Chapter XXVIII

1st January 1944

Dear Diary,

Today is the very first day of a completely new year, the year of 1944. Could it be the year everyone around the world has been waiting for and the war will finally come to an end? I don't know, but I still have hope and trust that it might be just that.

I haven't written in here for almost two weeks now. It happened again, I know but today is the new year and so my resolution is to truly do write regularly even though I am very busy indeed. I have two new cello students and the work has to be done. However, don't get me wrong, I adore my job, be it teaching music, helping out in Auntie Una's orphanage or simply doing work for the Red Cross, I love it all but there is simply not enough hours in a day for me to do all of this and not feel tired.

I still have to write about Christmas though. It was at Ingleside this year and there was snow as usual. Thank God there was snow! Without it something about Christmas would be missing, I think, I'm simply too accustomed to having a snowy Christmas. I do love its magic, especially in the silent yet full of life Rainbow Valley. It was such a beautiful Christmas despite the war, the war news, all of our boys at the front and with now even Lily overseas and everything combined together. It was truly a wonderful Christmas, a bit lonely for sure, but wonderful nonetheless.

It was both Poppy's and Fleur's first Christmas and oh, my dear, how pretty both of those girls are! Poppy, quoting my parents, looks just like me when I was her age only Poppy has red hair and Dad's grey eyes. The shape of her face is apparently just like mine, the shape of her lips and eyes too, everything apart from the colour of her hair and eyes and I cannot believe it! She is simply the sweetest, the most adorable and the funniest at that too. She's more than six months old now and she's laughing so much, as well as smiling! It's simply the best to observe both Poppy and Fleur having a conversation with each other in their own language. It was truly a darling new tradition added to our Christmas celebrations.

But, of course, there will be another baby next Christmas and I still can't believe it, not quite at all! Auntie Una is simply glowing with her still only slightly showing stomach. Her skin shines and her eyes have a gleam nobody of us have ever seen in them before. The same gleam is in her Liam's eyes and I think that they couldn't be happier for that miracle they've both created. It is truly a miracle because well, I don't like to say it but Auntie is going to turn forty-eight years old this year of 1944 after all. That is exactly why, even though we're the happiest about the news, we do worry about her but she is cautious herself and is always sitting and trying not to walk too much. In a way, it is good that Auntie is forbidden to walk too much because now she has stopped working at the orphanage and instead stays at the House of Dreams the whole day, whilst waiting for Liam to come back home from his office in Charlottetown (driving back with Dad as they both work in the same city, coincidentally). It will be a June baby and we can't wait to see whether the baby will be another girl and if yes then that will be simply beautiful to see those three little girls grow up together as best friends… But even if it will be a boy, I know one thing for sure: he will be loved and cared for just the same.

Grandma Leslie and Grandpa Owen couldn't get enough of Poppy during Christmas as it was only their second time when they've seen their newest grandchild. Mum was jealous, I could see it very clearly, but at the same time, she does need that bit of time off which neither I or Dad can provide for her very often with both of us working almost every day.

Grandma Anne and Grandpa Gilbert constantly keep on marvelling at the thought of Poppy's resemblance to their very first child who was also born in the same house as Poppy was. I'm writing here about Joyce, of course, and therefore the very person Poppy has her middle name after. Both Grandma and Grandpa Blythe spend so much time with both Poppy and Fleur that Grandma said herself: "It makes me feel a lot deal younger than I really am by simply holding my grandchild in my arms rather than to know that my oldest grandchild will be twenty-five years old next year!" and she was, obviously, talking about Gilly and that fact is a very strange fact indeed. My oldest brother a twenty-five-year-old! I sometimes still can't believe the fact that he does have a wife and that wife is my very own best friend at that.

Daria was an absolute star, an angel, I should say really, during Christmas. Not only she and Grandpa Owen became very close by his very wide interest in her Polish roots, but she also sang for us Polish carols. This language is so very beautiful, extremely hard to learn, but beautiful despite (or maybe because of?) that and we all had tears in our eyes when she finished her performance, she truly has one of the finest voices I've heard in my life.

Jo is herself again. She started being herself once the preparations for Christmas strarted and I am glad that her mourning for Cal had finished and that the small moments of happiness and joy came back into her life. I think that without Fleur she wouldn't be able to come out of that grief, or at least not as soon as she did, but her little baby girl is "everything I ever wanted, want or ever will want".

Oh! And there was a brilliant news a day after Christmas! Walt is officially a Captain Blythe now and we could not be more proud of him. I wish I could see Lily's face when she was reading that news, but Marion's was quite satisfying as she jumped and squeaked at the same time when she found out.

I myself will be jumping from one event to another throughout this entire entry so bear with me whoever is reading it in the future.

Lily is writing to me constantly and I reply to her also without any delay. She's very happy working at the hospital in Southampton and she says that she enjoys having the sea near her, it reminds her a bit of home. She has visited London and says that it is one of those cities where everyone can find a place which they can call home. Now, she knows why so many of the locals refused to leave it despite the Blitz. She has also visited Dover and the "white cliffs" and wrote: "Hester, when I'll start my work as a lawyer and I'll save up some money, I am moving to Dover, and I will build a house on the very top of those cliffs and live there forever and ever and ever." and I truly hope that if it is her dream, may she do it.

She also wrote to me in her last letter that she started to write with John more often and that her hopes are at their highest right now so, of course, I had to write her back to calm herself down a little because, for sure, hope and optimism is all Lily but, after all, only God knows whether she and John will end up together. She simply has to start thinking about other things and when writing to John, she has to try not to think about each word she writes down to him. I know Lily and I know that that's exactly what she's doing and so I wrote her not to and "just be yourself" and I know she will.

