16

Chapter 59

"Dear…where'd did you put the delivery stub?"

"I don't know, mother,"

"I can't retrieve the new shipment without it,"

"I really don't know,"

"Well I need it!"

"I know!"

The elder woman harrumphed in frustration.

"Ever since you came back…you've been so absent minded! I can't have you doing this in my shop!"

The younger woman began crying; the elder woman embraced.

"I'm sorry, Mother," she said through tears.

"Shhhhhh…its okay. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you,"

The elder woman cooed gently; the younger woman started to calm down.

David heard the entire exchange from the sidewalk; he stood in front of the door…glancing back at the street ever so often in indecision.

He was dressed in a black t-shirt and blue jeans, and a pair of dark-brown boots.

He watched the streets for a moment; dirty, old farmers collecting supplies. Young people eating at the cafes; shopkeepers going about their business.

It looked just as it always had to him. He felt the same way he had nine years ago.

Except for some small kernel of a feeling tucked away.

Wanting desperately to break free.

He just didn't know what it was.

David glanced back at the door; the exchange had died to a whisper.

He thought better of intruding…and started slowly moving away down the sidewalk.

"Hello?" a familiar voice said from behind.

David slowly turned around; it was the shopkeeper he'd met years ago.

"Hi," he said quietly…smiling.

She studied him for a moment with her eyes; she seemed curious…yet oblivious.

"Can I…" she waved towards the door to her shop.

David waved his hand.

"No…that's okay…I can come back,"

She studied him as he walked away…a look of realization slowly creeping onto her face.

"Wait a minute! I know you!"

David turned back…a gentle smile spreading across his lips.

"You're that kid,"

David bobbed his heading…chuckling a bit.

"I remember you…David!"

"Yes,"

"How are you, David?" she said smiling.

David nodded his head again.

"I'm good," he said quietly. "I'm just back in town in a few days…and I thought I'd pop by and say hello."

David lowered his head a bit…looking a bit bashful.

"You made kind of an impression on me, all those years ago," he said lowering his voice. He raised his head and looked her in the eyes. "I just wanted to thank you."

"Oh, bologna! I'm just a silly old woman!" she said smiling and laughing.

David shook his head.

"No," he said quietly. "You made me realize…everything has a purpose."

For a moment…she looked as though a tear would form in her eye; she smiled gently.

"That's so sweet,"

She shook the vulnerability away…and a look of excitement crossed her face.

"Oh! Let me introduce you to my daughter! She's just inside!"

David waited patiently…a small grin on his face. He glanced about at the streets again…feeling a small pit at the lack of clarity.

He turned back as he heard the women exit the door…feeling his hopes dashed. But wanting to oblige the kind old woman.

His eyes grew three sizes when he saw who it was.

"Esther!" the name escaped his lips with shock.

"Commander! I mean…David! Its good to see you,"

Esther had a big and kind smile on her face; he could see a tear form in the corner of her eye.

Her mother looked back and forth between the two…shooting Esther a puzzled look.

"Dear? You know him?"

A tear started rolling down her cheek.

"Mother! This is the man who saved me!" she exclaimed motioning to David.

The realization hit the old woman with a bang; she rushed over to David and started hugging him and bawling her eyes out.

"Oh my god! Thank you, thank you…thank you so much! My Esther means the world to me!"

She let him go and moved towards her daughter. She wrapped her arms around Esther…and the two looked on at him.

"I owe you everything," she said quietly through tears.

David shook his head…a warm feeling growing in his chest, and smile spreading across his face.

"I just did what I should have,"

The woman looked him straight in the eyes.

"You brought my precious Esther home safe and sound…you have no idea how much that means to me. Especially since her father died. She's all I have,"

"Mootherr…" Esther said…chiding the old woman.

"I think I know," David said quietly.

He turned and slowly started walking away.

Esther quickly raced up to him…and pulled him back…one last time.

"David," she said quietly…and a bit sheepishly.

"Yeah?" David asked…a bit perplexed.

