Disclaimer: Mary and Marshall belong to David Maples. If they hadn't been misused by others I wouldn't be writing this.
Provoked Too – Chapter 20 – True Confessions
The door opens and Mary stands her eyes devouring the approaching nurse. "Mary Shannon?"
"Yes"
"Mr. Dieufus is in his room." Mary ignores Joanna's look of surprise at the strange name.
"Is he awake?" Mary holds Norah close.
"No, but you can sit with him. Talk to him. He may respond to your voice."
Joanna stretches toward Norah. "Want me to take her?"
"No. I think he'd like to see her. Hand me the diaper bag." She's hoping Norah will let him know it's alright to wake up, that people who care are waiting for him. Walking down the hall to Marshall's room, she imagines him enveloped by a web of wires and tubes. He should be fine. There was no blood. As if that alone testifies to his health. She takes a minute to talk to his guards, threatening their manhood if they don't protect Marshall. They'll have to do.
She stops in the doorway relieved to see only one tube and one wire. Even she recognizes the finger tip device and nasal cannula. That's good. But then why isn't he waking up? She approaches the bed, studying his pale face his cheeks darkened by stubble. She doesn't know as much about medical equipment as her partner, but she knows enough to tell that his pulse is steady, his oxygen level is good and his last BP is normal.
"Hey partner," she calls softly standing next to his bed. "You should see your hair. Guess you have good excuse for a bad hair day." She sets Norah next to him so she can finger comb it off his face. She knows he hates having it in his eyes. "C'mon, don't you have a ton of hospital trivia you're just dying to share?" She grimaces. "My bad. Living to share?"
He looks like he's sleeping. No frowns, no wrinkles. Even the crow's feet around his eyes from squinting in the New Mexico sun have smoothed out. Norah leans toward him but Mary holds her back. She watches to see if he is faking. Nope. Shifting Norah to her hip she gives him a soft kiss on the cheek. "You promised Doofus. You can't leave. I never released from that."
Mary gets the giraffe from the diaper bag for Norah. She knows Norah shouldn't be crawling on Marshall when he can't defend himself. Gently swaying with her little girl she speaks softly. "When I saw you fall it made no sense. How could that be you lying on the ground? There was no blood. The hole in your arm had stopped leaking." She sniffs at the memory.
"I don't remember much after that. I kept on thinking you can't be hurt. When we got to the hospital and they took you away the nurse thought I was hurt. She said I was going into shock. I've been in gun fights before. I've seen you shot before. What's different this time? Why did it hurt so bad? Damn it Doofus I care about you!"
It's strange not to hear the constant stream of trivia, comments, sunny observations and smart ass barbs that normally pour from his mouth. "You've got to wake up Marshall." Norah tries to grab a fuzzy spot on the blanket and Mary sways away from the bed. "I'm sorry I didn't go out there with you. I should have. I'm supposed to have your back." He's not her partner anymore, but she still feels that she failed him.
"Since you asked me to release you I've tried to keep you out of the Shannon drama-o-rama. Now that you're Chief it wasn't hard to do. You and the defective detective were busy with wedding crap and you didn't have time for your old partner." She shakes her head. "You two exceeded the perkiness per square foot limit." She drops her head. "Well, you used to."
"You once told Stan that I don't let anything go. That's not true Doofus. I let you go." She looks at his still body, holding back tears. "I let you go to be happy. I thought she made you happy. I released you to be happy, dammit." Mary snorts. "She wanted to arrest you! How's that for true love? You sure can pick 'em partner."
Shifting Norah to her other hip Mary takes his hand, rubbing her thumb over his knuckles. "I know you better than she ever will. You always do the right thing, by the book all the way. Except," she snickers, "we got creative with the book a few times." She presses her lips together because despite the pleasant memory, it feels wrong to smile. "You kept our witnesses in line with compassion. You showed them there was an upside to starting over. I just threatened them with the consequences."
