Your Love is Only Half

Tadase glared at Nikaidou, his fists clenched and ready to punch him in the face. "DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK BADLY ABOUT AMU."

Nikaidou was very calm, knowing very well, Tadase was all talk and no action. He had dealt with Ikuto before and he recognised a real threat when he saw one. Tadase may be angry with him but he was in no ways as intimidating as Ikuto could ever be. "I'm not lying, if you consider that Amu is your girlfriend then what she did makes her quite the slut," Nikaidou continued, "disgusting if you consider who she did it with."

"I don't believe a word of crap your saying," Tadase said infuriated.

"Really," Nikaidou sighed, "when you witnessed for yourself how she and her father were entangled with one another in a passionate kiss."

"SHUT UP!" Tadase shouted.

"I'm telling you for your own good," Nikaidou said, "accept it. Amu is no longer the sweet virgin girlfriend you so wanted to protect. She is his woman for good." Nikaidou took out his mobile, pressed a few buttons and showed an image to Tadase which shocked him. His expression is priceless, Nikaidou thought, better than I had anticipated. Well I was lucky to send this picture to myself, lucky I even found it. I ended up going back to Kazuomi Hoshina for money and work, who would've thought that old fox wanted me to kidnap Ikuto's aunt Lulu. I was lucky when I broke into Ikuto's apartment that Lulu was already unconscious. Of course I took the opportunity to search around and how did I come across this picture in the mobile is really a miracle God gave me.

"How..why..." Tadase stuttered, "why...this..." He fell to his knees on the ground, devastated at what he had just saw. His mouth was wide opened, lost for speech or emotion. His heart had died the moment he laid eyes on that foul picture. He couldn't seem to get rid of it from his mind either; an image of Amu being held close to her father, Ikuto, her dress pulled up, his hand and fingers pressing into her vagina whilst his teeth bit at her neck and Amu, she was blushing. "Unforgivable..."

"Of course," Nikaidou slowly said, "I feel very sorry for you. Now that something like this has happened, perhaps you should break-up with Amu."

"NO," Tadase shouted hysterically, "NEVER...even, even if she is a slut, I love her, I'll protect her...she was...she was just tricked by that devil. It's not her fault. I won't...I won't break up with her."

"Yes you are right," Nikaidou said, being careful not to provoke Tadase too much, "that is why we need to work together to get rid of Ikuto Tsukiyomi. If he dies, then Amu would be free. She will realise she was wrong and she will return to you. She will then need you to show her what is the right thing to do."

"Get rid of him," Tadase repeated, "yeah, revenge. I'll remove him from Amu's side first. Then I'll start again with Amu."

"That's right," Nikaidou said with a sly smile, "I can help you plan out how to get rid of that man. First though, you need to pretend to break up with..."

"What? I said I won't break up with her."

"No," Nikaidou shouted over Tadase, "listen. Amu must be in pain, she must feel guilty for what she did. If my guess is correct, she might even want to break up with you. I think it would be wise to play along and accept to break up. Obviously, once we get rid of Ikuto, I guarantee Amu will come back to your side."

"What are you thinking?"

"You've calmed down," Nikaidou simply said, "trust me..." Nikaidou explained parts of his plans to Tadase, who nodded and seemed to agree. Obviously, Nikaidou didn't tell Tadase the truth. He was after all using this silly boy to exact his own revenge on Ikuto. "So have you decided yet? The stage for our revenge is set to begin."

Tadase nodded, "I'll work with you. I'll punish that sick bastard."

In the hospital, Amu took in a deep breath staring at Kukai as she still couldn't bring herself to believe what she had just heard. "What did you say?" Amu asked again, her voice shaking, "I don't understand."

"Kukai," Utau said, not certain herself whether telling Amu now was the best idea. However she understood Kukai's pain. Night Ikuto was Kukai's best friend, they shared so much time, memories and more together. They were brothers than just friends and yet night Ikuto was dead.

"He won't come back," Kukai said more calmly than he did before, "night Ikuto said goodbye to Aruto before he passed out. He's gone Amu. It's proven because the one that woke up is your father and not the Ikuto I know."

"What nonsense are you speaking?" Amu breathed heavily shaking her head. "It's day now. Ikuto's other personality, night Ikuto always comes out at night. Its... I mean, it's like two people inhibit the same body I mean..." Amu struggled now. Clearly she was affected by what Kukai was saying, "night Ikuto is a personality, a character...personalities can't die."

"He's dead Amu," Kukai stated bluntly. "As much as it's over for our friendship, so it is for your love."

