XI.

It was the sound of birds that woke him rather than the blaring alarm clock. It was odd, waking slowly, comfortably tucked into warm blankets as the sun rose, as opposed to flailing at the snooze button in the cold dark. Which was when Ianto realized that it wasn't dark and his alarm hadn't gone off, and his fuzzy mind tried to figure out why.

He'd gone to the Ferret, had too many drinks as usual…and then Jack had showed up…god, Jack had been there, at his pub, looking for…what was it? Missing people. Only as soon as he'd mentioned it, Ianto had figured it out: Mandy was the one responsible for all those missing people. And she'd offered to do the same for him, to help him. There'd been an alien, and a portal, and Ianto had been so tempted…he could leave Earth, start over far away. Instead he'd pushed Jack through the Rift into slavery—cocky, condescending Jack, telling him he'd never escape his problems, he'd still be Ianto Jones no matter what planet he was on. That it would still hurt, he'd still be broken.

But he'd gone back…right? Yes, he'd gone back for Jack, and sent Mandy away, and destroyed the Savior and his portal. Radyr was safe again. Only he'd…Ianto rolled over onto his back and flung his arm across his face as he groaned to himself. Yes, he'd kissed Jack in the SUV after. Jack had seemed reluctant at first, but he had come back to Ianto's flat, agreeing with Ianto that it was just this once. Two broken people, seeking comfort in one another's arms, for one night only.

Turning his head, Ianto groaned again. Jack was still there, still asleep on Ianto's pillow, stubble dotting his chin and his hair askew. He looked so calm and peaceful, so different from the larger-than-life man who swaggered around in his World War II greatcoat as Captain Jack Harkness. At that moment, he was just Jack, a man Ianto'd shagged, asleep in his bed. And even first thing in the morning, Jack was gorgeous.

Ianto shot up, flipping his legs off the side of the bed and relieved to find he was at least wearing boxers. He let his elbows fall to his knees and closed his eyes. He was in bed with Jack. Jack, his boss, was in his bed. After Ianto had tried to kill him. How could he have possibly thought that sleeping with Jack was a good idea? Even drunk and traumatized? Why had he thought that shagging his boss would fix his problems, even for one night?

He was startled by a hand on his shoulder and turned to find Jack sitting up, a wary look on his face. Jack appeared as spooked as Ianto felt, which didn't make him feel much better about it. If Jack had regrets, it must have been an even bigger mistake than Ianto thought. Or maybe it had been terrible.

No, Ianto told himself, it hadn't been terrible. In fact, it had been amazing, once they'd got over the initial awkwardness, which had now returned in full force. He offered a shaky smile, which Jack returned with equal embarrassment.

"I hate this part," Jack murmured.

"The incredibly awkward morning after?" Ianto asked. "I'm surprised you stayed."

"I was tired," Jack replied with a shrug. "We were up rather late, after all."

Ianto let his eyes slip closed as he turned away. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"No, you probably did," Jack replied, a lightness to his tone Ianto could sense was forced. "My reputation usually precedes me when it comes to these sorts of things."

"I don't mind," Ianto said after a moment. "It's fine, only now…"

"Now we're stuck in the morning after attempt to return to normal."

"That was the plan," Ianto said. "What passes for normal, anyway."

Jack sighed as he laid back down, his hand falling over his face like Ianto had done minutes earlier. He let slip a slightly bitter laugh. "I don't think there's anything normal about this…about us…Torchwood." He paused. "About life."

"I suppose not," Ianto said, turning toward him with a frown. "Are you all right?"

Jack sat up again with a fake smile. "I'm fine. I'm just…I'm sorry if this…last night…gets in the way now. I didn't want to complicate things at work."

Ianto stood and began gathering the clothing strewn around the room, trying not to think about their desperate undressing as they came together. "It might," he admitted. "I guess I didn't think it through last night. Seemed like a good idea at the time."

Jack shook his head as he began picking up his own clothes. "It was," he said. "It was a good idea, and I…god, this is horrible," he muttered, running a hand through his already mussed up hair. "I had a good time, I really did. And if we didn't work together I'd … but we do, so …" He trailed off, one of the few times Ianto had ever seen him speechless.

"I did too," Ianto replied. "And if we didn't work together…if you weren't my boss…" He trailed off as well. It seemed they had both felt a connection, but they both realized the futility of it. Which was a damn shame, because it had been amazing.

