Chapter III

For the first time in Hester's life the month of June wasn't playing a friend of hers. First of all the war news brought some terrible facts into her life which were that the Germans started to bomb poor Paris making her father to go pale on his face and wonder deeply on his recent trip there, remembering all the wonderful sights which might have been destroyed forever. Later Italy declared war on France and the United Kingdom making everyone shocked because it was the ally of both in the previous war.

Many more news were also heard by Hester and her family but they didn't matter as much when it came to one and certain morning in the warm month of June. Even though Hester finished writing her exams which she passed perfectly and was guaranteed a place at the Music High School in Upper Glen and so where she wanted to go since always, Hester wasn't thinking about that at all as it didn't matter to her on the day after her older brother Selwyn turned eighteen years old.

It was a foggy morning and it was extremely early when Hester woke up to see it with sleeplessness written all over her pretty face. Hester was in a state of a complete blankness of her mind and a total numbness of her body on that morning. Her head wasn't full of music, as it always has been, but of silence instead. She didn't even think about brushing her hair but only her teeth and also washing her face although just with water because soap didn't cross her mind at all.

When she sat down at the kitchen table and started eating her breakfast with both of her parents sitting across the table from her, both glancing at the empty chair beside their daughter, Hester felt as if her world was falling apart.

It was only when the silence of the House of Dreams was broken by Selwyn's steps from the upstairs filling the atmosphere, Rilla's eyes turned wide with expected fear and Ken's hand found her own under the table at the same time as Hester's eyes were focused on the doorway expecting her older brother to appear there in any moment. Selwyn sat down next to Hester with a relaxed expression upon his young face although his eyes were quite serious and stern-looking, as if a flash of anger towards his own decision was creating a rage inside his soul.

Rilla, Ken and Hester looked at him almost afraid to say anything at all and just as soon as Ken opened his mouth to ask Selwyn about his decision, his son looked up at him, Rilla and Hester and said in his old calm voice: "I talked to Walt and John yesterday and we decided to enlist a day after John will turn eighteen." his fists clenched for a split of a second and when relaxed again it seemed as if he released a ball formed of his nerves into the air.

Hester felt that her face started to heat up and her heart started to miss a couple of its beats. She needed to hug him and hold him close to her for as long as she could and was allowed to, she just needed to but she knew that their parents had to speak before her and the waiting caused small rivers of tears stroll down her cheeks gently, almost unnoticeable for anyone to see.

"We will always support you, son. Whatever your decisions will be." Ken said, his own voice struggling to be heard as he smiled at his younger son with pride mixed with inevitable fear.

Rilla stood up from her seat and marched towards Selwyn. She silently put her shaking small hands on his cheeks and raised his head to kiss his forehead tenderly, a soft smile appearing on both her and Selwyn's lips, the same inherited smile they both shared. "May God always keep all you dear and brave boys safe." she whispered and decidedly forbid herself to sob, even a little.

Hester's lips twisted downwards and as soon as Rilla came back to the kitchen not knowing how to wash the dishes properly and Ken grabbed a newspaper not knowing how to read the first title at all, Hester immediately put her arms around her beloved and kind brother as if afraid to let him go anywhere where she wasn't. "I'm so proud of you.". she whispered into his ear.

Selwyn hugged his sister back and kissed her cheek gently "Hester, what I am about to do is not something I will be proud of in the end." he whispered back with a faint sound of regret and fear in his voice.

Hester sat back up and looked directly into his eyes, still having her hands wrapped around his neck "Can't you stay then?" she whispered again although her eyes remained hopeless.

Selwyn smiled softly at her "You know I can't, Hester." he said "This is what I have to do, what many others did, are doing and will be doing after I do as well. It's not a wonderful duty one must fulfill but I will do my best to do just that."

"We are sure you will, son." Ken said finally, giving up on reading his morning newspaper althogether.

