Chapter 9
"I almost miss seeing them eye-fuck at this point," Chris complained before sitting down next to Mara at the school library.
The old lady sitting at the front desk glared at him from under her glasses, and Chris gave her an apologetic smile.
"Will and Noora?" Mara asked in a hushed tone, closing her book and looking at him.
Barely anyone ever came to the library when it wasn't exam period, but they remained cautious and tried not to show there was anything more than friendship between them. Though Chris couldn't hold back from gently lifting Mara's chin with two fingers, enjoying the short contact while it lasted.
"Who else? Will just shut a door to my face to make out with Noora in an empty classroom. Not to brag or anything, but we're much better at keeping our relationship a secret than they are," he answered, whispering this time.
"That's because he doesn't try to hide it from you," Mara said matter-of-factly. "Don't you ever want to tell him? Sometimes I forget why we're hiding in the first place."
"Because you're off limits and I broke the cardinal rule of friendship by going for my best friend's little sister, and also I'm too pretty to be forever disfigured by your brother," Chris listed all the reasons why it would be a terrible idea to come clean to William.
"Just wear a helmet," Mara replied in a sarcastic tone. "We've been sneaking in and out and lying to everyone for almost four months now."
"I know..." Chris sighed in defeat.
As much as he would like to joke about it, he too was getting tired of constantly having to watch over his shoulder and lie to his friends. Especially about Mara. For the first time in his life he was dating a girl he actually wanted to be seen with, and by a sick twist of fate, he wasn't allowed to.
"Let's not think about it," Mara decided for them both. "Russ time is coming, have you received your russebukse1 yet?"
"Last week yeah. I'll send you a picture," he said with a wink. "I'll be wearing this and nothing else."
"It's a relief to know that you'll always be true to yourself, Chris," Mara laughed fondly before remembering they had to keep quiet. "Will you stop by tonight?"
"I have to do something with the boys first but sure," he seemed to think about how long it'll take him. "I'll always make time for you."
Mara's heart jumped in her chest but she tried not to let it show through her expression. It was the closest thing Chris had ever said to actually voicing his feelings for her. She wasn't one for openly displaying her feelings and she didn't like it when her partner did it either. Never in her wildest dreams did she think Chris was the kind of person to talk about sentiments, but whenever he said something sweet, it stirred something within her.
"I want to kiss you so bad right now," she admitted as she concealed a bitter laugh. She shouldn't have to hold back from kissing her own boyfriend.
"Why don't you?" He asked, leaning over the table and smiling seductively, one of his eyebrows raised in question.
"You know why," Mara said. "And because the old lady is staring at us, I bet she's just waiting for something like that to happen, it'll give her a reason to yell at us."
"William and Noora do it all the time, why should we behave at school if they don't?" Chris asked, making a very good point.
"Wanna get naughty with me in a dark corner?" Mara smirked leaning a little closer toward Chris.
If anyone else than the librarian were watching them, they'd see right away that these two were together. But no one was there except a girl at the far end of the room, her nose dived in her book.
"Fuck yes," Chris admitted, vehemently showing his frustration because he couldn't do so as he pleased. "And you know what else I want to do? I want to take you out."
Mara practically snorted – not out of disdain, rather out of sheer surprise and disbelief.
"Like a date?"
"Exactly. A date." Chris nodded and without thinking about it, his hands move onto the table to cover hers and grazed over her knuckles. "It'll probably suck because I've never done this before, but we'll get better with practice."
"Do you realised what you're saying?" Mara had to make sure he fully understood what he was saying. "We've been secretly seeing each other for months-"
"We're not seeing each other!" He frowned in dislike when the words tumbled down Mara's lips. "As far as I'm concerned, you're my girlfriend. We kiss, we laugh together, we fuck, we sleep together, we support each other, we do everything but formalize it. I-"
The next words remained stuck in the back of his throat. He wasn't going to say that, Mara knew it.
"I know," she said. "I feel the same."
