"I could have sworn we'd done this already…"
"For fuck's sake. She actually did it."
"She is going to punch you, you know. Very hard."
"…I know."
o.o.o.o.o
So it goes like this:
The fights play out more or less the same way as they did the first time around, which is legitimately weird, in Sakura's opinion, since she did interfere in the Second Exam. That should have at least changed a few of the match-ups, right? Left a team or two alive? She figures Destiny had something to do with it, but even though she's figured out a way to quantify fate, she doesn't usually bother, and she won't this time either.
She closes her eyes when Sasuke and Gaara's match starts, and focuses on the sun warming her skin more than she does on the fight. When the first little tendrils of genjutsu reach out to snag at her consciousness, she smiles and breaks out with ease. She bundles her chakra tightly inside and vaults over the low wall and into the arena, striding to the middle and largely ignoring Genma, Sasuke, and the somewhat raging Jinchuuriki. She waits just long enough for the Suna and Oto shinobi to reveal their intentions, and then lets the coiled chakra blast out, waking up the arena.
This, she follows with a rather large amount of killing intent, enough to stall people, at minimum. It won't work on everyone, since making it strong enough to affect people of high-jounin caliber would kill the civilians, and murdering civilians would leave a bad taste in her mouth. Killing civilian royalty would just be bad for Konoha. She wanders over to Genma, plucks up his little microphone, and holds it a few inches from her face. "Ladies and gentlemen and variations thereupon! I am Sakura the Deathless! You may have heard of me, but probably not. You've probably guessed by now that I'm way the fuck out of your league. My suggestion would be to surrender now, because this invasion would be failing even without my intervention. I won't kill any of you, because reasons, but you should really reconsider what you're doing."
She hands the microphone back to Genma, reaches up on her tip-toes to pat him on the head, and then makes a Shadow Clone to leave behind with Gaara and Sasuke, both of whom are staring at her in mild terror. She tosses the clone a small scroll, and turns away.
(Gaara is partially transformed into Shukaku, breathing harshly and with a wild look in his eyes.)
Sakura jumps up high, hundreds of feet above the stadium, and unseals a giant axe from the back of her forearm, lifting it over her head as she reaches the peak of her jump.
She wears a grin and lets out a war cry as she falls back down towards the Kage box, slamming the blade of her axe into the massive, translucent purple box.
Her world is, for but a moment, nothing but fire.
o.o.o.o.o
"So," the shadow clone that Sakura left behind drawls, leaning to rest her weight on one hip and crossing her arms. Unlike her original, her dress and hair are still immaculate. "I've got a question for Gaara."
The genin in question takes a step back, with a heavy noise coming from the movement that almost masks the sound of his labored breathing.
"I have the ability, with the help of fuuinjutsu, to remove the psyche of a tailed beast from the host without removing the tails or killing the host, and usually giving them a vaguely human appearance and size in the process. In your case, that would mean I get Shukaku out, so you don't have to listen to him anymore, while still leaving most of his power inside of you so that you don't die. The only requirement is that you don't attack Konoha."
Shadow-Sakura feels like this is a pretty fair offer.
"…why do you offer this?" Gaara asks in a voice that is far too much like gravel for such a small person.
"Let's just say I've dealt with that particular tanuki before. Extensively." Shadow-Sakura smiles at him and claps once, tilting her head and bringing her hands up to press against her cheek. "And wouldn't you like to get rid of all that screaming?"
There's a lot of screaming going on right now, actually, but… well. She'll deal with that later.
Gaara still seems unsure, and there's an explosion of sorts from the Kage box that has everyone but Sakura tensing up for a moment. Distantly, she notes that Naruto and her younger self have made it to the floor of the Arena, Shikamaru in tow. Kankuro and Temari, she senses, are closing in fast from behind her.
"We can do this the easy way or the hard way, Gaara-kun," Sakura says just before they arrive.
Gaara roars and attacks.
"Hard way it is, then." Shadow-Sakura sighs, then rushes forward, a seal building on her fingertips, and slams her hand into Gaara's stomach.
She wants to let Naruto talk him down, but hopefully, Naruto can do that without Gaara going on a rampage that leaves countless dead and untold amounts of property destruction behind him.
Gaara screams as Shadow-Sakura drags Shukaku from the seal, the tanuki coalescing above her in a shape that is approximately also screaming, and then coalesces to… well.
(It's not usually so painful, but the seal on Gaara is a travesty in and of itself.)
