Tête-à-têtes

Phoebe's POV:

"Are you ready?" Ted asks me. I nod, and we enter. My heart starts to beat swiftly, knowing that in a few minutes, I will finally get to see Josh again. I will know if he still wants to be with me and how sick he actually is.

The elevator ride up to the floor feels horribly slow as my mind starts to imagine Josh's reaction to seeing me and me seeing him, the way he is. I just wish I had an insight to how this is going to play out. I tried to ring him again, but he still isn't answering my calls. Instead, Ted has contacted his sister again, to make him aware that we are both in New York and our intentions. Sadly Josh isn't home, rather he has been in hospital for the past week with an infection. From the corner of my eye, I notice Ted is quickly typing an email on his phone. It is crazy how much he is like our father.

"Are you emailing Lily?" I ask to distract my thoughts.

"No, I spoke to her before we left the apartment. I am actually emailing our parents to let them know what is going on." I nod in acknowledgment.

"I am half surprised that dad and mom weren't on the plane when we got on board." I state honestly. It must be sending my dad mad not knowing what is going on the second it happens.

"Oh they wanted to be, but they both needed to make sure our grandparents are doing well after lasts nights' disclosure. They are likely to fly over some time tomorrow to be with you. I don't know for how long though."

The elevator door's ping open and I look around the surrounding of the hospital ward. Nurse and doctors talking and seeing to patients, checking charts and going about their business. We walk down the corridor and to room thirty-four. Outside the private hospital room, is his name written on the board. Joshua W Harris. I can't help but stop and touch it. In my perfect world, I imagined adding Harris to my name one day, once.

"Why, how and when did life get so twisted?" I ask softly.

"Do you want me to go in first, then come and get you?" Ted offers as he puts his hand on my shoulder to comfort me.

"No, just come in with me."

I take a few steps into the hospital room, with Ted closely behind me. The first thing I see the end of the bed and slowly I look across. Josh is lying down, with his eyes closed, so he doesn't notice us at first. It gives me an opportunity to look at him, really look at him for the first time in months. Josh's dark hair is brushed back, and his fine, strong facial features draw me in, though he looks pale. He is skinnier than he was when he left. When Josh realises someone is in the room, he looks up, and his eyes take me back to all those times in his arms. He might be terribly sick, but his eyes have not lost that distinctive sparkle.

"Phoebe. Ted." He says our names, obviously stunned to see us.

"Hi" This is all I am able to say right now. I can't even move. Do I get mad at him for not talking to me, answering my calls? Or do I throw my arms around him because I have missed him so much and still love him.

"Can we come in?" Ted asks, noticing my reluctance to move.

"Please" Josh shifts to sit up a little more, and we make the briefest of eye contact as I look down. "How did you both know I was here?" He asks.

"Our grandfather told us everything that happened and is happening with you. I spoke to your sister told me that you were in the hospital. How are you feeling? Is there anything I can get for you?" Ted questions concerned.

"I am alright, I got an infection that I am just trying to fight. And if you're offering to get me anything then how about a pepperoni pizza, wedges with sour cream and three budvar's, but you might have to smuggle it in. I am on a strict diet, and a few of the nurses here make our old English teacher, Mrs Smith, seem like a saint" Josh says humorously.

"Wouldn't be the first time, you and I broke a few rules." Ted comments raising his eyebrows. Both he and Ted laugh together, obviously remembering some of the times they shared growing up.

"Why didn't you tell me? You shouldn't have left" I can't keep the anger out of my voice, and the light mood in the room is ruined.

"Phoebe…I…" Josh tries to explain. "It is hard to explain." Josh looks at me and then Ted.

"Why don't I go and give you both some time to talk." Ted states.

"You don't have to leave." I tell him.

"I know, but you both need some privacy to talk. Kinston is outside should you need him. I will give a couple of old friends that are still here in New York a call and see if they are free to catch up. Josh I will come and see you before I head back to Seattle if that's okay" Ted asks.

"Yeah. I think I am stuck here for a little while, so I am not going anywhere" Josh replies. They both offer each other a small smile to each other, and then Ted looks at me.

"I am on my cell phone if you need me" Ted lets me know. I nod in acknowledgement.

"Phoebe, I couldn't tell you. I promised I wouldn't. I had to protect you" Josh tells me passionately.

"My grandfather told me everything. I know that he spoke to you and asked you to leave. But you shouldn't have gone." I restate, trying not raise my voice and scold him, but it's hard. My anger over him leaving is just too strong.

"I didn't want to hurt you. I was causing so much pain, and you were pulling away from your family. A family you truly needed. I thought that I would be able to be everything for you, but then I got sick. I knew that I would make your life even harder. When I spoke to your grandfather, I had to admit that you are too young to go through all this." Josh explains.

