Chapter VI

The whole rehearsal room at the Music School in Upper Glen was filled with a sea of people consisting of families, siblings and friends. Everyone was awaiting the Christmas concert prepared by the students of the first year at the school. Hester was shaking behind the stage with a cello and a bow in her hands, Flora with her violin standing beside her was smiling from ear to ear and the tall boy of a name Seb was standing right next to them with his sweet and charming smile of a professional singer.

"It will be fine, Hester." Seb said to the trembling black-haired beauty next to him and then winked at her causing Hester's cheeks to flush with red and a timid smile appearing on her lips.

"It's just…There are so many people out there." she said finally after a moment of silence.

"Then isn't it more exciting?" Flora said excitedly "More people will hear the music we will produce and they'll hear our talents too." she looked cheerfully at both Hester and Seb who smiled back at her. Seb then put his big and steady hands on Hester's quavering arms and looked deeply and reassuringly into her eyes.

"Hester, you'll be fine. You're the best cellist in the whole school and I know that deep down you know it too." he said and when Hester opened her mouth to suggest otherwise he shushed her "Don't argue with that. Now, music is your passion and so this concert will only bring you a good time and you really should enjoy it or at least try to." he said to her and withdrew his hands with a satisfying look in his crystal blue eyes.

Hester finally took a deep breath and smiled at him more steadily "I will, I will enjoy it. You're right, Seb." she said with her voice shaking less. Seb grinned at her merrily and then it was their time to go on the stage with passion in their eyes and unnecessary notes in their hands.

Hester sat down on her chair and was paralysed when she looked at the crowd, heard nothing but silence and saw nothing but interest, excitement and expectant looks of the people in the audience. She gulped heavily. How in Heaven's name is she supposed to play for so many people? Suddenly her dream of becoming an orchestra player terrified her to her very core and she was even more stressed. She could hear her own heart beating in her ears.

Suddenly her eyes caught the faces of her parents at the back, her grandparents, aunties and uncles too, including Marion, Vance and her other cousins. All of them had the same expression on their bright faces like every other person in that room but Hester also noticed the gleam of pride in each of their eyes and suddenly Hester felt her hands to relax and her lips to form into a soft smile. She realised that she wasn't doing this concert just for herself or to practise her skills or to improve them or to even enjoy this experience herself, she was mostly doing it for others and for her own family especially, for them to hear it and to enjoy it. She always knew that was the real reason of producing music, so that other people could enjoy it and find their own little piece of happiness in it. Only then when she truly realised that, she finally grasped that feeling of excitement over the fact that she is the reason for those people's little piece of joy on that evening.

Hester put her bow on the strings of her cello and turned to face Flora standing on her right and Seb on her left and they all shared a knowing glance. After quietly counting four they started to play the first carol, "Silent Night". As soon as Hester started to play she forgot about the whole room full of people and focused only on the music she was producing with every move of her hands and fingers.

They played carol after carol, they smiled too and cheered with the people in the audience. Hester was in her own element, in her favourite place where the world is filled with music entirely, each corner of it. She quickly realized that that one concert made her more accustomed to how it is to be a musician, a real and a professional one at that too and goodness, she really enjoyed it!

When the concert ended she stood up, bowed in front of the standing ovation and she simply couldn't help but laugh especially when both her father and her uncle Jem started whistling together as the loudest people in the whole room. Suddenly there was no war, no brothers or cousins of Hester's somewhere far away and out of sight or near any danger, it was just that one moment of pure happiness that filled her soul which was longing and longing for a moment like that one for far too long. When this moment finally happened it penetrated not only Hester's soul but her entire body. She felt as if wings started to grow on her back and indeed she felt like if she'd make up her mind to it she could fly.

The moment had to pass and it passed as soon as she, Flora and Seb got behind the stage again and gave their place on the stage to two flute players already shaking from nerves like Hester did just twenty minutes earlier. "Told you you'd be fine, didn't I?" Seb squeezed Hester's hand gently and smiled at her radiantly, one of his curls falling onto his broad forehead.

"I know you did." Hester replied joyfully and squeezed his hand back surprising her own self by her own action which showed immediately as her cheeks turned positively scarlet "Thank you for believing in me." she said sheepishly while removing her hand from his.

"Always." he assured her with his sweet smile.

"And I will always believe in you too." Flora put her arms around Hester and kissed her cheek as she always used to.

It was obvious that on that particular evening Hester felt extremely loved by everyone and she couldn't help but smile for the rest of it, even when she had said farewells to her family and went back to the House of Dreams with Rilla and Ken with sleepy eyes and her heart yearning to see the faces of her brothers and cousins while also hearing her play that night.

As she put her head down on the pillow in her bedroom that night her heart was filled with an amazing amount of faith which she knew was close to the one Reverend John Meredith always carried in his. Although she knew it wouldn't remain in her own heart for very long and that it would get cringed between her own fears and worries, she was rejoicing in that small yet precious moment of awaited happiness of being young and free.

