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Chapter Thirty Eight.
Hope.
Christian.
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Stretching, to a bright, sunny morning, I turn in my bed eager to see Ana. Shooting upright in bed, I search the room with wide urgent eyes, when I realise the space beside me is vacant. Fuck, it wasn't a dream, I know it wasn't. I can still feel her warmth around me, can still smell her on my sheets, on me. My eyes fly around the room looking for anything to validate that I didn't hallucinate last night. I flop back onto the bed, chuckling out loud and buzzing with relief, once I notice our discarded clothes and Ana's shoes, still laying on the floor beside the bed.
"Thank, fuck." I curse, overwhelmed with relief knowing she's still around here somewhere.
Keen to find her, I leap from the bed, but as my feet hit the floor my good mood and heart simultaneously plummet. Tess' bed, is still in the corner of the room where it's been since I bought this place, but today, it's empty. By now, she would've shuffled her way from her bed to mine and be urging me to rise, but not today, nor any other day either.
The weight of her absence hits me hard and it's truly painful. I've relied on Tess so much over the years that I've no idea what to do without her. I'm going to miss her so much, but she's really gone and I have to face that sad fact, and accept it. I feel heavy tears build in my eyes as my throat tightens and I need to hold Ana. I need to hold her now, she's the only one that can erase this heartache and loss.
Pulling on my discarded sleep pants, and after paying a quick visit to the bathroom, I head out of the bedroom in search of her. I'm flooded with disappointment by the time I reach the kitchen and there's been no sign of her. I quickly check the rest of the downstairs before heading back into the kitchen. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee is strong in the room and the pot is still hot, so I know she can't have gone far, or too long ago. Maybe, hopefully, she's just nipped home for a change of clothes or something.
Keeping my rising anxiety in check, and to give myself something to do, I help myself to coffee. I then head across the room to look out of the window, but it's only to appreciate the beauty of the day, and in no way to spy on my neighbour. My eyes get no further than the end of the deck. I smile, eased and content and despite the urge to run outside, I remain where I am, falling and indulging in the beautiful sight before me.
Ana, is sitting cross legged on a sun lounger about twenty feet away. She's hugging her coffee cup close to her chest as she looks out over the sand and calm sea. She's dressed only in my dress shirt from last night, and with her hair loose and flowing, by Christ, she looks beautiful. As I watch her, lost in her own little world, I wonder if last night has changed anything for her. It has for me. I don't want to let her go, I don't want to be without her. Not now.
Will she feel the same way? Will she want to stay with me? God, I hope so.
As if Ana can hear my mental hopes and desires, she uncurls her legs and snuggles herself down into the sun lounger. She smiles serenely to herself as her eyes drop closed and even with the distance between us, I can see the flush spread and highlight her cheeks.
I've a good idea what she's thinking about and I don't blame her. Last night, was full of firsts for the both of us. Last night, was something else. I've never been that close to a woman before. Never allowed a woman to be unrestrained and able to touch me so freely. I've never slept with a woman in my bed, I've also never slept so well. It was uninterrupted and dream free, full of heat and a consuming calmness. I loved every second of it, but I know it's only because it was Ana beside me. I've never found, or felt, anything that has come close to that before, and how I felt when she touched me was unexpected and sublime. I want her to touch me again, constantly.
I'm still a bit unsure of how I feel, or how I should act around her, but being with her feels right. I feel complete with her around me and I want to be with her. I want to lay my world at her feet and feel that I need to share it with her. I just hope she feels the same way. I know she feels something, she wouldn't have attended the Gala last night if she didn't, but how deep do her feelings go?
I can't believe how blatantly I shunned her at the Gala, if I'd have known she was attending I would have seated her close and danced with her all night. The evening could have been so different, but sadly, there was an inevitable outcome that no one could have foreseen. I will be forever grateful that Ana was there when I really needed her. I want to keep her close, but even if she decides against that she will never forget me. I was her first lover, and that's something special, right?
