Chapter XIII

It was a surprisingly very warm afternoon at the shore, at the end of the month March. It was Hester's time, and she knew that well. She was sitting on the rocks and therefore where she always sat when she needed to take a break from everything concerning the world around her and also to just feel alive and nothing else apart from that fact. Ever since the war started, this ritual somehow became more regular in the amount of time it was taking from Hester's Sundays' afternoons. But it was the perfect way for her to finish the week and to welcome the new one with a fresh, or at least fresh enough, mind and thoughts. And what could be more wonderful and relaxing than sitting on the beach, wind blowing softly into your hair and the waves of the ocean crashing on the sand like they always have been, ever since the beginning of time.

Hester's hair was obediently flowing with the wind, she was wearing her grey coat and her very old scarf, a red one who was knitted by her aunt Una once upon a time when she was only six years old. Her face was, as always, pale but her cheeks were pink and her dented lips redder than usual too. She was sitting calmly on the rocks, her arms wrapped around her knees and she watched the waves and the passing clouds above them.

She was distracted by a person whom she least expected to see standing right next to her. "Will!" she said a smile still on her lips "What are you doing here?" she asked her cousin softly.

Will's hazel eyes, so much like their grandafather Gilbert's and Hester's own, sparkled as usual and he smiled down at Hester "Well, you don't know that Hester, but I come over here too, from time to time." he told her as he sat down on the rock next to her, crossing his legs and putting his hands behind his back, his brown hair getting messy because of the wind.

Hester looked at him with a grin on her face. He looks so much like grandpa Gilbert! she thought to herself and was amazed by how true her thought was, but she didn't say it out loud "I must say that this place is the perfect spot to gather your thoughts together." she said gently.

"Uhm, it is." Will agreed with her, looking at the waves but then swiftly turning his head towards her too "We don't talk so much together do we?" he said suddenly.

Hester raised her thick eyebrows at him, trying to figure out where his thoughts were going "I suppose that we don't." she replied in her tender voice "Only during family dinner on Sundays." she suddenly felt a very big heap of regret because of that in the very centre of her heart.

Will, as if reading her thoughts, put his hand on her own and squeezed it with a smile on his face "That's why I'm glad I met you here, cousin." he told her and she smiled back at him "How's Gil and Selwyn?" he asked her.

"They're both fine." she answered calmly "As fine as soldiers at war can be, that is." a shadow fell over her face but she quickly pushed it away with a soft grin reappearing on her lips.

"They're always fine." Will smiled at his older cousin "They always will be too, I'm sure of it."

"Are you always so sure of things, Will?" Hester asked him, grinning.

Will chuckled "No." he replied and both of them laughed together, looking at the ocean in front of them and then at each other again. It was then when Hester really noticed how much Will changed already, since the last time they talked together for as long as they were talking now. He was to be sixteen that summer but he certainly looked much older than that, he looked at least twenty she thought, with being so tall and his shoulders being so broad. Hester smiled at his face, she knew that Gilbert Blythe of the Avonlea days must have looked just like him, that was what her grandma always used to say at each of their family gatherings after all.

"Are you going to Queen's in September then, Will?" she asked him.

"Yeah, I am." he replied although before he did, he sighed deeply "But I'm not very keen on going there, you know."

"Why not?" she asked him curiously.

He shrugged and took off his blue scarf "Because I don't know what to do afterwards and going to Queen's only puts pressure on me to decide what to do with my life and I have no idea." he explained with a shrug at the end.

"Maybe it will help you to decide instead, did you think about it that way?" Hester smiled kindly at him.

Will turned his head to face her and grinned back at her "No, I didn't." he admitted "But you might be right." he then sighed softly again followed by a quiet chuckle coming out of his mouth "I don't even know why I care so much about it, the war is on after all."

Hester looked at him with a sudden fear in her eyes "You don't mean that you'll enlist as well?" she asked him despite herself.

He looked at her and squeezed her hand "I'll have to, Hester." he told her seriously "It is my duty after all."