"Your boss," Jack repeated, as if only then realizing the reality of their complicated relationship. "I'm sorry, Ianto. I shouldn't have said yes, I should have—"

Ianto held up a hand and stopped him. "Please don't apologize," he said. "I…well, I brought it up, and I thought I knew what I was getting into. It was one night only. We'll get past it." We have to, he thought. He couldn't work with Jack if this came between them forever. If they'd moved past homicidal cybermen in the basement and alien slavers in the cellar of a pub, they could move past one night of great sex, right?

Jack looked doubtful. "Right. Er, do you mind if I use your bathroom?" He held up his clothes. "I don't need a shower or anything, just need to wash my face and throw on some clothes …" He trailed off, looking uncomfortable yet again. It was a very strange look for Jack, who always walked around the Hub with confidence, especially when joking about sex. Ianto sighed, hating that it had come to this.

"Go ahead. I'll make some coffee." He offered a small smile. "That's normal, coffee in the morning."

"Thanks," said Jack. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something else, then turned abruptly toward the bathroom and shut the door.

Ianto sighed and pulled on some clothes of his own before heading toward the kitchen. He started the coffee and seriously considered adding a dash of something stronger to get through the next few minutes. Jack was back before he could, however, so he poured Jack a thermos to take with him. He was dressed, his hair finger combed into order, and his hand brushed Ianto's as he took the thermos with a thank you. Taking a long sip, he closed his eyes and sighed.

"Thank you," said Jack. "This is definitely more our morning normal."

"Cheers," Ianto replied, holding up his mug before taking a sip. They stood awkwardly for a moment before Jack seemed to realize he had a thermos. He raised it questioningly.

"Can I take this to the Hub?" he asked.

"Absolutely," Ianto replied. "I'll be in…er, soon."

"Take your time," said Jack. "You had a hard night."

"So did you," Ianto pointed out.

Jack sighed. "But I wasn't about to…and I didn't…Ianto, you know you can talk to me, right? When things get bad?"

"No, not really," Ianto replied honestly. "I don't know if I can. It's hard." He took a sip of his coffee and shrugged. "And not likely to get any easier now."

Jack pursed his lips in apparent consternation, then grinned. "Hey, after last night, talking should be easy. After all, I did have your –"

"Stop," Ianto said, a laugh escaping despite his mortification. He knew exactly where Jack was going with that sentence, but even after all they had seen and done in Ianto's bed, talking to Jack felt no easier. "Look, I can't promise to reach out, even now…but I …well, I won't try to kill you again. I'm sorry about what happened at the pub."

Jack nodded. "I know. It's over. What happened last night isn't going to come between us."

"Obviously," Ianto replied. "Since I did have your—"

Jack laughed. "All right, I think the uncomfortable morning after is over. Back to normal?"

"To whatever passes as normal," Ianto murmured, thinking that his normal was generally awful, and he now had the complication of having slept with his boss to deal with on top of his mother's illness and his own emotional challenges.

"I'll see you at the Hub," Jack said, turning toward the door. "We can write up the missing persons case and file everything away for good."

"Sounds like another good time," Ianto replied dryly, walking with him. "Although I do have plans to see my mum tonight. It's…well, it's important."

Jack studied his face and nodded. "That's fine. I hope everything's okay."

"Haven't been by for a long time," Ianto admitted.

"Don't let it drift," Jack told him.

"I'm…I'm going to try," Ianto said. "I'll be in soon."

Jack nodded, looked like he wanted to step forward and either kiss him or at least hug him, but turned and left instead. Ianto shut the door, letting his head fall against the wood with a quiet groan. It was over: the long night at the Ferret, the embarrassing morning after at his flat. He'd slept with Jack and it had been great, but it was pretty far up there on his list of big mistakes. Jack was his boss, the man who'd shot Ianto's lover, who flirted and came on to everyone, and who kept more secrets than MI-5. It wouldn't happen again. They'd go back to the way things were, to working side by side, chasing aliens, and saving the world. Their version of normal.

Author's Note:
And this was my version of regret. I had planned on two more chapters, but I may stop at twelve. Unfortunately that would leave the 'real' version unwritten, but I have other stories that I'd like to finish as well, so we'll see. Thank you for reading!