Wow it's been such a long time! I return with a slightly longer than normal chapter! I hope you like it! Please tell me what you think! Oh, and come talk to me on tumblr! I also draw fanart. My tumblr url is nucleartuna.

Chapter 9 - You are still panicking. Stop it.

Another Friday evening, and possibly the coming night, spent at the office. Mihawk briefly wondered if he should feel pathetic. He had always passed it off as being practical but he had to admit that mostly he was just trying to shield himself from the fact that he had very little to go home to, and the stark contrast between the stale stillness of his nearly pristine apartment and the cacophony of life carrying over from Benn and Shanks' soured things more. Had it always bothered him? He wasn't sure, but he sure as hell was thinking about it more these days if he allowed his mind to think about his heart.

He was such a mess right now. He had always been so careful , so private. He'd taken care that his reputation was as untainted as it could be both concerning his person and business. When it came to his personal life... perhaps part of it was him being... afraid. It was not easy, admitting your own cowardice. He found it bitter and hard to swallow. But a coward he was. Finding the smallest excuses for himself to halt attraction, strong attachments. Looking for faults or bad intentions even when there were none. Never calling back. Always busy.

And now he had landed into this predicament. What the hell had he been thinking when he started chatting with a stranger? He glared at the program's icon on his laptop screen and took a sip from his tea – great, it had gone cold. He sighed as he set the cup down and pushed it aside and rested his head against his arms.

He was lonely. Also vexing to admit.

It had been easy to talk to that faceless nickname. It had been something that was his. Somehow he had felt protected by the thought that they would never know him, could never make him look stupid in the real world. To his surprise he found himself caring about the other person , but there was a wall between them. A safe distance. And then he and Roronoa Zoro stumbled into the same reality and the wall was broken down. Now he felt surreal, almost as if he was looking through a two-way mirror. He didn't know what to do.

He didn't want to give up having someone to talk to, someone who wouldn't judge him. Who he could show that sometimes he didn't have a plan and didn't know what he was doing. He would have to decide what to do with this situation soon. He wanted to keep that secret little connection he'd made... but now that he knew... If only Roronoa wasn't... Wasn't what? A real person? He sighed and cursed softly.

'I have to let it go' he thought. 'It would be disturbing to continue chatting with him now that I know who he is... Why can't he just be two different people... I really don't want to end it but I have to, don't I? Give up the only thing akin to friendship I've managed to forge on my own since Shanks.' It's not like he could find a better solution, what could he even do? Walk up to Roronoa and say 'Hello It is I Hawk-Eyes we've been chatting online I'm definitely not creepy or involved in illegal activities and also I do not stab people in my spare time and my best friend is totally not a gang leader'? No, nonono. It would never work, would it? Could it?

'No, you fool. Of course it wouldn't.' He stretched himself off of the table and raked his hand through his messed up hair. 'He's just about to graduate, he's a fine young man he has his whole life ahead of him, he wouldn't want to befriend a cranky old bastard whose hobbies included drinking wine and taking naps in awkward positions that make his neck sore.'

He fiddled with his phone.

'And let's be honest, it would come to this anyway, eventually. He'll get bored and go on with his life. He won't even miss me.' He wondered if Roronoa even thought of him as a person, or just as something to pass time with when he was bored out of his mind. He found himself tapping into their conversation on his phone. He'd noticed the unread messages icon but he had avoided reading them until now.

'You ok?' Zoro wrote. 'Sorry, don't mean to bug you but I haven't heard from you in a while. Wondering if everything is ok.' Mihawk felt a pang of guilt. Dammit. He seemed like he was such a bloody straight forward guy that he felt bad for thinking he might be playing him. ...Playing him? Oh no. No. Did he... When did this become that kind of thing?

'Probably when you saw him in his work clothes, the suit, the body...' A tiny voice inside his head said. "Augh! None of that right now." he hissed at himself and read on.

'Everything is fine' he answered finally. He grimaced. That was what he always said to Shanks and Benn and over half of the time everything was very much less than fine. Roronoa would be even less interested in his issues than them.

The conversation chimed. 'Calling BS on that. If you wanna talk I'm listening. I'm texting from work but I'm here.' Zoro typed.

'I guess I owe you an explanation'

'You don't owe me anything. Just wanna hear how you're doing.'

'I'm sorry. Things are just, kind of crazy right now.'

