Nadeshiko's Pursuit

Amu placed the postcard into the drawer, staring one last time at the picture imprinted on the front. It was from Kukai and Utau. After Ikuto's condition had settled, they left, now currently touring around the world together. From the picture on the postcard, they were in Paris. I wonder if they'll send us souvenir's again like last time, Amu thought, happy that despite everything that's happened between them, they still kept in touch. Amu couldn't help but notice Utau's smile in the postcard. It seemed like she had finally found her true-self, finding her own worth and joy. "I won't lose," Amu whispered, "I will also fight for my happy ending."

Amu crossed off yet another day on her calendar. Time really flew by quickly; two weeks had already passed since Ikuto was discharged from the hospital. Despite finally realising her true feelings for him, she made very little progress. Worried about Ikuto's health, Amu continued to play the good daughter role, trying to keep everything the same for day Ikuto, making sure she didn't stress him over unnecessary things so he could fully recover. At first everything seemed to be the same for her as well, she would wake him up in the morning, cook his meals, clean the house, tell him what happened at school. She would as always call him father, smile and shake her head as he complained about various things. She would scold him for talking like an old man when he was only that few years ahead of her youth. She would also out of habit now, quietly keep her early curfew and stay in her room, although since night Ikuto no longer existed, day Ikuto had lifted such a ridiculous house rule.

It was at times like these, when Amu was alone in her room, staring at the calendar, keeping to her non-existent curfew that she would remember him. Every night as she closed her eyes, it was night Ikuto she saw. Instinctively, her hands would brush across her own bare skin and she'd imagine her fingers as his touch, her breathing as his whispering voice and her dry eyes would shed a tear again. That single tear reminding her that he wasn't there and she was all alone. She was alone. I want him… Amu shouted in her heart, I want him back… I love you…Ikuto loving me as a daughter won't satisfy me anymore because I yearn for a more intense love from you…come back to me…I'll love you honestly this time so come back… These endless confessions, honest shouts that can only be heard in her heart were always the last thing she was conscious of each and every day as they chanted her to sleep.

The alarm sounded, the sun's weak morning ray gently waking Amu up and like a robot she started her daily routine, washing herself then entering the kitchen to prepare breakfast. "Dull," Amu muttered, "how come it's now that I feel my life is so dull, the way it is..." After setting the plates of food in place on the table, Amu went into Ikuto's room to wake him up, gently patting his shoulders. "Fa…" Amu began but found her throat very dry and as if a massive stone was lodged there that prevented her from speaking. "Fa…th…er…" Amu managed to utter. She had already noticed with each passing day, she was more reluctant to call him father; there were times like this where if she didn't force herself she couldn't say the word at all.

She stared at him, still sleeping soundly. One kiss, Amu thought; Ikuto's touch…night Ikuto is in front of me…I love you…. Closer, more close, as Amu stared at Ikuto's lips, the distance between them closed and their lips were about to touch.

"AMU…" a startled Ikuto shouted pushing a stunned Amu away. "Are you ok?"

"You're awake," Amu said, "breakfast is ready. Hurry out."

Ikuto stared as his daughter walked out his room. Just before he woke up, he sensed something over him and when his eyes were opened, he couldn't believe how close their faces were. He touched his own lip, we almost kissed, Ikuto thought, thank god nothing happened but…I can't shake off this uneasy feeling. Amu's been acting strange. Ikuto got out of bed, putting on his clothes. Was it because his parents were back in his life, Ikuto wondered. Ever since he woke up in the hospital, there seemed to be a part of him missing. Some odd little things didn't add up despite him knowing the majority of the story regarding Kazuomi Hoshina, how his parents came back and how Amu got involved. After getting out of the hospital, Utau and her friend had left to tour the world. Although he and Utau weren't extremely close, Ikuto knew Utau just didn't want to face her father again. Kazuomi Hoshina was charged with murder, clearing Aruto and Souko's suspicion on the case thanks to the evidence of XM2. He was sentenced to a life-time of prison. The company was naturally taken back by Ikuto's parents, and the Sanjo family were now helping out. Ikuto, himself also started to work in his parents company. Aunt Lulu like Utau had left the country, not that it surprised Ikuto since his aunt was the kind of person to just come and go without much notice.

Ikuto quickly washed his face before taking his seat at the table opposite Amu to eat his breakfast. He noticed Amu's increasing distant behaviour towards him. There were times like this where in the past, she would happily start up a conversation but now, she just sat quietly opposite to him as though she had too many things to think about to notice he was even there. Amu seemed to get along fine with his parents, which was what worried him the most. Knowing Amu, she would be quite stressed to make herself liked by Ikuto's parents but his father and mother accepted their granddaughter fine, so what else could be bothering Amu? School, her friends, Ikuto continued to think, or that boy named Tadase. CLANK. Ikuto dropped his fork, shocked by Amu's sudden touch. She gently cupped his face in her hands and she was so close to him, he felt uncomfortable. He could feel her breath upon his face and he was ready to push her away just as he did before, if he felt something was to go wrong. He wasn't quite quick enough to respond though as Amu firmly planted a kiss on his forehead.