She averted her eyes a bit…and brushed a stroke of hair to the side nervously.

"I didn't want to tell anyone…but something happened to me on that ship,"

David raised an eyebrow in curiosity.

"When I was all alone in my cell…a voice told me you were coming for me,"

David glanced around…a bit confused.

"A voice?"

She nodded her head. She finally made eye-contact.

"I think it was God," she whispered.

David froze for a moment…processing the information. Then he broke out into laughter.

"I'm sorry," he said through chuckles. He patted her on the shoulder…and straightened his face.

"I don't mean to make you feel bad. I just don't believe in that stuff."

A look of embarrassment on her face, she nodded her head and turned to leave.

"Esther," he called out.

She paused in her tracks.

"I will say…some strange stuff did happen out there to me too. Stuff I still can't explain,"

She glanced at him over her shoulder and flashed him a humble smile.

"Thanks, David."

The words Esther's mother had said rung in his head; he thought of his own mother…all those years ago…bawling when he returned home.

As he walked…the scene played out again and again in his head.

He eventually found himself at the same spot as before…all those years ago.

He slowly lowered his body down onto the edge of the curb; he glanced up to see the sun setting just below the edge of the cornfields.

"So beautiful," he thought to himself.

The feeling tucked away…began bubbling up.

The same feeling he'd felt years ago…on that exact spot.

A single tear rolled down his cheek as he admired nature's beauty.

"It wasn't all for nothing,"

"I can do it," he whispered. "Not as a warrior, not as my father."

"Just me,"

After nightfall came…David only remained briefly. As the sun set…and the variety of critters flourished…he felt a pang of anxiety well in his chest.

He swept the landscape with his eyes, wanting to savor every ounce as much as he could.

He watched a farmer load the last few bales of hay into his barn; he spotted a squirrel sniffing beneath crushed corn stalks within an empty field.

David let out a deep sigh.

He tried to examine a figure moving around in the shadows of a grouping of trees; but his mind could no longer enjoy or latch onto any innocuous image.

He slowly…reluctantly…lifted himself from the cold, hard surface.

He swept the concrete crumbs and specks of dirt from his behind.

He turned on his heels…and began walking.

His anxiety grew an inch…as if it were mercury in a thermometer.

As David made his way through town…he felt chills over his body.

The people had disappeared to their respective corners; not a peep was heard.

It was ominous.

As he moved…his reluctance grew more and more.

His stomach started knotting itself; he wanted to outburst…he knew the futility of it.

When he reached the edge of town…he looked over his shoulder one last time.

He puffed up his cheeks…and glanced longingly…as if the buildings could show encouragement.

After a moment…he relented, and continued on. Feeling a bit rejected by the buildings, but understanding that there was never any encouragement to be had.

David had been walking to close to half of an hour; as he moved…he watched his feet…one foot up and down at a time.

He carefully examined the movements with his eyes; he invested himself in the crunching sound the gravel made. Or the puffs of dust that escaped from the bottoms of his boots.

Albeit…he tried to.

With each passing obsession…he became more frustrated with the lack of satisfaction.

David paused for a moment…standing in the center of the road.

He was less than five minutes away.

He let out a deep breath…and acknowledged his ever-growing fear.

"I can do this," he whispered.

As moments passed…he began to feel a surge of bravery.

His fear grew dimmer; it did not disappear…but he felt as though…he had a choice.

The choice was clear.

When David reached the driveway…he paused for only a moment to take in the scenery.

Not one thing had changed. The barn was identical, the house was perfectly painted, and the lawn chairs were in their precise location.

It was eerie.

David started moving forward…his anxious feelings peaking.

His stomach clenched; a cold sweat formed at the base of his spine.

But he continued; much to his own surprise.

"Rap rap rap!"

He waited…his fingers starting to shake…his heart pulsing.

"Rap…"

The door opened.

She stood there…the pair staring each other down for a moment.

She pierced him with a glare; he left himself as vulnerable as possible.

"Its you," she muttered bitterly.

She slammed the door shut and returned inside.

