Chapter XLIV

9th March 1945

Dearest sister with a name 'Hester',

I'm extremely sorry that I haven't been writing much to you this past month and that I've been sending you only a few lines just to let you know that I'm fine. However, now I have around forty more minutes to spare after writing three long letters to Daria, Mum and Dad and Selwyn as well. I've saved yours for last because I needed to really think about what to write to you to make you feel better.

It was a blow in the face, Hester, finding out that Marshall has been reported "missing in action". For God's sake, I don't even get it! He truly has been the most careful out of all of us, saying that it is the promise he has made to you and that he intends on keeping it… However much his being missing has affected me, I don't think I can quite imagine and understand the blow it has done to you, my dearest sister. I don't have a wide enough imagination for that and I thank God for not having one every day of my life.

It makes me jump with joy every time I remind myself that you have Daria with you at this time of your life. She went through the same thing when I went "wounded and missing" but she was on her own then. This alone should make you feel a bit happier that you're not in this fear alone, Hes. I know you wrote to me that you still have hope that he'll be found but yet you still aren't sure about it at the same time and, darling, that's completely normal and you shouldn't feel ashamed for having moments of grief and despair in your dear soul. I feel completely the same when I think of Marshall and what on Earth could be going on with him.

However, Hester, as the role of an older brother tells me to say, you need to count this possibility in. You need to acknowledge that Marshall might never be found. I myself have tears in my eyes whilst writing this and you know that I never cry, or hardly ever. But you need to know this as much as everyone else for it happens sometimes. They might find Marshall already dead or fatally injured and then send you a telegram Lily got when our poor John was killed. However, you might never get any kind of telegram ever again. And Hester, if this will be the case I need you to promise me that you'll keep on going, that you'll keep on living.

There's something you don't know, you see. Marshall told me a few months back that if he would be either missing in action or he'd get killed, he requests me to write to you then that he wants you to carry on with your life. I agree with him entirely, with that typically right, tall rascal that he is. Hes, you need to open your soul and your heart again because from what I can read in your letters is that you don't want to live, you just want to keep on being alive. But that "just" is as good as being dead! I don't want to lose a sister along with my very best friend. I'm not saying he won't ever be found, Hes. Remember, I will be the last one to lose hope for that.

But we need to keep our realities in check at all times, especially at the time of war. So please, dearest, don't spend your days sitting on the windowsill and awaiting a telegram, a note or a letter from Marshall because this way you are just as "missing in action" as he is. And you're not. Marshall would never, ever, want you to become a wreck because of him. So please, for his sake if no one else's, smile. Smile, Hes! Right now! Think of me falling over a chair a day before my leave for training. We laughed so hard we cried, do you remember? Smile, sister of mine, smile, laugh and let happiness touch your life again for it's everywhere. It's even here, although it's harder to find it here, but I still manage to do that.

Come on, dry your tears for I know they're on your smooth cheeks now and make yourself a favour by turning on your portable radio and listen to some good old Andrews Sisters for they will never get old, I can promise you that. In one hundred years there will still be people (not lots, I think, but still some) who will adore listening to their voices and merry songs just as much as you and I do. Come on, Hes, come outside! Spring is in the air, I've heard from Daria who constantly sends me newly blooming flowers. Go and join her, Hes, and send me and Phillip some of them too. We both need those to smile at when times are dark.

I would gladly get my leg amputated for the ten minutes to be spent with you again, it's been so long (too long!). But, Hes, in my mind, I am holding your small hand in my own and I'm winking at you to let you know that all is good: life is good even though at times it can be a real pain in the ass.

Forty minutes have passed and I need to run now for 'duty calls'. Hester, war is coming to an end, I can feel it in the air so don't you dare lose hope now. Please: live, live, live! I will give you a good reason to live: I love you more than any words can say and that's why I'm fighting at the front, I am fighting for you too if you've ever doubted that (I hope you haven't).

Have a fabulous day.

Forever your loving brother,

Gil

Hester threw herself into work of all kinds, everything to avoid thinking of the void inside her heart. She allowed part of her free time for teaching five more students, all at different levels. Therefore she stopped having three days off each week and instead she allowed herself to have only one, a Sunday when she would spend it at Ingleside with her family and friends.

It couldn't be hidden that her family worried about her but Hester didn't want to talk about her internal misery with anyone ever since the hours she spent in doing so with her parents, Daria, Lily, and her auntie Faith too, therefore all the people who could, by bringing their own experience onto the stage of her despair, help her in some way. However, now Hester refused to speak about it. She even refused writing in her diary in as much detail as she used to. She would only ever whisper her doubts, worries and sadness into her little sister's oblivious ears whilst playing with her.

Hester seemed the same to her family and friends while in their company, yet at a distance and full of an emotion nobody could quite identify because she simply wouldn't let them, she was painfully brave and even Rilla herself said to her husband one night: "She is leaving a scar on her soul each time she answers "I'm fine" to our questions.".

It was Hester's and Lily's routine now to go together to the beach next to the Lighthouse every other day. They sat together on the rocks and watched the waves crash onto the sand sometimes so violently it created a fascinating sight and sometimes so softly it was a joy to watch and analyse. Lily and Hester have grown even closer now than ever before by the end of April. They both knew the feeling of loss even though from different perspectives but somehow this connection has woven their souls together for eternity.

