The Irony of Being Happy and Sad
Phoebe's POV:
"Elliot was ready to lock Ava up that night" My father laughs, but then narrows his eyes. I know he is protective of Ava also.
"Uncle Elliot should have! Ava ended up hooking with someone else that night." Ted says. Everyone looks shocked at this news except Lily.
"Really? Who?" I ask.
"Your current boyfriend, Joshua Harris. In fact, that wasn't the only time you and Ava got together was it?" Ted proclaims.
"No, it wasn't" Josh confirms. What? Why didn't I know about this? And what happened? My heart has begun to beat quickly at this new disclosure. Ava and Josh? My boyfriend got together with my cousin?
"Josh?" I look at him, as a request to have him explain, but he doesn't look ready to elaborate on this new piece of information. I look around the table, and there are mixed reactions. Ted's expression is unreadable, but he is acting smugly. Maybe deep down he is sorry that he has just revealed this information, but right now, he may not realize it for some time. When we both look at each other in the eyes, my brother is unyielding, even when Lily, obviously kicks him under the table. I also steal a glance at my parents to determine if they knew anything about this. My mother looks horrified whilst my father has his 'I am so pissed off look'. I think there is an excellent chance of him going thermonuclear tonight. Nonetheless, I am glad that my parents they weren't in on this, but then again my father look's ready to kick Josh's butt.
"You told me over and over again that you didn't want to know about the other women I had been with, in the past" Josh reminds me. I nod in agreement. He had offered to let me know about how many women he had been with and about his most significant relationships, when we discussed being intimate, but it always made me feel a tinge of jealousy, so I always refused.
"Yes, but I doubt you ever said, 'Hey Phoebe, I slept with your one and only cousin that you adore. Actually I slept with her twice' Ted says with a sarcastic tone.
"Theodore, what are you doing?" Our mother scolds. I look at my father, and his lips have formed the hardest line and his eyes are narrowed. Shit, he is furious.
"Let me explain" Josh is breathing in deep before he starts to explain. "After Ted and Lily had left their wedding reception, and before I left Bellevue, I saw Ava sitting alone, having a drink. She looked down, so I went over to her and we started to talk. The guy she had been talking and dancing with during the reception, had gone, and they didn't click or something. Ava and I then had a couple of drinks, and I drove her home. No one was at her house yet, I don't recall why, and she didn't want to be alone" Josh explain, then is interrupted by Ted.
"Well you fulfilled that need rather well didn't you, and for countless other women" Ted adds.
"Ted, for the love of god, SHUT. UP" I warn him. Ted looks at me, somewhat taken back. I have never spoken to him, or anyone like that ever, though I have never felt rage like this before either.
"Let him finish explaining, Ted. Don't interrupt. You brought this up, and we need to give him a chance to explain." My mother says putting Ted in his place.
"So we went inside the house, and one thing led to another." Josh says looking at me apologetic.
"You slept with her?" I seek to clarify everything.
"We went to bed, and yes we were intimate together. Ava and I decided that I ought left before her parents got home. We agreed that it was a one-time event, and that was it." Josh explains.
"Then you were intimate one more time?" I ask, reiterating what was revealed before.
"Yes, it was a long time ago" Josh emphasizes.
"However, since you both have argued that time and age doesn't matter lately, then your sexual experiences with Ava, regardless of the fact that it was a long time ago, with another female member of our family is still relevant. What happened?" My father argues and is extremely forceful.
"Maybe Josh and I should discuss this outside" I announce and stand up.
"Phoebe Grace Grey, sit down now." My father orders.
"No, " I reply. This is the first time, since I was five or six years old that I have talked back to my father and not instantly obeyed his directions. This new approach is not going down too well with him.
"Excuse me Missy! I am not asking you, I am telling you. Sit. Down. Now" My father demands.
"And I am no longer a child, and you cannot treat me as one. I will not sit down, and this is something that Josh and I need to discuss. It is our business." I state.