David stood there for a moment…feeling a wave of guilt mixed with frustration.

He sighed…and glanced down at the ground…feeling a bit defeated.

He started to turn away…making it to only the first step.

He paused; he felt another surge of bravery.

He flipped on his heels…grasping the doorknob.

He threw it open…and marched inside.

He found her sitting quietly in the kitchen…her eyes glassy.

He didn't notice her facial expression at first; he fell on his old instincts.

"You're going to listen to me and I won't leave until you do!" he shouted.

No response.

"God dammit! I came all the way down here to resolve this…and that's what I'm going to do!"

He paused…more words caught in his throat when he saw her face.

A single tear rolled down her cheek.

"David," she said quietly. "I'm sorry."

David felt completely baffled; he stood there…his eyes wide and his lower lip hanging down.

"Mom…"

She looked up at him.

"I didn't want to let either of you go…but now I've lost both of you,"

David held back tears; he felt a bulge in his throat.

He slowly pulled out a chair…and sat down next to her.

He placed his hand on hers sympathetically.

"Mom…I…."

"You're not him…and you never will be. You're my son. I love you…and I want you to be happy,"

David struggled for a moment to hold in his tears; he made a few strange sounds in the process. She didn't seem to notice.

"I love you too, Mom,"

She smiled…albeit, slightly pained.

"Come here,"

They embraced each other for a moment.

"David," she said quietly, pulling back. "I've never been the same since I lost your father."

"I know,"

"He was everything to me. Always was…always will be."

"Mom…"

She shot him a look. He silenced himself.

"I'll never be as happy as I was with him. When I lost him…I thought I could replace him with the two of you,"

David wrapped his hand tightly around hers.

"Mom…I was a coward. I couldn't admit how much it hurt the way…"

He trailed off. She shot him a look telling him she understood.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. She mouthed the words "Its okay".

A moment passed in silence.

"Mom…I've found something that matters to me. For the first time…I feel like I'm good at something that doesn't involve hurting other people,"

She smiled again.

"Then you should stick with it…." She trailed off.

Another tear rolled down her cheek. She glanced off into the distance.

"You should never let those things go. Once they're gone…they're gone,"

A few moments passed…and they sat in silence.

"I wish I could help you."

"I know," she said quietly.

"Will you be alright?"

She blinked and patted him on the cheek gently.

"Don't worry about me…you have your own life to live,"

David embraced her again…and let a little tear out.

He would have let them all out…but he felt he had to maintain some dignity.

Albeit…misplaced.

After David and his mother had a quiet meal…Kara went to bed…and lead him to his old room.

Everything was exactly as he left it; the bed sheets were neatly tucked, books un-touched…and every picture in its original place.

Just like the rest of the house.

David shot his mother an odd look; she puffed out her cheeks and shrugged her shoulders.

David silently nodded…shaking his head as he entered.

"Mommmm…" he said quietly.

He chuckled a little…and she joined in briefly.

"Good night, honey. You can stay as long as you like,"

David turned around and gave his mother one last hug.

"Good night, Mom,"

As David was settling himself in…examining of few of his old belongings…he spotted something on his pillow.

It was a note marked with his name.

He gently opened it…pulling it out of the envelope…grasping it tightly with his thumb and index finger. The note shook in his hand…as he scanned the lines.

David,

I left you this note…because it may be sometime before I come home.

I wanted to apologize for the way that I have treated you all of these years; you didn't really deserve it.

Ever since Dad died…Mom has been so lost; I felt like it was my responsibility…because you left.

All of our childhood…I felt like it was my job to fix things…instead of just letting them fall apart. But I didn't want to. I wanted to leave…just as much as you did. I wanted to find something for myself…and I resented you for leaving because of it.

After you left…Mom and I both became angrier and bitterer than before.

Then one night…she finally explained to me how she'd felt this whole time…and I knew I had some fences to mend myself.

I was planning on taking a job on Earth when I graduated to stay close…but I was offered an opportunity I couldn't refuse. Starfleet contracted me to survey new worlds for marine life; when I first heard…I could hardly believe it!