"Now you are the one thinking less of me." I state coldly.

"No, Phoebe, never," Josh says pained.

"My grandparents told me that you have kidney failure. How bad is it?" My voice sounds cold as I try to hide my feelings.

"My kidneys are have just recently started to function below 10%, and I have started dialysis" Josh informs me.

"How long do they think you will have to be on dialysis for?" I ask scared of the answer.

"Until I get a transplant or I die." Suddenly everything becomes horribly surreal. "Phoebe, I don't know what is going to happen to tomorrow let alone in a month or a year. It's frightfully hard to plan for the future when an infection puts me in the hospital, and I have to be on dialysis a few times a week. Do you understand why I left?" Josh is practically pleading for me to understand, but I can't.

"Do you have a family member who is compatible to donate a kidney?" I inquire.

"My mother and sister are not a match" Josh admits.

"What about your dad? Have you rung him?" I ask.

"No. I haven't seen my father since I got back to New York and my mother divorced him over his past and current affairs that came to light. He is probably overseas" Josh shrugs.

"Have you tried ringing him?" I probe.

"No, " Josh admits.

"Well that is a stupid move isn't? That is the equivalency of not pre-questioning your key witnesses of a case. I thought you were supposed to be intelligent" I say appalled.

"My sister has tried to ring him for me, but we can't seem to locate him" Josh finally admits. My heart sinks immediately.

"I have missed you." Josh says softly.

"Should have answered my calls then." I rebut.

"Okay Phoebe, yes I have made a lot of mistakes. I made decisions based on what I thought was right at the time. What I thought would protect you the most. I wanted to tell you, but it was so hard, and then when your grandfather asked me to leave, I didn't know what else to do. I didn't want to leave." He stresses.

"But you did, you hurt me."

"I know. I hurt myself too, but hurting you is my biggest regret. I am so glad you are here"

"Why?" I probe.

"Because you being here gives me hope. Even if it is for a short time" I take Josh's hand and run it across my cheek. We both sit quietly, neither of us knowing what else to say.

"Phoebe, I love you." Josh tells me.

"I love you too, but where do we go from here?" I ask.

# # # #

"Ted, are you awake?" I ask to enter my brother's room in our parents New York apartment. He stirs and looks up at me. If I didn't have a hot coffee in my hands for him, he would probably throw a pillow at me or order me out.

"What time is it?" Ted groans and gratefully takes the coffee from me. Poor Ted, he certainly looks worse for wear!

"It is almost ten in the morning. I can't believe you are still asleep. What time did you get in?" I query. Ted got hold of several friends yesterday and from the look of my older brother they had an exceptionally hard boys night out. Ted rang me a few times after he left me at the hospital, however; I told him not to worry about me that I had dinner, and I was going to bed. I needed time to think, about what I was going to go next.

"Late. Very late! I don't think I have drunk so much for so long!"

"Sorry. I will let you get some more sleep." I tell him walking back out.

"No, I should get up. I can sleep on the flight home to Seattle tonight." Ted comments.

"Oh yeah, your leaving today aren't you?" I walk back towards the bed, and he invites me to sit. We haven't done this since I was five.

"Yes, I need to get back to Lily and the kids. Have you decided if you are going to stay or head back to Seattle?" Ted probes.

"I am not ready to leave New York" I shrug.

"You should know that Mom and Dad sent me an email last night and are on their way over. They predicted that you probably wouldn't be ready to leave today, and they don't want you to be alone." Ted informs me.

"They are right, I don't want to be alone. I also don't want Josh to die" I admit, and start to cry. The emotions of the past thirty-six hours hit me.

"Hey, Fifi don't cry." Ted wraps his arm around me and holds me close. "Talk to me as we use to do before everything happened. Talk to me exactly as we use to when you were growing up."

"I can barely even remember what life was like then." I say a little amused at my brothers request.

"Try. Talk to me about anything other than something going on right now. I don't want you to start thinking that your life is all about one situation. " Ted tells me. I consider my brothers proposal and ask one thing that I have wondered for a long time.

"Do you ever wonder, what life would have been like, if we were born a couple or so years apart as opposed to eighteen?" I query

"I would have gotten into a lot more trouble that is for sure." Ted says seriously.

"Really?"

"Hell yes, I would have had to cover for you so much! Then we would have to add Ava into the mix, and she would have caused a bit of trouble also, don't forget. You two would have gotten into too much mischief. Oh yeah, there is no way that you would have been as perfect as you were." He says dramatically. I take the pillow and pretend to whack him, which makes Ted laugh out loud.

