A/N: Warning for references to stereotypes, mentions of mental illness in regards to Sakura, and ableism (by Sakura) in regards to another character in the final scene. There's also cigarettes and sex.

o.o.o.o.o

When it comes down to it, Sakura thinks they should be grateful that Bee ended up with Gyuuki instead of Matatabi.

Gyuuki may be a grumpy old bastard sometimes, but he's not as bad as Son Goku. He's gruff and perpetually a little annoyed, but ultimately, he has a good heart and he's down-to-earth.

Matatabi is polite and child-friendly and any number of things, and she's really no better or worse of a person (of a bijuu) than Gyuuki himself.

Except.

Sakura is very, very certain that pairing up Matatabi and Killer Bee would have resulted in nothing getting done, at all, ever.

Because Matatabi really likes to dance. And while she likes all forms of dance, she has a particular fondness for… well, Sakura thinks it's called b-girling, but she always gets such a long rant on the subject from Matatabi that she's never really gotten a straight answer. Whatever kind of dancing uses flashy, jerky movements to go with hip-hop and rap music or whatever?

The point is, Matatabi's interests in dance mesh very, very well with Bee's interests in rap, and that's a combination that can't be allowed to happen too often. Had they been paired together as bijuu and jinchuuriki, it would have become an endless cycle of music and dance, with no one around to rein them in and tell them "no, you have bigger things to worry about, like the ninja trying to stab you."

(The idea of Yugito and Gyuuki teaming up is slightly more terrifying, because then there would be too much getting done.)

As it is, when Sakura agrees to go clubbing with Matatabi, it is with the full expectation that the bijuu in question will spend at least an hour geeking out with Bee, while Sakura deals with the political fallout of just randomly barging into Kumogakure the way she did.

Still, it's nice to see the cat again. Especially in such tight leggings. And the crop top. The wide, bulky sneakers and snapback don't hurt either.

Uh.

Sakura might have a little too much interest in Matatabi's clothes and what they're hiding underneath. Not that she hasn't already seen enough today. And it's not like she won't be seeing it all later tonight, either.

(Sakura had very limited option for bed partners after humanity died off.)

(The options she did have were… better than expected.)

"Stop staring, Deathless." Gyuuki grunts from next to her. "You don't have to take her clothes off with your eyes. We all know you'll be doing it by hand later anyway."

"Fuck off, Gyuuki." Sakura says cheerily. She lets herself lean over enough to mold herself against Gyuuki's side, though, sharing body heat. He's wearing plaid flannel and jeans, and Sakura almost makes a joke about a hatchet, because, well, really?

"You're laughing at me on the inside, aren't you?"

"Not at you," Sakura assures him. "Just your slightly ridiculous lumberjack aesthetic."

"It's not a lumberjack aesthetic."

"It's totally a lumberjack aesthetic." Sakura argues back. "Because the only other aesthetic that contains quite that much plaid flannel is the Sapphic one, and last I checked, you were still identifying as male."

"Those stereotypes are ridiculous, and the Sapphic one doesn't even exist yet." Gyuuki reminds her.

"Hence the lumberjack."

"I hate you."

"Love ya too, buddy." Sakura clinks her beer against his, and takes a long sip as she watches the dance floor. It's not as engaging as she'd been hoping, like she just can't join the flow as easily as she used to. It just… doesn't seem as fun as it used to.

"You okay?" Gyuuki asks in a low voice, and he's always been a little weirdly, gruffly sensitive.

"I'm fine." Sakura answers, and she might not be completely lying. "I'm… better."

"You've spent months with Isobu being the only person around you that remembers." Gyuuki reminds her. "And as soon as you got to Kumo you kept right on with the—"

"I'm fine, Gyuuki." Sakura grinds out between grit teeth. She shoves away from the bijuu's side, no longer feeling quite so content, however temporary the feeling had been in the first place. "I'm going to join Matatabi on the dance floor."

Unconvinced eyes follow her out onto the floor.

o.o.o.o.o

Sakura double-times it back to Konoha after the stint in Kumo is over. They spend more time in Kumo than she'd expected or hope, if only because Gyuuki and Matatabi are insistent on getting some face-to-face time with their Jinchuuriki, Matatabi more so than Gyuuki, because the latter has always had a fairly good relationship with Bee. Gyuuki hasn't had a problem talking to Bee the past few weeks, but while Yugito's control of Matatabi is near perfect, the lines of communication are not.

So Sakura waits and watches the calendar as the days tick down, and then slaps down a few seals, grabs the Bijuu, and hauls ass in the direction of home.

The bijuu watch her like they're scared she's going to crack, but she's lasted eighty years with no one but them and some summons. She can last a few more days before getting her best friend back.