Once, Shukaku had done as his siblings had, and taken a form that was almost wholly human. He'd taken a form that was pot-bellied and masculine, with short, shaggy hair and a nose that was perpetually red from all the sake he drank. Eventually, he'd grown tired of that form, and now…
There were people who entered the Uncanny Valley for a variety of reasons. Shukaku entered the valley by virtue of taking a form that presented halfway between human skin and finely ground, densely packed sand of varying shades, though the skin does appear mostly human and fairly tanned. His face is that of an old man, with eyes that are precisely as his jinchuuriki's appear when they channel him, all yellow and starred.
His clothing is robes made of ever-shifting sand, which appears to pour off him whenever he moves, but never, ever runs out. There's even a keffiyeh on his head, something that Sakura knows he doesn't need for protection from the sun as most of Suna does, but has picked up from living within their people for so long. She thinks that the sand-quartz shakujou clinking in his hand is there for a similar reason; his first jinchuuriki, she recalls, was a priest.
"Sakura," Shukaku breathes out, his voice like gravel on the wind, and there's a whimper from the ground as Gaara scrambles back, eyes wide and terrified. Shukaku glances at him for a moment, and then back at Shadow-Sakura.
"You've got a lot to make up for," Shadow-Sakura tells him, nodding to Gaara.
"Fix the seal so that I am no longer in agony, and I will… consider." Shukaku grimaces.
"I'll give you sake."
Shukaku barks out a laugh. "Three barrels, and you have yourself a deal."
Shadow-Sakura opens the scroll and unseals a bottle of sake. She tosses it over and quips, "Consider this a down-payment."
There are echoes of screams in her head, unintelligible but present, and she turns to look at the Kage box.
"What's wrong?" Genma asks, when it's clear that none of the kids are going to, and Shukaku's too busy with his alcohol.
"Kaguya's either very angry or very happy, and I can't tell which is more worrisome," Shadow-Sakura mutters, then shakes her head and turns back to the kids. "Gaara? I want you and Naruto to talk. You're both jinchuuriki, so maybe bond a bit. Shukaku, try not to fuck anything up,"
"Fuck you," he immediately responds.
"And you five," Shadow-Sakura gestures to the other children, "Back off."
"That all?" Genma asks.
"You're an adult, you can handle yourself," Sakura says dismissively. "I'm honestly surprised that you haven't left to join the fight yet."
"Jinchuuriki," Genma points at Gaara, and then at Shadow-Sakura, "Known volatile S-rank."
"Fair," she acknowledges after a moment. "And you haven't attacked me yet because…"
"You're way out of my league in terms of ability and you've only attacked Konoha's enemies on your visits, unless provoked by attempted murder."
"Also fair!" Shadow-Sakura claps and turns to Naruto. "So, same offer to you as Gaara: I can remove the mind of your bijuu from your seal, while leaving the majority of the power behind so that you don't, you know, die."
"And so that the bijuu doesn't choose to destroy the village again, right?" Genma prompts.
"Buddy, the only thing getting wrecked if Kurama gets out in a human form is my hotel bed." Shadow-Sakura pats him on the shoulder, and—
"Wow, okay, did not need to know that." Genma looks almost ready to laugh.
"There is an invasion going on," Sasuke finally growls, apparently over his shock.
Shadow-Sakura pats him on the head. "That's nice. I told you to leave."
"I'm not going to leave!" Sasuke shouts. "My match isn't—"
"I said leave," Sakura growls, the weight of her killing intent crashing over the genin. They all still for a moment. "It's an invasion. It's dangerous for little genin like yourselves."
"I'm not a cowa—"
A noise like reality itself rending itself to bits occurs in the Kage box, and everyone but Shadow-Sakura turns to look.
"You want to know the level of fighter that comes out of that box? Me. Orochimaru. Your Sandaime. Also, by way of some nifty zombie techniques, there's unkillable versions of the Shodai and Nidaime. Running away from this to fight someone else isn't cowardice. It's common fucking sense."
Shadow-Sakura spins away and stalks over to Naruto. "Want your bijuu's mind gone or what?"
Naruto stares at her with wide eyes and glances at Genma, wetting his lips nervously.
"Uh… yes?"
"Awesome." Shadow-Sakura lets the seal build on her fingertips and presses it to Naruto's stomach.
Once more, a phantom version of the bijuu exists above them for a moment, and Konoha trembles in fear of an enemy they'd thought gone.
And then the chakra curls in on itself, coalesces, and leaves behind a naked Kurama.