Wrapping her arms around Norah she leans them both down checking his breathing, hoping for a change, for the flicker of an eyelid indicating he's still in there. "We make a great team. Made a great team. I miss you partner," she whispers. "When you asked me to release you, I was numb and I thought for once I could be a good friend, that I could do what you asked." She chokes back a sob, not wanting to upset Norah. "I can't, Marshall. It's just too damn hard. You left a huge emptiness in my life. Norah's the only reason I can . . . . and even she's not enough."
"Before Norah I don't think I'd know love if it bit me on the ass. Now I live in a world of fear and wonder. When I think of Norah I get this warm feeling right here." She puts her hand over her heart. "Is that love? Is that what it feels like? Because I feel the same way about you – except I'm not going to be wiping up after you."
Mary watches her baby blowing bubbles, but there's more on her mind. "You promised you'd stay alive." Setting Norah on the bed, she traces the sharp outline of his cheek her fingers teasing the sandpaper stubble. "You're important. You matter. That scares me." She takes Norah's hands to keep her from sticking her fingers up his nose. Her eyes fill with tears as she chokes out "I love you Marshall Mann."
Hearing footsteps she jerks back picking up Norah before the nurse comes in. She sits in the uncomfortable visitor chair, bouncing Norah on her knee. When the nurse leaves she checks Norah's diaper then watches her baby babble, standing to keep an eye on Marshall. When she thinks she sees him move she parks the baby on the bed for a closer look. Norah crawls forward stretching her hand toward Marshall's face. "No Norah," Mary admonishes quietly. Stubborn and determined Norah leans farther, almost touching his nose.
"Leave her Mare." Mary startles as she hears Marshall's raspy voice. His eyes are still closed. How long had he been awake?
He inhales deeply and his eyes flutter open. He turns his head and smiles at Norah. "Welcome back Doofus. You picked a hell of a time for a nap." Before saying any more, she pushes the nurse call button and tells them Marshall is awake.
By the time the nurse arrives Marshall's eyes are closed and he doesn't stir when the nurse starts unhooking him for transport. "They're ready for him in imaging."
Mary checks her name tag. "He woke up. Just before you came in. Why is he asleep now? What happened?"
"It's not unusual for patients with head injuries to awaken for brief periods of time. They can talk and even respond, but when they finally wake up, they don't remember any of it." Mary's relieved. Spilling her guts to a comatose Marshall is a universe different than doing it when he's awake. "He should be back in an hour," she informs Mary. "You'll be in the waiting room?" Mary nods, and hugs Norah like a security blanket, her eyes following Marshall's gurney.
Back in the waiting room she lets Joanna know what's happening then sinks into a corner chair and puts her feet up, her sleepy daughter on her chest. Seeing their eyes close, Joanna covers them with the blanket. Mary awakens to the susurration of the room's vents. Joanna is resting nearby. Mary peers under the blanket at her daughter and rests her head against the wall.
The next thing Mary knows, there's a nurse gently shaking her shoulder. "Mr. Dieufus is back in his room. You can go in now." Without a word, Mary sloughs off the blanket careful not to wake Norah. Diaper bag in hand she scurries to follow the nurse.
Marshall's eyes are closed when she gets to his bedside. She's preparing to sit when Marshall blinks, rocks his head from side to side then focuses on her. "Mare? How long?" he croaks. "How long was I out?"
Mary checks the clock. "About six hours."
He moves his head limbering up stiff neck muscles and reaches for the tube scratching his neck. "Leave that alone. They're draining the trivia out of your brain." She pushes the call button to let them know Marshall's awake again.
Marshall's brow furrows and his hand reaches for his neck. The nurse enters, smiles and takes his hand away from the bothersome tube, checking his pulse. "Leave that for now, Mr. Dieufus. You have a shunt installed to drain excess blood," she explains while checking the rest of the monitors. "Glad you decided to join us."
Marshall grimaces and blinks. "What did you say?"
Mary snorts finally having something to smile about. "It's your name," Mary insists. "Marshall D-I-E-U-F-U-S." Then she whispers, "We didn't want your real name on the hospital's records."
Marshall glares at her. "Let me guess. You came up with it?"
Mary shrugs one shoulder. "Yeah. Had to have something easy to remember." She looks at the nurse. "How is he doing?"
"His vitals are good."
"He's right here," Marshall protests.
