Chapter VIII

May came with the chirruping of the birds and a sudden wave of warmth in the air which penetrated Hester's soul just like water can penetrate a tablecloth with simply its soft touch.

It was a day after Hester's last exam, last exam of the first year of High School and now she was sitting underneath the Tree Lovers with her music notes in her lap and a pen accompanied by a rubber in her hands. Her forehead had a little line in between her thick black eyebrows and it meant that Hester was focused and that the world around her was lost in birdsong and the spring's innocent breeze. At the top of the piece of paper which she held in her hand was written: "Hope and Our Rainbow Valley", Violin No. 7" and Hester neither heard nor saw anything but what she needed in order to fill the piece of paper she held in her hands.

Her hair was tied into a braid although lots of its very curly strands were covering her neck and the back of her pretty turquoise dress as well. So it was no surprise for Phillip Jones to stop for a moment before making any further unnecessary movement and he decided on looking at Hester for a few seconds and to smile at her. His cheeks were turning bright red, even though the air wasn't warm enough to do that by itself.

Hester finally heard someone's footsteps approaching her and thinking that it was her grandmother Anne with a plate of cookies, her eyes widened incredibly when she saw a tall young man standing right in front of her instead of her grandma. "Oh, I can't believe it!" she said almost breathlessly as she stood up abruptly and a smile was all that was seen on her face as she wrapped her arms around Phillip's neck.

"A nice surprise, is it not?" Phillip chuckled when he put Hester down on the ground "Although I am late a whole three days for your seventeenth birthday." he blushed and his blush deepened when Hester put her small hands on his cheeks and chuckled in her sweet voice.

"Oh, this is truly the best birthday present you could ever get me!" Hester exclaimed merrily and kissed his cheek softly, making Phillip to look away for a moment, his smile only getting brighter "Phillip, you've changed so much!" she said as she finally let go of him altogether and looked at him in disbelief.

Phillip indeed changed. He was much taller than the last time Hester saw him. He was so tall that Hester's head was reaching only top of his shoulders and even though Hester was quite a short creature by nature, she knew that he was about her father's height, which indeed was quite tall. Phillip's usually blonde curls got straighter and darker and his face was eventually spotless. He actually looked like a twenty year old rather than a seventeen year old.

Phillip blushed a little and then shrugged "Well, you know…" he said bashfully and then looked at Hester from head to toe, taking a deep breath "You have changed a lot too!" he said finally and Hester laughed "The last time I saw you, your hair wasn't half as curly as it is now and your cheeks weren't as rosy as they are right in this moment." he noticed her blushing as well and he grinned softly "But you still dress in the most fashionable way. You look as if you came back straight from New York along with me."

"I can assure you, Phillip, that all the clothes I wear aren't new, rationing wouldn't allow me to buy half as many as I would like to but I do sew them with the help of my mum and auntie Una from all the patterns we can get from the new magazines." she said merrily and suddenly remembering that she had her notes lying all around the blanket in the shadow of the Tree Lovers she invited Phillip to sit next to her and Phillip agreed readily while she was putting all the notes aside.

"When did you come then? And for how long? It's been two years since you've been here last time, Phillip." she said, still smiling and breathing him all in and definitely not believing that her very own best friend was sitting right in front of her again.

Phillip put his hands on his knees and grinned at Hester gently "Well, I came in the morning, two hours ago." he said "And I will be staying at my gran's of course, and the best part is is that I will be here for the whole summer like I told you I would!" he said happily and Hester squeaked in joy.

"Oh, I'm so happy!" she said cheerfully.

"I am too." he said just as cheerfully. Phillip then grinned again at Hester "Oh! I almost forgot!" he jumped up and reached to the back pocket of his trousers, pulling out a small package and putting it into Hester's hands.

"Phillip! You didn't have to!" she said but smiled wonderfully nonetheless, quickly unpacking the gift.

"Of course I did have to." he said while he watched her opening it "Happy birthday, Hester." he said just in time when in Hester's hands appeared a shining silver necklace with a cello-shaped figure being its centre. Hester's mouth opened slightly as she looked at it, not knowing what to say. She turned it to the back and saw words engraved onto it which were: "For Hester, may you be always happy". Suddenly tears sprang into Hester's hazel eyes and she put a hand on her mouth. "No, no, I don't want you to cry, Hester." Phillip looked at her caringly and put her into his arms and kissed her hair lightly.

"But it's just that… You are too good, Phillip!" she said finally and smiled at his face. She then hugged him once again before sitting up again "Will you put it on, please?" she asked him and Phillip readily took the necklace from her hands and put it quickly, like a professional, around her slender, pale neck.

"Looks lovely on you." Phillip said in satisfaction and smiled at the young beauty in front of him.

"Thank you, so much, Phillip." she whispered again and eventually wiped away those few tears which escaped her eyes.

"You don't have to thank me, you know that." he said "And now, tell me Hester, how are you?" he asked her, finally settling down by putting his hands behind his back and looking at Hester, his hands enjoying the sunshine while the rest of his body enjoyed the shadow of the tree.

