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Chapter Thirty Four.
Masquerade.
Ana.
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Riding comfortably in the back of the sleek limousine, I try to rein in my growing excitement. As the car follows the winding driveway that leads to the magnificent house, I take in the splendor of the home that Christian and his siblings grew up in. This, is where Tess roamed while she grew up. Where she and Christian spent many hours playing together. I'm awed and delighted that she lived in a place like this and that they both had this security and of course, each other.
Will, smiles at me as his wife leans forward and takes hold of my hand reassuringly. They're both seated opposite me in the car and I'm so thankful they're here with me right now. I'm so nervous that I'm physically shaking. I'm unsure why exactly, because I want to see Christian again. I've been looking forward to it more and more as the time of the Gala has approached, so I don't understand why my heart is pounding.
The hand, holding mine, is the only thing that's keeping me from bouncing out of my seat.
"Relax, Ana." A soft voice coos at me.
Rebecca Grant, is a demur, beautiful, graceful woman. She has a true, kind hearted air about her and is so easy to talk too. She's been married to Will for over forty years and it shows, they know each other inside out. Will, has shared my story with his wife and I think she's more excited about tonight than I am. She's a true romantic at heart and hopes to play cupid somehow tonight.
"I don't have a true invitation. What if he sees me and has me thrown out?" I mutter my unknown fear out loud.
Rebecca chuckles. "Maybe this will help ease your worries." she utters softly, before passing me a black, drawstring pouch that I never notice was on the seat beside her. Opening it, my eyes widen and an excited smile takes over my face. Pulling out the black eye mask that's edged with silver embroidery, I quickly secure it around my head and revel in my partial concealment.
I feel a final squeeze to my fingers, a comforting, motherly gesture as the car comes to a stop in front of the beautiful house. Rebecca releases my hand and adorns her own mask, before accepts Will's hand in assistance to climb from the car. I follow, with the aid of the valet.
We're encouraged and enticed around the large house by twinkling lights and smartly dressed wait-on-staff. They smile big and welcoming as they offer champagne and fancy looking canapés of all shapes and sizes. I take an offered glass politely but don't drink from it.
My eyes are everywhere as we reach the gathering of guests in the vast, beautifully landscaped garden. I only scan the marquee as I enter, but I can tell it's spacious, elegant and nicely lit. The tasteful, expensive décor and beautifully laid out tables, hardly register. I'm too busy searching the sea of people, looking for Christian.
Holding it together, I follow the flow of guests and get introduced and passed down a line of people with Will and Rebecca. It only dawns on me after I've moved on, that I've just briefly shaken hands with Christian's mom.
I shake it off as I walk on unnoticed, hidden behind my mask. Will and Rebecca, pause to chat with friends as we head to our assigned table. I wander off through the growing crowd, smiling to myself because no one notices me, and it feels all covert and secretive with everybody's faces being covered.
I find a quiet corner that gives me a good view of the room, then take my time scanning the crowd more closely. Even though we're all wearing masks, I'm sure I'd recognize Christian's hair and stance in a crowd. No matter how hard I look though, I can't find him. I hope he's still attending and hasn't pulled out at the last minute, but you never know with my luck.
I've kept one eye on Christian's mom since I realised who she was, and over the past half an hour or so, despite her calm demeanour while she greets her guest, it's clear that her stress levels are rising. Christian's sister, who I recognise from her photograph, also looks beyond anxious as she darts about among the guests like a woman possessed and I don't think I'm the only one that's eagerly awaiting Christian's arrival.
As my eyes scan the room, I feel a wave of relief wash over me when I spot Taylor entering the marquee. I enjoy the smile that takes over my face, because I know that if Taylor's here, then Christian won't be too far behind him.
Will and Rebecca, have circulated and are now headed to where we're seated for dinner. Most of the guest have already taken their seats so I head over and take my place beside them. Smiling a greeting toward the five other guests seated around the table with us, I make myself comfortable. All the while, keeping an eye out for Christian.
The mood of the room changes immediately as the lights rise, and I can't help but feel excited knowing that the proceedings are about to begin. As much as I'm ready to dive right into a lavish meal and watch the affluent be entertained, it also means that we're all confined to our tables for the next few hours while dinner and the charity auction is going on.
Suddenly, a ripple of excitement runs through the room and I know it's because Christian has entered the marquee. Christian's arrival is only seconds before the first plate is laid on the table by the servers. Striding forcefully through the sea of tables, he commands the space as he moves. Eyes around the room flash to him. Some quickly averting, some lingering, some seeking his attention, but my eyes, they follow his every move. I'm also certain I begin to drool, because boy, he looks so damn good in a tux.
