Chapter IX
24th July 1941
Dearest Sis,
Yes, I did get the telegram about Jo's husband, Hawk, who was killed in action, somewhere at the sea last Thursday. This is, as you said in your own letter, very unexpected and downhearting but please Hes let it not upset you or make you to think about the possibility that something like this might happen to either of us, be it me, Wyn or anyone else from our family and friends. Don't worry, dear angel of a sister, and put your chin up! I know you can do it because you're doing it right now, I know you are.
Both Marshall and I wrote to Jo of our condolensces but like you said in your latest letter, she doesn't seem too saddened by the death of Hawk. I must say, although it's hard to say something like this but it's true, and that is that I'm not surprised. From the start I knew that she didn't love him, or at least not enough to marry him. It was just an impulse of the war and Hawk's going to the front so soon. But I won't be this cruel about Jo who still is a friend of mine, and I will say that she is sad about the whole thing, not as much as she actually should be being his wife, but she did write to me that she feels sorry for his loss and that if he would have lived, she might have been happy with him. But at the same time she wrote "this only proves we weren't meant to be", and she goes on on how she learnt how to bake a lemon cake. Typical Jo, although possibly it is good that she's not mourning so much after him and she stays happy nonetheless.
But like I said before in this letter of mine, Hes, don't worry about any kinds of things that might (but don't have to) happen to us. I have this feeling that after all, things will work out in the end for all of us and I do trust in God and his plans for all of us. Marshall and I are still stationed in Malta and we fly all over Italy each day. Days go by very quickly and what I mostly enjoy about each day are the afternoons as that's when Marshall and I and some other fellows play cards and sing, as well as write letters to our families just like I'm doing right now.
So sis, keep a stiff upper lip and smile, that is the best medicine for it all. I take it myself everyday, even at the front. So does Marshall and so should you.
You know, I do still feel like quite the same man, in personality I mean. It's like what you said, I didn't change... Yet, but I do hope that I won't and even if I will then only for the better because yes, I do have my flaws (no matter what you say, dear sister) and don't tell me otherwise Hes. I am annoying most of the times, I know that myself.
I know, I know, Hes. I can read through Selwyn's letters just like you can and yes, I do agree with you that something about him has changed and I feel very sorry about that. But his soul isn't gone, and that's something, isn't it? I can see that he is fighting on the inside with himself and I only hope that he will win this fight. I think he will. Wyn is a strong man, he's our brother after all, and I know that whatever happens, his soul can never be truly damaged.
Sometimes, (don't tell anyone!) I think about what kinds of things I might still experience. Some of them frighten me a bit as they should, but you know, lately I had this sudden realisation that maybe, maybe… Maybe I will find this one girl, somehow. I don't know how, but I have this feeling, you know? I have this feeling that she's waiting for me somewhere. And I am waiting for her too. Everyone, even Marshall (my very own best friend!), was asking me several times before: "How come you never had a sweetheart? You've never kissed a girl before?! Come on Gil!" and I won't say that I never wanted to kiss Jean or Lou but I was always forbidding myself because I want to fall in love with the girl first and so before I am to kiss her.
I've said this to Marshall and he answered: "That was my first plan too. But then when I saw how pretty Cam was, I couldn't help but to kiss her lips at once!", he and I laughed of course remembering his firts kiss when he was just twelve years old. And then it was Jo of course and Marshall told me that he really was in love with her, and he still sometimes think of the "what might have been if...?" but I always stop him from thinking about that. He told me, when we talked about all of this, that what he had with Jo (or at least what he thought he had) was really "it" and that right now, he thinks and plans like me. He wanted to kiss this one Italian girl who waved at us one morning and who was stretching her arms before him but Marshall, who normally would go up to her and kiss her straight on the lips, only smiled at her and then said to me: "Don't even know her name! Nah, those days are over for me, Gil.". So now Marshall and I really mean to fall in love. One way or another. What a romantic I am, eh? If you'd tell my ten year old self that I was to think of something like this I would cry with laughter and call you a ninny.
But I just had to write all of this to you because you are caught up in the middle of something romantic too are you not, Hes? You're writing to me about this Seb of yours… Hmm… I don't know what to think about any man who would be willing to be a sweetheart of my little sister (you'll always be my little sister, Hes, even when you're fifty years old so don't huff at me for calling you so!). And Hes, dear, you really don't have to tell me directly for me to know that this is exactly the case with this Seb-boy.
