Chapter V

As the bombing of London continued throughout the month of October and Warsaw's Jews were being directed to move into the Warsaw ghetto, Hester was already past her first month of a new school and she was used to her daily routine which she actually really enjoyed because it allowed her to focus more on the small joys in her own life rather than on all the worries her life was bringing to her.

While Hester was at school, she was always entertained by Flora who surprisingly was always ready to tell Hester another story of hers or rather of her family which was also as big as Hester's own family. After school Hester would cycle back home and on her way meet up with Marion and Vance at Ingleside for dinner. Afterwards the girls would talk for a while and finally would all head back home to do their homework because even though each of them were headed in very different directions in their future, each wanted to be as good of a student as one can be at school.

It was the last week of October and almost all of the leaves on the trees were gone, leaving a cheerless but enchanting melancholy in the air floating around everyone and everything. Hester and Marion had just finished their dinner with Anne and Gilbert and now they were in the Ingleside's living room. Vance was asked by her mother to go to their house straight after school on that day because she wanted to teach her daughters how to bake a flourless cake because Una was over at their house and that was her own recipe.

Hester was lying on the sofa with her legs underneath a blanket and Marion laid right in front of her with her legs covered under the same blanket. Two girls had cups of hot cocoa in their hands and were enjoying each other's and their grandparents' company. "Grandma," Hester said to Anne who was sitting at the table with a cup of tea in her hands "-is it true what my mum said yesterday, that Jo is engaged to a boy from Redmond?" she asked.

Anne and Gilbert looked at each other and both sighed in unison "That is what the telegram she sent to Nan and Jerry says." Anne replied with a heavy heart "He's name is Colin apparently. But I just don't… think she really loves him because this is the first time we've ever heard of him." she shook her head, thinking about her oldest granddaughter.

"I'm sometimes afraid of what Jo will do next." Gilbert added and then sighed again "It's good to be unpredictable but she is too unpredictable for sure."

"I agree with you, dear." Anne said to her husband and then turned her head to her two granddaughters sitting on her sofa "Do you know whether Jo and Marshall keep in touch at all? Nan told me that Jo said they did but one can never truly trust her every word. I hope that dear Marshall doesn't have any more feelings for her because if he does and is to hear of Jo's engagement his heart might get even more broken than it already is." she looked up and saw Gilbert looking at her with a knowing, loving and tender smile in his hazel eyes which her own grey ones reflected back.

"Vance told us that Jo did write to him and apologised for being so mean to him just before he left for the front." Hester replied "And Gilly wrote to me recently that they started to send each other letters regularly again and that he encouraged Marshall and thinks that Marshall eventually got used to the idea that he will never have Jo as his sweetheart again." she sighed softly, imagining how hard it must have been for her brother's friend to get used to an idea like this one.

"I knew that my namesake would help this poor boy out of his misery." Gilbert said with pride over his oldest grandson "I just hope that Marshall really did get used to that idea, for his own good."

"I hope so too." Anne said "But Nan recently told me that Jo was talking about Marshall as if he still was her sweetheart. That is why I was incredibly surprised to hear about her engagement to a man who apparently is not called 'Marshall Douglas'."

"I have a feeling that one day Jo will change." Marion said very suddenly and almost absent-mindedly "For the better of course."

All three of the people she loved and who loved her, all sitting in the same room, looked at her face and smiled at her kind heart, the kindest of all hearts. Hester squeezed Marion's hand knowing how hard Marion always wanted nothing but only happiness for every single person on the Earth and she smiled at her even more. "I have this feeling too, my dear." Anne said sweetly to Marion and both Marion and Hester smiled at their grandma and then at each other, feeling a sudden and a very welcome wave of warmth spreading through their young hearts.

25th November 1940

Dear Diary,

It seems that I am getting better and stronger everyday. I know that ever since Gilly left for his training in January (and certainly when he left for the front in July) and especially after Selwyn also left for his traning in August, I have been feeling very low because I just couldn't get used to the whole house of ours being so empty. I just couldn't get used to the idea that Gilly isn't upstairs putting on his radio and practising new swing-moves or that Selwyn isn't lying on the couch either writing or reading, ready to listen to all of my silly problems and give me his wise advice.

