Chapter XXXIV

9th May 1944

Dearest Diary,

I don't think I have ever felt freer and more loved ever since the war has started. I feel almost infinite and unreal to the world as if I didn't quite belong to it. I've never felt anything like it.

Back in October 1941, Seb asked me to wait for him to come back from the front and I thought that that was it, that it was the most beautiful and certain thing in the world but I suppose I was too young to know that it wasn't. I was blinded by love for him. I still remember being always a little nervous about meeting Seb and when he eventually went overseas I always felt a bit shaky whilst writing to him, I always had to check over each word twice so that he'd understand what I relly mean and so that I wouldn't seem unintelligent to him. Now, with Marshall, everything is so much different. My love for him did not blind me and instead, it opened my eyes wider. I feel like I can see the world in new colours of life, so much more vibrant and true than ever before.

Nobody apart from us two knows about our love (for it isn't possible for me to call it only sweethearting or courting anymore, it's much deeper than that). I've never had a secret from my parents and my bosom friends but it seems that this one is required for a little while, for as long as that week lasts and both Marshall and I can spend the evenings together, telling each of our families something different. I tell Mum that I'm going off to compose at the shore as it's always giving me inspiration and Marshall tells his mother that he's going off to the Rainbow Valley to sketch as he's in his "piece of creative mind". Instead, both of us meet in the Rainbow Valley or at the shore, near the Lighthouse (it seems we both adore this place eternally) and we hold hands whilst walking and talking about everything, everything! Oh! It's so wonderful to be able to have a person with whom you truly can talk about anything that comes into your mind and not feel stupid or embarrassed afterwards! Of course, I've always had my parents or my friends to talk to but… This is just different… Good kind of different.

Marshall is exactly like I've always thought he is, even before we "met" (we always call our true "meeting" the day when Marshall came back to Canada and we spent the whole afternoon together, talking). He's very much like Gil, he's funny and loves to tease everyone whenever he can… However, he is different from him, in many ways too. He winks much more than Gil, he thinks in a more abstract way, he has much more energy within himself (he can hardly stay in one place when he talks about something that excites him) and also, Marshall has a heart of a true soldier whereas Gilly has a heart of soldier who no longer desires to be a soldier.

Marshall is truly fighting for his country, his family, his future and now as he said to me "For you, always and forever, honey.". Gilly was just like that at the beginning as well but ever since he has met Daria, all he really wants to do is to go back to Canada and start his life with her and never go back to the front at all. His goal and direction has changed entirely.

My darling Marshall, I don't even know how to correctly and without any amiss explain here how much I not only love him but also admire him. I love the fact that even though he's so strong and brave he can still be sensitive enough and cry in my arms when he needs to let go of the rush of emotions overcoming him. I love the fact that I can cry in his arms whenever the same emotions rush over me. I love the fact that I feel safe and respected in every way whenever I'm with him, whenever our hands touch, whenever he touches my cheek, whenever we pretend-dance or laugh or kiss… Oh, the kisses are the sweetest and the purest of all the ones I've ever received in my life.

I can't help it. I love him and I can feel my heart being shattered into pieces and thrown into the very deepest end of the Niagara Falls' the very second I think about him leaving in just five more days! He reassures me that he'll be fine but how can I ever be sure? He was reported wounded and missing once already and from what we've heard it is a miracle every time a soldier actually is found later on. But then Marshall himself told me, when we were lying together underneath the White Lady with my head on his chest and his arms around me, with his impish smile: "Hes, imagine what would happen if I didn't go wounded and missing. If I wasn't injured in my head and all of that, I wouldn't be here in Canda right now and I wouldn't have known, ever, that Hester Leslie Ford who was certainly the last person in my mind whom I'd think I'd love one day, would be sitting here with me in this moment." and I suppose he's right, at least his kiss confirmed that afterwards.

I do have hope, though. That's another thing I love about him and it's that he, with his coming back to Canada for this one perfect month, has brought light into my life when I thought that it has gone out of it with no hope of it coming back. Marshall is here with me and he always says all of those words and phrases like "Don't worry, it will be alright, dearest.", "It's fine, honey, keep on believing." and many more which are the kind one can think overrated and too prosy (something what Selwyn might have thought) but even though I did think that my love would have to be poetic, I don't think like that anymore because Marshall speaks from his heart which is so prosy it hurts, in this beautiful kind of way.