From what I gather, he's handsome, he's a gentleman, an incredible singer, and very interesting too. Quite a man you found yourself, hm? But Hester, if you just feel like only one day you would want him to be your sweetheart but not now then don't think about it for now. It will all come to you. I know that this is exactly what our parents probably told you and they're right, like always to our disadvantage.
How wonderful that you started helping out in Auntie Una's orphanage! I am even prouder of you than I was before, which means I might explode with pride in a second. You have such a kind heart Hes, I think that I can hardly believe that I have a sister like you. But it really is great that you play with all of those poor kids and make their day happier. And of course do tell me about each of the funny things they do, I know that laughter will make me good one of these days. And Marshall too! I will read those stories of yours to him as well.
I have to finish in a moment because the lights will be turned off in about fifteen minutes but I will finish this letter to you like I should, and so I will talk about this Phillip of yours too. I'm sure you worry that he will enlist one day even though he now claims he won't. You're right, Wyn said exactly the same thing and now he's in the trenches in France. But good for him that America hasn't joined in the war just yet although from what we hear on the radio it is really possible that they will this year or in the next one. For now, don't worry about this friend of yours. He'll be fine, I'm sure. For what I've known and seen him he seems sensible and he'll do what is best for him. And if I can see that although I only spoke maybe ten sentences with him in my life, then you as his close friend will know that too.
Goodness gracious, I only hope that the grand America will join this chaos and the yankees will come and help us out because truth be told I don't want to be doing what I do everyday for the next five years of my life. But then Mother (and Marshall's mother too!) sends us so many small packs with different sweets of hers that I sometimes wonder whether I was getting as much when I was ten years old? I don't even know how she finds all of these with all the rationing going on and it really does show how determined and caring our Mum is (and Marshall's, while we're at it).
Anyways, dearest sister, don't worry about me or Wyn or anyone of us boys out here in the war. You know, war is difficult and it's hard to understand and hard to live through but it is just a period of time after all, "it too shall pass". That's something Wyn would say, am I not right?
I wish you all the happiness in each passing day and night, and also well done on deciding to help Auntie Una out in the orphanage. You're so strong through all of this, you are a soldier yourself, dear Hes.
I'm sending you my love,
Your romantic silly brother,
Wing Commander Gilbert Ford
"I can't believe that I've been here for the whole summer already and that I have to go back to this crowded New York of mine tomorrow…" Phillip sighed heavily and put a hand on his knee while leaning back on the White Lady, clearly enjoying the shadow underneath it. Phillip was right, the summer was almost over and it was time for each of Hester's cousins and friends to go back to their scholarly duties, it was her own fate as well. Hester's Group and Phillip, who actually was its member himself, prepared a picnic in Rainbow Valley and all of them sat together on the old purple blanket underneath the shadow of the previously mentioned White Lady.
"I can't believe it either." Hester said and squeezed Phillip's hand gently, a light grin spreading on her thin lips "It will be really lonely without you or Lily here." she looked over at the red-headed beauty lying on her stomach right next to her and Phillip, smiling radiantly at them both.
"Oh, come on, Hes." she said in her usual jolly and bright voice "Everyone around you know that you love school and I'm sure it will keep your mind so occupied that you won't even notice we're gone!" and then she raised her eyebrows in a playful manner and lowered her voice "Besides, I'm sure that Seb will keep your mind occupied as well." she chuckled softly.
Hester smiled kindly at her but remained rather motionless and when her eyes met Phillip's both of their cheeks flushed with fire of embarrassment. Hester obviously mentioned Seb to Phillip and he himself worked out that she might have the same feelings for Seb as he, Phillip, had for Hester and both he and Hester knew that he knew about it but never talked about the subject outloud.
Lily quickly realised that she shouldn't have said that and so she only laughed once more to relax the atmosphere slightly and clasped her hands together "I cannot believe that I'm going to start Redmond College and learn about Law in just a week's time!" she said excitedly, her own cheeks still a bit pink from noticing the glance Hester and Phillip shared after her earlier remark.
"Aren't you a bit scared though?" Vance asked sheepishly, her blonde locks shining in the summer's sun.
Lily smiled at her timid friend "No, I'm excited." she said joyfully and jumped up as if to show the amount of excitement that was inside of her. Everyone around her started to chuckle and the atmosphere relaxed at once.
"Well, this time next year, you and I will be able to talk about studying Law then." Phillip smiled at Lily.
"I know!" Lily patted his hand lively "And I can't wait for that as well!"