"It would have been, except the other person he fucked was our niece and your cousins, and since I suspect he will fuck you, our daughter, then is damn well, is our business." My father argues crudely. He is so angry now that the other patrons in the restaurant probably heard us, regardless of the fact that we are in a private room.
"Fifi, it's alright. Let me explain this all to you and everyone now, or else it will keep coming up. Let's just get it out there and over with." Josh requests diplomatically.
"If you want" I nod. I notice Ted looks even more rigid and has clenched him hands on the table.
"You call my sister Fifi? I am the only one who calls her Fifi." Ted is silently fuming.
Our waiter then enters with our entrees and another bottle of wine, causing a temporary cease fire. It gives us all some time to catch our breaths, but the conflict remains.
"Your mains will be ready in thirty minutes. Is there anything else?" The waiter asks.
"NO!" We all call out, except Lily and Josh. The poor waiter, having to face the might of all four Grey family members, makes a quick exit.
I only resume sitting down at the table when Josh retakes his seat and nudges me. My father of course is the last to resume his seat. This is an calculated move, so he maintains control. This is his method of coping, but I am not backing down.
"Josh, finish explaining what happened" My mother requests. I don't know if she also just wants to know this is something bigger occurred or to end this conversation piece, for once and for all.
"The next time I saw Ava, was at the christening of Eli and Ruby. As you all know I am Eli's godfather and Ava is his godmother, whilst Kate and Elliot Grey are Ruby's godparents." I quickly glance at my brother, and I know that he wants to make a comment, but is being prevented by Lily. "So essentially we caught up, then afterwards we went back to my hotel room and had sex. We both decided that a relationship between each other wouldn't work, and it was amicable." Josh seems a little embarrassed at having disclosed part of his sexual history, then takes my hand. His eyes are wide as he looks at me. I watch him and attempt zone everyone out.
"Phoebe, I am sorry I didn't tell you, I did try a couple of time, but you never wanted to know about my past relationships; however, I know that isn't an excuse. I should have tried harder. You deserved that. I did sleep with your cousin, but I was never unkind, and it was all harmonious. I haven't even seen her for years, and if I did, which I presume I will, once I am living in Seattle, it wouldn't be uncomfortable. You can ring Ava and ask her if you want to confirm anything I just told you. I will understand." Josh conveys, putting his heart on his sleeve.
"I believe you. I don't like it that you have had sex with Ava, but I know that it was a long time ago." I tell him.
"You need to eat. You told me in the car that you haven't eaten anything since this morning, and you are hungry." Josh frowns. I start to eat my entree of prawn salad, and once I have had my first bite, Josh commences to eat. Then ultimately so does my father, mother and Lily. The only person who isn't eating is Ted.
"I can't fucking believe this." Ted says, shaking his head.
"Ted, don't. Just stop and let us all eat" Lily pleads with him.
"I can't." He articulates apologetically as Lily gives him a scathing look.
"Yes you can stop. You are being cruel!" I tell him off.
"I am just trying to being honest. I am trying to protect you. You are my sister!" Ted replies passionately.
"Phoebe and Lily it's okay. Ted, say what you want to." Josh invites.
"Say what I want? Sure. How about the fact that you should never have gotten romantically involved with my little sister. You are supposed to be my best friend" Ted growls.
"I am your best friend, we have been for thirty-four years! You and I have a strong history. I love you as a friend. We have had each others back for longer than I can remember." Josh rebuts.
"Your right, we have been best friends for thirty-four years, which is longer than Phoebe has even been alive. Don't you see why it's wrong on so many levels? You betrayed my trust and confidence in you. My little sister means the world to me, and if I had known that this would have happened then I would never had requested your help. You are going to rip her off a good twenty years that she could have spent with someone she cares for" Ted declares.
"You all don't understand. I would rather have forty years with the love of my life than sixty ye with someone who I didn't have this passion with" I explain on the verge of tears.
"Phoebe, we understand that you think this is what you want, but us all still the age difference is too much." My father says apologetically but sternly.
"I didn't plan for this to happen, but it did and I can't stop this. I love Fifi, she is everything to me." Josh explains once more.