Now I can talk about what I feel because I feel better than before and before I just couldn't get it all out of me while not sobbing at the same time. So now I can actually say how I felt and how I feel now.

I think that after Selwyn has left I was in the same state of melancholy and an absent mind like he was when he was thinking whether or not to enlist. It's quite strange and a bit funny that I felt like that. I can't, even if I wanted (and I don't) to, enlist to the army like he and Gil did. That is why I couldn't really get my head around to write in this diary of mine or to play my cello or violin as much as I always used to, I didn't even play any piano at all.

But when I started going to my new school and I started to get used to (although I will never get quite used to this) my brothers not being at the House of Dreams, I started to open up to my parents and grandparents on how I was feeling inside. They were all very worried about me and I was finally ready to cry out all of my worries and fears to my parents, grandparents Blythe and even grandparents Ford because we constantly talk over the 'phone and send each other letters.

I regained hope somehow, I don't even know how that happened (Selwyn would be able to put it in words much better than I ever will) and I felt like Grandma Anne once said "I feel as though someone handed me the moon and I don't exactly know what to do with it". I think that hope really is so strong that once you have it inside you it's like riding a bike, once you learn it you'll know how to do it all your life.

My parents and I are even closer now than ever before I think. That's probably because I am the only one of their children living with them now. I really enjoy our evenings together, how Father edits new articles for the newspaper and whistles a song and how Mother cooks in the kitchen with me, both of us talking about everything.

We often talk about Gil and Selwyn and I sometimes can't bear the eyes of my parents, not only because of the fact that the shade of my Dad's eyes is the same as the shade of both Selwyn's and Gil's eyes, but also because of how worried they are about them. But like Mum said, "No matter how much I try, how proud I am and how happy for them to be doing their duty, I will always worry and think about my dear Walter who I know is now watching over them". When she said that, around a week ago, I almost cried myself to sleep again but this piece of hopeful me told me to shush and so only two tears rolled down my cheeks that night.

I am still afraid for them, even though I am more hopeful than I was. The other thing that keeps me in being hopeful is of course the pride I have in my heart whenever I think about them or when Gilly and Selwyn send us photographs of themselves in their uniforms: Gilly in front of an airplane with Marshall and their friends, and Selwyn laughing with Walt and John at their camp.

I know that Selwyn is much better than he was and I am so very glad that he is. He wrote to me recently that of course he still fears going to the front and also everything that he will be asked to do there but because he has his friends right next to him and the sense of doing his duty in his heart, he feels better about all of this.

Around a week ago (I really loose the track of time right now), Auntie Una came over for an afternoon tea and cookies and she brought me a letter, a faded letter with a very rushed but purely elegant handwriting and she didn't even have to say whose it was because I knew that it was my Uncle Walter's from the time of the first war. She said that because now I am in the same situation she and Mother and my other Aunties were she thought that it would be more than right for me to have this letter and to "keep faith" wherever I'll go.

Mum and Auntie Una shared a very knowing and a deep look I'd say, it said more than any other look I have ever seen between a pair of friends. I know why they both looked at each other like that of course, they both loved Uncle Walter and I can only imagine how long it took them to get used to the fact that they will never see him again.

Mum also told me the secret of Auntie Una's and that's that she once loved, loved-in-that-way Uncle Walter but he never loved her back or at least never told her that he did. Auntie told Mum about this secret of hers shortly after Selwyn was born and so it was several years after Uncle Walter died and even more after Auntie realised she was in love with him. Mother and Auntie became best of friends after the war and so that is why Mum learnt about Auntie's secret but I can only imagine how hard it must have been for her to tell anyone about it.

Of course I would never tell this secret of hers to anyone, but Auntie knows that I know about it. I could see in her eyes when she was giving me that letter that it was one of the most valuable things she possessed, maybe even the most valuable. This broke and melted my heart and I didn't want to take this letter from her but she insisted with her kind smile and so I agreed and promised I would take good care of it. When Auntie left our house that afternoon, Mum told me that Auntie loves me like her own daughter and this is also the reason why she gave me this letter and I had tears in my eyes by then because I love her so much too.