I find myself bouncing in my seat, subconsciously trying to catch his eye as he marches across the room followed by his sister Mia, and from the pictures I've seen, his brother, Elliot. Kate's right, he's very handsome.
Sadly, Christian doesn't notice me. Or anyone else, for that matter. He's far to focused on his destination to notice the people around him. After kissing the cheek of his mother and a few apologetic words, he takes his seat beside her.
During dinner, I've had a clear view of Christian's back through the gathering of guests. He and his family are a few tables away at the head of the room and I've been watching him interact with them. I notice that he doesn't initiate conversations with anyone except his family, but he does answer politely when spoken to by the people seated around him.
I eat and avidly watch, barley tasting the fabulous food or expensive wine and hardly noticing what's going on around me. I smile, nod, clap and converse in all the right places, but Will and Rebecca know that I'm more than preoccupied and are both finding it hard to contain their shared amusement. I ignore their mirth, secretly happy that they're happy, but I can't keep my eyes off of Christian for long and I don't care who see's it.
With watching Christian so closely over the past few hours, it's easy to spot the change in him when it happens. Over the past ten minutes or so, his posture has hardened and he's began fidgeting in his seat. I'm unsure if it's because he wants to turn and look behind him, or if he's just anxious for this night to be over so he can leave. I'd like to think it's the former and he can somehow feel that I'm here, but I doubt it.
Minutes later, and with rapturous applause that I robotically partake in, the lights dim, background music begins and bums shift nosily from seats. We're all free to move around again but I hold my seat as I watch Christian turn in his chair and pull out his phone.
I watch him for a second and even though his face is still covered by his Black and Gold silk mask, his hard demeanour screams keep away, keep away, keep away. Taylor's sudden and stealthy reappearance beside him reinforces that point, just in case the free flowing alcohol begins to make people more forward.
I've noticed many people glancing Christian's way over the past few minutes. Many people seem eager, wanting to approach him, but no one does. Even the staff seem to be giving him a wide birth. I giggle to myself as I stand, keen to head over and expel the hard persona this man eludes. I have a sudden urge to run over and throw myself into his lap, but somehow I don't think it would go down to well.
I take a step in Christian's direction just as a flash of blue crosses my eye line. When my eyes refocus and land on Christian's chair a second later, it's empty. Christian's gone, he's been dragged away by his sister. I slump into the first empty seat I reach, gutted, when I catch sight of them and realize that they're headed over to the main house and I can't possibly follow him.
Grabbing a glass from a passing waiter, I share a sympathetic smile with Will as he leads Rebecca toward the dance floor. I raise my glass in a self mocking toast and share Rebecca's never waning smile. I drain my glass and head out of the marquee looking for the bathrooms and in desperate need of some fresh air.
Before I'm even half way across the plush, laid out carpet that leads to the most lavish porter loos I've ever seen, a tornado in blue is upon me.
"I need you." Christian's sister Mia, gushes at me with no preamble or introduction.
"You do?" I ask, lifting a quizzical eyebrow at her.
"Yes, you have to be apart of my first dance auction." she explains.
"Excuse me." I state with I grimace. My stomach rolling at the mere thought.
"Oh please, don't pull that face. It'll be fine." Mia says like this is an everyday occurrence, and I can't help but chuckle to myself at her forwardness. She smiles up at me confidently.
"What do I have to do?" I find myself asking before I can stop myself.
Mia, smiles smugly as she explains further. "It's simple, and all part of this evenings entertainment. All you have to do is walk on stage, smile, look pretty and the males in the room will bid to dance with you."
"What if nobody bids for me?" I ask in all seriousness.
"Are you crazy? Who wouldn't want to dance with you?" she scoffs, sounding utterly bewildered.
I have a sudden thought that turns into an amazing idea.
"Okay, I'll do it, but I have one condition." I tell her with determination.
"You do?" Mia parrots my earlier response back at me, and also includes the quirked eyebrow.
"Yes, you have to get your brother to bid for me. No one else must win." I state my terms, hoping this will work out in my favour.
"One look at you and Elliot will be bidding, don't worry." she utters, with a roll of her eyes.
"Not Elliot, Christian." I tell her firmly. Mia's eyes widen as a bright smile takes over her face.
"You know my brother, Christian?" she asks with genuine curiosity.
"Not as well as I'd like." I tell her truthfully, and her eyes sparkle mischievously behind her mask.