In the back of Sakura's head, Kaguya laughs.

o.o.o.o.o

The Bijuu stay in Tanzaku Gai with the car, or head back to their Jinchuuriki with conveniently-placed seals, while Sakura heads in. She's wearing gauzy white again, a dress that shows off the seals on her collarbone and no others, but flows down and looks oh-so-civilian where it hangs. She even has a white paper parasol with three massive pink cherry blossom petals printed onto it, and she knows that now, not a single ninja over the rank of chuunin is fooled.

There are eyes on her from the second she enters the village, from friend and foe alike. Granted, Konoha doesn't know that she considers herself a friend, but it doesn't matter. They don't attack, not yet, and that's all that counts. She books herself a room for the next three nights in a hotel that she hopes isn't going to be destroyed in the battle, and settles in. By eleven that night, she can sense a familiar chakra signature in the room above hers, and she smiles. Sure, five hundred years had dulled her memory of this man's signature, especially since she hadn't actually been a sensor when he died, but infiltrating the second exam had certainly refreshed her memory for a lot of people's chakra.

When he steps out onto the balcony to his room, she waits a few seconds, and then uses Shunshin to get up onto the roof. She lands just a few feet above and behind Sarutobi Asuma, who has indeed booked the top-floor room to spy on her.

He stills when she appears, and turns slowly to spot her. She suspects he would have done it all much faster if she'd been leaking any negative intent at all, but she wasn't, so he hasn't. She smiles down at him, not quite as bright as she does normally; it would seem out of place in the dim lighting of the night. She points at the box of cigarettes that he has in his hand, a lit one already in his mouth.

"Feel like sharing, Sarutobi-san?" She asks, and he wordlessly pulls one out and holds it up to her. She takes it and, before he can fumble around for his lighter, she snaps her fingers and the end lights up with a flare of fire-natured chakra.

(A few of the bijuu, she expects, would be rolling their eyes at her if they were here.)

(Sakura hosts a god just as well as any of the 90-year Pantheons, so she doesn't see why she can't make a joke out of emulating their tricks.)

"You smoke?" Asuma finally asks after watching Sakura lightly drag on the cigarette. "You don't really seem the type."

Sakura shrugs. "It serves its purpose, and I'm more than capable of handling the negative side-effects."

Asuma raises an eyebrow.

"You go to medic-nin to fix the medical problems caused by your coping mechanisms. I am a medic-nin, so I can fix those problems myself." She crosses her legs and leans back against the slope of the roof, and looks up into the sky. There's too much light pollution to see most of the stars, but she can pick out a few, even with her still-natural vision. That's one thing she's never quite bothered to mess with; she likes her eyes too much to steal those belonging to someone from a doujutsu clan.

(Not that she needs it, when she channels Kaguya.)

(Not that she wants it, ever.)

"People are worrying about you," Asuma tells her, and there's a light scuff of sandals on roofing tile as he jumps up to join her and takes a seat, criss-cross. "No real word on whose side you're on, or what you're here for, that familiarity with Orochimaru… I think you can imagine the kind of message it sends."

"Hm," Sakura hums noncommittally, and then takes an extra deep drag on the cigarette that's pressed between her lips. Smoke fills her lungs, curling and killing even as it just barely touches her, and she pushes just a hint of chakra into it, suffusing it as well as she is able, which is very able and very well indeed.

She breaths out, and with twist and a push and a pull of chakra, the smoke billows and consolidates and an ethereal dragon bursts from her lips, thicker around than the largest snakes in the Forest of Death, and longer by far. It spirals away, trailing around and across the sky, and she guides it to even dart through the streets at one point. She can't see people's reactions, but there's startled gasps and little surprised noises, and maybe a few coughs here and there. It climbs back into the sky, circles a few more times, and then dissolves into nothingness.

"Sarutobi-san, if I wanted to destroy Konoha, I could. Believe me when I say that I intend Konoha no ill will." She pauses, considers, and then amends. "Save for Danzo. Danzo can go fuck himself."

"…talking about an elder like that doesn't do much to make me believe you."

"He's an ass, and more importantly to your interests, a traitor. He's been working with Orochimaru on illegal projects for decades, and ordered the Uchiha massa—"

Sakura's words cut off with a choke as a tantō embeds itself in her neck. Asuma manages to escape the ROOT ninja that aims for him, and disappears over the edge of the roof onto the busy street below.

Sakura rolls over and follows him down, yanking the blade out as she goes. Her dress is splattered with red when she lands, and the civilians around her are screaming. Asuma's staring at her in shock, because he saw the fact that the tantō had made its way in up to the hilt, all the way out to the other side of her neck, and that's not a wound someone can walk away from. Survive, in rare cases, but not walk away from.

Sakura seals up the wound and coughs. "Okay, so I really need to work on my situational awareness. That's the second time in as many weeks that someone's gotten at my neck because I wasn't paying attention."