"Don't call her…." Ted is unable to finish his sentence as my mother has stood up and interjected. "Gentlemen let's stop the fiasco! We are moving backwards, rather than forwards."
"But Mom you don't like this any more than we do. This needs to end right away." Ted disputes.
"Ted stop acting like you have some superior authority over me" I argue getting angry and standing up.
"Please sit down. Getting angry won't remedy the situation. Please Fifi." Josh implores. He stands up and starts to rubs my arm.
Suddenly Ted has gotten up from his chair. He has gripped Josh by his shirt and has punched him on the side of his face before anyone has had a chance to stop him. Josh lands on the carpeted floor, and is obvious pain.
"Ted, what the hell?" I yell, going to the aid of Josh with my mother. My father and Taylor who somehow entered the private room are holding my brother back, just in case he wants to go for another round.
"He shouldn't call you Fifi, and he shouldn't be touching you!" He states to justify his assault.
"You don't get a vote! None of you do" I hiss. Josh immediately stands up though is a little wobbly on his feet. I grab one of the cloth napkins and put some ice in the middle from the ice bucket. The side of Josh's mouth looks like it is going to swell.
"Let's go! Now!" I tell Josh, and he nods in agreement. We start to make our way out of the private dining room, when my mother calls out.
"Phoebe, please don't go, your father, and I can go home and talk to you and Josh. Just the four of us." My mother requests.
"I am sorry mom, honestly I am, but I can't. I don't think it would help." I say remorseful.
I give the valet a generous tip when retrieves Josh's rental car in record speed, allowing us to make our final exit smoothly. We both decided that I should drive, especially as Josh is in obvious pain. I look in the rear view mirror, and for the life of me, I can't see the trademark Audi SUV security car. Did I actually get away without security? My thoughts on this are sidelined as I hear Josh call out in a pain.
"Do you want me to take you a doctor?" I ask worried.
"No. It's just my cheek and the side of my lip. I don't think I need stitches or anything. I may look a lot scarier in court in a couple of weeks, but I will be fine."
"I can't believe my brother" I become irritated just thinking about his behavior.
"I can" Josh comments. "What? How?" I questions and I look at him shocked. Is he seriously going to defend him?
"Phoebe, keep your eyes on the road" he warns. "He is your brother, and he loves you. He is passionate when it comes to you and his kids. Your dad, is able to go into his CEO mode, but that isn't something that Ted can do. You love your brother also, remember"
"Yes, but I love you too, remember. My family will just have to learn to accept us or else." I state confidently.
"Or else what?" Josh inquires.
"Then I will stay away from them, as much as possible, I guess" My heart feels like it is breaking.
"No, they mean too much to you. You can't do that to yourself or family" Josh defends.
"Well I am hoping that it won't come to that. I am pretty sure they will come around, my family has never acted like this before. They will come to their senses sooner rather than later." I think I am trying to convince myself just as much as I am Josh now.
I have lived in a perfect world, my whole life. I have never wanted anything and have always felt love, from everyone around me. My childhood was as close to Utopia as one can get. I was the treasured little princess, and as a result, I did everything to make sure that everyone was proud of me. I had honestly thought that they would respect my wishes to find my own happiness. I had hoped that my family would welcome Josh as my partner. I am half angry at my family's response and half angry that my perfect world is crashing in from of me.
"Does you hotel have twenty-four hour laundry facilities?" I inquire.
"Yeah, they deliver all your clothes within a couple of hours. Why?" Josh questions.
"Because I don't have any other clothes with me and I have to go to work tomorrow. I hate wearing clothes that aren't fresh"
"You want to stay the night?" Josh asks.
"Yes. It is time I do" I reply.
# # # #
"You look pale," Josh says remorseful when we arrive in his hotel suite.
"I just need a shower, and I am tired." The events of the last few days are actually taking a toll on me now.
"Go and have a shower. The laundry bags are in the bedroom closet. I will ring the laundry, and I will order some room service. Is there anything in particular you want to eat?" Josh has started to take full control.