"I'll be going to school now…" Amu began, only just managed to supress herself from kissing Ikuto on the lips, "come back early for dinner…"

Still a little shocked Ikuto uttered, "Tonight we're supposed to be eating at your grand-parents. I'll pick you up after school."

Amu nodded, letting go of Ikuto which she didn't want to and turned from him, exiting the house to go to school. It's getting harder, Amu breathed, it's getting harder to face him without me wanting to say I love you or kiss him or touch him or hug him. I…I really want to treat him like I do night Ikuto…I don't know how much longer I can suppress myself but right now, I can't show these feelings to him yet…I need to slowly show him that between us, it's changed….I don't want anything to go wrong, so for now I need to endure….this torture….

Amu entered the school, once again ready to face a rather normal day. The first time she met Tadase again after their awkward break-up over the phone seemed to be ages ago but she won't forget. That morning, as usual without knowing anything, Yaya and Nadeshiko had got them together into their usual small group. Initially Amu had wanted to stay distant from Tadase, not wanting to hurt him anymore than she already did but Tadase acted as though nothing happened. It felt slightly awkward but they were friends and they acted like friends. The only thing left to do was to tell Nadeshiko and Yaya about their break-up. Tadase had told Amu not to worry, saying he wanted to be the one to break the news to their two friends but, until now, from the way Nadeshiko and Yaya were acting, Tadase probably didn't get a chance to tell them yet. A new teacher had taken over Nikaidou's empty place since he left, one of the last people connected to night Ikuto gone from her life. Sometimes she would selfishly wish Nikaidou was still in the school, that way, it would allow her to feel as though the whole ordeal with Kazuomi hadn't ended and night Ikuto would still be here. He is still here, Amu convinced herself once again, and he's inside day Ikuto…I know it… That was the only one belief that kept her going, kept her moving forward into the unknown future.

"Amu…" a soft voice said besides her.

Amu smiled, "Nadeshiko, what is it?" She looked around, it was already 20 minutes into lunch time and Yaya and Tadase were nowhere to be seen, "where's Tadase and Yaya?"

Nadeshiko had a very serious look on her face now, "Tadase said he would be eating with some other friends. I told Yaya to go and buy us some drinks."

Amu waited, sensing that Nadeshiko wanted to talk to her about something else. Perhaps, Tadase finally told her about their break-up. "Nadeshiko…I…"

"Come with me," Nadeshiko literally demanded, turning her back on Amu and leading her out the classroom.

They stopped to the side of the school building where they were alone, only surrounded by walls and fences.

"What's wrong?" Amu asked concerned that Nadeshiko was acting so tense and cautious.

"What's wrong?" Nadeshiko repeated in a funny way, "That's what I want to ask you Amu. What's wrong with you? What happened to you and Tadase? You two broke up didn't you? Neither of you has said anything yet but I can tell. I caught Tadase crying on his own after class once last week. I wanted to question him but then as I observed you two I knew it…Amu, what did Tadase do wrong? Why did you break up with him?"

"Did Tadase say anything?" Amu asked weakly, uncomfortable after hearing from Nadeshiko that Tadase had cried.

"I'll be honest with you Amu," Nadeshiko said, her voice slightly rose, "Tadase never said anything. He's tried a few times to tell me and Yaya but then he couldn't in the end. Yaya has no clue about this but I…" Nadeshiko clenched her fists, "I know the reason for you two breaking up isn't Tadase's problem. It's yours isn't it Amu?"

Amu simply nodded in response.

"Then…what is your problem?" Nadeshiko asked although her voice was shaky. "You don't love Tadase anymore? You…"

"Nadeshiko," Amu slowly began, "I want to be truthful to you because you are my friend. I don't want to lie about me, about whom I am or what I am. Whether you accept me or not, I've already decided to come clean with you and Yaya…even Tadase." Amu took in a deep breath, "I'm the worst person in this world, the most selfish and cruel being there ever is. I…at the start I was a mess, I didn't know my own feelings and I agreed to date Tadase but…now I'm certain of my feelings. I know I have always, still do and will only love that one man, no one else. I don't love Tadase so it had to end between us. I can only feel guilt for not ending it sooner."

"The man you love," Nadeshiko now whispered, a strange squeezing feeling in her heart as she stared at Amu who was so sincere, it was scary. This can't be true, Nadeshiko told herself remembering the conversation she had with her brother quite a while back. I don't want to accept that Amu is…it's disgusting, how could such feelings exist…it's not true…but back then Nagihiko had no reasons to lie to me either and I…

"The man I love…" Amu slowly finished for Nadeshiko, "is Ikuto Tsukiyomi…the man you also know to be my adoptive father." Amu paused before saying more definitely, "Nadeshiko, I love Ikuto. I love him so much that I always think and crave for him. I'm seriously in love with him. I've already given myself to…"

"ENOUGH," Nadeshiko screamed, her eyes wide from shock, her heart ached from Amu's confession. How can this be? Nadeshiko cried in her heart, I can't accept it, no matter the reasons, I can't accept Amu in love with her own father and…they've even done that…what sins have they committed? This Amu…I don't know her…why did I ignore Nagihiko's words before…

"Please Nadeshiko," Amu tried again, knowing this truth wasn't something anyone could easily accept. Was it really so sinful to love Ikuto? Amu had already questioned herself that many times but she can't deny her own feelings. "I know right now you won't understand but please, listen to me and I only ask that you try to understand me."