His skin is darker than Matatabi's or Shukaku's, but not quite to Gyuuki's level. His eyes are red and slit, and the dark red hair on his head falls back in small dreadlocks, neat and probably only minutes away from a hair-tie for organization.
Sakura would offer him one herself, but she's a bit busy licking her lips lasciviously, eyeing him up and down with a grin and—
Tiny Sakura and Temari make offended noises bordering on screeches, and Sasuke and Shikamaru choke on their own spit. Nudity is apparently not something they are happy to see.
(Kankuro is watching the Kage box. Smart boy, that Kankuro. Gaara is watching in mild horror at the sight of how easy it is to remove one's bijuu, and Naruto is watching Kurama warily.)
(Genma's mistrustful, but just as appraising as Sakura, if slightly better hidden.)
(Shukaku is stealing her scroll for more sake, the drunk old bastard.)
Shadow-Sakura takes a step or two forward and drags her hands down Kurama's chest, biting her lower lip. She looks up and grins once she reaches his hips, thumbs pressing against the bones that are just barely visible around the hard, if somewhat padded, abdominal muscle that Kurama chooses to have as a human.
"This is rather… public." Kurama says, his voice low and deep.
"I'm not apologizing," Shadow-Sakura answers, pressing her fingers just a little deeper and leaning forward until her breasts are pressed up against Kurama's chest through the fabric of her dress. She misses the feeling of tight leather on Kurama's false skin, but the false skin itself is probably better, especially on that fine of an ass. "Would you like me too?"
"Only if you're going to follow through," he responds, and—
"What the actual fuck are you doing?" Temari demands.
Kurama groans in annoyance and tips his head back and to the side, looking at Temari with ill-disguised displeasure. "Learn to read the mood, brat."
"Yeah, no, I'm pretty sure that's not the main issue here," Shikamaru mutters, so low that it's something of a miracle anyone can hear him with all the battle noises raging.
Shadow-Sakura laughs, spinning away from Kurama and letting her dress flutter around her. "Relax, we have all the time in the world. Don't you feel it?"
Kurama frowns, tilts his head, and—
"Oh no."
"Oh, fuck the hell yes."
Shadow-Sakura goes poof, and the shield over the Kage box shatters.
o.o.o.o.o
The axe that Sakura brings down on the Kage box shield is enough to cleave open a weakness for herself, but not to destroy the whole thing. That, she's decided, comes later, when the major issues have been dealt with.
She slips through the gap, drops to the roof, and seals away her axe.
"Oh, fuck no."
Sakura pauses. Turns slowly. Looks at Tobirama.
"What did you just say?" She asks carefully.
(The others seem disinclined to get involved. Some are watching with wariness, other with amusement. At least one person, she's sure, is questioning her clothing choices now that the dress has burned away.)
"Listen," Tobirama says, bringing his hands up in a 'don't attack' motion. "I know you're angry."
"Holy fucking shit, you remember." Sakura can't help the giddy smile that crosses her face. "You remember everything?"
"Unfortunately."
Sakura keeps smiling for a moment, and then dashes forward and kicks him into the barrier. He essentially explodes
"THAT WAS FOR SAYING I COULDN'T DO IT, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" She yells as she kicks his ass a little more, and then backs off so he can reassemble himself by way of Edo Tensei, and repeats. "I DID IT. IT FUCKING WORKED. HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW, YOU DICKWAFFLE?"
There are slight sizzling noises as he pulls himself away from the shield around the roof. He still hasn't fought back, probably because he can't feel pain.
"…ow," he deadpans. "That hurt."
"Oh, walk it off, ya damn zombie," she hisses. "I did it, you jackass. I won. I made the seal work."
"Indeed," Tobirama says, getting to his feet. "However, it has clearly done nothing for your wonderful personality."
Hashirama is laughing his ass off.
Sakura cracks her knuckles as she comes closer, but is forced to dodge as she is nearly blindsided by the kunai that Orochimaru tries to drive into her throat.
"Well then," she says, skipping backwards. "That wasn't exactly a polite hello."
"Consider it payback," Orochimaru drawls. Kusanagi looks almost weightless as he wields it. "Shodai, Nidaime, no interference. Attack Sarutobi."
Sakura frowns as the zombies lose all visible emotion and turn to attack Hiruzen, who already has Enma as a staff. She refocuses on Orochimaru.
"You are going to feel very silly in a minute," she informs him.
"And why is that?" He asks, maneuvering Kusanagi in such a manner that he almost slices off her arm. An explosion goes off from where the others are.