"Oh, I'll certainly make sure he bids for you, my brother needs some fun in his life. I'm Mia, by the way."
"Ana." I reply, taking and shaking her offered hand.
I return her smile whole heartedly because it's good to officially meet her. Her photo's don't do her justice, she's a pretty little thing.
"Nice to meet you, Ana. Now, in about Ten minutes I need you to be stage side. Okay?" She says efficiently, before thrusting a numbered card into my hand, swiftly hugging me then flouncing off.
Stunned, staring at the black and gold gilded card with the number Eleven written on it, I continue on my way to the lavish bathrooms. After relieving myself, I head to the wash basins and after washing my hands, I remove my mask. My face feels cool, strangely bare and exposed without it.
I'm suddenly nervous, seeing myself in such opulent surroundings, and quickly touch up my make up and retie my mask. Hidden behind my ornate mask, I feel my confidence grow. I can do this. I look good, I feel good and truthfully, I want an excuse to have my arms around Christian again. Even if Mia and I have to dupe him into it.
What feels like only seconds later, I'm stood on a make shift stage being blinded by a bright spot light. I'm about to be paraded in front of the crowd, and I don't know if I should be thankful that I'm the last bid to be sold and all this will soon be over, or if I should have gone first and gotten it over and done with.
I don't really pay any attention to the auctioneer and the twaddle he's coming out with during his hard sell. I don't notice how the bidding is progressing at all, not until...
"Ten." a bored, but velvet voice I would recognize anywhere, states loudly.
Since stepping onto the stage, I've kept my gaze firmly away from the head table. I didn't trust myself not to do anything stupid if I caught Christian's eye. Gathering the courage to finally glance in the direction of Christian and his family has my mouth watering and my pulse pounding erratically. Christian looks utterly edible.
Most of the evening I've stared at Christian's back, which in itself was not displeasing. The way his broad shoulders shaped and sculptured his jacket showed only a hint of what was underneath, but you could tell he was toned and firm. I know first hand that that is true. Staring at the back of his neck, his scars just peeping over his collar was also enthralling. My fingers remember what it felt like to touch them. To run through his hair and curl around the nape of his neck. I remember the heat from his skin and how he trembled when my fingers involuntarily moved.
I feel my body shiver with the memory and vision that's accompanying it, and I need to get off of this stage.
Looking at Christian now, head on, is something else entirely. His suit is dark, sharp and tailored to perfection. His crisp white dress shirt, highlights his colouring, and the mask, oh, now that, puts him on a whole new level of sexiness all together. Looking closer, behind the mask, I can tell that Christian is bored. He's busy on his phone, trying hard to ignore Mia who's sitting next to him, nudging and coercing him into raising his bid card whenever necessary.
At her urging, he waves it in the air with no real interest at all, clearly only to appease her. It's written all over him that he'll do anything for her, and he is.
That can only work in my favour, right?
Well, maybe.
I chuckle to myself because it's clear to me, and everyone else around him, that Christian Grey could be bidding on a prized grazing heifer for all the interest he's showing. Even behind the mask and tyrant, grumpy, petulant attitude, he still looks striking though. He looks so strong and powerful in that sharp tailored tux of his. The fact his face is hidden, only adds to his natural allure and appeal. He looks so unobtainable and for use of a better word dangerous.
I still have the urge to run off this stage and jump into his lap though.
"Fourteen." I suddenly hear Will call out loud and clear, and it pulls me from my dreamy haze.
I roll my eyes, shake my head, and chuckle even louder, when I notice he smirks in Christian's direction as he does. I can't help but be pulled into his and Rebecca's glee and childish antics, but I will be chastising them both later.
Glancing around, reading the reaction from around the room a growing buzz reaches my ears. There are a few gasps, titters of laughter and stunned faces as Mia encourages Christian further. His strong voice calls out, "Fifteen." ringing with annoyance.
Wow, Fifteen thousand dollars. How did it get so high, so fast?
"Sixteen." A guy towards the back bellows deeply.
A few other bids banter back and forth between Will and the deep voiced guy, until once again Christian's voice dominates the room.
"Thirty, thousand dollars." Christian states with finality, before pushing Mia off of him with his shoulder. The room quiets down as his voice strangely echoes around the marquee.
No other bids are called.
"Sold, to Mr Christian Grey." The auctioneer calls, before banging down his hammer on the small wooden gavel and breaking the silence.
