Growing Distance

Ikuto was in shock, not wanting to believe what he had just heard. Amu's voice was clear though as her words resonated through his mind; 'why did you do this to me?' His hand slowly reached for Amu but stopped. What did I do to her, Ikuto questioned, but his mind was blank. Is she saying, he stared at his outstretched hands that didn't dare touch Amu, with these hands…I…?

Seeing Ikuto's traumatised expression, Amu realised her mistake. She quickly stood up, suggesting, "Let's hurry home. I'm really tired." Not giving Ikuto a chance to respond, Amu half-ran towards the exit, leaving the hospital. She never once looked back at Ikuto. Right now, she didn't know how to face him. Why did I have to say it like that, Amu blamed herself. She clutched at her beating chest, knowing she was close to her limit. With everything that has occurred, with everything that she was now burdened with, it was only too soon that she'll break. I have to stay strong, Amu chanted to herself, I have to stay strong, and I can't give up. I can't. She finally turned and forced a smile on her face as she looked at Ikuto, "Shall we eat out instead tonight?" She put on her best cheery voice, "I know, let's go to that expensive Italian restaurant near the station, you should treat me to something nice once in a while. What do you think?"

Ikuto looked at Amu, noticing her change in mood was all fabricated to make him forget what she muttered before. He felt uneasy, almost wanting to play along to her and pretend nothing ever happened. "There's no way I can," Ikuto muttered, realising he needed to clarify what she said. He inhaled, "Amu, please continue and finish what you were saying before. I heard what you said." Ikuto paused for a few seconds before repeating Amu's words, "why did you do this to me?"

"It didn't mean anything," Amu replied in a monotone voice. "I just fell down the stairs by accident." Her forced cheeriness was replaced with an apologetic smile. She knew Ikuto would be troubled with such an ambiguous response, however, right now, that was the answer she wanted to give him. She shouldn't have let her emotions got the better of her. She regretted blurting out those words. "Shall we go home?"

Ikuto nodded and the two made their way back home. Exchanging few words between them, this long-drawn, agonising silence seemed to stretch forever on into the night. Ikuto was lying wide awake on his bed, in the ever-growing stronger darkness that consumed him. It was still early, only 7:57pm and yet he was already exhausted. It's obvious she was lying that is was an accident. She just didn't want to tell me, Ikuto thought, remembering Amu's apologising smile from the afternoon. Does that mean, I really did do something to her? Ikuto stared blankly at the ceiling, trying to think of what he said or did that could've hurt Amu. Nothing came to mind. "I don't know," he cursed, "I don't know…" An intensified feeling of trepidation slowly gripped Ikuto. He bolted up, his hand over his forehead in agitation. "She won't tell me anything, and I don't know what's going on…how I am supposed to protect her like this." He reached into his pocket and pulled out the anonymous note. He gripped hard on the paper, creasing it so much that the words were too scrunched to be read. "I'll find the one behind all this," Ikuto swore, "I won't let anything happen to her. I won't break my promise to you, Midori."

The night passed.

It was another day at school and for once, Amu was thankful to be away from home, away from Ikuto. They hadn't spoken much to each other in the morning; an awkward discomfort steadily growing between them. It was a feeling she had not felt before with Ikuto until now. This urge of wanting to stay away from him, it scared her. Has her feelings for him changed, after what has happened.

"You're doing it again?"

Amu looked up from her text book. She was currently studying for mid-term exams with Yaya and Nadeshiko in the school library.

"You're not concentrating," Yaya complained.

"Oh," Amu laughed off, refocussing her attention onto the text book held in her hands.

"You're grades will go down again," Nadeshiko warned sternly, "it's already dropped a little in the previous exams right?"

Amu nodded in shame. It was something for her to worry about; even though she couldn't do much about her grades when her mind was so occupied with thoughts of Ikuto. Thankfully though, her grades were still good enough to allow her to pass the year and hopefully enter college. Well, she'll have to put in a little more effort in her revision to make sure she does pass.

Nadeshiko smiled seeing Amu focussing on her work again. "If there's anything you want help with, tell me Amu. I'll do my best to explain things."

"Thank you Nadeshiko," Amu smiled back.

"Not fair, you never offer me help," Yaya complained, pouting at Nadeshiko.

Nadeshiko sighed, "Yaya, aren't your grades the best out of the three of us. You're the one who should be offering help."