The truth was that neither of them was frustrated the way William and Noora were. Those two were sexually frustrated, because sneaking off to an empty room at school and making out on a desk was the closest they ever got to reaching third base, but it wasn't the case for Mara and Chris. They had sex, they kissed, they slept in like any other couple. They had it all except the small things. They couldn't touch in public, they couldn't kiss good morning when they arrived at school, they couldn't go out after school. They craved something drastically different from Will and Noora. It was easy finding a room void of people and stealing a few kisses, they had been doing so for months. But no amount of physical intimacy would replace the total and utter satisfaction of being able to sit on your boyfriend's lap in a room full of people who didn't care.
Meanwhile, their fellow students started coming up with far-fetched theories about what was going on for P-Chris to deny his attention to all the girls that hit on him at parties. Mara they were used to see alone because everyone knew she only dated guys from other schools, or older boys. But Chris had never been out of the spotlight for very long. Rumours began to pop up here and there.
"Come with me," Mara said and gestured Chris to follow her as she stored her book back on its shelf and left the library under the librarian's nasty glares.
It was twenty past eleven, everyone was either in class or outside, but the hallways were empty, not a sound was to be heard apart from that of the chalk hitting the blackboard coming from the classrooms. Mara took Chris' hand, and he looked at her with a stunned expression, his mouth slightly agape.
"We're alone here," she told him. "Let's pretend for just a minute that we're a normal couple, yeah?"
He didn't answer, instead he smiled at her and let go of her hand to wrap his arm around her shoulders pulling her close enough to kiss her temple. It was so simple, and so nice. Mara almost tripped on her feet when Chris had pulled her to his side and she giggled silently, bringing an arm around his waist as she snuggled his side in a way she had wanted to for a long time.
"I'm sorry we have to hide all the time," Chris apologized though it wasn't his fault.
"Don't be. Better this than nothing at all," Mara reassured him, letting her head rest against his shoulder and breathing in his scent. Chris smelled of expensive perfume and something else, something fresh she couldn't quite put her finger on.
She wouldn't trade her relationship with Chris for anything in the world. Nothing could make her regret her decision to tell him she liked him that night at the party. No matter how close she was with her brother, Mara would never give up her own aspirations and dreams for William's personal preference. If he didn't approve of her romantic interest, then he would just have to deal with it and suck it up because Chris was not going anywhere. But there was no need to tempt fate and make things worse than they might turn out if Will found out in his own time and place.
"Hey, want to hear a good one?" Mara asked, trying to move to a lighter subject.
"Shoot."
"Noora's friend - I heard them talk about you this morning in the hallway when I was at my locker - one of them, Eva I think, has a theory on your sudden and weird behaviour with girls!" Mara rolled her eyes at that and Chris smiled this smile she loved so much and that creased the corner of his eyes. "It's my favourite so far, really, it's very imaginative."
"Just tell me already!"
"She thinks you're gay, and that you're secretly seeing this first year guy, Isak?" Mara wasn't sure about the name, but when she heard 'Chris' and 'gay' in the same sentence this morning, she almost chocked on thin air.
"Fuck, I thought I was being discrete about it!" Chris swore and for a second, Mara thought he was just joking along, but then she realised he was being serious and pulled back to give him a hard glare. "It's not that, Mara!" He laughed when he realised how it might have sounded. "Last week Isak's friend, Jonas, got jumped by the Yakuza guys. They've been after us for a while now and I told him to keep in touch if anything happened."
"Anything I should be worried about?"
"I don't think so," Chris said.
That was a huge difference between Chris and everyone else: he didn't lie. He didn't care about being blunt or indelicate, he just told the plain, cold truth. If there was any danger, he would have told her. But just like sometimes he looked at a situation on too bright a side.
"Someone's coming," he added, quickly removing his arm from around Mara.
She was cold where Chris' arm rested seconds ago, and the abruptness of the separation almost felt painful. It wasn't supposed to be like this. They shouldn't have to act like they were guilty of something. Soon enough, a group of three girls walked through a door and their short but blessed moment of intimacy was over. A regretful gaze and sheepish smile was all they could give each other now that they had a public, however small it was.
"Still want to take me on a date?" Mara whispered.
"Tonight?" He asked, waiting for her to nod. "I'll pick you up at seven sharp. I'll text you before I leave so you can join me outside."
"Deal. Don't be late."
She smiled and with a wink and a twirl, she was out, leaving him in the hallway. She was completely oblivious to the way he watched her leave until she was out of sight.
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