Christian, doesn't look up at the stage, or the person he's successfully won. He waves his bid card like he's swatting a fly, then closes up his phone. If I didn't sort of know him, I would be really offended right now. He ignores Mia as he stands, swigs off the dregs of his drink and turns on his heel to leave. I gape after him, embarrassment kicking in as everybody watches him leaving me high and dry.
My eyes don't leave his firm back as he strides from the room with determination and not so much as a glance my way. I notice Taylor move in my peripheral and slowly turn to face him. Surely he'll recognizes me, even with the mask? He does, and chuckles as he rolls his eyes skyward before following in Christian's footsteps.
Will, comes to my awkward rescue by helping me down from the stage. He leads me to his wife, who's waiting for me with open arms at our table. They're both clearly tipsy and enjoying themselves, as their exuberant greeting and overlapping conversations prove when I sit down to join them.
My eyes don't leave the exit where Christian disappeared, but I can't resist sharing a girlie giggle with Rebbecca as she hugs me tightly in congratulations. After a few minutes of excited chit chat, the lights around us dim further and the auctioneer urges the winning couples to take their place on the dance floor. My stomach fills with butterflies at the thought of dancing with Christian, and not only because I'm crap at it.
People rise and shuffle around me as the band begins to serenade the room with the intro it a slow, familiar ballad, and I know right then and there, that Christian has no intention of coming back. The dance floor fills up with mismatched couples as I eagerly, and stupidly, scan the room for Christian. I can't see him.
I shouldn't be surprised, but I am. I shouldn't feel disappointed, but I do.
As the couples begin to glide about in full swing on the dance floor in front of me, I'm glad I have the shielding of my mask. I can feel their eyes upon me as they breeze past me. Some emit curiosity for the girl that piqued Christian Grey's interest enough to bid. Some, hint at the smugness they feel over the fact I've been jilted, but most, are bouncing compassion and pity my way. Especially Mia, her mother and of course, Rebecca.
I loiter at our table until the dance is nearly over, then make a swift exit before Will and Rebecca can return to take their seats. I head out of the marquee feeling suddenly drained and with a strong urge to head home. I know is kind of unwarranted, because Christian didn't actually know it was me he was bidding for. I really shouldn't take this so personally, but that's really hard not to do when you feel like crap.
As I leave the safety of the lavish marquee unsure of where I'm headed, a figure in a sharp, dark business suit bushes past me.
"There seems to be a light on in the boat house, Miss Steele." A familiar voice whispers close to my ear.
"Thank you, Taylor." I exclaim with a sudden wave of excitement.
Pulling off my shoes, not caring who could be watching, I pick up the train of my dress and run across the grass towards the building Taylor indicated with a subtle nod. He heads off towards the rear of the main house, chuckling to himself as he does.
Reaching the building, I don't hesitate to push open the unlocked door and follow the dim light source I find inside. I locate Christian easily enough, but loiter in the doorway just looking at him. He'd look like a pure vision from the Gods, if he didn't look so tired and despondent right now.
Christian, is lounging on a large, wicker sofa. One of his legs is lifted, extended along the cushions. The other, still rests on the floor. He's leaning back, his head, resting on the padded arm. One of his arms is bent above him, his hand in his hair. His other, is holding an empty glass and lolls off the sofa towards the floor. The glass, only clears the ground by mere inches as he rocks his hand back and forth.
His suit jacket is open and his bow tie hangs loose across his chest. His face is free of his mask and his eyes are closed. He looks amazing, all sprawled out and somewhat relaxed. My perfect mirage is only spoiled as Christian's fingers move from his hair and begin pinching, and rubbing his forehead. I watch him. Taking him in from head to toe, it's clear that he really is a fine specimen of a man. Even with the deeply etched furrow to his brow, he's still so handsome. I want to run across the room and rub his imperfection with my thumb until it flattens out and disappears.
"You owe me a dance, Mr grey." I utter softly, hoping not to scare him.
I fail completely.
Christian nearly jumps out of his skin as he sits up sharply. He turns to face me and looks instantly livid. His posture hardens and he huffs as he shakes his head, clearly exasperated.
"Please, Miss, I apologize for my absence, but surely you must've realized that any friend of Mia's has..."
"Why are you avoiding me, Christian?" I interrupt him. Reaching up to untie my mask.
"Anastasia?" Christian breathes as his eyes meet mine and his whole being lightens. He stares at me like he's caught up in a trance, and I feel my smile grow. "You're here." he whispers.
I nod minutely and take a small step into the room. I see a twitch of hesitation, reluctance, something, and my smile slips just a tad as he seems to grow nervous and visibly pales. My eyebrow quirks, questioning his reaction and I'm unprepared for his response.