"Oh, my darling baby…" Rilla put down her apron and put her hands on her son's head protectively "I am so very proud of you." she whispered and then put her hand on Hester's head too "Of both of you becuase I know myself how hard this will be for you Hester too. I was in your exact same position all those twenty years ago." she looked briefly at her husband who smiled at her lovingly and knowingly at the same time "But," she kneeled down to the level her two children's faces "-I'm sure that both of you will only make us proud, whatever you'll do." she looked at Selwyn again "And you, my dear boy, have to make sure to always be safe if not for your own sake then for your family's." and she smiled bravely through forming tears in her hazel eyes.

"I promise." Selwyn replied seriously and then let his mother and sister to embrace him tightly, knowing that he would need that hug from both of them more then ever before in his life.

26th July 1940

Dear Diary,

I haven't written in here for a while again, I apologise for that. I just have been so busy I can't believe it myself. Although I finished my exams a while ago, I started composing this one song which is in my head all the time, especially when the sun shines through the clouds and I look up to the sky and see it. I called this song "Hope and Our Rainbow Valley" because the sound of it is the definition of both. It's very hard to compose, very hard indeed, especially for a person like me who is still learning how to interpret notes the notes and write them down to reflect what is in my mind.

This song will be for, I calculated, ten violins, four cellos, one piano and two basses. So I have lots and tons of notes to write and experiment with myself. Miss Posy is a dear and helps me to plan out what to write first and how to mix it with the whole idea that's in my head. She herself thinks that once I will write down the whole song, it will be beautiful and I can only hope that it will sound as beautifully as it does in my mind.

That's why I spend so much time in the Rainbow Valley too, I take my violin or my cello along with the pieces of paper and a pen and I play, play, play for at least three hours straight. Nobody minds though and Grandma Anne with Grandad Gilbert come often to sit down under the White Lady with books in their hands and snacks on the blanket on which they sit and that is how half of my day would be filled.

Of course that's not what I do all the time and all day long, I can't considering the fact that so much is going on both around me and in my mind (apart from that song I just wrote here about).

I suppose that the reason why I didn't start off this entry with the fact that my brother Selwyn and his friends Walt and John enisted to the LFC is because Selwyn told me not to make it such a big deal. But it is. And such an important one.

When all three of them marched off "to town" as they say, I couldn't sleep that night at all, I couldn't focus on anything and I couldn't feel anything too. It was just like when Gilly enlisted with Marshall, the same feelings but stronger somehow. I suppose that the reason for them being stronger is because it's Selwyn. It's the poetic brother of mine whose heart is so sensitive and seeks beauty in the world every single day. I love him for that but the world of war hates hearts like his and he knows that well.

But just like Uncle Walter, our Mum told us, Welwyn feels that it's his duty to go and fight for the peace in the world and although it is a very honourable cause I am afraid for him. I am afraid more for his soul to come out of the war damaged than for him to… to die. I'm sorry my hand is shaking so I will go and fetch myself some tea to settle down.

I'm back now. I can't help but remember how similar both Selwyn and Uncle Walter are. I just hope that there's no fate in this world and no destiny although I am a strong believer of both. But I just hope and hope that Selwyn isn't destined like his Uncle Walter was… to perish. Mother said that she thinks the whole idea ridiculous but I could see how the hairs on her skin stood up at the thought and how her face got pale.

Selwyn returned with his friends in khaki uniforms and only then I realised how grown-up he is already since putting on this uniform. He suddenly got taller, Dad said as well, and his shoulders got broader I think too. He is so handsome and so dreamy, still, on his face. I am so proud of him, so very proud my heart is aching at the thought that my older brother is so brave and wonderful.

Selwyn, John and Walt are meant to leave for their training in two weeks time and so they still have some time to spend with all of us. I am especially grateful for this time because all of our cousins are here back at home and we can all spend the time together before the "Three Muskeeters" will go on their training.

However it is just the beginning of all the news and happenings in our not-small family. Because Walt enlisted, he looked up to the example of Marshall and he too proposed to his sweetheart and that is Cornelia of course, Vance's older sister. But Walt was much luckier than Marshall because now Cornelia is wearing a shining old diamond ring on her right hand with pride in her eyes. Yes, they got engaged and the very fact that they did and that they're so happy together gives my heart "a happy sigh", as Selwyn said.