"Yes, Mr. Dieufus," the nurse apologizes. "Track my finger. Do you know what day it is?" She proceeds through the questions which Marshall answers correctly – except for his name. "Your temperature is 98.4, you blood pressure is 114/75 and your pulse rate is 54. All normal," she assures them. "I'll tell the doctor and he'll be here to go over the MRI and CT results. Nice to meet you Mr. Dieufus," she smirks.
Marshall groans and closes his eyes. "You're enjoying this."
"Damn straight. There's been way too little to smile about today. Hey, Bug!" She reaches for Norah who had crawled onto Marshall's chest. Norah creeps up on her target. She tweaks Marshall's nose and he responds with a weak 'honk,' much to the baby's delight.
Marshall finds the bed controls and elevates it so Norah scoots down to his lap. He goes to take her hands but the bandage on his left arm keeps it from bending all the way. He still manages to do patty cake, making her smile. Now that he's sitting up he can see the two men outside his door.
"What's with the guards?"
"After the firefight in the warehouse someone called you by name. Do you remember that?"
He smiles broadly at Norah and guides her hand to her nose. "No, I don't."
"That's why you left the room. The cavalry arrived, there was a lot of shouting and someone called your name. You got out from behind the wooden desk. Do you remember that?"
"In that warehouse office? We used it for cover?"
"Right." She's relieved he remembers something. "Then someone called your name, you walked out into the warehouse." She hesitates to fill in the blanks, but if it was her, she'd want to know. "Caldwell saw everything going to hell and figured he'd take it out on you."
"He shot me?"
"Yeah. Lucas and Michael took him down. He's in federal custody."
When she sees the doctor in the doorway, she moves away, taking Norah. The doctor explains what happened and shows Marshall the scans. "What's this?" Marshall points to a bright blob near the base of his skull.
"Very observant. That's to drain the hematoma. It will be removed later today."
"When will I be discharged?"
"We're keeping you for observation tonight. Once the shunt is removed it takes a few hours to make sure there's no additional bleeding. While we're waiting you can order something to eat. The nurse will bring you a menu. I'll be back to check on you once the shunt is removed."
Marshall plants his head on the pillow, discouraged. He doesn't want to be here. Who is going to trace the tentacles of Caldwell's connections? Until they know more he isn't safe and neither is anyone with him.
When the nurse leaves Marshall pats the bed next to him shifting his gaze from Norah to Mary. "I want to see my Norah girl, if that's okay with her momma."
Mary sits Norah beside him. "I can bring you some real food," she offers as he peruses the menu the nurse left.
"No, it's okay. Anesthesia and pain meds make everything taste odd anyway. But I could use some water." She hands him a cup and a straw. He drinks then puts it on the tray table and scrabbles for the bedside house phone, holding it out of Norah's reach. While he waits for the kitchen to answer, he points to several items, silently asking if Mary wants them. She shakes her head. Once he's placed his order he sits back thinking about what the doctor said. "A bullet has considerable velocity. The helmet's bullet proof but that doesn't eliminate the impact." It's a relief to know the reason he passed out. "What else have they found out about Caldwell?"
"He was blackmailing an FBI agent and an AUSA," Mary tells him. "We're not sure how far his connections go. I called Stan and he had extra marshals assigned to make sure he stays locked up."
Marshall cocks his head. "Did you transport him?" his voice is still scratchy.
"Nyah. If I hauled him in he'd only make it halfway. He's a disgrace to the Marshal Service and the human race. The world would be better off without the damn prevaricating dirt bag."
"Prevaricating? Pretty fancy vocabulary for a Jersey girl." He's trying for their normal banter.
"I've been trying to clean up my act," she nods towards Norah. "Kids only say the words you don't want them to."
"True." Marshall holds his finger out for Norah to grab.
Mary clasps her hands and shuffles her feet wondering if she did the right thing. "I didn't call your folks, or Abigail. I didn't have anything to tell them till now."
"Good," he sighs. "Mom would be on the next flight out. I'll tell her when I call."
Mary cut her eyes at him with her 'sure you will' look. Marshall turns away. She reaches for Norah but Marshall protests. "I got her, Mare."