"You…"

"Seriously, I might as well be the fastest person in the world, and it ain't gonna mean shit if I forget to pay attention." She massages her throat and glares up at the roof. "Ugh."

"You're not dead."

"No shit."

"…How?"

Sakura would probably love the chance to use this quote normally, but when she says it, she's nothing but pissed off. "Fuck you, that's how."

Her eyes land on the ROOT ninja and she bares her teeth before she shouts. "COME ON, YOU COWARDS."

"Ma'am, we're in a civilian area." Asuma reminds her, and the look she shoots him is nothing short of scathing.

"I can keep them from getting injured."

"Like you did yourself?"

"Okay, are we really doing this? Right… right now? Really?" The expression that Sakura sends Asuma's way is far from impressed.

"I'm pointing out that you may not be in the best situation for a fight."

There's a slight flicker of chakra from the rooftop.

Sakura's hand lashes out to the side and grabs a ROOT ninja just a split second after their Shunshin ends, fingers tight around the throat. It's not Sai. That's good.

She raises an eyebrow in Asuma's direction, and then drags the ROOT ninja around in front of, until they're almost nose to nose. "You can't kill me. No one can. Tell Danzo that if he wants to deal with me in any way whatsoever, he can do so after the Exams. I have Konoha's best interests in heart, and he would do well to remember that he is not Konoha."

Sakura releases the ROOT nin, who hesitates for a spare moment and then disappears, probably to report right back to Danzo. Asuma takes the chance to speak up from behind her.

"You do realize I'm going to have to—"

"Tell your dad whatever you want. I don't give a shit. If you want Orochimaru neutralized as a threat, then keeping me around is your best bet." Sakura looks over her shoulder, staring at him through her lashes. "I'm not joking when I say none of you can kill me. I'm not joking when I say none of you can capture me. I'm not being arrogant, and I'm not deluding myself. I'm better than I have any right to be, because I'm older than any sentient thing on the planet barring the Bijuu, some of the eldest summons, and one other creature. I am the oldest human. I am the oldest ninja. And I have the experience and skill to prove it."

She's turned around fully by this point, hands crossed under her chest and mouth pressed into a thin line. The more she gathers people around her and the more she has to deal with their shit, the more the manic cheer she's been using as a shield falls away. She can still enter that emotional state, of course; it's just as natural as any other.

But Sakura's always been a bit prone to emotional extremes, and right now, irritation is winning out.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Sarutobi."

She vanishes back into her room, puts up barrier seals strong enough to stop everything, and sleeps 'til morning.

o.o.o.o.o

There's a tremble in Sakura's sternum that wants to infect the rest of her body with nerves, but she locks it down as she takes a seat in the audience. She can feel the prickle at the back of her neck of people watching her, but it's nothing to worry about. She's right at the front of the stands, with a perfect view of the arena, even if it's also technically the most dangerous spot other than down on the playing field itself.

(As if that matters.)

She leans forward to rest her elbows on the stone wall that keeps spectators safe from the danger of falling over the edge, and laces her fingers together. There's gum in her mouth, and she's blowing bubbles, but much like her mood, the taste has long since gone flat and left something rubbery and uncomfortably bitter filling her mouth.

She pops her gum.

She fidgets.

She waits.

She very conspicuously does not look up at the Hokage Box as she senses Orochimaru arrive.

She very conspicuously does look down, makes her eyes track over Gaara and Naruto as they traipse in, and lets a smile curl over her face as her gaze dances over the many children that had, in her own childhood, been her peers and closest friends.

"Is this seat taken?" A voice asks, and it's familiar, but another one that she hasn't heard alive in so long that she doesn't immediately place it. She doesn't look up as the person waits for an answer, just shrugs.

"Not that I know of."

"Pleasure to be here, Miss…"

Sakura smiles and says Deathless before she even turns, but the light in her eyes freezes, and the air in her chest stops, and her mind stutters to a halt, because she knows that mask.

"Oh, fuck no." She breathes out. "I can't believe it. You came all the way here for little old me?"

"You don't look that old," Obito says from behind his mask, sounding dubious. At least it isn't the Tobi persona, Sakura thinks. She doesn't know if she'd be able to keep it together if he were playing at being Tobi. She'd probably crack down laughing in the stands and accidentally destroy them as she pounded on the floor or something.

"Trust me, I'm absolutely ancient," Sakura assures him, practically on autopilot. "So, you planning on getting in the way of what I need to do?"

"That depends on what it is."

"Ah, well…" Sakura considers it. "It isn't something you'll have a problem with, once you have all the information."

"And you know that for sure?" Obito leans forward and kind of… sprawls over the low wall. His arms are folded and his head is laying on them, and it's all done in an artfully messy way.

