know, but it was an accident" I declare passionately, before continuing. "The car moved as I cut her free from her seat belt, which caused her to collapse on top of me. She fell onto the knife, I didn't do it deliberately." I find myself imploring.
"That wasn't what I meant Christian, I can't believe you went through something like that and kept it to yourself for so long. No wonder that night's hounded you."
We lock eyes for a few silent minutes as the shock, disbelieve, then awe, floods through Elliot. "Then what happened?" he mouthes.
"Ana, lost so much blood, so quickly. She was so tiny..." my voice drifts off as the memory of the small, child like girl in my arms battles and blurs with the vision I have of the woman in my arms from the other night. The difference is remarkable and makes me feel very needy and wanting. Very wanting indeed.
Elliot raises his eyebrows, nodding, itching forward in his seat, urging me to continue my story. I snigger at his eagerness, and revel in the fact I can talk to him so freely about this. It's such an immense relief that he see nothing hate worthy in my actions.
"By the time I'd freed her from the wreckage and gone back for Tess, Ana, was laying lifeless on the side of the road. I didn't have a chance to check on her again before the car exploded. The last thought I had before I was caught up in the flames, was that I was too late. It was confirmed, every which way, when there was no trace of her at the hospital... You know what happened after that." I conclude.
"I do." Elliot mutters as he processes everything I've told him. "She went to another hospital, didn't she?" he surmises after a few silent minutes. I nod, wishing I could have come to that conclusion years ago.
Elliot sits up in his chair and fills his glass, but he doesn't drink from it.
"I wish you would've told me. I could've..." he begins.
"I couldn't tell anyone about her, Elliot," I interrupt. "When no one mentioned her, it was easy to hide her. It was hard enough you all believing that I was living with the guilt of one death, never mind two."
"It was an accident, Christian," Elliot states firmly. "The Police confirmed that."
"We were arguing Elliot," I snap. "When the two cars hit each other, dad was preoccupied because he was yelling at me. He.."
"You two were always arguing, Christian." he states matter of fact.
My stomach plummets at his nonchalant remark, because it's the truth. If I could go back and change one thing, that would be it. I wish, I could have had a stronger relationship with my father. I know he loved me, his patience with me proved that, but I can never remember telling him that I loved him. Simply put, I miss him. I will always miss him, and I will always feel responsible.
"That's why dad and I were away camping in the first place, remember? If I hadn't of..."
"Don't go down that road, please Christian. You've tormented yourself enough, dad wouldn't have wanted that for you." Elliot talks over me firmly.
I so want to believe him.
"Ana, she did the same." I mutter after a while.
"What?" he asks, confused.
"Ana, she's also been tormenting herself for years. She thought I died in the explosion saving Tess. It must have been so much worse for her. She's already lost her mother, and losing her father that night left her with just an Aunt. It was such a relief for her, for both of us, to know that what we thought was true, was so, so wrong."
"What happened when you met her?" Elliot asks, innocently enough, but I internally cringe at the thought of having to tell him exactly how Ana and I came face to face. He never needs to know about Leila. So, I bend the truth a little.
"We talked, shared our pasts and... hugged a lot." I tell him candidly, unable to hide, or control, the unexpected flush I feel burning across my cheeks.
Elliot belly laughs at me blatantly, only adding to my embarrassment, but he doesn't ridicule me like he normally would. So for that small mercy, I'm thankful. Instead, his amusement quickly reseeds and he looks at me with contemplation, and genuine kind eyes. He gives me a small knowing smile, understanding, that a hug means a lot in my world.
"So were does that leave you both now? Do you have plans to meet again?" he asks.
I shrug, trying to hide the emotions that suddenly start surging through me. The thought of seeing Ana again gets my heart pounding and my blood pumping. I want to see her again. The more I think about her, talk about her, the more I realise I want too. That I need too.
"We didn't make any definite plans, and it's so frustrating. It's been a very long week since I last spoke to her, or even saw her." I tell my brother honestly. A deep heavy sigh leaves my chest as I slouch further into my chair.
"How so?" Elliot asks. A small smirk tugging up his lip as he get comfortable.
He's enjoying this far too much I soon realise and surprisingly it makes me smile. It hits me, sadly, that even though I've always been close to Elliot, this, is probably one of the most honest and open conversations I've ever had with my brother. That's a sobering thought and one I will certainly rectify in the future.
"Before I met Ana at the beach, I saw her everywhere I went. It never registered with me that it was actually her, obviously. I just thought my imagination was running wild and hounding me after visiting the crash si..." my voice drifts off dubiously as it dawns on me that I've just admitted to Elliot about my going to the crash site. Alone.