"Anything, but I am going to need a desert, with chocolate" Josh grins at my request. "I seriously need something sweet"
In the bedroom, I peel off my work skirt, blouse and underwear and place them in the laundry bag, whilst I place my silk stockings and shoes to the side, with my bag. I pull out my cell phone, which has been on silent, and notice that I have missed calls from Lily and both my parents. There is a couple of text messages from my Mom and Lily. My father rarely sends text messages, as he has a preference for emails, and I do not want to check those right now. I throw my cell phone carelessly on the bed. I will worry about those later.
I hear Josh in the bedroom as he retrieves the laundry bag and I still. He and I haven't had sex together and he also hasn't seen me naked. With a towel wrapped around me, I go into the bedroom, and it occurs to me that I have no clothes here. With little other choice, I do the only thing I can.
"Nice shirt" Josh states as he lays our room service and sit down at the small table.
"Glad you like it, it's a really good thing you're taller than me as all your shorts and sweat pants are a little big on me." I playfully comment. Josh's shirt reaches just below the end of my backside, so at least I can walk around decently. However, I did hope to be dressed differently for the first time I spent the night with Josh. We didn't even share a hotel room when we were in India for a week together.
"The hotel laundry said that you clothes will be ready in a couple of hours and since all your clothes are there. Are you wearing any underwear?" Josh asks, partially aroused and a little concerned.
"What if I am not?" I undo a couple of the top buttons and let the shirt slip off one of my shoulders, so he knows that I am not wearing a bra. Then rather calculating, I walk toward Josh, never taking my eyes off him. He is still sitting down, so I seductively I kneel down and place his hand on my thigh. "Move your hand up" I request. Silently I am nervous. I have never been so bold ever! Ever so slowly, Josh glides his fingers up my thighs. I can feel the change in the atmosphere, and I start to feel muscles that I haven't felt before.
I hold my breath when Josh's fingers are almost at the top of my thighs, and watch as his expression changes. I can't help but smirk.
"What?" Josh articulates poorly and then raises the bottom of the shirt. "You are wearing a pair of my boxer briefs?" There is a real tone of surprise and maybe a touch of disappointment in his voice.
"It was the only thing that fitted. These are smaller than your other underpants. Do you wear these in winter?" I tease a little.
"Very funny. I wear them when I am running and trying to beat my best time. They help to keep everything in place."
"I can see the need to keep everything in place." I state blushing a little.
"Sit and eat with me. You only had a mouthful or two of your entree at the restaurant" Josh has ordered two Chicken Marsala's with a Greek salad for us both. I commence to eat heartedly. It is almost eight o'clock in the evening, meaning that it has been over twelve hours since I had a meal.
"I spoke to a real-estate agent about a rental property. I am thinking about renting an apartment in the city." Josh informs me.
"I genuinely wish we could stay at ESCALA. It would be perfect. It's furnished, central and secure." I frown.
"We? You do realize that we haven't spoken about if we are going to live together or not" Josh states. He is right of course.
"I don't have to. I can stay at the sound, and you can climb a tree, to creep into my room when you want to see me at my place. It will be just like we are delinquent teenagers. Just watch out for Taylor, Sawyer and Ryan, they are extremely loyal to my father." I jest.
"To be honest, I was hoping you would move in with me, though I am concerned about antagonizing your family further" Josh states. Oh do we actually have to go back to this again?
"Us living together might make things easier, in a way. My family will have to acknowledge that we are together, and it will help them accept us, eventually. We won't have to be in their faces if you get what I mean. The only thing is let me find a place for us to live, you just focus on finishing your case in New York and getting back as soon as possible." Since I know my father won't open ESCALA to me, then I have another idea of where I would like us both to live, for the time being. Maybe we can look at purchasing a place later on.
"Perfect. I will leave it in your capable hands then" Josh states. "Are you ready for desert?"
"Very much so. Dinner was delicious, by the way. Good choice." I praise.
