Chapter XXX

14th March 1944

Dearest Hester,

I am still crying, I am still smiling through the tears and I cannot go to sleep, full stop! How can I? How can I ever go to sleep again? Now that I am engaged to no one else but the only man in the world whom my heart loves or ever will love? This man, this brilliant handsome man called John Meredith will be my husband after this dreaded war is over.

I know that just now you have way too many questions to ask me and I've written the same kind of letter to Marion and my parents already (after not writing to anyone because of all the things that have happened so quickly!) but of course I will never get bored of that story I am about to tell you, not for the whole wide world. So there, now I will share with you the story of what happened precisely six hours ago (mind you, now it's midnight over here!).

Remember when I told you in my last letter that I was going to go for a week to France to get my anaesthetic training there? Well I went, of course, and today is the last day of my training so I will be sailing off to Southampton once more first thing in the morning tomorrow (today to be quite frank with you). Anyway, once I got here and I knew all along that I'd be very close to the trenches where John, Walt and your Selwyn all are, I wrote not just to Walt but to the whole three of them to ask if there's any way they could get out of the front for one day and meet up with me in the "nursing trenches" as I call them. These are near the battlefield and it's also where I was meant to go to with the Matron called Odette to get all the necessary medication and such. I begged her to take me there for I needed to see how it all looked like and where possibly one day (once I get more experience) I will end up at, near the real battlefield.

They couldn't leave the front, they all told me and I knew they've tried everything to make our meeting happen because who out of those soldiers wouldn't do that given the opportunity? And so with a slightly bitter heart, I went to the nursing trenches with Odette instead. It was crazy, it was absolutely horrendous really. As soon as I got there with Odette and I was left alone for a few minutes, I saw John on one of the new beds. I got completely terrified at first, however, I ran up to him, kissed his tanned face and saw that he looked and was in soul still the same, only more handsome and more, much, much more like a man now than he ever was before.

"What the hell are you doing here, John?" I asked him nervously, looking at both of his arms and legs to look for injuries "Are you wounded?"

He smiled then, in his old smirky way and with pain showed me his leg or rather his calf which was bandaged "Got a deep cut in there yesterday and I'm supposed to stay here for two more days, nothing serious." he said to me and I became more relaxed, well, I sighed with relief really for he was alright and I could actually see him and touch him! Hester, you have no idea how much happiness was inside my chest in that moment, I think that if the nurses and wounded soldiers weren't there I would scream and sing with joy, most likely resembling a wild animal.

I did my duties whilst there though and then all of a sudden Odette took me on the side and asked me if I wanted to take Lieutenant Meredith with me for those two days back to town for she could see how we (we both!) were looking at each other. I was shocked as you've probably guessed, but what else could I say apart from "yes, of course"! Then the only question remained: how are we to go about succeeding this crazy plan?

John took the casual clothes of an officer who was over at the nursing trenches for awhile and so didn't need his regular clothes. He put them on without anyone but me and Odette knowing about this whole mess and so we all went together to the car which drove us all back to town. I must say that I felt truly like a rebel! And John did too, he even whispered to me on the way there: "I fell like a proper criminal!" and then he winked at me "Hopefully you'll be my lawyer in the court." and I did not care if I blushed and I'm sure I did, several times. I think I looked like a very ripe tomato and still, I did not care!

When we arrived, I went off to my four hours long training leaving John to rest in my room. When I came back we both decided to simply drink some really poor local coffee and talked about everything. It took us about four hours to finish our 'talking energy' even though it felt just like thirty minutes at the most. We laughed and cried in each other's arms. However, we were still friends at that time.

Suddenly, John stood up and went over to the window, he was looking outside for a little while and then I came over to him and placed my hand on his shoulder but he swiftly took it into his hand and pulled me into his strong arms of a true soldier. He looked deeply into my eyes and told me that if I won't promise to marry him after the end of the war he'd rather be shot the first day he'll be back at the front.

Hester... My heart was seriously getting nearer and nearer to my throat with every word he said at that moment. I couldn't believe that it was all happening and that he was holding me like that and that he was actually proposing to me, in such a way I thought he never would in the first place.

I said to him then that I'll marry him any day he wants me to and that was when he started to weep again, without any shaking, just tears coming out of his eyes like the tears in my own eyes. He then said that he has always loved me but simply didn't know it until we started to correspond with each other so frequently (he was, after all, in love with Cornelia first). Then I told him that I've always loved him too and he felt terrible because of it and on top of that he demanded to know why I haven't told him sooner about my feelings but, of course, both you and I know the answer to this, Hester, and he knew and knows it as well.

After all of our confessions, I asked him finally: "Are you ever going to kiss me?" he laughed and without another word he did what I asked him to do. Hester, I know that it didn't work out with you and Seb and you know (because we've spoken about this many times) that I'm terribly sorry because of that. However, think of all the kisses you and Seb had, all the feelings you felt and then put them all into one box and times them by eight at least. That is what I felt in that moment, plus that certainty that this is it.

I'm lucky that I had my own private little bedroom here in this hospital. John stayed here for those entire two days and he slept on that small couch which is on the opposite side of the room, he even called that uncomfortable spot "Heaven". He had to stay there and not going anywhere outside so that nobody would get any ideas about a strange man going in and out of my room and besides where would he go? Anyways, he did have to rest with his leg injury despite all of this.