Both Mum and I read that letter together that night and we both cried over it. I have never seen Mother cry so much before and so that was one of the most emotional evenings of my entire existence, I think, and this is why I read this letter every single evening, just to help myself to remain hopeful and to "keep faith". I will. I will!

Something very exciting have happened to me this week. Flora and I have been asked to be a part of the Christmas concert at our school. I am to play the cello, Flora a violin and we are supposed to have a singer, a boy called Sebastian who prefers people to call him "Seb". Seb is a very tall boy, he's our age but he's as tall as Gilly is I'm sure, and he is very likeable. I like him, really do. See, my cheeks are turning red already!

Seb is incredibly handsome, if I didn't see it (but I do) I would be able to realise that by looking at any other girl who would meet his eyes because she would blush and giggle instantly. Seb has really light brown hair, his skin is simply spotless (which, quoting Vance's mother, "is a miracle") and his eyes are crystal blue. I think that's his eyes that are the most captivating of all, they seem so very deep and I think they really are.

When we were first introduced, four days ago, he acted like a true gentleman. He didn't tease me or anything like that and we started talking about the concert but quickly started talking about music and then about books and so on. He talked with me and Flora for the whole lunchtime and we not only decided on which Christmas carols we're going to perform together but also on meeting after school too. Because Flora is picked up by her father and they drive to Lowbridge together, Seb suggested to walk me home, something that never happened to me before and that is to be asked by a boy to walk me back home (except for my brothers and cousins of course) and so I agreed.

We have so much in common! We both love music, but that's obvious, we were discussing the music of Vivaldi's and Bach's and we both started to talk about being in an orchestra one day, Seb wanting to be an opera singer though. His voice is truly remarkable and I really believe that he will be a very well-known opera singer one day, if he'll put his ind to this dream of his.

All three of us practise together every lunchtime and an hour after school now and I love every second of it, even though I have much less time for doing my homework. But I would never regret my decision on agreeing to be a part of his concert, it concerns music and there's no regret when it comes to music, not any.

I change topics all the time, I really don't know why and I'll try to focus on Seb and our friendship for now. Well, Mum said that I shouldn't call it a friendship just yet but I really feel like we've known each other for years and years. It's a bit like Phillip and I, once I forgave him all the teasing that is.

Seb is just so likable (like I said before), so polite and nice and he's funny too. When I talk to him I'm not even shy anymore, which actually surprised me. He enjoys talking with me too, he told me while smiling, and especially when I talk about my big family which he has too but he doesn't keep touch with them on regular basis which surprised me greatly. But he doesn't have any siblings though, nor does Flora. And so they both actually really like hearing about all the things I have to say about my own family and my brothers at the front. They really help me coping with them being away and I'm even more grateful for them because of that.

Really, I can feel as if Seb and I have been friends forever. And I… Well, I don't know… Maybe it's just his looks but then… I really do like him, and possibly in this way too, but it's too early for me to think about things like that, right? I mean I am just sixteen years old! But then… Oh I don't know! Mother got her first kiss from Father in my age when he was going off to the front… I don't know!

I didn't tell this to anyone just yet, it's my small secret for now. I never really had a secret before. I always share everything with my parents and friends but now I will keep it for myself for as long as it will take me to figure it all out, somehow I will, I think, won't I?

Flora said to me today "I think that Seb is making sheep's eyes at you, Hesie!". I only waved my hand and said that it can't be true but I actually sort of, just a small tiny bit, hope that he is. But I just don't if I should think that way! It's all so frustrating…

I just realised how selfish and horrible I am. I am thinking about things and situations like this one when so much horror is happening around the world! Whilst my brother Gil is fighting for his country and is in a constant danger and my other brother Selwyn will soon be doing the same! And my cousins too! I am thinking whether I have some feelings for Seb while at the same time Coventry has been destroyed by bombs, the Greeks are fighting against the Italians and Belgium declares war on Italy… Oh, I am a terrible person indeed!

I am very tired as well so maybe this is why I am so emotional right now, I don't know… So many thoughts, so many feelings, but such a small heart and such a short time to think about it all…

I will be going to sleep now, I feel like this diary entry of mine was much more exhausting than the rest of my day today.

I will try to write in here soon.

Goodnight for now.

Yours,

Hester