I look at Elliot, expecting to see anger, or at least sadness, but all I get is an understanding smile, and his usual casual expression.
"It's okay, Christian. Mom had a feeling you would go Awol around the anniversary date. We've all noticed that you haven't been yourself lately and this would be a hard time of year for you. If you'd have wanted to acknowledge it in anyway with us, you would've said something. We took your silence as you wanting to deal with things in your own way." he concludes, with no bitterness or resentment at all.
"I'm sorry, Elliot." I murmur. Suddenly feeling shamed and remorseful for deserting and ostracizing my family at a time when we should have all been pulling together.
"Don't be, we know who you are and understand. We already know that you've been up there." My eyes fly to his in surprise. "Mom and I, we drove up there a few days after the anniversary. We saw your flowers and knew you'd been, even before the old guy walking his huskies told us that he saw you." Elliot explains.
"God, he doesn't miss a thing." I chuckle loudly, shaking my head in bemusement at the consistency of Old Ben's timely appearances.
"Do you know him?" Elliot asks, looking at me quizzically due to my amusement.
"No, but I saw him too, that's how Ana found me. She found the flowers and accompanying card. The old guy described me to her and she came straight to Seattle to find me. She didn't even know my full name."
"Then how did Ana find you?" Elliot interrupt.
"She hired a Private Investigator." I tell him simply. My earlier peeved response nowhere to be seen now.
Once I'd had time to calm down and looking into William Grant, I soon realised that Ana had no other option but to seek help. What else could she possibly do after arriving in a strange city and with hardly any information to go on? I'm just glad she chose a reputable investigator to assist her.
Will Grant, I'd already heard of him of course, and thankfully, after checking out his background and asking around, there's been nothing that brought up any red flags. He's attending this function tonight, I think I'll introduce myself and have a quiet word with him. It wouldn't hurt to inquire after Ana either.
"So what now?" Elliot asks.
I shrug, feeling dejected. Flynn advised me to keep my distance until Ana was ready, but he never said it would be so frustrating or such a hard thing to do.
"Do you know where she's staying?"
"Yes, I had Taylor find out." I tell him automatically as my mind wanders.
"You're a right pair, aren't you." Elliot points out with amusement.
I nod, sharing his humour. I've had Taylor keeping an eye on Ana. Well, a new guy named Sawyer. He's yet to tell me that Ana has accepted the job I offered to her, but he did inform me that she's still renting the annex on a weekly basis. It seems kind of pointless to me, as according to intel, she spends most of her time at Leila's old apartment with Katherine Kavanagh.
That fact, had my apprehension rising at first, but Flynn said not to worry. I've never been there, so can't really be associated with the property or Katherine. Ana seems to have become actual friends with Kate, and Leila is no threat now that she's gone, but I still feel nervous. Not that Ana doesn't know what my relationship with Leila entailed, she's been in my playroom for fucks sake. She was stripped, kneeling and hooded.
Leila, confessed a hell of a lot during her inebriation.
"What would you like to see happen between you both?" Elliot utters, breaking my musings.
"I want to see her again, but..."
"No buts," he interrupts forcefully. "I know you, Christian. Don't think about this, just call her. Invite her out for dinner, or coffee if that works better for you. If you're nervous, see if she has a friend and maybe we could double date." I chuff in contempt at his suggestion.
Dating.
He makes it sound so simple, and it has been simple and well practiced by my brother, but not me. I don't do dating, dinner, or even coffee. Especially not on a whim. No matter how tempting the thought is of just picking up my phone and calling Ana, I can't.
Suddenly, we're interrupted by the study door abruptly swinging open. A gush of cool air sweeps around the room sending a chill down my spine. A high pitched, relieved squeal and a flash of blue chiffon, bursts our bubble, and our quiet time is over.
Our dreaded night has begun.
"There, you both are." Mia shrieks as she bursts into the room. Her relieved body language hardening with her immediate frustration. "What the hell are you two doing loitering in here? Dinner, is about to be served." she states as she storms into the room.
"Mia, please..." I begin, slouching heavily in my chair.
"No, Christian." Mia snaps, putting a stop to anything I'm about to say. "I don't want to hear it. You agreed to attend tonight, so put on a smile and hurry. Mom is waiting on you both." she retorts sharply as she tosses a Black and Gold eye mask into my lap. Much to Elliot's amusement.
No sooner have I tied the Black ribbons around my head, Mia is pulling me out of my chair and out of the room. I turn to scowl over my shoulder as Elliot chuckles loudly behind me. He tips his glass towards me in a mock salute before draining the remaining liquid. His smile is smug as he places his glass down, secures his own mask and follows us out of the room.
Shit, he definitely had the right idea.
I should've had more scotch.
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