But of course their engagement means a further agony for John, who is still in love with Cornelia. This is all a big secret and I only know about it because Selwyn told me one day but I can also see it clearly all over John's face whenever he looks at the beauty Cornelia Douglas is.

I feel so sorry for him but not as sorry as I feel for Lily. My darling friend Lily who hates the very idea of John being somewhere not especially close to happy. She is desperately in love with him. Some might think how is that possible that she feels that way about him when they don't really spend this much time together but I and our Group knows how that's possible. They exchange letters, millions of them. Lily is at Queen's of course and John was and is still in Glen and so their correspondence is a bit of a secret to everyone. Lily said to me yesterday when she and I took a lonely walk down the Rainbow Valley that John makes her feel much more alive and that he is the most positive and funniest person she knows. Her eyes shine so much whenever she speaks of him that it makes my heart hurt because I know how happy she would be if John would see her in this special light in which she sees him.

Maybe one day he will.

I was writing about Lily and John so much not just because it is the topic which is very complicated and weighs on my soul too but also because I am really dreading to write the next piece of news, much more important to me news I will be selfish enough to say it.

My brother Gilly and his friend Marshall headed off to the front last Friday and we just got Gil's first letter from France (although he changes his location almost everyday) yesterday. He says that he is happy that he has something to do now and that he finds being a pilot very inspiring although he did imagine it differently, just like Uncle Shirley said about his own flying experience.

Gilly, the Flight Lieutenant, is still excited although I can read through his letter that the reality of the war is "slowly dawning upon him", the phrase I used here is what our Dad said and I will believe in everything he says especially because he himself had seen the war with his own eyes.

I am so proud of Gilly, we all are. When Mum read Gil's first letter from the front she held it up in her hand and tears started to fall down her cheeks as she said: "My boy! My boy is a real hero!" with such pride in her eyes I myself started to tear up because these are my feeling exactly.

I am scared for him, immensely scared to tell the truth. But then I do have faith and I do have hope and courage just like my Mum has told me to have because I can see that she has all of those qualities herself. She is so very strong, Dad and Grandad Gilbert always say that and I say it now too.

We all have hope that both Gil and Marshall will come back home safe and sound even if this will take ten years, they will come back.

I am so thankful that my brother is "over there" with Marshall because I know that they are looking after each other. Vance got a letter from Marshall yesterday too and she said that from what he was writing she could feel that his spirits lifted up a bit since Jo and their 'disagreement'.

Jo doesn't write to Marshall but she does write to Gilly. He admitted that it really annoys him and that she herself starts to annoy him very much although they have been friends until Jo rejected Marshall's proposal. Gil wrote to me that he told her through a letter of course, that he wants her to apologise to Marshall and ask for them to continue on being friends because "for goodness's sakes, you owe him that much. He is fighting for you too so just get off from your high horse and say you're sorry, Jo." - he wrote me this sentence in his letter, which is exactly what he told Jo to do and I support him in that decision. I can only hope that she will send this letter with apologies to Marshall because as much as I don't quite like him as a person, he was hurt by her and with no reason at all.

I will have to go and help Mum and Auntie Una to prepare dinner so I just have a small amount of time to say one more thing in here.

Phillip was supposed to come to Canada for the summer but he won't unfortunately because he is preparing for the entry exam to the school he wants to go to and this exam will take place at the beginning of August so he can't come which makes me very sad because I do too need him here by my side as my friend, especially because we haven't seen each other since last summer.

But he did promise he will come next summer and I trust his word on that.

There, I can hear Mum calling me from downstairs so I will be going then.

It's nice to write in here all that is happening, I feel more free now as if a quarter of the burden that I'm carrying was lifted up from my shoulders and it just disappeared.

Yours,

Hester (who will try to write in here more often although she can't promise anything)