She said she wants to get to know me, be close to me. I've only strengthened that desire within her now, surely. I know last night was soul awakening for me, it proved how much time I've wasted on others. Will Ana think the same? Will she want me all the more now? I hope so. She's mine. I know she is. The feel of her touching my skin, the feel of her writhing under me and mirroring my movements, it was all so instinctual between us, for both of us. She must have felt that?
I was so at ease with her that I never worried for a second that she'd feel my marred flesh and be repulsed. The feel of her fingers on my skin was so euphoric that they brought on one of the most powerful orgasms and connections I've ever felt. She's a part of me. I know she is. I can't let her go. I don't want to let her go. I won't let her go. Not now.
I wonder if she'd consider moving in here with me? Her living only a few doors down is just wasted money. I wonder if she'd prefer to live in Escala? Does she even like the city? Maybe we could buy something together. Something with a view and a big yard. Maybe we could get a pup one day, together this time. Fuck, I'm getting so far ahead of myself here. I haven't even wished her good morning yet, and I already have her shackled to me for life. It's a very intriguing thought, though.
Ana, finishes her coffee and places her cup on the deck as I place mine in the sink in front of me. I keep my eyes fixed on her through the windows as I cross the kitchen and head out onto the deck. Ana's face brightens as soon as she sees me and I feel lighter instantly. She wants to be here. I can see that she does. I have the sudden, and very strong urge to throw her over my shoulder and run back upstairs with her.
She smiles up at me as her cheeks flush and she really is lovely, inside and out. On a day like today, all freshly mused, wearing no makeup, her hair blowing in the soft breeze and wearing only my shirt, she truly is breath taking. Fuck, I don't want her to leave.
"Morning, beautiful." I purr as I approach her.
Ana shuffles nervously on her sun lounger as my gaze leaves hers to trail down her shapely form. My eyes meet hers on their return journey, and there it is. What I've been searching and longing for. The spark, the connection, the ease. She smiles up at me coyly and by Christ, I want to hold her.
"Dance with me, Annie." I utter softly, offering her my hand as soon as inspiration strikes.
It's a good way as any to get my hands on her, and right now, I'm very keen to touch her. Her eyes flicker nervously for just a second before she shrieks with joy and jumps up onto the sun lounger. Surprisingly, she seems to want to be as close to me as I do to her, because she then throws herself into my arms.
Fuck, that was easy. She's right where I want her to be, and I didn't even have to beg.
"What are we supposed to be dancing too?" She asks, after she wraps her legs around me and I place my hands on her lower back to hold her more securely.
"We could always dance to the erratic beat of your heart." I reply. Chuckling to myself at her clear display of exuberance.
Placing my lips against the throbbing pulse on her throat, just to prove my point, causes her to mewl and her arms to tighten around my neck. I revel in her warmth and closeness, before swaying my body from side to side. She moans louder, squirming against me as I begin humming some random melody against her throat.
"Can't we just go back to bed, instead?" she breathes after a few moments. Her neck bowing into my lips as her legs tighten around my hips.
I laugh softly against her throat as I feel her skin heat with her embarrassment. She obviously didn't mean to say that out loud. "You want to go back to bed?" I ask, feigning shock at her brazen statement, but secretly, very eager to comply and highly amused.
"Yes. I... enjo..loved... last night and wish to do it again." She admits, her flush spreading further down her neck as I pull away to look at her.
"You don't want breakfast?" I ask, teasing to prolonging her torment.
She shakes her head in decline adamantly and I'm overjoyed with her response, her eagerness, and her clear candour.
"No, I really, really want to go back to bed... with you, right now." She retorts firmly, her confidence growing as my hands begin to wonder down over the swell of her ass.
"You're a demanding little thing, aren't you?" I utter playfully, before nuzzling into her throat and giving her behind a firm squeeze.
"Oh...you...you haven't heard my demands...yet... Mr Grey." Ana attempts to say with conviction, but only manages to moan and mumble incoherently into my ear.