"Well, I know that before you get the information you need, you'll probably just be confused and pissed." Sakura shrugs. "But afterwards… yeah. You'll approve. You already have, in some capacity, even if you don't remember it."

Hell, Obito had been one of the major contributors to Sakura's exploration of time-space techniques when she'd been trying to figure out how to get back to this point in time. He'd absolutely approved, given how much he'd helped with their understanding of the entirety of, well, physics.

(Sakura thinks he might get along with Orochimaru a lot more now, if they ever take a moment to talk science from that perspective instead of biology.)

"I see," Obito says, like he very much doubts it.

"Is it safe for you to be here?" Sakura asks instead of commenting. "I mean… there are a lot of sensors here, aren't there? What if they recognize you?"

He tilts his head and stares out at her from behind the black-and-orange mask he's wearing, disturbingly still. It's not the swirl mask, or the one he wore for the Kyuubi attack, but she knows it. He hasn't got his Akatsuki cloak on, either, but that body-armored, dark grey ensemble with the green scarf that he'd cavorted around in for a while, way back when. Way back now. Whatever.

"Ne, why would they recognize me?" He finally says, tone deceptively light and very, very pointedly daring her to reveal him.

"No reason." Sakura says with a smile that's just as pointed, as she turns to face the contestants again. They seem to be debating the legitimacy of Sasuke's entry, given that he isn't here yet. She waits a few moments, and then asks, "Hey, do you know what a trope is?"

"…yes."

"They have names, you know. They even named one after one of Konoha's ninja, can you imagine? I don't think Gai even knows that there's a trope called Dynamic Entry, but I think he'd be pretty honored if he did." Sakura waits just long enough for Obito to make another cautious noise of agreement, and then cheerily continues with, "Did you know that there's a trope called 'Dropped a Bridge on Him?' I feel like you'd find it relevant."

Dead silence from the man on her side. She reaches out and pats his hand, then pauses. "Oh, wait, you can't feel that, can you?"

Is… is it wrong to be revealing that she knows about Kannabi and the Zetsu grafts this rudely? She feels like there's something socially unacceptable about what she's doing. Probably.

Oooooh yeah she's not supposed to bring up traumatic experiences or disabilities gained in the field.

Hm.

Well.

Obito's an asshole and he's going to give as good as he gets as soon as he remembers.

(It's still a dick move, she acknowledges. Right now when he doesn't remember their usual dynamic, it's a dick move.)

(Well, mentioning Kannabi that way wasn't. Mentioning the trope was just the quickest way she could think of to communicate what she knew about his history.)

(The hand thing was definitely nothing but sheer douchebaggery on her part, though.)

"You know."

"Know what?" Sakura asks, playing just a little bit dumb in the most obvious way she can manage. "I know a lot of things."

There's the tiny sound of grinding teeth. "Who I am."

"Who are you?"

The kunai he tries to surreptitiously drive into her heart stops only an inch of the way in, her hand nearly crushing the bones in his wrist. He gives up on the attack and uses Kamui just enough to get out of her grip. He doesn't leave his seat.

Nobody seems to have noticed.

Sakura leans in towards him and smiles, putting in just the right amount of chakra to not only heal herself, but also to draw the blood back inside and leave her dress as cleanly white as before. He leans away, but she just smiles wider, and asks, "What's wrong, Tooooooobi?"

"…I'll see you around, Deathless." Obito mutters, and gets up to stalk away to the exit. Probably doesn't want to make a scene by using Kamui in the middle of a crowded area.

Doesn't want to give himself away while Akatsuki is still only just blossoming into the world.

Sakura closes her eyes and tips her head back to let the sun hit her face, and smiles.

For real, this time.

She almost has her people back.

o.o.o.o.o

A/N: The reference to lighting a cigarette with a finger-snap is from The Wicked + The Divine, a comic published by Image, written by Kieron Gillen, illustrated by Jamie McKelvie, colored by Matt Wilson, and lettered by Clayton Cowles. It's one of my absolute favorite comic book series, and if you have the time and access, I strongly urge you to give it a shot.

I would like to make it clear that I do not, in any way, support Sakura's actions in regards to Obito's PTSD and disabilities in this chapter. She and Obito normally have a peculiar dynamic that involves a lot of ribbing in each others' sore spots, and she slips into that almost unconsciously. She's also still hovering over in "unmitigated asshole" land while she tries to deal with her shit, and is hurting other people because of it.

In real life, no matter how awful a person is, trying to insult or mock them on the basis of a minority trait, like disability and mental illness, is inexcusable unless there is a VERY SOLID RAPPORT in place first, and both parties are aware of and respect each other's boundaries and have an understanding. (This is the situation that is usually in place with Sakura and Obito, as mentioned above.)