Amu clenched a fist; it was precisely because Kukai was so serious that it made her so nervous. It's impossible, the Ikuto who stole her heart, who became so precious to her cannot be dead. They only just started, their love only just began, it can't end. Her emotions were taking over her now as Amu shouted and cried at the same time, "I won't believe this. You're lying. That Ikuto can't be dead… if he is then…what about me?" Amu dropped to the floor seeing Kukai mouth the word sorry. "What about me?" Amu repeated, unable to bring herself to accept this.

Kukai and Utau left Amu to calm down. Amu wiped her tears. Even though Kukai was certain, even though he and Utau were both convinced night Ikuto was gone, she can't give up on him like that. "I won't believe it," Amu said standing back up.

"So you intend to play the double girl again?"

Amu turned around to see Souko glaring at her. "Mrs-"

Souko raised a hand, stopping Amu from saying anything, "You know Amu Hinamori, you're a nice girl, a kind girl but you are also very selfish. Don't hate me for saying this but you simply don't deserve my son's love."

Amu was shocked and slightly hurt to hear Ikuto's mother say such things about her. She didn't understand. Did she do something wrong? Did Ikuto's mother hate her? "I'm sorry if I've done something wrong..."

"You are half-hearted in your love," Souko commented, "you think you are a victim, the only one suffering in your relationship with my son. You're wrong Amu. Did you not consider that you were also hurting Ikuto."

"I would never hurt him," Amu defended, "I love him. I honestly love him, I won't and I can never imagine hurting him."

"Funny, because I don't see how much you love him," Souko continued, walking towards Amu. "You are one person yet you split yourself into two like my son did, separating your feelings."

Amu didn't say anything, still perplexed with Souko's words.

"Aren't you playing a double role too, a daughter and a lover?"

Amu gasped, suddenly understanding what Souko was saying or was trying to say. Her vision became very blurred until she was no longer focussing on anything, her breathing was heavy and painful as she clenched her heart. The realisation of the truth hit her so hard, Amu couldn't handle it.

Souko took Amu's hands, holding it gently in her own. "You see, at the beginning, you may have been playing along with Ikuto's split personality. You dealt with the two different Ikuto's accordingly but in the process, you have also developed into two people. As day Ikuto's daughter, you love him as your father, respect him as someone who helped you, sheltered you." Souko paused to let some of her words sink in, "you never even wanted to once kiss your father did you?" Souko slowly squeezed Amu's hands now, "as the other Ikuto's lover though, you began to love him romantically, constantly seeking his touch and desired him."

Amu felt her body grow weak now. How...how and why did she never realise such a thing? It was awful, it was cruel.

Souko pulled Amu into a light hug now, "I don't blame you entirely. Both of you were dragged into the heat of the moment. Young people do many foolish things. However, now you finally know the truth of your love, you shouldn't feel so upset."

"Souko," Aruto called walking towards them. "Ikuto can leave the hospital tomorrow."

"Fantastic," Souko smiled, "did Ikuto decide where he wanted to stay."

Aruto smiled, "he said he won't be living with us."

Souko pouted her lips, "but I want to live with him..."

"Our son said he was a father already, he needed to live with his own children," Aruto explained, "Amu, take care of your father...Amu... are you alright?"

Souko started to push Aruto back towards Ikuto's room, "let me finish my little talk with Amu first."

"Did you say something to her?" Aruto whispered.

"I'll tell you later OK," Souko urged for Aruto to go. "It'll be fine. Trust me."

Aruto frowned, staring at his wife with a pleading smile on her face and eventually gave in. He was worried abut Amu, that desperate and despaired expression on her face; no it was worse, it was as if Amu had the look of a painful death. He could only wonder what his beloved wife had said though for now, believing she wouldn't go too far.

Amu started to walk away, heading towards the exit of the hospital. She didn't want to hear any more. First it was Kukai about night Ikuto's death, now it was Souko taunting her about their love. Amu wasn't quick enough though, Souko grabbed hold of her arm, stopping her from running.

"Let go, please... please let me go," Amu said painfully.

Souko sighed, "my words are harsh but they are the truth. Until you can sort yourself out, I won't easily accept you as someone to be besides Ikuto."

"I-I..." Amu struggled for words.

"Do you love Ikuto as a father or as a man? Which of your love is real?" Souko directly asked, "they are not two different people. In the end, they are one and the same. You as well, you are just one person with one identity. Either you are his daughter or a girl in love with him." Seeing there was no reaction from Amu, Souko let go of her arm. "until you have a definite answer, you and Ikuto's love for each other, no matter which one, it is only half. A love that is only half and incomplete will never last."