'What things'

At this point Zoro excused himself from Benn's company in the break room and found himself staring at his phone in the restrooms. Hawk-Eyes's silence had been making him anxious. He'd been hesitant to ask as not to put him off but it seemed like he – or they, he reminded himself – needed a straight up question to get him talking. He seemed like he really liked to talk but didn't really talk about himself, he hoped he could make at least a small break-through here. He didn't know when Hawk-Eyes had become so important. But they had, and it seemed like he needed someone.

'Me. People. Relationships. Sorry, I've just gotten a few unexpected things thrown at me.'

His answer was less thought out than usually, Zoro noted. He wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad sign. Maybe it could mean that he was in a state of mind where he didn't filter himself so much anymore. He decided to try his luck.

'You don't have to talk but might help if you did.'

He watched anxiously as the little icon on the screen blinked while the other was typing. It felt like forever. Dammit he'd have to get back to Benn soon. At the other end Mihawk was struggling for words.

'Well, there's that friend of mine, the infuriating one. Being a persistent little fuck. He's been pressing me about this plan of his for a while and I don't really know if I want anything to do with it. It's not an easy matter. And I guess there's a new person in my life. In a way. And I don't know how to deal with people. So there I am, stressed out and fucking Shanks comes and starts going on about the thing again even though he knows something is wrong and...'

Shanks! Zoro gaped at his phone.

"Holy shit!"

Shanks! It was Shanks! He couldn't believe it. The thought had crossed his mind sure enough, and he still found it difficult to be convinced but... the facts spoke for themselves. Scars could be a coincidence, but those and the same name? It had to be the same person.

'I don't even know.' Mihawk hadn't realized before just how upset he was with Shanks. He read the message he had just sent and was slightly taken aback by how harsh it was. He was often sharp with his words but veiled his remarks with flowery terms.

'Like I said – I'm not good with people.' he continued 'And this new situation has thrown me off, so... I'm vulnerable, I suppose. And I'm angry at my friend for not knowing it and minding it but at the same time I don't want him to ever find out. I'd be mortified.'

'if your best friend saw you vulnerable?'

'I'm so sorry, I shouldn't be telling you this. I can't really talk to anyone else.'

'But you're ok letting yourself be vulnerable with me?' Zoro couldn't help himself asking.

He looked at the time and winced. He hoped Benn wouldn't mind him taking so long. He mentioned something about going for a smoke anyway so it was probably alright but it was best to get moving. He kept looking at his phone nervously while walking in the corridors. Shit. He hoped he hadn't made Hawk-Eyes feel too weird with that question. Shouldn't the break room be here? Fuck it, all of these corridors looked the same to him!

Mihawk didn't really know where his feet were taking him. He just needed to walk, do something with himself, anything. Fresh air. Yes, that would be nice. He threw on a coat and left the confines of his sanctuary behind, along with his phone. He needed to clear his head. What was he doing? Didn't he agree with himself that this was something he should not and would not do? Did he not just decide he shouldn't stay in contact with Roronoa Zoro? He took a deep breath and took the turn towards the balcony.

Benn turned his head in the direction of the door when he heard it opening, and saw Mihawk skulk into the dark. His fingers reclaimed a firm hold from the lit cigarette that he shouldn't have. They acknowledged each other with a small nod and Mihawk settled next to him, looking at the horizon dotted with the city's lights. The hum of the wind in the trees and the distant traffic and the crisp air around him was a welcome distracting sensation. The familiar scent of Benn's cigarettes lingering around was somehow reassuring.

He glanced at Benn who had evidently gone for a while without a smoke judging by the blissful air about him.

"You work here or something?" Mihawk gibed.

Benn smiled crookedly taking a pensive breath. "What does this 'working' entail exactly?" He offered his cigarette to Mihawk.

"Do you..." Mihawk took a drag and breathed out a cloud of smoke. "...perform functions in this establishment that are of benefit to me, and do I offer monetary compensation for such services?"

"Well you sure pay me. That other thing... doesn't really sound like something I would do..."

Mihawk mirrored the wily grin. "Oh come now. You know you're the one who keeps me sane here."

He sighed, stealing one more drag and returning the cigarette to Benn. There was something a little off in the scarfaced man. Or maybe he was just imagining things because he was so off himself. Or not. The other man kept looking at him, like he was trying to find something. Benn had avoided his eyes but seemingly finding some kind of resolve he looked straight to him.