"Oh, Miss Steele, I can't wait to hear them." I whisper, teasing her further.
I keep my lips busy, trying to control my laughter as Ana writhes in my arm. She moans loudly as I blow softly into the shell of her ear and tug the lobe into my mouth with my teeth. I'm truly loving her show of arousal and desire for me.
"Well, I demand that you take me back upstairs and never let me leave." she replies clearly and with no embarrassment at all.
I bury my smug smile into her warm, goose bump ridden flesh. I'm overjoyed that my silent prayers have been answered by her unexpected, but delightful request.
The grin takes over my face as I pull her close and without another word my feet begin to move. My chest rumbles with the euphoria I feel as I make a dash for the house. Ana squeals excitedly in my arms, holding on to me for dear life.
"What are you laughing at?" Ana asks quizzically as my laughter grows deep and loud.
"Oh, nothing. I just have a feeling that today is going to be a good day. A very good day indeed." I taunt her before winking suggestively at her.
"Hhm. I think so too." She replies, as her fingers entwine with my hair and her lips run up my throat.
"Fuck, Ana." I curse with a growl at the feelings she induces within me.
"Yes, please." Ana purrs into my neck and my feet take flight.
Once we enter the bedroom, I lunge for the bed once it's in range. I turn my shoulder into the mattress at the last moment, so that when I land, Ana is on top of me.
"Oh, I like you in this position, Mr Grey." Ana coos as she unwraps her arms from around me and trails her hands down my bare chest.
She surprises me, when she shuffles her legs free and sets herself down on top of my rock hard erection. Why is it, every time I manage to get her into my lap I'm wearing pants.
"Because you've brought me back to bed, does this mean you agree to my terms, Mr Grey?" Ana questions sweetly.
I nod, completely enthralled by the sight of her on top of me, all aroused and wearing only my shirt. When Ana takes hold of both my nipples and rolls them between her fingers, I grip the sheets beside me to stop myself from taking hold and just ripping the shirt wide open.
"Aren't you even going to try and negotiate with me?" Ana goads as she begins to grind herself firmly against me.
Totally unaware of the effect she's having on me, even though she can feel it to a certain degree, I roll with it all. I'm ultimately consumed by her every topping from the bottom move and just shake my head at her. I'm completely blown away by her and her growing bravado, not to mention how it feels because she's so close and taking control.
"No negotiating, Anastasia... I agree to your terms completely." I vow wholeheartedly and firmly. My eyes not leaving hers. Ana smiles down at me as she lowers her lips to mine.
"I thought you were some hot shot CEO?" she taunts against my lips, and before I can even think of a reply her lips claime mine passionately and I'm lost to her completely.
After a few gloriously minutes of giving her free rein over my body with her lips and hands, I can't contain myself any longer. I love her warmth, her familiarity, not to mention how she makes me yield to her. After everything we've both been though, all the pain we've endured, I can't lose this. We, can't lose this.
Taking hold of her hips in both my hands, I fluidly flip us over. She squeals in surprise when she lands on her back but my lips find hers before she can utter a single word. I pour everything I feel, but can't yet say, into our kiss, before lifting my lips from hers.
She smiles up at me, lovingly, clearly thrilled with where we are and what we're doing, but it dawns on me the longer I look down at her that I have a demand of my own.
"Forgive me, but I also have a demand...an amendment...a request." I state in between kisses to her soft, smiling lips.
"Oh you do, do you?" Ana baits as she wraps her arms tightly around me.
She looks up at me with such passion that I know this is the right thing to do. No matter how soon, or out of character this may be for me, I know it's the only thing I can do. It's the only thing I want to do. I need to do this, and I need to do it now. The thought of being without her is genuinely terrifying and something I never want to live with again.
"What's your demand?" Ana whispers, breaking my panic fuelled train of thought and the silence that's developed around us.
"Marry me..." I breathe reverently, before I lose my nerve, doubt myself, or even contemplate what her response could be.
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