"So you think that the war will last for at least two more years then?" she asked him, her voice trembling a bit but she hoped he would think it's only because of the sudden chilly blow of the wind.

"I think so, and my parents do too." he replied softly "America has just joined the war but it doesn't have to mean that we'll win quickly. And you listen to the war news yourself so, you know, there's an endless list of the new bombings and battles and such, so yes, I don't think that it will finish quicker than in two years."

Hester looked away and now stared at the ocean, her eyes slowly filling up with sudden wave of tears. Will, noticing them, quickly put his protective arm around her as if their age was reversed and now he was eighteen and she was sixteen, and he kissed her head gently "I'm sorry, Hester." he whispered into her ear "I didn't mean to cause you any sadness. And, by God, you have so many people to worry about in your life, who are at the front, that I think that you are truly the strongest person I know." he looked her in the eyes and smiled reassuringly.

A few tears fell down Hester's cheeks and she managed to smile back at him "Why do so many people say that to me?" she asked him and caused Will to laugh again.

"Because it's true, silly." he replied and both of them chuckled together "And, Hester, how do you do it? Keeping so strong and hopeful all the time?" he asked her.

Hester touched the pocket of her coat and felt a thin piece of paper inside it. She could almost feel the faint handwriting scribbled over it by the hand of her and Will's uncle whom they never knew but whom she could always feel watching over her and her family. She didn't take the letter out, she didn't feel that was a right thing to do in that moment and instead she looked back into Will's eyes and smiled at him gently "Like you said," she replied calmly now "-I have so many people I have to worry about and who are at the front. Gilly is brave and strong and I know he'll be always fine out there, whatever happens." she smiled at the memory of her tall black-haired brother "Selwyn…" her smile suddenly vanished from her face "-he's just as brave but not as certain as Gil about what he does over there. But both of them always tell me not to worry and just keep on doing what I do everyday anyway, to pray for them, for their safety. Then it's Seb…" her hand trembled when she said his name aloud and Will squeezed it gently "-and well, he'll be fine. I can feel that he will because… he just will." she looked back at her cousin's expectant face which was still smiling back at her "And you know what, Will, I keep so strong and hopeful because of them, because of how much I love them all, and John and Walt too of course." she smiled at him "I suppose that it's love that gives you hope, isn't it?"

Will drew her closer to him and grinned down at her "It must be then." he said to her "I'll remember this moment with you, Hester. And you know why?" he asked her.

"Why?" she asked him, her eyes shining like his own.

"Because you gave me hope." he replied and both cousins turned their heads in the direction of the ocean, Will's arm still around Hester's shoulders and both of their faces a perfect picture of what the definition of hope must truly be.

18th April 1942,

Dearest Phillip,

Oh God, Phillip! I don't care about the war news anymore, well that's not true, I do care because of Selwyn and John and Walt but… I don't care what's happening in Bataan or that the Japanese landed on Cebu Island or anything like that. I don't because today we received a telegram that Gilly, my dearest brother, has been reported "wounded and missing" and we won't know what happened to him for a long time, a very very long time.

Mother sobbed the entire morning when she received the letter and Dad struggled to calm her down and so I knew that it was my own time to go to my own room and cry as much as I wanetd to into my pillow, to let go of all the emotions reappearing in my body and soul all at once. But after an hour I didn't have any tears left in my eyes and so I sat down on the windowsill, and looked outside the window with nothing on my mind anymore, and this hardly ever happens as you know yourself.

After this period of me being entirely torn apart and literally thinking that someone has taken my heart out and threw it into the fire, I started to calm myself down and I came back to being hopeful. I still don't know how I actually did this transition. But while sitting on that windowsill, after some time, I did start to think about many different things and one of them was that Gil… (I had to stop and dry this piece of paper so that you can read it, dear Phillip!) -that Gil would never want me or our parents or anyone else to worry about him because in each of his letters he would always assure me that whatever happens, he will be fine, one way or the other.