Lily's sister, however, Marion, is no longer nineteen and 'never been kissed'! She indeed was kissed by no one else but Harry Newton under nothing but a mistletoe on Christmas Eve. I haven't seen them, nobody did, but Marion told all of us about it and we're very much excited and happy for her. She said that it was very romantic (as it should!) and that Harry took her hands and told her that even though they know each for only a few months, he already knows his feelings for her are those of romance and love. Marion had tears in her eyes, her hands shook, but she replied "I love you too, Harry." and after both of them smiled at each other, Harry pointed at the mistletoe above them (of which he was aware but Marion was not) and so he kissed her and he kissed her again.

So our darling Marion, who once wanted to be a missionary or maybe even a nun, has a sweetheart of her own now. I'm so terribly happy for her because I don't think I've ever seen her so… outspoken, flushed and simply… Marion in her best. Her true self came out and it's showing itself to the world at last and there's nothing better than this that this world needs right now, especially at the time of war.

I won't say that under this feeling of joy and gladness doesn't lie a little piece of regret for my own self. There isn't a week when I don't think at least once about my past relationship with Seb. I know it's silly, it's been quite a while since the last time he told me he loved me and especially since the time I got a letter from him saying that he's engaged to Flora.

Of course, I've forgiven Seb and I've forgiven Flora too. It's been a few long months after all. What I feel now is simply this void which has been left carelessly by Seb as his love for him evaporated from my heart slowly but steadily. Sometimes, I even wish that we've never had those months of us being sweethearts and writing love-letters to each other so that I wouldn't know of the existance of that void because it simply wouldn't have ever been created. But then I remember all the feelings I had in my heart and soul and I don't think I would like to change any of that. After all, those months were one of the happiest I had during this war.

I adore hearing all the stories and memories Daria shares with Gilly. She told me how she found out she loved him and apparently it was only a day before he kissed her for the first time. When he was sleeping on his hospital bed and Daria was meant to bring food to each of the soldiers in the ward, she came into Gil's. She simply looked at his face which was "so handsome, and shiny from the sun coming through the window that I couldn't stop staring at him for at least a minute! I couldn't stop because my heart was pounding so fast that it scared me at first but then the realisation dawned on me and I knew, I knew that Gilbert Ford is the only man with whom I could spend my life, whether he'd like that or not." and, undoubtedly, Gil knew better and he kissed Daria a day after, and then, as they say, the rest is history.

I sometimes imagine how I'd meet that man at whom I'll look one day and say that whether he likes it or not he'll spend his life with me and I with him. Even though I imagine this scene of meeting him in different variations, I always say to myself: stop, Hester, stop! Because who knows when I'll meet him? And what if I already did? The very thought makes my heart jump. It's the first day of the new year. Will this year be the year when I will look at that one man and he'll look at me and we'll just know? I hope it will be.

Selwyn recently wrote to me in his letter (as I did tell him something along those lines in my letter to him before New Year's): "Hester, you'll find him, dearest sister, or rather I even think that he'll find you. If he won't see you at first (which is unlikely) he'll hear your music and if he doesn't fall in love with you at its sound, he's not worth you one single bit.". How much I miss my dearest, poetic brother… I hope he and all the other people I hold very close and dear to my heart will come back home soon.

Oh! I can see Vance running to the House of Dreams! God, oh, God what is happening?! I'll come and meet her, I'll be back soon.

I'm back! Simply wonderful news! I ran downstairs and out of the house, not even bothering with the coat at all. Dad, Mum, Daria and Poppy are at Auntie Una's and Uncle Liam's so I am in our house by myself for a while. I wanted to write letters and in this diary too, so that is why nobody could reprimand me for not wearing the appropriate amount of clothing when it's so cold and snowy outside!

Vance was in a messy dress and a hurriedly put on winter coat. Her cheeks were flushed and they were wet from tears. I caught her in my arms and thought that now something definitely dreadful happened to Marshall but then she looked up at me and smiled so widely I could feel how my own eyes were filling with tears. "Marshall was found!" she breathed out happily, clinging to my hands as if for both hers and his lives "He's in a hospital in France!"

And so we ended up embracing one another tightly. Marshall indeed was found and even though his injuries are quite serious they are not life threatening, that's what the telegram said. Vance doesn't know all the details just yet and she said to me that she doesn't mind not knowing for as long as she knows that her brother isn't going to die and is safe now. And that he is. He has recently been promoted to the "Air Commadore" along with Gilly, as I said in the last entry in this diary, and so Vance hopes that maybe they will let Marshall come to Canada for a bit to rest instead of the hospital in France, this is only a possibility but we shall see. Miracles do happen.

Vance came back home, she and her mother will be doing cookies tonight and they'll bring them to the orphanage today so she has quite a busy day today herself.

I wonder if Marshall has changed. I don't write to him really, I know how he's doing from Gil's letters and that's it really so I'm interested if he has changed because it might also show me if Gilly has changed. I hope they didn't change at all, yes, I do hope that Marshall Douglas who has always teased me and angered me to very core of my being didn't change either, I really do hope so. Speculations, oh, those speculations. We'll see in time. That's the case with me, the war has made me impatient. I have to wait. I don't have any other choice, none of us do.

I shall be getting ready now and by that I mean my hair which is in a complete mess. I have to then prepare the lesson for my sweet pianist who is only six-years-old but extremely gentleman-like, and of a name Jamie. Sweet, little darling. I do have to prepare this new lesson which I have today in the afternoon so thank goodness I still have five hours till then.

I swear this time is flying by (sometimes)! It will be the year of 1945 next time I blink. I'm sure this year of 1944 will fly. Or will it?

Yours,

Hester