27th December 1940,

Dear Phillip,

I am so glad you liked this jumper my precious Grandma Leslie made for you. I am always telling her all about you and of such a good friend you are to me and because now Grandma Leslie and Grandpa Owen don't see me (and my parents) as often as we did when we lived in Toronto, she decided to make you something special because as she said to me: "Phillip is special to you, Hester, and therefore he's special to me as well.". Isn't she a dear? Of course all of my grandparents are, I have to say that too because you know how I am.

You don't have to thank me for this silly pair of socks I made for you. They are terribly horrid but I am learning and this pair is the best I have done so far. I can only be thankful that they do warm your feet, Phillip!

Also, while on the subject of presents, thank you so much for the pearl earings! How on Earth did you afford them, Phillip? You spoil me so very much and I don't deserve it, my friend, I really don't! I know, like you said in your last letter, that they're not real pearls but still, Phillip! I think that you already have sent me two pairs of earings and around three different brooches! I will never thank you enough and Lily suggested that when you'll come next summer I should wear all the jewellery you bought for me and greet you like that! I will take her advice and do just that, to make you smile.

I know that you're busy with Christmas with your family all the way in Washington and that is why I am patiently waiting for your next letter. I have a distant relative living in Washington too, my Aunt Dora whom I have seen only once in my entire life. She is a "sister" to my Grandma Anne and it was a shame she couldn't come here to Avonlea to celebrate Christmas with us but (as you know), it's extremely far away. However her brother and my Uncle Davy came along his family this year and he truly is the most talkative man I have ever met in my life, even more talkative than my own Dad or Uncle Jem, if you can believe it. I love him, we all do, for that.

But because Christmas is almost entirely over in our family that is why I can sit down and write to you all about all the happenings that occured to this point of my life about which you still don't know about and constantly ask about too.

As you know, this year's Christmas was held again by Aunt Di and Uncle Jack at Green Gables. It's always so nice to come back to the beautiful Avonlea, especially when it's covered in snow. But this Christmas over there wasn't as beautiful as it always has been. But how could it be when Gilly is so far away fighting through the so called "Blitz" and flying somewhere between the clouds? Also how can Christmas be truly and entirely Christmas without my dear brother Selwyn and his John and Walt who have just arrived in France to fight at the front?

When Selwyn sent us the telegram that he is France I swear I thought I was going to faint, even Dad took my arm as if he could see it on my face and wanted to catch me in time. His letter came three days ago, exactly on Christmas Eve, sending us all love from the trenches out there, somewhere near Le Mans he said. I can now "hear" through his letters that he made peace with the decision of him being a soldier and I am so relieved because of that, although I still worry about his soul, you know, Phillip. I do hope he'll come out, both his body and soul, just fine and like before he enlisted.

The bombings, the bombings. That is all I hear in the war news, even if there are any others, that is all my mind focuses on. How frightening! I can't possibly imagine what the people affected by them must feel, especially when they hear the sirens. I get goosebumps by just thinking about it and that's why I can't imagine what the people out there feel in this kind of situation.

You know it's strange and you might think me ridiculous but I pray for all the soldiers out there. For my brothers and my cousins the most obviously but also for all the other Canadians and the French people, the Britons and even Italians and Germans too. I said this to my Mum and Dad and they both smiled at me and said that it takes courage and a strong mind to do that in a time like this. I think it doesn't take any courage to do that. I don't have any courage I think, at least compared to Selwyn's or Gilly's courage (they are real heroes). Phillip, is it wrong of me to pray not only for our soldiers but also for our "enemies"? I hope not.

See, I was to talk about Christmas and all the joy coming with it and I talk about war instead. It penetrates me in every way you know, I only hope that your country, the grand America, won't join its horrors and so that you won't either (another thing I pray for, you see).

Christmas was really lovely even though we left empty chairs for Gilly, Selwyn, Walt and John and this alone made me melancholy and sad for a few moments. But even so Christmas was lovely.

The girls and I walked through all the favourite places of ours, the Lake of Shining Waters, the Lovers' Lane, Hester Gray's Garden, the White Way of Delight, you know all of those beautiful places I told you about millions of times before. Grandma Anne and Grandpa Gilbert joined us too and we all had a snow fight in the end. I only wished you were there with us.

We all worry about cousin Bruce though. He seemed to be eager to enlist quite soon during eating our Christmas meal. His wife, Louisa, seems to be calm about it but she did have an anxious look in her eyes. Nobody said anything to him about it because he didn't speak of it directly either, we're just waiting for him to tell us all that he is going to a training. I can't bear the thought of him going off too and also him leaving his lovely young wife and his two sweet baby-girls who are like flowers because they're so sweet. That is why I am not going to be talking about it anymore, it just makes me sadder than I already am.

And now the last news in our family and this one is about Jo. Oh, Jo… Do you remember Phillip when I told you that she is engaged to that boy Colin from Redmond College? Well, she's not anymore. She called off the whole thing as if it was entirely of no importance and now claims that she in fact loves someone else, another student from Redmond College called Hawk. I don't and can't understand her and apparently nobody in our family does and can either. She either has a kind of heart which changes its opinion as quickly as the wind changes its direction or she simply doesn't respond to what her heart tells her. That is my opinion which clearly agrees with yours, as you suggested before in one of your letters.

