Hope, Grief, Anger and Fear!
Christian's POV:
"Dad you are never going to believe this…" I ought to laugh out loud at the irony, except I am sincere about this... I grip my hair and then shake my head. I can't believe I am actually going to say this out loud. Who would have ever thought that I Christian Grey would want such a thing, again?
"What won't I believe?" My dad says, partially annoyed at my reluctance to get to the point. But this is hard, I never spoke to my parents about relationships before and considering my relationship history, I never wanted them to know my preferences.
"I have offered Ana the CEO position of Grey Publishing, and am hoping that she will accept it and move back to Seattle." I start.
"Yes, we know that Christian" My father states.
"I am attempting to reunite my family, and I am hoping that Ana will decide to move back in with me. In fact, I have offered Ana a proposition, and she has accepted." I continue to inform my father and Elliot of the offer of divorce that she can accept, just after our anniversary if she decides she doesn't wish to be with me and her counter offer.
"Shit Bro, You have bigger balls than I thought," Elliot says laughing inappropriately. "Do you honestly think Ana is going to forgive and forget the way you screwed up? You better be outstanding in bed, or you are going to be the first person in our family to get divorced!" Elliot scoffs. I desperately want to make a comment back, but my father is first to speak, preventing me from speaking.
"Elliot! I think we all know that Christian wasn't solely to blame, for the mess that his marriage is in. Also, I would rather not discuss both of your sexual antics as you both have had extensive and varied experiences." Dad gives us scornful look and takes a sip of his whiskey.
"Christian, what else is it? What is it you are yet to tell us and need advice on?" Dad probes. I take a few deep breathes and run my hand through my hair.
"If Ana agrees to moving back to Seattle and reuniting with me, then I want to have another child with her." I sigh quietly to myself, and am unusually relieved that I finally said it. I wait for my dad's response and my brother's off-wit to hit, but nothing. Dad looks frozen, and Elliot looks as if all the air has been hit out of his lungs. Dad slowly pulls himself out of his silence. First he rubs his forehead as if he has a headache, he use to do this during my early teen days, when I got sent home from school for fighting. Elliot moves away from me and stands up, he is pacing a little.
"Christian, do you genuinely think that Ana is going to want to have another child? She has raised Ted; she may not want to start all again. You may be powerful and compelling, but even you have limits." My father points out.
"Say it Dad. Say what is actually on your mind" Elliot challenges. Our father looks away, Elliot gets angry and serious. This is a rather strange sight. "Fine, I will say it. Christian you don't want advice, you want reassurance. You want to know if you deserve to have another child, when you essentially ignored your son. And if you even have the right at such an opportunity to do so?" Elliot hits on the head.
"Who knew that you could be so analytical?" I tell Elliot rolling my eyes.
"Do you think you deserve another chance and why, should Ana do such a thing?" Dad asks. If I can't explain this to my own family, who love me, how can I to Ana.
"I probably don't deserve to, but I won't abandon Ana, and I won't let her leave this time. I love my son, and I always have, but I was negligent with Ted. I will live with this guilt forever. I want to experience having another child with Ana. If she says no, then it isn't going to happen. I can't and won't force her." I tell them.
"If Ana says yes, you will man up? If not then you will behave appropriately sexually?" My father asks.
"Of course I will" I say annoyed. I did have condoms on hand just in case.
"Wow, Christian you have done it haven't you? You have gotten Ana into bed already, haven't you? Wow, how the fuck did you manage to get her sweet ass into bed with you, so quick?" Elliot looks impressed. "Fuck, you haven't gotten her pregnant already without her knowing have you?"
"Ana is NOT pregnant. I haven't even spoken to her about it yet." I choose not to dignify my brother's comments.