I hope you'll find it in your heart to forgive me. Who knows…maybe we'll bunch into each other…out there in the unknown. I look forward to that day!

Love,

Your baby sister

David read the letter two or three more times. He gently placed his hand on the words…wanting to savor the moment.

A teardrop hit the page; then another. He set it down…and his eyes flooded.

This time…he didn't care. No one was there to seem him breakdown.

"I do too,"

David felt as though everything was perfect as it could be. He felt a pure, unadulterated joy. But there was this feeling deep down, in the bottom of his chest.

Something was missing; something he could never have.

He ignored it for the time being; he wanted to enjoy this moment.

I'm running…faster and faster. I can hear my breathing. I can see my heart beating through my chest. The throbbing pain worsens with every step.

I can see a sea of trees around me; everything is clear.

I can hear twigs snapping; I can hear leaves crinkling.

I can hear footsteps…my own…and someone elses.

To the left of me is an animal…large and on all fours.

It's a wolf; it howls right beside me…shattering my eardrums.

The wolf slowly transforms into Lo-Chem; I fight him off…and continue forward.

I stumble…my whole body crashes to the ground. I feel dirt. I struggle over roots.

The footsteps get closer and closer…I try to move but I'm paralyzed.

The footsteps end behind me; I hear Lo-Chem's twisted screams of pain. It sounds uncannily like my own.

I can feel my panic; its like my beating heart getting faster and louder.

I slowly rise to my feet; my fear locks my legs in place.

I hear breathing; I hear snarling.

"David,"

My father's voice.

My stomach churns.

My panic builds.

Sweat pours from my face.

In a panic and adrenaline induced frenzy…I whip around.

Through the blurriness…I can make out the image of my father.

My vision starts to clear.

I'm staring back at myself.

"Keep going. You're not finished," I say to myself. He is older…his words put me at ease.

I hear a growling.

It's a voice; a language I couldn't understand.

Shouting…screaming.

Someone screams in agony.

It's the Klingon from the Outpost; he attacks me…and I beat him like before.

His body lays before me…blood soaking my hands.

I collapse to the ground; waves of nausea pass over me.

"You can't just forget me,"

The words created a sharp pain in my chest.

"No!" I cry.

She is there; she holds out a hand…and helps me up.

"David," she says sweetly.

I feel drawn to her; a warm…tingling feeling absorbs my body.

I rise…and we look each other in the eyes; we both smile and become absorbed in each other.

"Sephora," I say quietly. She smiles even wider.

She starts to slowly fade away into nothing.

"Wait!" I yell…feeling intense panic.

A hand grabs my shoulder and spins me around.

Its my father.

But he is much older; as if he were still alive.

"David," he says quietly. "They're coming."

My face fills with terror.

I hear a loud crash above my head; my eyes shoot up towards the sky.

A fiery ball of explosions and twisted metal.

At first I can't make it out; my vision is blurred.

I rub my eyes; a chill runs up my spine.

I can make out the name amid the flames.

U.S.S. Republic.

David shot up in bed…a look of terror on his face. He gasped for breaths…his heart racing a mile a minute.

His first impulse was to smash something…or run outside and into the night.

Or go out…and hit his heavy bag.

Do something…anything.

But he didn't want to.

Slowly…as he let himself relax and the dream sink in, his feelings started to become clear.

The gut instinct…that something was missing bubbled to the surface.

His dream was such a confused mess; he didn't know what to make of most of it.

But one thing was clear.

"He's still out there. Dead or alive…he's still out there." He whispered.

David looked up at the night sky…and knew what he had to do.

David noticed a blinking light out of the corner of his eye; he didn't acknowledge it at first…caught in his own thoughts.

A few moments passed…and when the emotion had faded…he slowly moved towards the comm panel on his desk.

He groggily opened the message.

It was from Carl.

After he listened to it…a cocky grin spread across his face.

"Carl," he said quietly. "You magnificent bastard."