Nobody truly knows what she's planning on doing next, be it her future career or her life in general, we don't know. I can see on both faces of Auntie Nan and Uncle Jerry that they worry about her and that they are helpless because they can't do anything about her. I could see Auntie Nan talking about Jo with Auntie Di and I was happy to see them talking to each other again (face-to-face I mean) because I know that the twins' hearts know what each feels by just looking at both of those aunties of mine.

I must go to sleep now because I have no more energy left inside me and I swear that my eyes are closing right now.

I wish you now a very wonderful and bright new year of 1941 which is just around the corner (can you believe it by the way?). Hopefully it will bring you and everyone else I deeply love as well, happiness and joy of living.

Always your friend,

Hester

"Well, for the first time in my life I don't really know what advice to give you, Hes." Lily shook her head and squeezed Hester's hand tighter, her hazel eyes locked in her friend's, searching for an answer.

January went in a blink of an eye and suddenly there was February of the brand new year of 1941 and the freezing wind covering all an eye could see. As soon as the year started Hester, with her resolution to be more joyful, quickly realised that it wasn't quite the possibility for her. It wasn't exactly because of her brothers and cousins being far away from home and safety at the front, but it was more because of her own feelings and indecision as well as a feeling of uneasiness.

Just a week after school began again in January, Flora took Hester by her hand after leaving their Science classroom and whispered into her ear that she needed to tell her something and without the sight of Seb near them. Flora said to Hester that she was certain that Seb was in love with her. The information struck Hester like a bolt can strike a tree and although at first she wanted to argue with that, Flora and the situation itself convinced her that it was in fact true. All of the gazes, the sometimes unnecessary touching of Hester's arm as a sign of reassurance of something, the custom of Seb kissing her cheek softly once he walked her home after school; it was the situation Hester was in and she didn't feel right about it at all. She felt frightened by its whole concept of it.

Not only this was "the thing needed an advice from Hester's Group to Hester" but there was also that the latest letters coming from New York and from under a pen of Phillip Jones, suggested that he in fact had feelings of that sort towards her too. He was sending her a lot of gifts, and recently some poetry he would read somewhere and a note saying "made me think of you" attached to it. And they were, most of them, romantic types of poetry which he sent to Hester.

So Hester's mind was whirling that one afternoon when Lily came back all the way from Queen's to Glen for the weekend and she along with Marion and Vance were all sitting in Hester's bedroom under a huge blanket. All of them listened to Hester and her "news", if it could be called news, and all of the girls fell silent as one and didn't know what to say, or like Lily said, what advice should they give her.

"Mum said that if I feel like I feel which is not interested in this kind of thing at all," Hester said to avoid the penetrating silence "-so then I shouldn't think about it for now and act as not interested in both Seb and Phillip, in that way. But I do think about it!" she covered her face in her hands desperately "I don't know why it has to be me with this kind of problem!"

Lily put her arms around Hester and grinned lightly "I suppose that this "kind of problem" is one of those things everyone hates but just has to deal with somehow." she said and looked into Hester's eyes again "But I think that you once told me that you rather liked Seb in that way though." she raised her eyebrow curiously.

Hester's cheeks flushed with pink but her expression was still gloomy "Well, maybe I still do but I just don't want to have a sweetheart of any kind right now. Maybe ever? I don't know." she covered her face in her hands again.

"I think your mother is right." Marion said quietly while putting her hand over Hester's and made her friend to look at her "You should leave this problem aside until someone will speak about it openly, be it Seb or Phillip." she smiled sweetly at her friend who smiled back at her weakly.

"I agree." Vance added calmly "And I think you should also focus on something different to take your mind off it, like your music for example." she smiled at Hester who smiled back at her, her cheeks coming back to her natural colour.

"And I think you should feel rather flattered that two boys are after you, it doesn't matter whether you like them back or not." Lily winked at Hester and she and all the other girls chuckled.

"You're all right, I know that much." Hester said eventually, feeling more relaxed "Thank you for all the advice, really. It is just the way I am, to overthink things, especially something like that." she said more gloomily again and Lily squeezed her hand once more.

"Don't you worry, dear." she said caringly "And just remember that you can always count on us and on our advice."

Hester smiled back at Lily, the eternal source of joy, and knew that she was right about that and she couldn't say enough to let them know how grateful she was for all of them.

The subject changed, as Hester requested herself, but although she smiled and participated in various conversations about books and school in general, her mind was still troubled. She knew that even though she was encouraging herself to stop thinking about those two boys, she couldn't stop imagining scenarios and think about all the what ifs. But she was sure that she didn't want romance in her life, not just yet. It was too new of a revelation to her and she knew that well. Besides, she had enough to worry about, her brothers and cousins being at war that is. But even when it was four hours after her girls went back to their homes and Hester lay under the blanket on her bed, ready to be carried away to a far off land of dreams, she herself felt that her cheeks did blush at the thought that romance might enter her life sooner than she thought.