The essence of my situation, is that I don't even know how to approach it. I will have to wait till she finally agrees to be with me, something which is becoming more and more possible with the emails that we have exchanged recently. Best of all she hasn't given me any indication of being unhappy. I feared she would blow up at me once she met her boss on Tuesday. I know she will just think that I am taking unfair advantage of my power over her career, but it is a means to an end. It is Thursday, and I am yet to hear anything about it.
"Christian, only you know the answer to your questions and concerns. My opinion and I am sure it will also be your mother's, is that we believe you deserve happiness and if Ana is willing then do it. Either way you will always have my support." My father gets up and hugs me. Shit it's been years since he has done that.
"Come on Christian, let's go out," Elliot states.
"Out where?"
"To a bar for a drink with me. I want you out of our parents reach before you take any more years off their lives." Elliot says with his trademark smirk. I reluctantly agree, knowing I need a drink.
Ana's POV
I am awoken by my alarm. Surely it isn't 6:30am already! When I open my eyes, I have to make sure I am not dreaming. In my room are a dozen helium, pale pink and white balloons that adorn my ceiling. I laugh at the sight, though it is beautiful. Who would ever think that Christian would organise balloons. Sitting up on my bed I see a series of flower arrangements around my room. They are pretty, and the scent off them is intoxicating.
I get up and notice there is an envelope next to the largest floral arrangement, with my name, Anastasia, written with Christian's hand writing. I suddenly feel isolated. It is a strange feeling and one that I haven't felt in years.
Good Morning Anastasia,
I trust you slept these last few nights, though to be honest and selfish I do hope you slept poorly, wishing I was next to you. Therefore, you are finally ready to share my room with me when you officially move in today. Yes, I know you thought you would move in tomorrow, but I rather prefer to expedite your relocation.
I hope you like the redecoration of your bedroom. I felt it appropriate and do intend to make sure this is the last night you sleep here. Heart and flowers, for you always.
Can I bring you some breakfast in bed?
Christian
Breakfast in bed? But that would mean that Christian is here now. He wasn't scheduled to arrive in New York until tomorrow. He had so much to do before he could return. My cell phone pings and I check it. It is Christian. Christian is here, and early. Trust him to know the second I have woken up. I can't help but smile at the thought.
*Are you awake and decent? I don't mind if you aren't decent. I do mind whether you eat or not*
I text back.
*Awake and remarkably decent. You may come in*
Within seconds, as it seemed, I hear a rattling from the corridor. I rush into my bathroom. I brush my hair and try to make myself a little more presentable. My subconscious questions me, if I don't know what I want, and am supposed to be a stronger person, then why am I concerned with a trivial matter, as my hair? I race back into my bed as Christian opens the door with a tray. He must have seen me race back in as he has his trademark, 'I know what you were doing' smile on his face.
"Good morning. I hope you are hungry" Christian asks.
"Yes, I am. Thank you" I tell him helping him with the tray. It smells fabulous.
"I will be right back" Christian has run out of the room quickly before I can even say anything. On my tray are English breakfast tea, granola and Greek yogurt with a small bowl of fresh fruit. I smile at the granola and yogurt. It had been my favourite breakfast from our honeymoon, and I haven't had it since I left Christian.
Christian enters carrying another tray, and he proceeds to sit on the bed. "I hope you don't mind me joining you. Ted is already awake and has had breakfast. He is off early as he has sports training at school" I nod, busily eating my breakfast.
"I meant to ask you, did he get upset over his car?" Christian asked.
"Interestingly enough, no. Well at first he was upset, but he then seemed to take it fairly well" I responded. Christian had organised for security to take away his car on Wednesday. It was his punishment.
"So you are back early. Did you get everything you need done back in Seattle?" I ask curiously.
"Are you unhappy that I am back early," Christian says insecure.
"No, just surprised. Just like I was when I woke up and saw the new decor of my room. Thank you I love it" Christian and I smile shyly at each other, and I desperately want to kiss him.
"I am here as I am going to ensure that you and Ted are moved into my apartment today. I have issued instructions to security." Christian states. He is control mode.