"Well, you're going to know something that you didn't!" She jumps back as far as she dares, avoiding one of the trees that Hashirama has already summoned. "Might I request a momentary ceasefire?"
Orochimaru raises an eyebrow, and Kusanagi zooms for her, stopping at her neck. It floats independent of its wielder, blade mere fractions of an inch from her skin.
"This," Sakura says, unsealing a scroll, "Contains a memory matrix. Several hundred years of memories, and they belong to your future self. Care to take them back?"
"As though I would trust a stranger with something as important to me as my own mind," he scoffs.
"Fine," Sakura says, shrugging. "You weren't alive when I made these, of course, but I assume that you would be much like the other reformed villains, and would assume that I return your memories no matter what, due to the danger you pose to everyone around you."
She opens the scroll as she speaks, pulling out a swirling ball of white, translucent energy. It's the size of a soccer ball, but she compresses it down until it's barely larger than a grape.
"And what makes you think that—"
Sakura is in his space before he finishes blinking, pressing the memory matrix balanced on the tip of her finger to his forehead.
"I win," she whispers, as he drops to the ground, insensate.
He'll be down for several minutes, so she turns to the Edo Tensei zombies. If she recalls Orochimaru's preferred control seal from this era correctly, then the proper counter is…
She snaps by each one, planting the counterseal on the backs of their heads.
They stumble as they come back to themselves.
"Well," Hashirama sighs, "That was rather…un-fun."
"That's not a word, Hashirama." Tobirama grumbles as he tries to dust himself off. "Sakura! You couldn't have done that sooner?!"
"Let me have my drama queen moment!"
"People are dying!" Tobirama gestures at Konoha. "A lot of people!"
"…everyone dies eventually." Sakura's voice is low. "A few years more or less isn't going to change anything."
A worried look flashes over Hashirama's face, but she studiously ignores it.
"Sakura," he starts, but never finishes, because a piece of cold steel digs through the back of her skull and out between her eyes.
Kaguya's seal holds true despite being sliced apart physically, but the seals connected to it are warning seals, and the noise they let off to remind Sakura that something is fucking wrong are something akin to reality tearing itself apart.
She can't think for a moment, her brain trying to fire around the severed neurons. Kaguya is screaming, and she can't focus because her brain is sliced and Kaguya is screaming and laughing and—
Kusanagi slices out the side of her head, and while that makes things even harder for a second, it at least means she can heal.
Which she does, of course.
"Motherfucker!" She swears as her brain reconnects to itself. "What the hell!"
"What did you do to me?" Orochimaru demands, and wow, okay, gross. His body is like… rejecting him.
"I think the explanation in this case," Tobirama starts, "is that the fact that he's possessing someone is interfering with the memory reintegration process."
"Yeah, I was worried this might happen," Sakura says with a tight smile. "That's why I brought this."
She unseals Orochimaru's preserved future body onto the rooftop and waits.
The rooftop is very quiet save for Orochimaru's pained groans as he grips his apparently melting head.
"Tobirama, you wrestle him back into there. I've got a battle to end."
"What do you mean, you've got a battle to end?"
"I'm going to go take an enthusiastic walk through the woods."
"NO!" Both Senju shout.
"Relax," Sakura laughs. "I know what I'm doing, and there won't be any direct fatalities."
She walks to the edge wall of the box, fully aware of Hashirama hovering behind her shoulder and Hiruzen trailing cautiously behind, Enma still in staff form, asking Hashirama for more information.
She closes her eyes, blocks everything out, and opens Kaguya's gilded cage by an inch.
The skin of Sakura's forehead wrinkles and opens wide, revealing a blood red eye. Her hair bleaches and removes itself from its bonds, and horns grow from between the strands. Her normal eyes pale and lose their irises, and a blast of unearthly chakra and killing intent pour from her body and into the surrounding air.
(Kaguya's mind roils beneath Sakura's, and she feels her clone burst and return with memories, adding more chakra and mental power to the block against Kaguya.)
Sakura places a hand on the purple shield.
It shatters.
o.o.o.o.o
A/N: I have Shukaku wearing a keffiyeh because I wanted him to wear something distinctly "desert-life," and the keffiyeh was the best one I found for mentioning protection from the sun as a major issue without the piece necessarily being an indicator of religious affiliation.
My design for Kurama here is lifted (with permission) partially from jam-art's humanized drawings for Kurama on tumblr. This art is why I can't imagine humanized Kurama without darker skin and dreadlocks anymore:
If you feel like talking about the fic or just learning more about me, feel free to visit my tumblr, also under the username phoenixyfriend.