Hester smiled at Lily and immediately envied her ability to be so excited for almost eveyrthing and also being so optimistic all the time. Hester knew that Lily had her dark days and hidden thoughts of a view very different than brightness of which she knew as well as Lily but nonetheless Hester always envied Lily of how she looked on life and how easily she could brighten up her own day, the ability which was worth more than any money on the world combined together could buy.
"I think you'll be a wonderful lawyer." Marion said to her older sister with pride in her soft eyes.
"Thank you, dear." Lily replied and smiled at her younger sister gently "And I'm sure that you'll be a wonderful teacher."
Marion's cheeks became a shade redder than normally and she grinned at her sweetly "I'm not too sure about being a teacher anymore." she said.
Everyone looked at her with worry "Why not, Marion?" Hester asked her friend gently.
"I don't know, Hester." Marion replied a bit helplessly "When I think of my future I don't see any of the things all of you see."
"What do you mean?" Vance encouraged her and smiled at her friend tenderly.
Marion smiled back although weakly and then shrugged "It's just that I don't want to go univeristy or get any degree and I just want to start working as soon as I can. I don't know whether I should be a teacher, or a missionary or…" she started.
"A missionary?" Phillip was surprised but intrigued "You really think about becoming a missionary, Marion?" he asked her.
"Well," she started bashfully "I've heard many stories of auntie Una's when she was a missionary in India and I think that it would be fascinating and wonderful to help other people in their misery." she smiled at the thought and her hazel eyes started to twinkle a little.
Everyone surrounding her smiled just as she did only by looking at her "That's so gallant of you." Hester squeezed Marion's arm lightly.
"Whatever you do, we'll be proud of you, Marion." Vance squeezed Marion's other hand and the two kindred spirits of the same shy nature smiled at each other.
It was a beautiful day, the wind blew straight at the Group but it was a very nice and soft breeze and all of them felt nothing but lightness surrounding them. They all talked and talked and simply couldn't get enough of each other, especially because they all knew that with all the things happening in the world, the uncertainty of the day upcoming, cousins, brothers and friends risking their lives at the front, they had to find small joys and happiness in al of those small and innocent moments, and that day, a day before Phillip Jones would be going back to New York marking the end of that summer, was cerainly that moment.
It was almost past sunset when Hester and her friends packed up the blanket and all the baskets and took it all back to Ingleside. She thought, while they all walked down the Rainbow Valley to the old house of her grandparents and also while all of them talked and laughed merrily, that the ghosts of the past were laughing with them too, observing them from above.
Hester smiled at the thought and once more was brought into the peaceful state of dreaminess and her own melancholy her soul always possessed. She thought of her uncle Walter, whom she only knew from stories, photographs and the small letter he wrote once upon a time which she could feel at the bottom of the pocket of her dress she wore, and about how much she loved him, even though she never met him but somehow always knew him nonetheless. She thought about her auntie Joyce, whom nobody apart from her grandparents Blythe had ever met but whom she always imagined as the exact copy of her dear friend Lily, with her red hair, freckled complexion and positivity all around her, only with grey eyes instead of the hazel ones which Lily owned.
Phillip brought her down to the earth from the clouds above as he put his arm around her shoulders and smiled down at her amicably "What are you thinking of?" he whispered, although he knew that nobody would have heard him anyway, Lily was telling a story to Vance and Marion and all three of them giggled together too loudly to disturb Phillip's conversation with Hester.
Hester smiled back at him and put a disobedient strand of her black hair behind her ear "About ghosts of the past." she whispered back and sighed deeply, as if trying to feel their presence.
Phillip grinned and sighed too "You know what?" he said and Hester looked up at him again "I've always known it but only now I've realised it: you are too mature for your age, Hester Ford."
Hester chuckled at that softly "How so, Phillip Jones?" she asked him.
"Well, it is hard to explain to a person who is too mature for their age but…" he said and Hester laughed again "It's like you are the person everyone else would like to be." he smiled kindly at her and she smiled back.
"Sometimes it's not so wonderful, you know. Being too mature for their age, I mean." she replied, her voice sounding a bit gloomily, thinking of the war and her brothers and cousins being at the front right in that moment of their conversation.
Phillip pulled her closer to him, knowing what she was thinking about as he was thinking about the same thing too "It can never be wonderful." he whispered into her ear, answering her thoughts rather than the actual statement she said aloud "But we can always remember that bad things end too, don't they?" he smiled at her once more and Hester grinend back, her hazel eyes smiling themselves.
"Yes, they do." she replied softly and put her head on his shoulder, rejoicing in the fact that firstly Phillip was right and secondly that she was reassured, in that moment, that he would always be her friend, no matter what bad things would come into her or his life.