"Do you have to go to work today?" Christian says softly.
"Yes, it is Friday." Christian pouts at me. "Did you have plans?"
"I could think of a few growing issues, to fill the hours" Christians eyes grow dark and he traces the outline of my mouth with his finger. I am even more conflicted. I don't want to have emotionless sex, and that is all he can offer, considering the circumstances.
"I have a meet my boss today at 3pm. He cancelled our meeting on Tuesday for some reason." I inform Christian. His facial expression changes quickly.
"Oh," Christian says softly. "Have you thought more about taking over Grey Publishing? It would give you a lot more flexibility."
"Christian, it is a fantastic offer, but I do not know if I want to be a CEO any more than I did that day you bombarded me in my office at SIP years ago." I point out.
"Not much has changed then. Eighteen years later, and again, I am trying to get you to change your name from Steele to Grey and offering you Grey Publishing" Christian states. His eye brows have narrowed, and he looks uncomfortable.
"Finish your breakfast, go to work but try to leave early. Then I can finally have you and Ted moved out of this apartment and into mine, where you both belong." Christian orders.
"Belong? Someone is confident." I scoff and then laugh
"I am supremely confident. I intend to have you in my kitchen, barefoot and pregnant" Christian looks smug. I freeze at Christian's statement and he notices my immediate change in demeanour.
"What is wrong?" Christian asks.
"In your kitchen, barefoot and pregnant?" I restate. Christian shifts uncomfortably.
"It's a figure of speech, Ana." Christian clarifies, but there is a definite undertone in his voice that I cannot place. Plus he isn't making eye contact with me. "Do NOT roll your eyes at me" he points his finger to me. How does he know when I am going to roll my eyes? Can he read my mind? The tension increases between us.
I drop my shoulders and finish my breakfast. We eat in silence and once I have finished I excuse myself and head towards the bathroom. Glad to be away from the unfavourable tension amongst Christian and I, that has plagued us. I remove my clothes and step into the hot shower. The hot water feels astounding as it hits my back. I close my eyes and enjoy the calming effect.
My solace is only broken by the bathroom door opening. "Christian?" I call out. For a few seconds, there is a deadly silence.
"Yes," he says softly. I still myself, waiting for him to make his move. The muscles in my body tense remembering the extraordinary times we had in the shower. "I… umm… damn it... Ana, I am off now. I am going to my office. I have programmed my new work number into your phone and Ted's. Security will organise the move, and they will drive you back to the apartment after you finish work" Christian stomps out before I can stop him. I feel alone; curiously I start to grieve lost opportunities.
At 3pm, I am instructed to enter my boss Bryan's office. He rarely asks to see anyone one on one, so this is an unusual scene.
"Ana, take a seat. Do you want a drink?" He offers, smiling at me
"No, I am well. Thank you for offering" I smile back
"I wanted to talk to you about the future. I have been informed that a competitor is head hunting you and I should encourage you to leave HarperCollins" Bryan's expression is unreadable
"Who informed you of that?" I ask, annoyed. Bryan looks uncomfortable and doesn't want to answer.
"Bryan, was it Christian Grey?" I probe.
"Yes. I don't want to lose you. You would be hard to replace" he says.
"When did you speak to Christian?" I start to interrogate
"Very early on Monday morning" he confesses
"Bryan, I do not know what I am planning on doing professionally, but I promise that I will inform you as soon I have made a decision" I tell him respectfully and shake his hand. I am furious at Christian. How dare he!
I grab my phone and ring Christian
Christian: Anastasia
Christian voice is calm. He knows why I am ringing. I told him that I was meeting my boss today.
Ana: Why did you talk to my boss?
Christian: You know why!
Christian grizzles over the phone.
Ana: you bullying everyone won't get me to agree to move to Seattle and work at Grey Publishing.
Christian: Anastasia I didn't bully anyone, I simply made it known that you have an offer to further your career.