"Seriously Phoebe, don't even try that, I am strong than you, regardless of being older than you." I smile, knowing he is right. "We would have had a lot of adventures growing up at the sound, especially in the meadow. Then as teenagers we could have tried to escape from security, to go out to parties that our parents wouldn't let us go to" Ted states mischievously. My eyes go wide, surprised that he would even suggest such a thing.

"I wonder who would have lost their cool first when they caught us or found out, Taylor or Sawyer." I ponder

"Forget Taylor or Sawyer. Dad would have been the first, he would have gone thermonuclear at us." Ted says seriously

"Oh gosh yes!" I just imagining what my father's reaction would have been, is enough to scare me.

"Was this your room that you slept in when you and mom lived with Dad, during the time he was in New York" I inquire.

"Yes, I even have my old school uniform in the wardrobe still. Lily laughs at it every time we come over to New York. She wore it around the apartment once" Ted smiles at the though.

"You and Lily sleep in this room when you are in New York?" I ask rather surprised.

"Yeah" Ted confirms. I am actually surprised by this. The room is spacious with a bathroom and built in robe, however; you can't beat the view from the main bedroom.

"Why not the main room? The view is spectacular, and I am pretty sure you and Lily could have some fun in the large jacuzzi" I say raising my eyebrows.

"Fifi, when I lived here in this apartment, whom you lived with me?" Ted says little mocking.

"Mom and Dad," I say annoyed at his obvious question.

"Exactly. They slept in that room, on that bed and do so when they come over to New York every couple of months. I am almost one hundred percent sure you were conceived on that bed, plus they have done things in that jacuzzi" Ted admits.

"Oh. Really? Are you sure?" I ask, though I don't actually want to know the answer to this question.

"Trust me. I walked in to their room once looking for dad one day, and the bathroom door was open. I ran out as quickly as possible. Damn, I couldn't look at them both in the eyes for a week. They kept asking me what was wrong, and I lied telling them I was tired from school and sports training."

"Fuck"

"Literally," Josh says seriously. We both look at each other and burst into laughter.

"So do you know what you are going to do about Josh?" Ted asks.

"Not yet. To be honest, I am no longer sure about much anymore. I feel a little lost" I say shrugging.

"How so?" Ted inquires. He is looking at me unsure trying to understand my thought process.

"When I was dating Josh and living with him, all I wanted was to be with him and to prove myself at Grey House. Then when he left, all I wanted was to prove myself to dad that my judgement was not flawed. I was so driven, I didn't think about anything else but sealing that deal." I state passionately.

"Which you were successful in. Dad and I were hoping that now you have completed the deal that you would come back to GEH. So just a heads up as Dad is going to ask you." I don't admit it, but I would honestly like to go back to Grey House, there is so much I still need to learn. I learnt a lot over the past five months, but I made some mistakes which meant the deals took longer to settle than they should have.

"I will talk to dad if he does ask me. I am not sure what I want. The truth of the matter is that I can't think straight, I need to work out what I want with Josh." I look at the clock and note that it is almost eleven.

"I seriously would have liked to have grown up together. I know that you were always there for me, and I appreciated it. Josh and I being together wouldn't have been an issue, we would have been the same age" I say a little remorseful.

"Fifi, I worked out a long time ago, that had things been different then I probably wouldn't have had you as a sister. You wouldn't have met Josh as I would have never lived in New York and you would have met someone else and fallen in love with them. The key thing in life is to play the cards you have been dealt." I ponder my brother's statement. He is right, and it is the best piece of advice I have received in a long time.

"What time are mom and dad getting in?"

"They will here in about an hour and a half. They left Seattle pretty early."

"Really. I better hurry then and get ready then" I tell him.

"Come on Fifi. Even you don't take ninety minutes to get ready. Actually it does. Quick hurry! Or you may have to face a day without makeup!" Ted mocks me.

"Ha, Ha, Ha, Very funny Teddy Bear! I am going to go and meet Mom and Dad as they get off their flight. I need to talk to them right away." I run out of my brother's room quickly before he can respond.

# # # #

My parent's flight lands and I wait at the gate for them to disembark. They took a commercial flight as Ted, and I used the GEH jet, and it is still here. Regardless, they are still exiting from the VIP section of the airport. As soon they arrive I throw my arms around my mother and then feel my dad rub my back.

"I am so glad you are both here. I need help" I tell them.

"Just tell us what you need and we will do it" my dad tells me.

"How resourceful are you dad?" I query.

"Very" My dad comments smugly. I tell him what I want and instantly his expression changes. He has become serious and is shaking his head. I know that he is likely to say no.

Authors Note:

Sorry it isn't an overly long chapter, but my holidays are over, and I am back at work. I didn't want you to wait till next week for another chapter. I know some people are unhappy at the route that I took this story, but I have learnt a lot from that. Skills and lessons I will use if I ever write my original novel.

Thank you!