With those final words, Souko left Amu alone. It was cruel to break everything to Amu all at once but that girl needed to wake up to reality. Souko only hoped, Amu at least had a fighting chance, a proper chance to pursue the love she wants. It was all for the best.

That night, Amu didn't even know how much she had cried, her eyes now so dry, not a single tear would drop out. She couldn't sleep. She was in pain, her heart felt as though something was crushing it from the inside, suffocating her and she just gasped and sobbed, feeling almost like a living corpse. Souko's words just kept replaying through her mind. It haunted her, it made her feel so guilty, so wrong, so shameful. What had she been doing all along? "It's disgusting," Amu uttered, her nails digging into her skin as she held her shoulders tightly, curled on the floor in her bedroom. "I'm disgusting," Amu cried, "I call him father...I treat him like one, I know I see him as a parent figure yet..." She bit her lips so hard now that her teeth cut into her flesh and it bled. "I gave myself to him. I did," Amu breathed. He touched me, , held me whilst I was naked, marked my entire body and entered deep inside me and I...I didn't once stop him... Agony filled Amu now. "SOMEONE HURT ME," Amu screamed, though she knew no one was there. She was alone at home, the home she shared with Ikuto...which Ikuto? "Someone...anyone, just hurt me and wake me up...I don't know any-more. Why did I do such a thing...they're...they're both the same person...I had sex with my own father...I-I'm disgusting..." She forced her eyes shut, her mind and heart crippled. The truth she only just saw was too cruel.

BUZZ. BUZZ. Amu looked up at her mobile which was buzzing on the desk. Someone was ringing her. Who, at a time like this? Not really registering what she was doing, Amu picked up her mobile, "yes."

"It's me..."

"Tadase," Amu whispered.

"Can we talk?" Tadase slowly said, "you haven't come to school for the past few days. I'm worried."

That's right, Amu thought, there is more to my life than just Ikuto, but always Ikuto had been the most important part of her life.

"Tadase," Amu slowly began, knowing she was being selfish. "Can I ask you to do something for me?"

"Anything Amu," Tadase immediately answered, "I'll do anything."

"Please...say I love you to me," Amu requested. Forgive me Tadase, please allow me to be selfish this last time, Amu thought to herself, waiting for his response.

"Amu," Tadase said calmly, "I love you. Amu I love you a lot. I really love you a lot."

There was a few seconds silence before Amu spoke. "Tadase, I'm sorry. I really am sorry."

"STOP," Tadase shouted, "if you want to say it, at least to my face...no I..."

"Tadase, there is something I must tell you tonight. No matter what I need to say this to you. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to be so unfair to you either." Amu paused, suddenly feeling more clam now, "can I meet you now?"

"NO," Tadase said, his voice shaky, "I don't think I can face you directly when you are saying it to me. I prefer it if you said it now."

"Then..."

"Amu," Tadase cut in before Amu could even say anything, "I already know what you want to say. The only thing for me to decide here is whether I want to hear it from your lips."

"Tadase please understand, there was a time I did think I loved you. However I was wrong I-"

"This isn't over. Amu it will never be over between us."

"Tadase please don't be like this, I..."

"We may not be a couple but we are friends forever aren't we?" Tadase asked, "I know you want to break-up with me. It's fine, you don't need to explain so much. We're friends."

"Thank you Tadase," Amu sobbed, "thank you."

"Don't worry about it," Tadase said, "come back to school soon Amu. Nadeshiko and Yaya are worried too. We'll talk when we see each other again. Good-night."

Amu put down her mobile. She felt better as though a heavy stone was finally lifted from her. She was thankful to Tadase. He was not only kind to her but he put up with her selfishness. He was also the reason she finally realised what it was she felt for Ikuto. As soon as she heard Tadase say I love you, everything became clear to her. This was the true beginning to her love, finally she can throw away the empty half love she had for him and replace it, for a new fully grown love that was real. There was no mistake, the more she calmly remembered everything that had happened between them, the more she thought about them together, she was certain of her love for him. Amu got up from the floor, went to wash her face. "I can't look like this," she said in high spirits, "I can't let Ikuto see me like this tomorrow. He's coming back home." Amu looked at the photo of her and Ikuto hanging on the wall. Her fingers brushed over his face, "I'm no longer confused. Whether you act like a father or a dangerous lover you are the same person. Be ready Ikuto Tsukiyomi, I will fight for your full love again, and I won't give up no matter what happens."