Ana: so you meddled.
I am so annoyed at his audacity. Christian groans
Christian: Anastasia I am not going argue on the phone. I will talk to you tonight. Go home and make yourself at home. I will be there shortly.
Ana: Bye.
I hang up before Christian does just so I can get the last word in. I can't let him control me like he used to.
An hour later, and still angry I arrive at Christian's apartment. Part of me want to go back to my apartment, but Ted's wish and need to have his father close by prevents me. All of mine and Ted's clothing, belongings and personal items have arrived. We haven't moved any furniture as there weren't any need. I walk past Ted's room, which is situated a few doors past mine. Christian via email asked Ted what he would like in his room, in terms of decor, furniture and he delivered. I think this is Christian's way to make Ted feel more at home and to make up for him never getting to use that room in the house by the sound.
I walk back into the main room and decide that with little else to do right now, except feed my anger over Christian's interference, I decide take him up on his offer to make myself at home and utilise his study. I connect my laptop to his internet connection and start to answer emails. I left the office so abruptly that I didn't check them beforehand. There is an email from an author, with a request for me to call her. I reach over to grab the phone and then see a familiar name on a file, 'Carla May Wilks Adams' My heart jumps to my throat, and I wonder if I want to read it.
I hold the file up. Christian must have done a general check of my mother. I hadn't spoken to her since that phone call to her when I was in the hospital. I changed my phone number, and of course I dropped out of contact. If Christian wasn't able to find me while I was pregnant, then there was no way my mother would have been more successful. She probably doesn't even know that she has a grandson.
Curiously I open the file and start to read it. Of course, there is a detailed background check, but it is dated, from the time I first started my relationship with Christian. I wonder if dear old mother is still married to Bob. I shake my head in disgust of my mother's husband jumping. I dig deeper into the file, and suddenly my heart stops. There in front of me was a death certificate. I never knew that my mother had died. According to the date she died five years ago. Regardless of what happened in the past and being treated as a second class citizen in her eyes, I was her only daughter, and I wasn't there.
Christians POV:
After spending the day at the New York office, I arrive back at the apartment, prepared for an argument with Ana. I need to make her realise that her taking over Grey Publishing is mutually beneficial.
I see Sawyer heading over to his quarters. "Sawyer, is Mrs Grey here?"
"Yes, She is in the study" he informs me. I raise my eyebrows and head off to see her. I open my door, and notice Ana looks dismayed. I expected her to be fuming, not with tears running down her eyes. I approach her quickly and then notice the file on her mother that Welch updated for me before I returned to Seattle.
"I am sorry Ana. I only just found out when I was in Seattle. I didn't know how to tell you" I inform her remorsefully.
"I understand. I just don't know how to feel. She has been dead for five years, and I haven't spoken to her for years. She didn't know about Ted." She says looking guilty.
"Hey don't beat yourself up over this." I tell her. I lift her up off the chair and wrap my arms around her. She buries her face into my neck and starts to cry. Really cry. Sitting down on my office chair, I pull Ana on to my lap where I can comfort and hold her. I feel at fault for Ana's emotional state, having left the file out. I have become too accustomed to living alone with security.
Ana buries her face into my neck. Whilst I hate that she is so upset, I relish the physical closeness between us. And whilst I wouldn't admit it to Ana, this is preferable to us fighting.
"Do you want a drink?" I ask then wipe some stray tears away.
"No," She says frowning. "I am still mad at you over my job, and we still need to talk about that" Ana manages to say in between her tears and sobs.
"I know," I tell her sadly
"It is just that I am more upset than mad right now" she admits.
"I hate that you have to be either. I want to make sure that you never have to be either." I tell her. Ana shifts so she can look me in the eyes. Her face is tear stained, but she looks beautiful still. That little 'V' above her eyes had made reappearance. I lean in to kiss it, and it is still so soft. I take her hand and place it against mine. I can feel our combined electricity and passion that only we can both produce together. I then hold the back of her hand, and slowly bring it down on to my chest. Ana eyes become wide.