"You ok?" He asked, swiping a long strand of graying hair behind his ear.

"...Fine, considering things?" Mihawk sighed and shrugged. "I'm gonna be honest with you right now – do not expect it to happen again – I've made a huge mess and I'm trying to sort it out." He frowned "...Are you alright? You seem..."

"Uhh..." Benn groaned and dragged his palm across his face. Mihawk watched alertly as the other man turned and crossed his hands over his chest. For a moment they remained silent.

"Any idea why my boyfriend thinks you have a crush on me...?"

"What!?"

"I... I told him it was crazy..."

"Fucking Shanks!" Mihawk despaired.

"You don't, right?" Benn relaxed visibly.

"No! What the hell is he thinking? Why?"

"Ok, so, apparently-" Benn paused for a calming drag "-he overheard you say something. And you 'said something about a guy' " he emphasised by making air quotes with his free hand " earlier when you two were talking."

"He's been driving me up the wall about the recruiting thing and now this..." he paused to collect himself. "Can you do me a favour and try to keep him on a short leash? I'm deadly serious when I say this; I can't deal with him right now." he was offered the cigarette again and snagged it gladly.

"I can try. Sorry, I should have seen this coming. I guess he's taken your participation for granted, the way he's been talking." Benn sighed.

He'd always have Shanks's back, he was his right-hand man in the gang after all but he needed to see Hawky wasn't in. There was a storm rising and Shanks thought the best way to help the young people was to take them in before anyone else could and teach them to defend themselves. Hawk-Eyes wouldn't support the idea as long as there was a reasonable chance of maintaining a peaceful situation.

"I'll talk to him about it."

"Thank you."

Mihawk stepped back inside and started making his way back. He still hadn't sorted out all his thoughts but he felt much relieved after letting out his frustration regarding Shanks. Maybe Benn could hammer some sense into his head. He came into a lobby and ascended the staircase, but stopped when he noticed movement. Roronoa? He watched curiously as the man looked around frantically and dashed into a corridor, only to come back in from the other way. A conversation from before flashed back to him.

'Oh and the place I'll be working, it's pretty big. And I'm bad at directions. I mean really bad I get lost all the time. So yeah. A bit worried about that.'

Zoro cursed and and looked back and forth between the corridors and doors. He didn't think Benn would mind too much but it would be embarrassing if he had to come and find him. Really Zoro, getting lost on the way back from the restrooms?

"Which fucking way is it?" He groaned

"How about 'that fucking way'?" Zoro barely managed to preserve some dignity and not jump when he heard the deep voice. He looked upwards and saw Dracule Mihawk leaning against the railing, as unreadable as ever. "The way the 'Break Room' sign is pointing at? I'm assuming that's where you're headed, seeing how unproductive you look."

Zoro stared at him with a deadpan expression.

Smug bastard.

"First of all..." Zoro begun "Fuck you." Dracule didn't even blink at that, which both annoyed and unnerved him. "Secondly... Yeah, ok, I was going there, thanks? Um... Thirdly... Benn's probably waiting for me so I'm in a hurry ok so bye." And with that he dashed into the right direction, this time minding the signs on the walls.

Mihawk barely managed to suppress his amusement, even with all the time he had spent mastering his poker face. But when Zoro had sprinted off he kept chuckling and smiling for a good while. He returned to his private rooms and grabbed his phone.

Zoro had been lucky, it seemed like Benn had taken his bloody time having a cig, or a whole pack, and had just come back himself. The younger man huffed. Those were one of the most stressful moments of his life. He couldn't help the urge to vent out to Hawk-Eyes how he'd just cussed at his boss who had found him lost in the hallways. Something about that man just got to him. He'd just stood there watching him and he hadn't even noticed. He didn't like that feeling of danger.

But Hawk-Eyes hadn't responded after his last message. He wasn't sure if he should say anything right now. He jerked a bit when he felt vibrations from his pocket and snuck a look at his phone.

'I would if I could.'

Zoro frowned. What was that supposed to mean?

What will Zoro do now? Will Shanks stop meddling? Will he come up with another theory now that this one was busted? (Poor Shanks he probably made plans for a threesome already...) Will Benn ever be rewarded for his patience and loyalty in this fresh hell? Who do you think Shanks should try to pair Mihawk with?