"Then you are going to love your desert." Josh gets on the phone and calls down stairs. I notice that he is actually smiling like a schoolboy.
"You are up to something," I say cautiously.
"Oh no, Miss Phoebe, I am just fulfilling your wishes. I intend to make all your wishes and dreams come true, regardless of how small they may be." Josh is so profound that I get up to kiss him. He pulls me onto his lap. Then responds by kissing me back and rubbing my back. This is exactly where I want to be.
"Your lip, is it okay?" I desperately want to kiss him, but I don't want to hurt him. I look at it, and it isn't swelling up that bad.
"Don't worry about it. Your kisses are making it better" I giggle a little and recommence kissing Joshua.
There is a knock at the door, and Josh looks at me apologetically. "Room service," he tells me. Reluctantly I move off his lap and retake my seat. Hhmm… I much prefer sitting on him than this chair
"If I heard correctly, you asked for something sweet with chocolate. I asked them downstairs to prepare this." Josh then passes me the most Chocolate-based desert possible. On our plates are a series of deserts. There is chocolate mousse, chocolate cake, chocolate ice cream, chocolate coated strawberries, chocolates truffles and mini chocolate macaroons.
"Wow, this is perfect."
"No, you are. You wanted something sweet with chocolate, and I wanted to make sure that your desire was fulfilled." Josh states. Right now I am wanting something more than chocolate, but I am not sure how to verbalize this. Our eyes interlock for a few minutes and then I realize that maybe I won't need to tell him.
After I finish my desert, I find myself fidgeting nervously. "I am tired, do you want to go to bed? With me?" I ask timidly.
"Please" he responds and holds his hand out for me, to help me up. The first thing I feel is his arms around my waist and then under the shirt on my back. Our lips softly touch, and then we really start to possess each others mouth. Greedily, I pull open his shirt, causing some of the buttons to spring free and scatter to the ground. I get my first touch of his well-formed chest, and start to kiss him there as I undo his belt. I can already feel his arousal jab into my hip.
Josh bends down and sweeps me up into his arms. Instinctively I wrap my arms around his neck and rest my head on his chest. We don't take our eyes off each other, even when he has laid down me on the bed. Joshua starts to undo the buttons on the shirt I am wearing, slowly. He is making a meal out of this.
That is when we both feel a vibration, and we look to the side and there it my cell phone. I had thrown it on the bed before I had a shower. We ignore it at first, but it continues to vibrate until it becomes the white elephant in the room. We both sit up. Our intimate mood is broken.
"You should check it at least. You said you didn't see security follow us, your family might be wondering where you are and if you are alright." Josh says. I check my phone, and we both see that it is my mother trying to contact me. I feel terribly conflicted.
"Answer it" Josh implores me. I seriously wish he wasn't so intent on trying to limit the impact on the relationship with my family. "Please, your mother doesn't deserve to be worried" I agree, and press the answer button and get off the bed. It doesn't feel right to talk to my mother whilst sitting on the bed that I almost just lost my virginity on.
"Hi Mom… no I am fine, and yes Josh is okay. His lip is a little sore, but not swollen, luckily…..No, I am not coming home tonight, I am going to stay at the hotel with Josh. Tell dad I will be at work tomorrow…. No mom, I don't think going home tonight would be a good idea…. I understand, but Ted was malicious, and dad should have stopped him…. I know that, and I love them too, but I hate their actions and behavior at the moment…. Okay, yes. I will talk to you tomorrow…. No, I don't need any clothes. I had the clothes I was wearing today cleaned. ….. Bye Mom. I love you too." I hang up and sit back to the bed.
"How was your mom?" Josh asks concerned.
"She is... I don't know. The best word I could use to explain her right now is satisfactory. Mom wanted me to go home, but I have told her no. I will talk to her tomorrow."
"That sounds like a good idea. I hate that I am causing all of this conflict." Josh admits.
"You are not causing it, my brother and father are the main culprits. I am going to miss you while you are gone. One month is too long" I say sadly.