"I still can't believe that Hitler and his new wife killed themselves. Today." Lily whispered to Hester as their heads were touching and their eyes observed the waves in front of them.

"I can." Hester replied softly "Because maybe the war will be over sooner because of it." and then she shook her head, sighing "I'm sorry, I mean I don't know if I should say that someone committing a suicide gives me hope or in any way makes me feel a bit of joy."

Lily smiled gently at her cousin and squeezed her hand as the wind was brushing both of their red and black curls "I think God will forgive you in this case." she said "If he won't then he'll have billions of people around the world to punish for thinking like you do today."

Hester smiled lightly back at Lily and then put her head on her friend's shoulder again "I suppose you're right." she answered "I just have this feeling ever since we've heard about it in the morning that the war really will come to an end now." her voice was overfilled with wonder, a phenomenon that Lily hasn't heard in Hester's voice ever since February.

"I think it will end soon." Lily agreed in her tender voice which she has developed ever since her fiance's heart was pierced with a bullet "After six years." she said and it seemed to Hester like the time has stopped.

"After six years." she repeated quietly after a few moments which seemed like a lifetime.

It was an early morning when Hester awoke to the sound of Daria banging on her door as if on the edge of frustration. "Wake up! Hester! Vance! Come downstairs, quickly!" she called out and two young women popped their sleepy heads out from behind the bedsheets.

Vance and Hester had a sleepover the day before in celebration of an absolutely lovely spring day at the beach and so the two of them looked at each other with confusion on their faces, both of their hearts pumping blood through their bodies at the speed of light "Do you think…?" Hester asked quietly, a bit hopefully.

"I don't know." Vance whispered back, fearfully "Let's go and see." Both of them jumped out of the bed in their nightgowns and ran downstairs, straight into the living room where Hester's parents and Daria with Poppy in her arms, still in their nightgowns, were surrounding the radio as Ken was still twisting and turning the buttons to get the best signal.

"Come, dears, come." Rilla said and outstretched a hand to her daughter who took it without even thinking. Hester glanced at her mother's face in search of any hint and she saw it clearly, a hint of a smile in the corner of her upper lip and shining, filled with tears eyes. Suddenly, the sound became very clear which almost scared all of them, including Poppy, and they jumped together as one. A few seconds passed and the news from overseas filled the kitchen of the House of Dreams. Hester became paler than usual as she reached for Vance's hand and then felt her cheeks to burn like they haven't in months or even years.

It was Ken who started to cheer first when he caught Rilla in his arms and twirled her around in the air "They did it! Our boys did it!" he called out happily as Rilla laughed.

Daria was crying and laughing at the same time whilst still managing to kiss Poppy's chubby cheeks "Oh, come and hug me my dearest sisters! It's over!" she exclaimed joyfully as both Vance and Hester embraced and kissed each other as well as they kissed Daria and little Poppy. It was a moment of disbelief. Hester, even though her cheeks were wet and her lips were smiling, still couldn't quite get around the fact that the war was over, that Germany has surrendered and that now the world would become a better place eventually. It was all like a dream, not a reality at all.

Suddenly, Hester found herself in her mother's arms. The both of them were shaking as they embraced each other ever so tightly "Gilly is coming back." Rilla was whispering as her cheeks were overflown by tears of pure joy "He'll be coming back home!" and Daria started to laugh so cheerfully that Hester was sure her sister-in-law couldn't see properly anymore through a number of tears in her eyes which now were also trembling like she was.

"Let's all come to the kitchen, we'll 'phone Ingleside and... everyone!" Ken exclaimed happily and everyone, apart from Hester and Vance, followed his fast steps. Somehow, Hester knew that she and Vance needed a moment alone. At first, they simply looked at each other, with their faces wet and mixed with joy and fear simultaneously. Vance stretched out her hands to Hester and she took them gently, drawing nearer so that they embraced one another slowly.

"Do you think that Marshall will be found now?" Vance whispered into Hester's ear with a trembling voice.

A lump in Hester's throat doubled in size as she tried to swallow it with a great difficulty "I don't know, Vance." her voice broke down suddenly "I simply don't know."

As Hester's body started shaking in Vance's embrace, Vance herself was stationary and calm as she was brushing Hester's black hair tenderly, letting her friend's emotions to burst out and evaporate in the form of her tears. "You can't lose hope, Hester." Vance whispered into her ear gently again "I can feel that you're very near losing it but you cannot do that. I won't let you do it. Hester, I love him too."

Hester pulled away to look at Vance whose eyes were filled with fresh tears even though she was still smiling, in that tiny hopeful way she always used to which caused Hester to smile at her too, even though her heart hurt with a force so strong like it never has before. "I know you do." Hester replied softly "This one war ended today but we're still fighting ours, for Marshall." she squeezed Vance's hands reassuringly as a few tears sprang down her crimson cheeks once more "And we will win."

Vance smiled wider at her and nodded along before putting Hester in what she would always remember as a victorious embrace of hope.