"Christian, No. You don't have to do this" she tells me. Pain is seared into her eyes.
"I want this" I tell her adamantly, but softly. I place her hand on my chest, where my heart is. Her touch feels so right. "Undo my shirt" I ask. Ana obeys and carefully undoes my shirt and pushes it open. I replace her hand on my chest, this time, skin to skin. I don't flinch, rather it feel glorious. It's a feeling that I do not think I could ever get enough of.
Before I know it, Ana is kissing me passionately, taking full control. I allow her to take liberties with my mouth, but not allowing her to remove her hand off my chest. We both pant after we stop kissing.
"I love you Ana" I tell her.
"I love you too, Christian" I treasure her words.
"Please do not interfere with my job. I almost went back to my apartment after our phone call" Ana tells me softly.
"I promise, but you do know that you accepting my offer are professionally mutually beneficial. I would gain the best possible person to put at the helm of one of my companies and you would get to progress your career with a rather generous package. Professionally you would be making a mistake saying no!" I point out.
"My boss doesn't want me to leave. He may make me an offer I can't refuse" She smirks knowing that she is getting to me. My eyes narrow.
"You are making my palm twitch" I warn her.
"Don't I always." She smiles. Gosh I desperately want to take her to bed.
"Mom? Dad?" We hear from outside. Ana quickly moves off my lap, in fear of Ted walking in.
"Should I make some dinner? Is there anything you prefer?" She asks.
"Yes, you" Ana takes a deep breath out. I recognise that look on her face, and I have achieved my goal. However, I exit just as frustrated.
I had to laugh when Ana told me that she was going to make macaroni and cheese. Supposedly it is one of Ted's favourite as it is mine. After dinner Ted heads off to his room, rather intentionally I think.
"I am exhausted. Between work, to finding out about my mother and you, I need to go to sleep." Ana tells me.
"I am exhausting?" I ask concerned.
"You always have been. Lucky for you, you are worth it" Ana giggles. I move close to her and wrap my arms around her. I nuzzle my nose in her hair, loving the fact that she will
"Come and sleep with me tonight" I whisper into her ear as my hands start to massage her back.
"Christian, if I sleep with you tonight, then I may never leave" She confesses.
"Music to my ears" I can't help grinning.
"Time. I need time. Plus I am still angry over you interfering at my work and talking to my boss." I let go of Ana, and I feel frustrated.
"You are still angry over your work?" I ask
"Yes I told you I was" Ana scolds.
"You could take your anger out on me in bed." I suggest. Oh how I would love to put Ana over my shoulder and take her to my bed. However, Ana gives me her 'no chance' look.
"Fine. I am going to go to the gym upstairs and work out" I tell her sulking.
After a couple of hours at the gym, working off my frustration, I remove my clothes and throw them on the floor. I have a quick shower, pull on my pyjama bottoms and check my emails on blackberry. I haven't checked them since I got home, and they have backed up. I can't remember a time when I went so long without at least glancing at them, but I am finding it more and more enjoyable to spend time with Ted. If only I could have convinced Ana to come to bed with me. My room looks way too immense without her. I slip into bed and fall asleep.
"CHRISTIAN WAKE UP" I hear. It's Ana, and she is yelling. Her hands are on my shoulders, and she is trying to shake me awake. "WAKE UP" she screams!
I sit up startled and turn towards her. Fear has filled her eyes, and I have no idea what has happened.
Authors Note:
Apologies that it has taken me a week to get this out to you. Work is very busy. I am going to try to get a couple of chapters to you in the coming week as I am going overseas for a week with the family on Saturday.
Thank you so much for all your reviews and messages. I love them all. Please keep them coming. I love all your reviews.
Thank you to Crystal9034 for your editing!
Regards,
Maria Amore.