Hester laid her legs in front of her and put her hands behind her back like Phillip did and she smiled gently at her friend "I'm fine, Phillip, I truly am." she said calmly "I won't say I'm perfectly fine, I won't be until the day the war will be over and my brothers and cousins will come back home but... I am fine." she smiled then, her dimples deepening and adding to the still visible girlish features of her face "Gilly and Selwyn write to us very often, even though some of their letters are short but they know that if they didn't write, mother would 'phone up the whole of the Canadian army asking what has happened to her sons." she grinned slightly at the thought even though a shadow appeared behind her eyes for a moment.

Phillip grinned too "I'm sure she would." he said "And it's good that they write. I'm sure you write to them very, very often." he chuckled when Hester nodded eagerly.

"Everyday if I can." she replied, smiling "Lately I haven't had the time to write every day because of the exams but now I will go back to writing them every single day, now that the exams are over." she nodded as if to reassure herself about that.

"How is that that you have the kindest heart?" he asked a bit absent-mindedly, and when he realised he said that thought outloud and found Hester looking at him with a small frown above her light smile, he blushed again.

"I don't have the kindest heart, Phillip." she said "Everybody has a kind heart, but some people just need to learn how to use it properly." she smiled brightly seeing Phillip smiling back at her.

"It's quite difficult to believe that when there's a war going on." he admitted.

"If a person hopes and has faith, it's actually quite easy." Hester replied and before she knew it or could acknowledge it, Phillip's lips met her own. It was so sudden, so very shocking to her that for the first few seconds she couldn't react in any way, she simply couldn't move especially because it was her very first kiss. No, no, no…! Hester's mind screamed suddenly, it's all so wrong, not right at all! Her eyes opened and widened in a matter of half a second and she pulled away violently almost, breathing heavily and her cheeks instead of being flushed with red, were actually as white as the pages of paper filled with her music notes which were lying beside her.

"What… are you doing?" Hester asked breathlessly, her eyes afraid.

Phillip's cheeks were in contrast to Hester's simply because they were pure red, very much like Lily's hair, and he looked at Hester as if stricken by his own action "I…" he started but quickly realised that he didn't know what to say and how to say anything at all and Hester could see it plainly on his face.

"I'm sorry, Phillip." Hester said, her face painted with regret and sympathy "But…" she began but Phillip regaining his ability to speak finished for her.

"It's not me who is the one for you." he said, with a grin stitched to his lips. He grinned only to take off a burden from Hester who was clearly afraid of saying that arrow in his heart herself.

"It's just not right." she said, her eyes filling with tears all of a sudden "Phillip, I wish it was! But… But… It isn't." she was almost shocked by that fact herself considering how wonderful of a person Phillip was and what a great friend he was to her. For a few months she was thinking of him as a possibility of a sweetheart for her and even thought that when that moment of their first kiss would come eventually she would know that he truly was someone she loved in-that-way but when that moment became a reality for her, Hester was deeply shocked and felt very guilty indeed over the fact that it all felt entirely wrong and that Phillip, however much she loved him as her friend, could be nothing to her but her friend only, and nothing could ever change that. It was as if her own heart was pierced by that revelation, just as much as Phillip's own heart was.

Phillip nodded slowly, taking it all in. His smile weakened but remained on his face. His cheeks went paler and he looked down as if trying to convince himself that it will never work like he thought it would. He then looked up to see Hester looking at him with tears falling down her rosy cheeks, not making any sound and waiting for his reaction in a complete anxiety. He pulled her into a warm embrace and kissed the top of her head "I'm sorry too." he whispered very quietly.

"I'm so sorry." she whispered again and allowed Phillip to hold her for a few moments longer before pulling away and wiping away her tears "Phillip?" she asked him, her voice getting more steady even though her heart still ached terribly.

"It doesn't change anything." he answered before she asked him. He took her shaking hands in his steady ones and squeezed them tightly, smiling at her in reassurance "It will never change our friendship, Hester. Don't worry about it." he said and she managed to smile back at him weakly.

Phillip then hugged her once more and they were both silent. Both sat in each other's embrace and were focused on the peacefulness around them which was needed in that moment they both shared. Even though Hester knew that nothing could prevent her and Phillip's friendship to keep on growing and getting stronger, she knew that Phillip was wrong about it not being changed. Their friendship was already changed, slightly but nonetheless, and nothing now could change it back to its first shape again.

30th June 1941

Dear Diary,

It is so strange when the school year ends and summer starts, especially ever since the war has started. I was always so extremely excited for summer and all the free time awaiting me, but now I am actually quite afraid, I'm afraid of what's to come.