We talked and laughed and kissed each other during those few days we had together, that's all we did (apart from me going to the training for a few hours each day, of course) and we're not ashamed of the simplicity of it all. We're engaged now and we're to be married as soon as possible. We could do it like Walt and Cornelia did or how your Gilly and Daria and just marry here and now but we decided not to. We want a true family wedding, with our entire family around. I want you, Hester dearest, and Marion, Vance, Daria and Jo to be my bridesmaids for goodness' sakes! I want to be walked down the aisle by Daddy… That's just what I want and what John wants too.

He's gone now, of course, he even sent me a telegram saying that he's back with "my boys who send congratulations to us both, dear. John gave me (I know that you of all people won't call me old-fashioned or silly for that) a lock of his hair which I have in the locket around my neck and I gave him mine around which he put a blue ribbon. Such small gesture yet I almost feel as if he's with me over here, and it reassures me that all of those events really took place.

What will you say about that, darling? I am engaged to John! How long have I been waiting for this day? You know far too well yourself. I shall go now as I'm catching a ferry tomorrow and it's already well past my bedtime! Therefore, I hope you'll have at least half as many beautiful dreams tonight as I'm sure I'll have myself...

Sweet dreams, dearest bosom friend of mine.

Yours,

Someday-to-be: Mrs Cecilia (your Lily) Meredith

25th March 1944

My darling Phillip,

At least you are alright and whole. You have no idea how thankful I am for that, my dearest friend. Please, always stay safe and careful out there, please, do it for not just yourself but your family and myself too. The reason why I'm starting this letter to you with my voice worried and my hands shaking is because I've been crying this whole afternoon. I'm simply exhausted and the only thing I want (or can) to do now is to write to you and tell you of all the things that happened this past week.

On Monday, we got a telegram that Walt was wounded only two days earlier. He had his arm amputated. This on its own is simply heart-breaking but I thank God that the arm that had to be amputated was his left one, this means that my dear cousin will still be able to write properly. We all know Walt and so we know, as Marion herself was saying yesterday, that he'll be alright. He'll be upset at first, without a doubt, but he's the kind of man who gets used to things and after awhile, he simply goes on living because he wants to, because he needs to.

The most positive aspect of this entire situation is that he will be coming back to Canada, to us, in around June-time. He and Cornelia that is. She went overseas to care for him and she'll come back home by his side, her own husband. Vance is beyond than happy to know that her sister will be back home soon and I can't blame her for that at all. Marion, Uncle Jem and Untie Faith are all bursting with joy over the fact that they will see their brother and son in a few months time after such a long separation. I am very happy for them too.

And Selwyn, my own brother will be sent back home soon as well, he's meant to come back to Canada in August the telegram he sent us on Monday said. My dearest brother was wounded, badly, on the same day as Walt did (it's a miracle that nothing but a few bruises happened to John). There was a shell explosion in the trenches, you see. Walt lost an arm and my brother lost sight in his right eye and hearing in his left ear. Despite this being so horrible, his foot was injured quite badly too and it is broken and stitched up, "looking like the most mangled wild animal you'd ever see" as Selwyn himself wrote to us in the letter we got just today. Selwyn has lost a lot of blood and so now he is quite weak but I'm glad that he's at the same hospital as Walt who's right next to him, they can always hold on to one another at this horrible time for both of them.

There, I'm crying again! Oh, dear God, why did You have to punish them like that? And I'm sorry if I'm selfish towards Walt now but why did you have to punish Selwyn? With his poetic and sensitive soul which I and everyone else love so dearly? Phillip, Selwyn's letter was the most tragic piece of writing I have ever read. Mum and Dad wept together with me today right after reading it (thank goodness Poppy was sleeping upstairs and so wasn't upset by our wet and red faces). Selwyn wrote: "How am I to go on living? Now that my eyesight and hearing are both divided and gone forever? How can I go on living after seeing what I've seen, feeling what I've felt and doing what I've done? I am a monster and I don't know how I'm supposed to go back to living...".

Phillip, this isn't Selwyn. This isn't my older brother, the same boy who used to sit under the White Lady in the Rainbow Valley and write passionately another sonnet or a ballad! This s a very broken person, and it is not Selwyn. His letter broke my heart and I can't say anything more about it.

The only thing that keeps me hopeful and positive is that he's going back home now. He'll come back and we will all have the opportunity to get him back to living and I'm sure we will, all together, me, Mum and Dad, Poppy (whom he has never seen before after all), Daria (whom he has never seen before either) and of course Vance, succeed in this plan. Oh, Vance will, she will do everything in her power to set him back on the journey called life. I know and you too, Phillip, that Vance is shy, timid and very quiet but when the time comes she'll do everything to protect the ones she loves most in this world and Selwyn is one of those people. Today I felt as if I was speaking to a different person when Vance grasped my hands fiercely in hers after she read Selwyn's letter, and she said to me: "He'll be alright, Hester. I swear to you with all I am and all I have, he'll be happy again." and I know that she's right, she must be.

I'm sorry that this letter is so wistful and full of pain but I'm not going to lie to you about how I feel and the truth is I don't feel well at all, not today anyway. Daria said to me though, with her arm around my shoulders: "Tomorrow night, you'll see stars spread across the sky and you'll smile again, Hester." and I truly believe her words. I think that Selwyn will find a true kindred spirit in her as Daria too set a task for herself to "bring my new brother to the land of poetry once more" (she's a lover of poetry herself).

I shall be going off to bed now. I have to, even if I don't want to, because tomorrow I have four lessons to teach and then I'm going to Grandma Anne and Grandpa Gilbert's to prepare the family dinner for us all. Therefore, stay safe dearest friend of my soul and know that I love you, no matter where you are, no matter what you've seen, no matter what you've felt and no matter what you've done.

Yours,

Hester