And the telegram was only stating "wounded and missing" and not that he was… killed or anything like that. But even though I do believe he'll be found and everything but oh God, Phillip! My darling older brother who was and still is the greatest hero, so brave and so funny all the time and so happy! I can't imagine him in any sort of pain… I can't stop imagining him lying somehwere… covered in mood and blood… and… waiting for someone to help him… There, I'm crying again… Here five minutes went by and I'm better now.

But even though all of that still crosses my mind, I still have hope in my heart and I do "have faith" like Uncle Walter told us all to have. I've read his letter today about thousands of times and every single time it really does make me feel stronger, for my dear Gilly especially.

I know he'll be fine, he always is.

I remember when I was about seven years old and he was eleven back then, and he came back home from school with his arm bleeding terribly. He was hit by a brick falling onto him from a building site somehwere in the city and it was broken of course, his shoulder I mean. But all the way through, when he had it taken care of by the doctor, he was smiling so bravely and he was saying to me "Don't worry, Hes. I'm alive, that's what's important, right?". How lucky he was, too? That was what Dad always used to say while telling this story. This brick fell on his shoulder and not his head, only a few inches away! Gilly was always lucky in that way and so I do know and I really, really believe that he is lucky now too.

Besides, Phillip, I would know if he was truly… dead. I would know, I would be able to feel it, I know I would. Both Mum and Dad would as well so we are all staying hopeful and very positive for him. We survived the first wave of shock and horror and now (when I stopped crying those few hours ago I came downstairs, you see) we're all sitting in our living room with the radio playing "Chattanooga Choo Choo" and Dad is clapping his hands in the song's rhythm while reading one of the articles he has to edit for tomorrow morning and Mum has a soft smile on her face as she's now sleeping peacefully with Dad's arm around her shoulders. And I'm sitting near the lamp and writing this letter to you.

I know that everything will be fine.

Uncle Jem went wounded and missing too, in the first war and he was fine after all even though everyone worried about him so much. Mum, Dad and I all talked about this today too, she said that it was very hard not to worry but she did her best to simply "have faith". And after all that's all we can do, to try our best in staying optimistic about our dear Gil.

I know that my parents are trying to keep strong for me right now. I can see that Mum's face is still a bit shiny from crying and that Dad's face is still a bit pale. God only knows how much I adore and admire both of them for all the effort they put in to keep me positive. It's good to have each other in this kind of situation, this on its own keeps you alive and hopeful for the best.

You know what's strange? In all of this, all this mess and sobbing and stress and chaos in general, my head is entirely full of music. I can just feel my fingers twitching nervously, eager to be put onto the strings of my cello, or my violin or even the notes of the piano! See? The very idea makes me grin instantly! I certainly will start composing quite rapidly again, I can hear another tune in my head right in this moment, as I'm writing this to you. It's very soft but clear enough: it's a slow tune and it makes me think of a smile… Maybe I'm starting to think of new compositions because it's just that I'm writing to you and that you, my dear friend, always make me feel so happy?

It's the hope in my heart that keeps the music coming into my head, I know that that's the reason as well and I welcome it with open arms.

Please, my dear friend, pray for my dearest brother and his safety and that he will soon be found, safe and sound. Please, could you do it for me? I would be very thankful indeed. I know that tonight all of my family members and friends will pray for him. Not just tonight and I know they probably did it before tonight too (like myself) but tonight we will all say a very special prayer for him and I'm sure it will all work out in the end, won't it?

I don't even want to think what Selwyn will think of all of this… I can only hope (how many times have I said this word in this letter?) that he won't be affected by it as deeply as I think he might be. Oh, God, here comes another wave of tears coming into my eyes… But I won't cry! I won't! I won't for my brothers' and cousins' and my parents' sakes.

It just starts me thinking of all the things that could happen to Gil, Selwyn, John, Walt, Marshall and my dear Seb too… I am so afraid for them, even more now than before. But I don't want to think about any of this! I just said this to my Dad and he told me that what I should do is to go upstairs and play some cello for him and Mum and I think I will do just that.

Thank you for reading this terrribly disorganised letter from me.

Thank you for being my friend, Phillip, and I do hope that I will see you soon again.

Remember that I will always remain

Your faithful friend,

Hester