"Come visit me, or I will visit you during the middle weekend." Josh proposes.
"I will go to you. I haven't been to New York for a while. I wouldn't mind seeing your parents, sister and the kids again." I offer. I met Josh's family just before graduation, and they were so welcoming of me that we decided to tell them we were together. They were tremendously supportive, even requesting we spend Christmas with them this year.
"Done. They will love to see you again. Now let's get you in bed and to sleep. I don't think we should continue where we left off. Too much has happened today. I would rather your first time be special. I want to make it memorable for you, for all the right reasons." Josh says passionately.
"Okay, but I want you to hold me while I sleep." I am desperate to feel his arms around me. I know I will feel secure. The moment I am in bed with Josh's arms around me, I fall asleep. Secure, but sad that I can't be truly happy, when I should be.
# # # #
The next morning, I take a taxi to Grey House. Josh's flight left early, and the car rental agency is right next to Sea-Tac. I miss him already, and have vowed to book my flight to New York for next weekend, as soon as I get to my office tomorrow. It will give me something to look forward to. It is 7:30am when I walk through the doors, and it is relatively quiet here. I know Ted wont be in this early, but my father might.
As I walk into my office I find my mother is here already, busying herself reading some manuscripts and answering emails, I believe.
"Good morning mother." I say and kiss her cheek lightly.
"Morning Phoebe, you look well this morning. Your father and I were terribly worried about you. You left without security. I am surprised that your dad didn't fire anyone last night." Wow, mom just confirmed what I had suspected.
"Really? Dad must have gone bonkers. I am surprised that he didn't track me down or contacted the CIA or something" I say with a little bit of mock humor.
"Oh he did." My mother says adamantly.
"What?"
"He traced you on your cell phone and then sent security over to the hotel. So you would be protected when you left. They followed you to work this morning." My mother informs me.
"Of course they did" I say throwing up my arms in the air.
"Has Joshua flown out yet? Were you two okay last night?" My mother actually wants to know if we had sex.
"Yes, Josh has left. He wont be back for a month, and mom just ask me straight up about last night" I tell her.
"Did you two have sex last night and did you both use protection? I can make an appointment with my obstetrician/gynecologist for you to get your contraceptive needs taken care of." Wow, that was a little more straight up than I was expecting. I owe my mother honest answers though.
"No, we didn't have sex, we almost did, but Josh would like my first time to be memorable. Even though we didn't have sex last night, we will. I want my first time to be with someone I genuinely care for, and that is Josh. Now in terms of contraception, yes, please. I think I should get that taken care of" I am thankful for the advice there.
"I will ring for an appointment for you asap, I checked your schedule on your fathers laptop last night. You are free after four in the afternoon. I will arrange it then"
"Are you sure they will be able to fit me in on such short notice?"
"Yes, it will be easy enough, for me" I smile a little as my mother sounds more like my father right now. She looks at her watch and frowns. "I have to go, I have a breakfast meeting today. Your father and brother will be in late today" My mother stands and collects her bag.
"Why will they be in late?" I ask. They are usually so punctual, and for them both to be in late is never a encouraging sign.
"They have both been sent to Dr Flynn, by myself and Lily" My mother informs me. "Bye Phoebe, I trust I will see you tonight, at home." Mom is at the doorway of my office, when I stop her.
"Mom, are you starting to accept Josh and me together?" I question, hopeful for a positive answer.
"No, I am sorry Princess. I wish I could bring myself to, but I just cant. I have asked your father to go and see Dr Flynn as I don't want our family ripped apart. I may request that you too, go and see him soon. " My heart drops and I could start to cry. "But I do love you Phoebe, so terribly much. Your my little girl. Just think about your actions first"
"I will Mom. Love you too"
Authors Note:
Just so you know, Ted does only have three children. In the previous chapter where Lily was pregnant, that was a flash back to three months ago. Macie is currently four weeks old.
This here is the final chapter for 2013, and as requested by someone, no cliffhanger. I will have some juicy chapters for you next year.
Regards,
Maria Amore.