After minutes of awkward silence and baby babble Mary clears her throat. "Lucas said I should talk to you." Marshall raises an eyebrow. He had noticed that Mary is wearing a man's jacket over her marshal's windbreaker.
"He said I need to figure out why I freaked out when you fell." Hands at her sides she has yet to look him in the eye. "Maybe I can't do the job anymore. Maybe having Norah has made me soft."
"Mary," he chided. "That's not true. You rescued Davey. You took out two gunmen! You protected your witness. That's not someone too 'soft' to do the job."
"Yeah, well," she fingers the zipper of the windbreaker. "Heat of the moment and all that."
"Exactly," he agrees. "You did the right thing, despite shots being fired, despite the confusion of the raid. When you saw that Lucas and Michael were unable to return fire you did. You saved their lives."
Mary still won't look at him. "Then why did I go into shock once we got you to the hospital? There was no blood, you were fine just seconds before. You talked, walked, and then boom, you were on the floor." She looks at him her brow furrowed. "You scared me."
Holding Norah firmly with one large hand, Marshall reaches for Mary's. "Sorry Sunshine."
Finally she looks at him. "Why do you think I did that?" She always looked to him for answers. She knew she was blind when it came to herself.
Marshall watches Norah twist her hands and stuff them in her mouth. "Mary, I can't tell you. Only you can figure it out."
Mary harrumphs. "What happened to your peed a terror in my head?"
"Pied a terre," Marshall corrects automatically. "Maybe you should talk to Shelley?"
As expected she frowns and protests, "Sure, my favorite thing. Talking about my feelings to a shrink. You know I never talk to her unless I have to."
Marshal gives her a small smile. "If you can't figure it out, maybe you have to. Look at it this way. You haven't seen her after rescuing Davey. And you fired your weapon today. You'll be fulfilling the requirement for counseling for both events and you can talk to her about why you went into shock. Better than a twofer. More like a threefer."
She punches his arm lightly, grousing, "You're no help."
Knowing Mary has had her fill of dealing with her emotions Marshall nods, eyes on Norah, "Uh huh."
"Could you get me more water?" he gestures toward the carafe on the nightstand next to the bed. She refills the cup. He sips, then hands it back.
Marshall has stopped watching Norah, his eyes now on Mary, making her nervous. "I feel about you the way I feel about Bug," she blurts.
Marshall's eyes open wide and he reaches for her free hand. "What do you mean Mare?"
"Well I'm not going to be changing your diapers." Then she shudders and looks away. "When I think of you I feel, I dunno, warm?" She rubs her chest. "And it's not heartburn. Crazy huh? What is that? And don't tell me to ask Shelley."
"We're friends, best friends. Friends care about one another." Marshall refuses to believe she means anything more. Earlier he thought he heard her say she loved him, but he could have been dreaming. After all this time, he's not about to get his hopes up.
Mary picks up Norah, holding her like a shield. "No," she sniffs, "not like that. We used to fit together like two puzzle pieces. When you asked me to release you, it left. . . you left a hole in my life, in me." She hugs her daughter tighter. "Nothing has hurt like that since Daddy left."
Mary had relied on him. He promised he wouldn't leave then he asked her to release him? How does that track? He'd let her down. "Mare? What are you saying?"
"All I know is that this is different. When I saw you fall I saw a world without you in it. I don't want to live there Marshall."
He reaches for her, stroking Norah's back. "What do you want?"
She sniffs. "I want you to get well. I want to . . . . get out of here and think. Lucas told me to look at how I reacted and figure out why. I can't. It doesn't make sense."
"Not even Mary sense?"
She smirks. "No, not even Mary sense."
"If you can't talk to Shelley yet, talk to Lucas. He's done a lot of counseling."
"He said I should talk to you. You know me better."
Marshall puts his head back looking away from mother and daughter. "Let me get out of here first. We can deal with the other stuff later. Besides we need to make sure I'm not still number 1 on somebody's hit parade."
A/N: Thanks to everyone who is reading or following this story. Special thanks to MEg, the lone ranger, er ah, the lone reviewer!