Yaya stuck her tongue out at Nadeshiko, "I'm not denying I'm clever. Although I am only good at the subjects I have a strong interest in."

Nadeshiko flicked Yaya's forehead as punishment for her rudeness.

"Ouch," Yaya muttered, rubbing her forehead, "it's almost time for us to decide where we want to go after high school…have either of you…"

"I'm going to enter a dance academy," Nadeshiko said, her eyes gleaming, "I want to become a professional dancer."

"I'm sure you will become one," Amu said confidently.

"What about you Amu?" Yaya asked, "What do you want to do?"

Amu just stared from Yaya to Nadeshiko, her lips parted but no words would come out. What do I want to do in the future? What do I want to be? Amu questioned herself, I've never thought of any of this…all I ever think about is…Ikuto….

"Amu," Yaya said, still waiting for a reply.

Amu's expression became crestfallen, a sudden shiver running through her body as she slowly realised. I'm empty without Ikuto…my life- since when was it based entirely on him…and not me…

Sensing Amu's uneasiness, Nadeshiko quickly changed the subject, quickly demanding a reluctant Yaya to go and buy them some juice. When Yaya was out of the library, Nadeshiko leaned across the table and whispered, "Amu are you alight?"

Amu shook her head and she told Nadeshiko everything that had happened; the attack in the train station, her unstable feelings towards Ikuto and now her new judgement of herself.

After listening to Amu, Nadeshiko started to rummage through Amu's bag, retrieving the photo from within. "Let me deal with this photo," Nadeshiko said sternly, placing it into her own pocket, "my brothers a police. I'm sure I'll be able to get more information than you. Trust me. Also, be alert when you're alone. I don't think that was a one off attack."

Amu nodded, thankful that she could rely on Nadeshiko at times like these. She wanted to know the truth behind the photo as soon as possible.

"As for your feelings," Nadeshiko paused, letting out a sigh, "that is something you need to sort out yourself."

"I know," Amu whispered softly, "I can't move forward unless I sort them out but…"

Nadeshiko looked seriously at Amu, "distance yourself from him."

Amu blinked at Nadeshiko, not registering what she said properly.

"You're confused because you're so close to him," Nadeshiko continued, "keep a distance. When you're not so close to him, when you're not chasing after him, perhaps you'll be able to see your own feelings better. Right now, I think that is the best thing for you to do, especially after that attack…." Nadeshiko squeezed Amu's hand, "give yourself space to breathe."

Amu gently squeezed Nadeshiko's hand back, carefully considering her words.

In a distance watching Nadeshiko and Amu talking, Yaya clenched onto the cans of juice she bought. Her chest tightened as she continued to watch. She noticed from both their expressions that whatever they were talking about, it was serious. It was also something they didn't want her to know. Accepting that she was left out by the two, Yaya turned away from the library, tears dropping from her eyes.

"Yaya…you ok?"

A sobbing Yaya turned, wiping the tears off her face, only to have more falling out her eyes.

"Are you ok? What's happened?"

"Tadase," Yaya cried, taking the handkerchief from his hands, "I…."

Tadase gently patted Yaya on the back and listened to her.

The day ended like all the others and time kept moving forward. Neither Amu nor Ikuto spoke much to one another the next few days. A small distance had formed between them ever since the incident. Despite Ikuto's efforts to accompany Amu as much as he could, he noticed that at times, Amu preferred to be alone or just away from him. It was growing, Ikuto was aware; the distance between them. Something was keeping them apart, keeping them from returning to normal, to where they once were. There was nothing he could do or change about it either, which frustrated him. Life seemed to be turning for the worst and lately, the only thing Ikuto could feel thankful of was that he hadn't received anymore threats; hopefully everything was just a prank that was now over.