"Oh, Ana." leaves his lips, and it sound like a plea. "I'm sorry I left you. I never meant to abandon you like I did. I... forgive me." he says and suddenly appears so dejected.
He drops the glass he's holding and it bounces of the plush rug under his feet. His elbows drop to rest on his knees as his head falls into his palms. His eyes are now on the floor as he grips his hair tightly.
I automatically enter the room and close the distance between us.
"What's the matter? Are you okay?" I ask, my compassion for him suddenly overwhelming me. Christian nods, but doesn't say anything or look up.
The silence is deafening.
"Thank you, for the Flowers. They're beautiful." I whisper, trying to start some sort of conversation once it's clear that he won't. Christian nods, holding his tongue. "Speaking to you, would've been better." I add, hoping to encourage more of a response from him.
Christian chuff's. "I know, I apologise, but I was unsure of how I'd be received after what I did." he says softly, and that's all I get.
"I'm considering your job offer." I tell him honestly, and I know my gratitude and excitement is clear in my voice.
"I hoped you would." he chuckles to himself. His voice, becoming lighter.
I take a small step so I'm now right in front of him, and he begins to shows his nerves again. "What is it, Christian? Talk to me, please." I implore.
"I'm sorry, Ana. I don't mean to be rude and it's not as if I'm not glad to see you again, because believe me, I am, truly I am, but I can't get my head around everything. I..." his voice sounds so unsure and pained.
"What do you need to get you head around?" I interrupt, totally confused by his sudden gushing and look of sheer terror.
"I don't know how I'm supposed to do this, Ana. I don't even know what this is, never mind how I'm supposed to feel around you...I...They tell me to wait, but I wanted to call. Elliot mentioned dinner but I..." his voice is rushed and panicked.
"What do you mean? How you're supposed to feel. How do you feel?" I interrupt, my bewilderment clear in my tone.
Christian shakes his head, obviously frustrated and irritated.
"It's hard to make sense of it all. For years, all I've felt with the thought of you is anguish. Now, here you are, looking all kinds of beautiful and I want too..." his eyes leave the floor briefly and his hand wafts at me in explanation. Pride flows through me in confirmation that I look good and he's noticed. "And I've missed you and yet I can't, because I've never and I don't know what you want from me, and..." Christian continues.
"Christian, please stop. You're not making sense now." I snap firmly as Christian slumps further in on himself.
I stride over to him, take the seat beside him and drop my shoes on the floor. Taking hold of his hand, I pull it free from his hair and hold it tightly in mine.
"I don't know where you got the idea that I want something from you, but I don't." I utter softly, while squeezing his hand with mine.
"I know." Christian whispers.
"I know my coming here to find you was shocking, and brought you so much pain, but I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to meet you, help ease you, and myself maybe. I did hope we could become friends, but..."
"That's half the problem." Christian mutters. "I don't do...friends."
"That's because you've never wanted to share what happened to you, to us. I understand Christian. I've never let anyone close enough to realize I'd been keeping a secret, you've been the same, but everything you went through, all the things you've never wanted to share and have kept to yourself and hidden...well, I already know about them. Nothing can come between us because we have no secrets."
Christian is silent, but I know he understands what I'm trying to say. While I have his attention I decide to tell him what I'm really thinking.
"I know we share a past, Christian, and I'll be forever grateful to you for what you did for me and Tess that night, but I have to be honest with you." Christian's eyes flit to mine and I ignore my sudden nerves. "I have feelings for you." I say unhindered and I gush on as I see his eyes widen and hold mine. "I don't know what they are exactly, but I do know they're more than mere gratitude. I want to know you, Christian. I want to be close to you and... Do you have any feelings for me?" I ask, as soon as the thought pops into my head.
"Yes." He states firmly with a sudden fire in his eyes that makes me want to be in his lap again.
"Can I hug you?" I ask with no thought at all. Amazed, that my cheeks don't burst into flames.
Christian chuckles as he shifts next to me and I don't wait for his reply. I lift his arm, slide onto his lap and wrap my arms around his neck before he can even utter a word in refusal.
Christian, is hesitant and stiffens for a tenth of a second, before easing and pulling me closer into his strong, warm embrace.
I bury my face into the crook of his shoulder and take a deep contented breath. He smells divine, and feels so warm against me.
"Oh, Ana." he breathes against the skin of my neck, and there's no resisting the pull from him. I melt into every contour of him as his grip on my body tightens.
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