Samaria Kirby is mine. All else is J.K. Rowlings.
Chapter 17
Samaria sat on her couch looking into the fire. She stared into it not really seeing it. She thought back to the Dark Lord's reaction to her pregnancy. She could tell in his eyes he was certain it was his child. She placed a hand on her belly.
Wouldn't she feel the evil of such a child if it were his?
Then come another question. Would her child be evil if it were his? Was evil genetic or learned? She was so uncertain about these things.
Samaria longed to be happy about this baby and to look forward to its birth as she had Elena's but she just couldn't bring herself to feel anything but dread. Then guilt for feeling that dread.
Slowly she laid across the couch and continued to look into the fire.
Severus walked in and stopped short when he saw her. He then walked purposefully to her and pulled her up, "Get up, Samaria."
"Why? What is it?" she asked.
"You cannot wallow in this. You have got to get up and move on, that's what you told me."
"How can I move on when I'm still in the middle of it?"
He sat beside her and looked into her eyes, "Listen to me. That child in there," he put his hand on her belly, "That baby is ours. It's mine and yours. It doesn't matter who supplied the sperm to make him, he's mine." He stared intensely into her eyes. "Even if the Dark Lord did, it doesn't mean the child will come out a murderer. How we live our lives is a choice, we're not born good or evil."
It was as if he could read her mind… which he probably could as she didn't have her mind blocked.
Samaria looked in his eyes and he opened his mind so she could see the truth of his words. She nodded slowly as she processed all that he had said.
"Severus," she said.
"Yes."
"I'm just so scared. I can't help it. I am completely terrified he'll take the baby and we'll never…" she broke down into tears. Severus took her into his arms and consoled her.
"You know I'd never allow that to happen."
She nodded but continued to cry. He said nothing, maybe after all this a good cry is what she needed.
~*SW*~
Samaria woke up the next morning in her bed, not quite knowing how she got there. The last thing she remembered was crying on Severus. She must have cried herself to sleep and he carried her to bed.
She could hear him in the shower so she rose to make some coffee. She was pleasantly surprised that she didn't feel sick this morning. As she reached for the coffee grounds her left arm burned like fire. She flinched and quickly went to change.
As she opened the bedroom door she saw Severus hurrying to dress.
"The Dark Lord calls," he said.
"Me too," as she dressed.
~*SW*~
Samaria sat in her kitchen thinking about the Dark Lord's orders. When she and Severus had arrived, he immediately sent Severus on a mission. She, however had to stay with the evil wizard.
"Samaria," he purred. "I need to speak with you about your pregnancy."
She nodded from where she was bowed before him. "Come sit next to me, my dear." Shuddering from the term of endearment, she rose and went to sit beside him.
"I do not want the same problems that you had with the previous child to occur with this one," he began. Her soul cried when he said "previous child", as if she never had a name or was a person.
"You should take better care of yourself to prevent these things from reoccurring. For instance, I will not be sending you on anymore missions until after the birth."
Samaria only nodded.
"And," he continued, "I do not want you having sexual relations of any kind…. with ANYONE, lest it harm the child. Understood?"
Samaria just looked at him for a moment. Then she said, "Yes, master."
He smiled, "Good. You may go home now." With that she rose and left as quickly as she dare.
One good thing about these orders was that she wouldn't have to submit herself to the Dark Lord anytime soon. But it also meant that she couldn't receive comfort from her husband….
Samaria sighed, remembering how her hormones went haywire last time. She didn't know how long she could abide by these orders.
~*SW*~
The months passed slowly for Samaria. She was seldom summoned by the Dark Lord. She tried not to feel slighted by it, but honestly couldn't help it. He had his fun with her, and was now content to let her sit around and be an incubator! Part of her was relieved he left her be, but the other was furious. It didn't really help much that her husband wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole.
Shaking her head and cursing her pregnancy hormones for such silly thoughts, she waddled into the kitchen to make something to eat. She grimaced as she piled her plate higher and higher with food. Though Madam Pomfrey had said her weight was healthy, Samaria felt ten times bigger than she was with Elena. Being only four months along, she felt more like eight or nine.
Samaria made her way back to the sitting room and placed her plate of food on her protruding belly. It was late, and she really should be in bed, but she found it hard to lie down without Severus. He was staying gone more and more. If he wasn't on a mission for the Dark Lord, he was with Dumbledore doing who knows what. He still refused to tell her anything about the Headmaster's plans. And knowing him as she did, Samaria was certain he had one, if not more.
Just as she finished her last cookie, the door opened and an exhausted looking Severus walked in and slouched on the couch next to her.
"Rough day?" she asked, knowing he wouldn't give any details.
"More emotionally than physically, but yes. Very."