"Did he force you?" Nadeshiko asked, snapping out of her little stunned trance. "Amu, if you're forced or misled or influenced in anyway…that's right talk to my brother, he's a police…we can do something. We can help you Amu. If you're sick then we can go to the hospital."

"NADESHIKO," Amu shouted over Nadeshiko, "I don't need help. I was never forced or influenced. I'm very clear of my own thoughts and actions." Amu took hold of Nadeshiko's hands, "I'm aware of everything I'm saying, of what I'm doing. I'm not sick either. I know I love Ikuto and I gave myself to him willingly. We love each other…"

Nadeshiko pushed Amu away from her, tears falling down her face. "Don't speak anymore." She stepped away from Amu, "before, no matter what my brother said I wouldn't believe him. I won't believe that my best friend is such a twisted and sick person to sleep and openly claim to love her own father; but now you've admitted it so many times, Amu it's disgusting. I…I can't imagine how much pain Tadase must feel, knowing all this and not able to say anything. Right this moment, he's still trying to protect a bitch like you…"

"Tadase doesn't know about Ikuto," Amu said, her chest squeezing tight, unable to bear Nadeshiko's outbursts.

"Then good," Nadeshiko cried, "I pray to God, only I will know about this. Don't you dare say a thing about your twisted love to Yaya. She's innocent and simple-minded; I don't want to hurt her." Nadeshiko turned to leave.

"Wait, Nadeshiko," Amu started to call out.

"Don't…" Nadeshiko said through her tears, "I don't know how I should face you right now because…I feel like I no longer know who you are. I can't accept what you told me either. Amu…just stay away from me…."

Amu wanted to run after Nadeshiko who swiftly walked out of sight. Amu found her unable to move and her tears won't stop falling out her eyes. This kind of despair she felt was exactly the same as the time when she lost night Ikuto; the feeling that she had lost something precious to her. "Why can't you understand?" Amu sobbed, sitting on the ground. "I already knew my love for Ikuto…no one understands but I….as long as I understand…" Amu covered her eyes with her hands now, "I'm sorry Nadeshiko…I guess this is goodbye for us…" Amu wiped her tears, prepared to accept this fate. No matter what, even if I end up all alone I will not regret choosing to love Ikuto, Amu breathed, making her way back to the classroom.

The rest of the day passed rather more slowly and painfully for Amu than she had expected. Yaya who had no idea what was going on at all, seemed hurt and lost as to what to do. Nadeshiko and Tadase who Amu knew was upset with her kept their distance away. Tadase tried approaching Amu during class break, but was quickly stopped by Nadeshiko. Did she tell Tadase about Ikuto? Amu wondered, it was nothing for her to worry about though. Nothing will change. She can cope with this loneliness.

The bell finally sounded to signal the end of another school day. Amu made her way to the front entrance gates where Ikuto should be there waiting for her. Her slow walk quickly turned into a fast run as she saw waiting for her wasn't just Ikuto. Nadeshiko, she was talking to Ikuto and from the shaken expression on his face, Amu could only hope Nadeshiko didn't say anything she shouldn't have.

"Nadeshiko," Amu shouted, stepping in between Ikuto and Nadeshiko.

"Since both of you are present," Nadeshiko began, "and to convince me of the truth…Amu right now I dare you to say all the things you have said to me at lunch, right here, right now before your father." Nadeshiko stared straight at Amu now, "if you can say all those things then I…I will believe it's the truth and I can finally leave you alone Amu. I can leave you and let us come to an end. This is the last chance I'm giving you to save our friendship Amu. Tell me the truth."

"Amu," Ikuto began confused but very weary of the tension between the two girls, "what's going on?"

Amu felt her body freeze at that moment. Nadeshiko, why are you doing this, Amu wanted to scream out loud, I told you the truth, I…I'm scared to say the truth in front of this Ikuto…I don't want day Ikuto to get hurt…I'm scared of his reaction…

"Well, how long are you going to make me wait," Nadeshiko pressed on, "if you can't say the exact same things you said to me before, then you've lied to me and I will need to hear the real truth then."

No, Stop forcing me…Nadeshiko…do you know by doing this, you will ruin me… Amu thought, biting her lips, if I don't handle this well I might lose Ikuto forever…

"Amu, just say whatever it is you want to say," Ikuto calmly ordered, "Stop hesitating."

"You don't understand," Amu whispered. "If I say those things…I'm scared everything will change…"

"Gamble on it then," Ikuto said, "Life is a gamble. When you have no other options but to bet everything you have on a game, why not by your own way make the bet be one you won't ever regret."

Amu couldn't help but stare at Ikuto. Those words, Amu thought, they sounded like something night Ikuto would say…does this mean…this is…him…

"Amu," Nadeshiko said, quite taken back by Ikuto's words, "a…are you going to say it?"

I'll bet on it, I can right? Amu asked herself before parting her lips to speak.