I can't believe that I truly have found love, the love, not just yet. When I received Lily's letter about her engagement to John, I thought that I would never find a love like that myself, such pure and fantastical love of friendship and romance combined together. And yet I did and I still think of it all as a dream until Marshall grabs my hand, turns me around and kisses me on the lips before me even realising that he has been in the Rainbow Valley waiting for me already.

The day Seb sent me that letter about his engagement to Flora was also the day when I cried in Phillip's arms. I remember how we both talked about me now waiting for my love to come to me and how exciting that was; that someone in that very moment was there. But then I remember when I thought that maybe I know that person already and in that moment a thrill went through me which I now know what it meant… Truly, everything is written in the stars of fate, every single thought and action, everything.

Sometimes, I think I'm crazy and that Marshall gave me this madness of his. I've known him, truly known him for three weeks only! But then… Does it matter at all? I remember Daria telling me that she knew she'd marry Gil just two days after she spoke with him for the first time ("and if he wouldn't agree I would make him agree!").

For me, I think I've known this since I saw Marshall standing above me when I was playing Beethoven in the Ingleside's living room. I felt as if… something went through me like a knife through butter, as if it was inevitable. I didn't know what was inevitable yet but now I do. And then with each day that we would meet up and talk and I'd be placing his fingers on the piano keys or he would place my fingers on the paper and shade the flower I drew so badly yet he'd still compliment me on it, I could feel that something felt different and yet right, however, I didn't know what that was exactly. Only on that day when Marshall ran up to me and told me of his feelings, everything clicked in one place and everything made sense to me in an instant. It was truly the epiphany of my life.

It's almost midnight and so I suppose I need to go to sleep and I have to be awake tomorrow because Marshall and I will be going for a long walk in the Rainbow Valley and we'll talk and talk and kiss and kiss… I have to count these each, at least twice.

Goodnight,

Yours,

Hester

"What were your dreams when you were turning twenty?" Hester asked Marshall as both of them were walking slowly, hand in hand, down the green Rainbow Valley of May and birdsong, nearing to sunset.

Marshall smiled at her softly, another brown curl rolling down his forehead "I'm not that old, honey-kid." he replied with a smirk and both chuckled together "But I do remember what my dreams were all of those four years ago... which really does seem like a lifetime ago." he smiled lovingly at her "I wished to be the best soldier I can be, and my dream of becoming an Art teacher was still on my list just like it is now." he then put Hester's chin higher, tenderly and kissed her affectionately as Hester smiled at him afterwards "But now it's not the dream that's at the very top of my list." he whispered as their hands were interlocked and Marshall's chin was resting on Hester's forehead.

Hester looked up into his green eyes and she grinned dreamily "And what is at th every top of your list now, Marshall?" she asked him.

"It's for me to always have you by my side, kid, be it in thoughts, mind or truly right next to me like you are right now." he whispered and kissed her nose sweetly as she put her hand on his cheek.

"I always will be, I promise." she said to him quietly and with full decidedness as he looked seriously into her eyes.

"I will always be next to you, Hester, I promise too." he said and then put his hands on her shoulders "No, I vow to you, Hester, not just promise."

Her eyes suddenly filled with horror and fear as she put her hands on her mouth, gasping for air "Oh, my God!" she exclaimed "You're going away in two days time! I can't bear it, I can't! What if something happens to you? What will I do then?" she asked him desperately, her voice concerned like never before as she clutched to his cheeks with her hands.

Marshall kissed her meaningfully "Listen to me, Hester Leslie Ford." he said to her decidedly "I won't promise that nothing will happen to me because neither of us knows that. But I will promise you that I will be the most careful man out there, Gil and others will laugh at me and joke because of that but I won't care." he kissed her again, even stronger as if to prove it "I won't give up whatever happens. If anything does happen to me, though," that's when Hester trembled a little but Marshall squeezed her shoulders a bit to reassure her of his words "-you'll survive. You'll keep on going and living as you always do. Because you're the strongest person I know." he smiled at her then even though his own eyes became misty too.

"How would I do that if anything… fatal… happens to you?" she whispered out as if she has lost her voice which trembled still.