I feel so very selfish and guilty too. Recently we heard a small bit of what's happening to all of those poor and innocent Jewish people at the "concentration camps" and I can't, I just can't… I can't imagine any of it and I don't want to. I pray for them so very much, for their souls especially. I asked Grandad (although he's not really my grandad, I know, but I always call him that because in my heart he really is) John why the Nazis hate Jews so much and whatever for they want them to suffer and Grandad said to me in his calm and kind voice: "I don't know sweetheart. Hatred towards anyone and anything can never be explained entirely and we can only pray and hope that just the minimum amount of it will ever exist." and I will do just that, I will pray and hope that only the minimum amount will ever be felt in the world.

Because I still don't feel supportive enough I joined the Junior Red Cross and now I spend my evenings with Lily, Marion, Vance and our mothers along with Auntie Una and Grandma Anne at the House of Dreams' garden knitting socks, blankets and such. Dad says that he loves watching us because we seem like a "perfect club" and I suppose we do seem like just that. We talk all the time and laugh too. But we do it all to help. To help those who need our help. Like our own boys out there at the front. Gilly, Selwyn, John, Walt, Marshall…

Gilly and Marshall are now over in Malta and thereabouts. Gil wrote about all the beautiful landscapes he sees over there and I still get the feeling, this wonderful feeling that he still hasn't changed and that the war hasn't touched his soul yet, and I hope it never will.

Selwyn, John and Walt are all still in France. Selwyn says that they're all safe for now, although that his word cannot be trusted entirely in times like these and I think that he's right unfortuntately. Selwyn told me that recently he stopped writing but only because he doesn't have that much time to do it and I don't know whether it is the only reason for him not writing but he wrote to me that it is, but still, I know Selwyn and I know that he could be just saying that to not worry me. Like Dad said, "we will all see if that's true in time".

Phillip is still here in Glen and I find a great support in him, I always did but especially now that he is really here, and we can both sit next to each other under the White Lady and talk all afternoon.

It's been over a month since Phillip kissed me and so we forgot about this incident, I did at least but I think that he did too. Of course I still feel that Phillip's gazes aren't just friendly ones but as soon as he himself realises that, he looks away and then looks back at me with different, more relaxed eyes of his. I feel really downhearted still, when I think about it (although Phillip told me not to) that I can't love him in-that-way because goodness how much I wish I could! I really do! I still think that maybe I will be able to one day? But then the very thought makes me feel a bit ill. And also…

There's Seb.

We don't spend as much time together as I'd like to and that's because now Seb went away with his parents and siblings to Quebec to his mother's sister who lives there, and he went there for the whole summer too. Of course we send each other letters, which are quite long I must say, and he does write such... romantic things that my cheeks burn whenever I read them! He recently wrote me this me this: "I miss you so, Hester. You know, mother brought a new bouquet of roses into the house and put it into the white vase. As I looked at those flowers all I could think of is the colour of your cheeks whenever you play your cello. They're pure red, and they give your face a perfect glow of concentration and beauty.". Now how can one not blush after reading something like this? Well, I shall stop now, I'm forbidding myself to think about Seb for too long, I have many things to do anyway and I am too young for love, I know that too. But then… am I? Yes, Hester, you are, you silly girl of seventeen!

I am so happy to see Lily in our lovely Glen and Four Winds again. She finished Queen's a week ago and now she is getting excited for going off to Redmond in September to study nothing else but Law! We are all extremely proud of her, she is going to be the first lawyer in our family after all. Uncle Jem is quite literally bursting with pride over his oldest daughter, so is Auntie Faith of course.

But a shadow comes across Lily's face whenever she thinks about John, we all know it, there's no way she can hide it now and she told me recently that she doesn't want to hide it anymore, she's too tired of hiding this feeling she has for the handsome Lieutenant Meredith. Her feelings definitely got stronger after she kissed John (on the lips) right before he jumped on the train to carry him to the training camp all of those months ago, a year ago almost! Lily told me that it was just an impulse and that when she thought she could never see him again she just "went for it". It was very quick and so sudden that she's sure that John doesn't even remember it. Lily said that he just smiled at her when she kissed him and he wished her well. And that is why she said she would never regret kissing him, it gave her even more hope than she already had.

Lily claims that she thinks that John's feelings for Cornelia died eventually because he never mentions her in the letters to her and he used to just a few months before. This is why she is more cheerful whenever she thinks of him because even though she is the most hopeful person I know, she has even more hope now in the possibility that John will return her strong feelings for him one day. I myself feel like he will. Lily told me that Uncle Jem said that if he could and if John wasn't the son of his sister and his best friend, he would spank him until John would realise that Lily is the only girl for him. We all laughed when she told us about her dad's little speech.

It would be marvellous if Ada was here too but she's not and she won't be this time because she is preparing for her second year at Queen's, studying more and more Mathematics as that is her main interest. At least I know that we will see each other at Christmas, that is certain.

I have to go now! And I really wanted to write more! But I can see Marion, Lily and Aunties Faith and Una coming down the lane for our "club's meeting" and our plan is to knit as many socks as we can today. A very stressful task indeed, for me at least.

Have to fly now!

Yours,

Hester