Samaria sat her plate down on the coffee table and leaned into Severus. She had stayed true to the orders of the Dark Lord. She and Severus had not had any kind of sexual relations. More due to Severus' strength, than hers. She had done everything but begged, and he hadn't budged. He always said it wasn't worth the Darth Lord finding out, and they could wait a few months.
Easy for him to say, Samaria thought as she cuddled into his dozing form, knowing the only reason he was letting her close was because he was so tired. He doesn't have pregnancy hormones coursing through his body.
Ever so slowly, she placed her hand on his lower thigh. When he made no move, she slowly moved it up a little. A little more. A little more. A little….
"SAMARIA!" Severus roared.
She jumped back, startled.
"What are you doing?" he demanded.
"Nothing! I was just curling up next to you…."
"Like hell you were! Don't try to sound so innocent. You're little hand movements were NOT innocent!"
"But Severus…" she pouted. Another thing about this pregnancy; Samaria had become a pouter…. She hated pouters.
"Don't 'but Severus' me!" he said. "This is just as hard on me… Don't roll your eyes! Do you not think that four months of no kind of sexual contact with my wife is easy?"
"I didn't say it was easy," she replied. "You just seem not to want it as much as me. I mean, you never even seem to…." And cue the water works.
Ugh, Elena's pregnancy wasn't this difficult. And with the thought of her daughter, she cried harder.
Severus gathered her into his arms and shushed her. "You know I want you. So much." He sighed, "If you only knew how much. But it's just not worth…."
"I know, I know," she cut him off, still in tears. "It's not worth the Dark Lord's wrath. I know it's not. I just feel like you don't want me anymore."
"Don't even start, Samaria," Severus said sternly. "You know I do. You know you're just emotional right now and…."
"I KNOW THAT!" she screamed and he jumped. "Don't you think I KNOW I'm crazy? I cry at the drop of a hat and get pissed off over nothing! I was never like this with Elena and it terrifies me! What if this pregnancy is so different because the baby has a different…" she stopped. She couldn't even say it.
"Samaria," he said slowly, not wanting to set her off again. Very few things frightened Severus Snape, and his hormone crazy wife was one of the top contenders.
"Sweetheart, stop that. You know each pregnancy is different, even Madam Pomfrey said that."
"I know, but she doesn't know that there is a chance that you're not the father. And sometimes I feel like you don't want me because it might not be yours," she said looking down. "I know that's stupid and not true, but it's hard to make my emotions listen to my head sometimes."
Severus looked at his wife. Even though she was as big as she was nine months pregnant last time, had hair stuck to her face from sweat and tears, and her face was red and blotchy, he had never wanted her more. He wanted to show her he wanted her more than anything, but he also knew what would happen if the Dark Lord ever learned of it. Severus sat back and sighed. These past few months were beginning to take a toll on him. He felt he could snap at any minute and trying to hold it together and be there for Samaria wasn't making it any easier. Not that he regretted it at all, it was just so hard. He felt like everyone was looking to him, depending on him, and if he didn't do exactly the right thing at the right time everything would be ruined and the people he cared for most would die.
He glanced over at Samaria again. How tempting it was to give over to her pleas. To take away her worry and frustrations for an hour or so, and taking his away right along with it. He had all these expectations to meet, from Dumbledore, from the Dark Lord, from his wife… It would be heaven to let go of those and just focus and himself and Samaria.
Sighing, he leaned back, conflicted. What he knew he should do and what he felt he needed to do were polar opposites. He looked over at his wife and opened his mouth to speak, but just as he did she got up.
"I'm sorry, Severus. Just forget it. I'm just going to bed, ok? Goodnight."
He could tell she was still hurt by his rejection and he only knew one way to fix it. Should he, though?
No, he shouldn't. And with that thought he went to bed to sleep beside his wife, as he had been for the past four months; on the complete opposite side of the bed.
~*SW*~
Severus woke a while later. He wasn't sure what woke him and it took him a minute to get his bearings. Lying there, he listened, but he felt something before he heard it. Samaria had backed up into him in her sleep and in his, he had spooned around her. That wasn't the biggest problem. She was moaning, and wiggling.
Severus sighed and clenched his eyes together, trying to find the strength to pull away from his wife.
"Severus," she whispered.
"Samaria, stop," he pleaded.
"Severus," she whispered again, and he realized she was talking in her sleep.
He sighed and pushed his face into his pillow.
More sighing.
More moaning.
More wiggling.
Finally, Severus couldn't take it anymore. He moved himself away from Samaria and turned her to face him. Gently, he shook her awake.
"Wha… what? Severus what is it?" she asked in a sleepy voice.
"Samaria, you were grinding against me in your sleep," Severus said.
"Oh. I'm sorry," she said in a sad voice and moved to scoot away from him. He stopped her before she could get far.
"Samaria," he whispered in her ear as he stroked her hip, his resolve slipping.
"Mmm?" she asked afraid to move, afraid he would stop.
"Come here," he said as he pulled her to him and let the last of it slip away.