Marshall looked into her hazel eyes and then put her into an embrace, her head on his chest and his hand on her black, curly hair, both pairs of their eyes closed firmly "Don't think about it when you don't need to, honey." he whispered calmly even though Hester could hear something inside his chest shake "But if something like that does happen, you will carry on living and I will be the happiest in your memories of me."

Hester's cheeks were wet by then and she pulled away just to look at Marshall whose face was a bit whiter than usual but calm and smiling at her nonetheless "I won't think about it when I don't need to." she repeated his words as he smiled at her, wider this time.

"Don't, honey-kid." he said to her when he put his hand gently on her cheeks and wiped away her tears, smiling at her lovingly still "God, you're so beautiful, Hester. Inside and out and I am the happiest and luckiest man in the entire world."

Hester smiled at him then "And I am the happiest and luckiest woman in the entire world because I have you, dearest Marshall." she put a hand on his chest pocket where she could feel was her silk scarf neatly tucked in "You'll always be in my heart."

"And you in mine." he smiled down at her again and as he leaned in to kiss her, however, he raised his eyebrow impishly and looked into her eyes instead "You know, I think that even I, the old prosy man, could write a poem about you." he said mysteriously with a grin and twinkling eyes "Or even the… what you call that love poem again?" he asked suddenly and Hester laughed merrily, forgetting about the still slightly moist tears on her cheeks.

"A sonnet, you silly man." she said and Marshall laughed too, whilst slapping himself on the forehead.

"Of course!" he chuckled and then kissed her hand like a gentleman would as she blushed heavily whilst smiling "But I could write it, I think, it's very easy to write one for you, Hes." he smiled at her tenderly.

"Really?" Hester raised her own eyebrow now "How would you start it then?" she asked him softly, coming a step closer to him.

"Like that." he said and kissed her nose "And then I would come to halfway through with the climax…" he now kissed her cheek and she started to chuckle almost silently "And end with the…"

"-rhyming couplet." she whispered and both chuckled, their faces only inches away.

"A deciding rhyming couplet." Marshall said just as decidedly and leant in to kiss her lips now, both of them drinking the whole moment in, as if they were to be separated at any moment.

Suddenly they both heard the voices of Anne and Gilbert, walking arm in arm through the tree full Rainbow Valley and Marshall smirked at Hester funnily. He grabbed her hand and they both ran quickly behind the White Lady, quietly laughing. Finally, Hester landed on Marshall's chest as he was leaning against the wide, ancient tree with his arms around her and their eyes swimming through each other's faces as if trying to memorise each feature, each small imperfection that for each was a perfection in all its beauty.

It was one of the moments Hester knew she wouldn't forget. They didn't talk, didn't whisper a word while they waited for her grandparents to be safely far enough not to hear or see them both. But even without words Hester was looking at her sweetheart, at her own young man, the person she knew was the person she would never be afraid of truly losing, the person she loved, however ridiculous and fast it all seemed. It wasn't too fast, nor too ridiculous, for Hester though, for her it was wonderful. She couldn't describe it in any other word. And in that specific moment she couldn't concentrate on anything else but those four freckles hardly visible on his nose, his long pink scar widening from underneath his shirt up to his jaw which never scared her at all and finally, on his bright, emerald-green eyes she knew held no secrets before her.

"I think they've come away now." Hester whispered with a soft smile on her face.

Marshall sighed softly and put his hands on her cheeks tenderly "I think so too." he whispered back and then smiled down at her lovingly, his entire face speaking I-Love-Everything-About-You and his chest beating heavily underneath Hester's own which beat in the same rhythm "I will always have that scarf with me. Just like you in my heart." he said to her gently.

Hester smiled up at him, her hazel eyes full of tears of both happiness and fear "And I'll wait for you, my Marshall." she whispered to him, putting her hands on his own which still rested on her cheeks "For however long you won't be able to finish that sonnet about me." she smiled at him again and both chuckled quietly as if not to wake up the ghosts hidden behind each tree around them.

Marshall put his forehead against hers and looked into her eyes "I will write it all over again tomorrow." he whispered.

"The day before you go back." she said again.

"Yes." he replied and then pulled her into an embrace "And then the day I come back to you too."

Hester felt Marshall's arms around her, she could still smell canvas on his shirt and could see a stain of yellow paint on his sleeve. She smiled while closing her eyes, feeling she's home and that he will be too, whenever that day would come.