He glanced towards the clock hanging on the wall. It was already late afternoon. "School's almost over," Ikuto muttered, getting his coat from the hanger. He quickly slid his shoes on, exited the house and texted Amu, reminding her that he would pick her up tonight from school. It was his day off work and since Sion was busy, he pretty much spent the day lazing around home. He had been spending a lot of time with Sion though and today's break was a nice change. I should probably still call her sometime tonight, Ikuto noted driving onto the main road. I'm probably an inattentive boyfriend… It only took Ikuto 15 minutes to get to Amu's High School by car. That was why he chose to enrol her there in the first place. He parked into a free space, a fair distance away from the main entrance, turned off the engine and waited. Almost immediately he felt a buzz in his pocket. He read the text from Amu, a wave of sullenness consuming him. 'Don't Come. There's no need for you to pick me up. Amu.' Ikuto threw his cell phone onto the seat beside him and gripped the stirring wheel before him tightly. "There's no need," Ikuto gritted his teeth, "what do you mean by that? What are you thinking? Damn it Amu. I never signed up for this when I took you in…" He slammed his palm against the wheel from frustration. It was worrying that Amu was avoiding him; he had tried to talk to her, only to get vague responses that led to his own deepening confusion. Maybe…this is for the best, Ikuto thought more calmly now. In the end, I'm not her real father, I'm not blood related to her, I'm not a part of her real family…I'm just someone taking care of her until she becomes a proper adult.

Students were now beginning to crowd the streets, a few walked past Ikuto's car;School had finally ended. "I should get moving before Amu sees me here," Ikuto muttered to himself, about to start the car up but stopped as soon as he set eyes on Amu. She was facing the opposite direction, standing near the entrance. I should leave…Ikuto repeated in his mind but his body was poised and he just stared at Amu in the distance. Even though Amu wasn't moving, in Ikuto's eyes, she seemed to be getting further and further away. What is this feeling? Ikuto asked as he continued to watch her. Unaware of his own actions, Ikuto got out of the car and started to walk towards Amu.

Waving good bye to Nadeshiko and Yaya, Amu stood by the school gates, waiting for the one person she thought she wouldn't ever be waiting for. A relieved and happy feeling was rapidly building up within her; the thought of being able to spend and enjoy time with him again just warmed her heart. It also took her mind of many depressing problems.

"Sorry for the wait Amu."

"Tadase," Amu greeted with a smile.

"Thank you for agreeing to spend time with me after school," Tadase began. He was hesitant and shy as he gestured for them to walk. "Shall we head to the church?"

Amu nodded, "it's been a long time since I last visited the church. I really would like to go and see the children."

"I'm sure they'll be thrilled to see you too," Tadase said shyly. He knew he must be blushing since his cheeks felt like they were burning. How embarrassing, Tadase thought to himself, I shouldn't be so anxious, even though…this is the first time we're alone again after…. "I must've surprised you when I suddenly invited you. I'm sorry if I…"

"Tadase," Amu softly spoke, "thank you. I'm really happy that you asked me."

"Amu," Tadase whispered, staring at her, his heart skipping many beats.

"I thought with everything that's happened between us, we wouldn't be able to be together like this, as good friends," Amu continued, "I was a little shocked when you asked me at the end of lunch to hang out but, I'm honestly happy. It means…we're friends again right?"

Tadase forced a smile and lied, "Yeah. I don't want to lose an important friend like you. I hope we can start over."

They smiled at each other, breaking the awkwardness that once existed between them. It wasn't long before they reached the church. Entering the building, both Amu and Tadase couldn't help but laugh as the children came running up towards them. After playing with the kids for some time, Tsukasa took the children away, leaving an exhausted Tadase and Amu in the middle of the empty church to talk. Tadase began talking about Yaya; their light-hearted conversation turning serious.

"I never knew Yaya felt that way," Amu whispered, upset that she had never noticed.

"I'm sure if you and Nadeshiko talked to Yaya, everything will be fine," Tadase assured.

"Thank you Tadase," Amu said.

"There's no need to thank me, I haven't done anything to deserve…"

"Just spending time with you has lifted my mood," Amu said truthfully, "I feel a lot calmer too. Thank you Tadase, for being here right now." Amu closed her eyes from fatigue. For a long time now, she hadn't felt this relaxed. Nadeshiko was right, Amu thought, thinking back to the past few days. She had taken Nadeshiko's advice and kept a good distance from Ikuto. It's clearer now, my feelings and thoughts….I'm getting closer to my answer. What Ikuto is and means to me? What I need and want to do?

Watching Amu, Tadase couldn't stop himself. He slowly leaned towards her, his gaze upon her lips. Amu, do you know, I still love you? Tadase asked in his mind, his face getting closer to Amu's.

Hiding in the shadows, he quietly observed Amu and Tadase. Blood trickled down his bitten lips, a kind of madness consuming him. One of the Ikuto's clenched his fists.